Title: Angel in the Snow
Author: Lisa
Chapter: 5
Rating: G
Website: http://hometown.aol.com/lisazumstories
Author's Notes:
Hi! Here's another chapter for you guys! I hope you are enjoying this plotless fic, because I am sure I won't be writing another story like this for a *long* time coming. ^^;; Well, as always, please be sure to review/e-mail at the end! Have fun, and please read the author's notes at the end regarding this story. ^_^
*A special thanks to the readers who reviewed my last chapter: awww, White Eternity, angel12, Callista, and especially to mae for your wonderful reviews!*
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and the others don't belong to me, but this story does.
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"Merry Christmas, Usa."
The words reached Usagi's ears, pulling her from her light slumber. She groaned tiredly, reaching up for her boyfriend with her eyes still closed. "What time is it?" The words came out mumbled and barely audible. Mamoru chuckled, kissing her outstretched hand with a flourish.
"It's past midnight," he answered simply. "Do you want to spend another night on the couch, or can you walk with me to the bed?"
Another moan escaped her slightly parted lips. "Do I have to? It's very comfortable here...and I was having the best dream..." Her pink lips curved into a delicate smile at the memory, one that set the man's heart aflutter. He ran a finger against them, a tender caress.
"What of, my love?"
"Mmm...of us," she grinned dreamily, pulling Mamoru down to her and kissing his fully on the lips, to which he complied to gladly. 'That same wedding dream...' She added to herself.
"Merry Christmas to you too, Mamo-chan." Usagi's half-open eyes were closed in a blink of an eye. He was very tempted to ask for more details of the dream, but she had promptly fell back asleep, that same smile playing on her radiant face. He reminded himself to ask her the next morning. 'Though,' Mamoru figured, 'it must've been very special for her to be so happy about it.'
"I guess it's the sofa for us again tonight."
His back was already in protest to the pain that would come tomorrow morning from sleeping there. Mamoru sighed, but didn't have the heart to move her. He instead nudged her to scoot over some until he lay with her on the narrow cushions, one arm draped around her shoulders and another resting against her small waist. This was going to be the best Christmas of his life. And he needed that. He needed something to wash away the bittersweet memories of his past. Usagi was just the person to do so.
Unlike Usagi, he had much trouble falling asleep. Even with his angel nestled comfortably in his arms, his mind was filled with thoughts that made him grow restless. The hours rolled by in the still darkness. To pass the time, Mamoru periodically rained kisses about her face, whispering endearments into her ear while knowing that she couldn't hear them. It felt good saying how he felt. Yet nothing took away the feeling of dread with the very thought of Usagi leaving. He had known that she couldn't stay forever. It didn't stop him from wanting her to, though. Nothing could to that. The few days he was with her was pure Heaven. He had forgotten all about the burdens and hardships of college life, left behind the tortures of cramming for exams and turning in long essays. When she left, all that would come back crashing back in harsh reality. The joys of Christmas vacation would soon be over, and he would revert back to pining away for her, aching to hear her voice, of kissing her sweet mouth, all the while busily attending his strenous classes. 'Can I handle that?'
Seeing Usagi again made him realize just how much he had missed her this past year. It was hard enough before she came. Now...now it would be unbearable. Mamoru was torn between wanting to stay in America in regards to his future, or following his heart and going home with Usagi as soon as possible, where he could only truly achieve happiness. It was a hard decision, and not one that could be made easily. On one hand, it was wise for him to have the best education provided.
His medical career was something that he had dreamed of achieving ever since he was young. It was one of the few blessings his past brought. During the painfully long road to recovery at the hospital following the accident, which had taken the lives of his parents, Mamoru promised to himself and his family that he would fight as hard as he could to spare others the pain, the anguish that once engulfed him. Since then, his goal to help others fired his passion for learning. It was something that he couldn't just give up.
Still...what did it all mean without Usagi by his side? She was his reason, his sole light in a world of darkness. How many times had he looked into the distant future, and seen Usagi there with him, by his side...as his wife? If he decided to study here, it could possibly be years before he saw her again. Years... It didn't help the doubts that Usagi might find another man while he was gone. She was such a vibrant and amazing young woman. It would be unfair for her to wait such a long time for him. 'Would I be willing to lose Usako in order to achieve my dream career?' The question loomed in the back of his mind even after he drifted into a troubled sleep.
