Disclaimer - We do not own Harry Potter, Michael Jackson or Justin
Timberlake. Warning, do not read if you are a townie, may cause extreme
offence.
No townies were harmed in the making of this fic.
Harry crept down the predictably cold, dark, cobwebby corridor in pitch- blackness before remembering his severe nicotine addiction. Harry quickly removed the cigarette lighter from one of the many pockets in his cheap looking robes, specially designed to make girls take pity on him and guarantee his getting laid for the next five years.
As the light filled the dank room Harry jumped in shock as Justin Timberlake suddenly leered up at him. Staring in wonder Harry couldn't believe it when a crackly old pensioners voice came to him from JT's mouth.
"Why hello Harry," exclaimed Dumbledore, brightly, "do you like my new look? I got back from the surgery yesterday, I think it makes me look rather HOT, don't you?"
"Erm!" gasped Harry.
"Yes, it seems to have that effect on people, but trust me, there's more surprises below!"
Deciding to move on to his 133rd confrontation with mouldie voldie Harry decided to leg it.
Reaching the room at the end of the corridor he opened the door to hear giggling voices from within.
"Lower, lower honey! To the right a bit, nearly! Nearly! Hit the nail on the head sweetie! Hit it! Hit it! Oh yeah baby!"
Being a dirty pervert Harry thought, 'Weyhey! Free porn!' and dashed around the corner only to find Neville hanging up Hermione's latest page three spread on the wall.
As Harry had been in a coma for the past ten years Harry couldn't believe this slutty tart was his old school chum. However he was not disappointed.
"Hey 'Mione, what happened to you?" he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"Well, Harry, I knew I was never going to get off with you so I went for the next best thing.Neville."
"What about Ron?"
"No offence, but I don't do gingers."
"Well, I'm available now, and rich. Cho having that totally unsuspicious accident all those years ago. I mean, death by meat cleaver is a common reoccurrence these days innit?"
"S'pose, there is all these veggies around these days after all. But jut cos I'm so honest an all like, I kinda married you and divorced you in Vegas and nicked all your money while you were still in the hospital wing three years ago."
"Well who would you date then? Fred, George, Percy?"
"Er, no. Ginger remember."
"What about Ginny?"
"Ew, Harry, I totally don't swing that way!.much."
"Oh, well, I always thought she was a bit of a saucy minx to be honest."
"Not to be un-pervy or anything," interrupted Neville, doing a swift back flip and landed in front of Harry, stroking his goatee in a pondering manner, "but I thought you were supposed to be beating up the evil overlord around now?"
"Holy dang!" shrieked Harry, "I'm late! I bet all the Aunt Bessie's tea cakes are gone now!"
Dashing out the room he carried on walking down the corridor briefly stopping to do a kiss of death on his Harley motorbike to avoid the poisoned darts flying at him from the nearby trash receptacle.
Upon crowd surfing into the large chamber Harry saw the looming figure of mouldie voldie. A dark figure turned round green gloop dripping from his face.
"What the - " cried Harry in astonishment.
"No wait, my face mask isn't done yet and the colour totally clashes with my nail varnish, a woman. man has to look his best in front of a crowd."
"What?!"
To be continued.. (Eastenders music plays)
No townies were harmed in the making of this fic.
Harry crept down the predictably cold, dark, cobwebby corridor in pitch- blackness before remembering his severe nicotine addiction. Harry quickly removed the cigarette lighter from one of the many pockets in his cheap looking robes, specially designed to make girls take pity on him and guarantee his getting laid for the next five years.
As the light filled the dank room Harry jumped in shock as Justin Timberlake suddenly leered up at him. Staring in wonder Harry couldn't believe it when a crackly old pensioners voice came to him from JT's mouth.
"Why hello Harry," exclaimed Dumbledore, brightly, "do you like my new look? I got back from the surgery yesterday, I think it makes me look rather HOT, don't you?"
"Erm!" gasped Harry.
"Yes, it seems to have that effect on people, but trust me, there's more surprises below!"
Deciding to move on to his 133rd confrontation with mouldie voldie Harry decided to leg it.
Reaching the room at the end of the corridor he opened the door to hear giggling voices from within.
"Lower, lower honey! To the right a bit, nearly! Nearly! Hit the nail on the head sweetie! Hit it! Hit it! Oh yeah baby!"
Being a dirty pervert Harry thought, 'Weyhey! Free porn!' and dashed around the corner only to find Neville hanging up Hermione's latest page three spread on the wall.
As Harry had been in a coma for the past ten years Harry couldn't believe this slutty tart was his old school chum. However he was not disappointed.
"Hey 'Mione, what happened to you?" he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"Well, Harry, I knew I was never going to get off with you so I went for the next best thing.Neville."
"What about Ron?"
"No offence, but I don't do gingers."
"Well, I'm available now, and rich. Cho having that totally unsuspicious accident all those years ago. I mean, death by meat cleaver is a common reoccurrence these days innit?"
"S'pose, there is all these veggies around these days after all. But jut cos I'm so honest an all like, I kinda married you and divorced you in Vegas and nicked all your money while you were still in the hospital wing three years ago."
"Well who would you date then? Fred, George, Percy?"
"Er, no. Ginger remember."
"What about Ginny?"
"Ew, Harry, I totally don't swing that way!.much."
"Oh, well, I always thought she was a bit of a saucy minx to be honest."
"Not to be un-pervy or anything," interrupted Neville, doing a swift back flip and landed in front of Harry, stroking his goatee in a pondering manner, "but I thought you were supposed to be beating up the evil overlord around now?"
"Holy dang!" shrieked Harry, "I'm late! I bet all the Aunt Bessie's tea cakes are gone now!"
Dashing out the room he carried on walking down the corridor briefly stopping to do a kiss of death on his Harley motorbike to avoid the poisoned darts flying at him from the nearby trash receptacle.
Upon crowd surfing into the large chamber Harry saw the looming figure of mouldie voldie. A dark figure turned round green gloop dripping from his face.
"What the - " cried Harry in astonishment.
"No wait, my face mask isn't done yet and the colour totally clashes with my nail varnish, a woman. man has to look his best in front of a crowd."
"What?!"
To be continued.. (Eastenders music plays)