Usagi awoke with a start and greeted the morning with a bright smile. Christmas was finally here. She sighed blissfully, staring into her love's sleeping face, and brushed a few unruly strands of his dark hair from his eyes. It was perfect. 'Who wouldn't enjoy a quiet Christmas at home with the best guy?' The thought pressed down the sinking feeling in her gut. She still had two days left after today. Only two more days. Oh, time had seemed to fly by for her! It seemed like yesterday that she had shared the tearful reunion with Mamoru in the airport admist the busling crowd, with so many plans of things to do and sights to see in her mind. The plans, of course, vanished as soon as she saw him again. All she wanted to do then was hold onto him and never let go... She had gotten her wish all right.
Looking back, most of her time spent in America was in his apartment, in the shelter of Mamoru's arms. Not that she minded in the least bit. Hugging him closer, she unsuccessfully tried to force back the tears that threatened to overflow. This week had been the happiest of her life, and she didn't want it to end. Usagi knew, however, that even if she were given another week, a month, it still wouldn't be enough. She never wanted it to end. She wanted so badly to be with him every day for the rest of her life, to wake up with him as she did now. But it was no use. Sometimes life was so unfair. 'If only time would stop...'
Usagi knew that she was being selfish in wanting Mamoru to come home with her. She felt terribly guilty for that. She only thought of herself, her happiness. The blonde knew that Mamoru wanted to be a doctor more than anything. It was his dream, just as hers was to marry him. And who was she to stand in the way of his shining future? It wouldn't be fair to drag Mamoru back to Japan with her. He was happy and perfectly at home here. He had a wonderful friend, Ron, a nice aparment in a rich learning environment. The colleges in Tokyo couldn't offer what Mamoru needed. It was here that he could reach his full potential. 'Besides,' she thought, as if to reassure herself and the growing ache in her chest, 'it's not like we won't write to each other, and talk on the phone, and...'
Tears began to make their way down her cheek. She tried choking down the sob rising in her throat, making a strangled noise instead. Hastily removing herself from her boyfriend's embrace, Usagi made a mad dash to the bathroom, awaking Mamoru in the process.
Slightly dazed with the lack of Usagi in his arms, he groggily opened his eyes in time to catch a glimpse of her tear-stained cheek. Suddenly wide awake, Mamoru sat up quickly, running a quick hand through his dishelved hair.
"Usako? Usako, what's wrong?"
Receiving no reply except muffled sobbing, he grew even more concerned.
The man jumped up from the sofa and ran down the hall, nearly tripping on the coffee table in the process. He reached the locked door within seconds.
"Usa..tell me what happened...please..." Mamoru pleaded with her. He was debating whether or not to bust down the door when the soft click of the lock was heard on the other side.
He gently opened the door, peering inside at the young woman seated on the ground, her face buried in her knees, hair a messy tangle surrounding her like a blanket.
"Usako?"
A sniffle was his answer. He knelt down cautiously, taking hold of one of her trembling hands. Wiping a stray tear, he looked into her now red, puffy eyes. No matter what, Usagi still looked utterly beautiful under the flourscent lighting. Mamoru's heart broke at the sight of seeing her in so much pain. He gingerly moved closer, inches at the time until he too was seated in the small room, looking at her intently with worried eyes. He couldn't figure out what had caused such an outburst. From what he recalled, they were very happy when they went to sleep last night. Did she have a nightmare? Looking at her shaking form, he realized that no nightmare, even the worst kind, could cause such distress. So, what was wrong?
"Mamo-chan...gomen nasai..." She sniffed, wiping furiously at her eyes, embarrassed as to have cried in front of him.
"Oh Usa..."
Mamoru wrapped his arms tightly around the girl and pulled her closer until she was practically seated in his lap. Half an hour passed before he spoke again. "Usako..what..." She silenced him with a finger to his lips.
"I...I just..." She paused, not knowing how to say what she felt. Usagi was afraid of what his reaction would be.
"Please...tell me what's wrong..." He tenderly planted a kiss upon her sweaty forehead, brushing away hair from her teary eyes.
"Gomen...it's nothing really..."
Usagi stood up and shivered, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. She tried to smile, reassurance that everything was fine, that she was totally under control, but it was all a lie. Beneath the facade was a scared, utterly sad young woman. Mamoru, who knew Usagi better than he did himself, saw through the covering. He shook his head at her attempt to dismiss the subject.
One look into his beautiful eyes, and Usagi knew she couldn't lie to him. She never could. She reached out with one hand and helped him up from the bathroom tiles before leading him onto the sofa in the living room. Laying one hand gently against his cheek, she prayed that she would get the words right. In no way did she want Mamoru to have to feel obligated to go home with her, at the expense of his happiness.
"Mamo-chan...I just want you to know...this past week, being here with you...it was the best few days of my life." A soft smile lifted the corners of her mouth. His simple presence was enough to bring much joy to her heart. "I loved seeing where you live, meeting your friends. You have a different, new, perhaps better life here. A life that I'm not a part of..." The blonde trailed off helplessly. She had obviously not wanted to voice her innermost fears. And, seeing the strange look passing on her love's face, neither did he.
Mamoru objected immediately. "You are a part of my life, Usako, and so much more. Like I said before, you are my life. You always will be."
"Demo...you have so much here."
"I have nothing without you."
She denied it with a vigorous shake of her head, although a secret part of her rejoiced at hearing those words. "You do. I won't lie to you Mamo-chan...I can't." She took a breath. "I want...what I mean is, I want you home again. I want nothing more than you to come home with me when I leave in a couple days."
Usagi didn't dare to look into his eyes for his reaction. If anything, he was probably thinking the notion absurd. She went on with much difficulty. "I know that's impossible. You have to go to school here...but after the time I spent with you, I realized how empty my life was the year that you were away. I can't believe I actually survived." She let out a hollow, nervous laugh, and ran a quick hand through her strands of hair, a gesture learned from Mamoru. "It was the letters, the phone calls, that kept me going. I don't know what would've happened if we lost touch for an entire year..." She paused, gathering another breath. "I guess what I'm saying is that I need you. I need to see you every day...to touch you..." As if to prove her point upon completing her speech, she grabbed his large hand in her smaller one. She thrilled at the electricity that flowed through her. It was a special bond she shared only with her soulmate.
The silence was almost unbearable. Mamoru stared, wide-eyed and in awe at her, trying to digest everything. How was it possible that she was feeling the same way? He wanted to kiss her senseless and tell her that he wanted that too. Somehow, he couldn't. The words just wouldn't come. He still had so much to figure out before he could answer. His heart told him to go home while his mind, the rational part, reminded him that his future was at stake. He remembered the debating he had done the previous night on the ups-and-downs on leaving and staying. He hadn't reached a conclusion then, and he still hadn't now. Instead, he embraced her tightly.
"I want nothing more, Usako...I feel the same way."
"I don't want you to give up your future for me, Mamo-chan. So...you can't...you can't go with me..." She rubbed her face in the soft fabric of his shirt. "It's just not fair...why are there always obstacles between us?"
"That's life, my love."
He smiled sadly before leaning down to capture her lips in a deep kiss. "This I promise you...someday, we'll have our happily ever after. Remember our past, our destinies? They were all leading to our future together. It doesn't matter when. As long as we love each other, nothing can overcome that. But Usako, what you said about my home here, you were wrong."
She scrunched up her brow. "What do you mean?
"I'll admit, right now, this is my home...because you are here. It's not the location that matters. Where you go--that's where my home is. Always. And this past week...it was a dream come true for me."
"Oh Mamo-chan..."
An hour later, Usagi felt considerably better. Though the issues hadn't even come close to be settled and a part of her still wanted him to come home as soon as possible, it was enough for now. All the tender, heartbreakingly loving words had been hard to say, no doubt. She knew Mamoru was never one to share his deepest feelings with anyone--even her. To have said all those things from the depths of his soul...he was finally opening up to her. After all those years, their relationship was taking a complete new turn. Someday, Mamoru might even be ready to share some memories of the past with her. She would be there, listening and comforting all the while. His past had always been a delicate subject to which Usagi thoughtfully avoided in fear of hurting him. In the future, she hoped there would be no more secrets between them.
Stretching her sore muscles, she realized that half the day had already passed. Half of Christmas. This was hardly how she imagined her Christmas alone with Mamoru would be spent. A day full of kisses, hugs, gifts, and a candle-lit dinner for two was more like it. She didn't have time to feel guilty for ruining their first real Christmas together, as Mamoru had already gotten up to change out of his rumpled, and somewhat damp, shirt. The shirt she had gotten wet with her tears, yet another mishap of the morning.
Usagi cringed, looking down at her own wrinkled clothing. A hand quickly ran to her head to check the state of her hair. It felt fuzzy and, giving it a quick run through with her fingers, there were plenty of knots to brush out. Sighing, she went into the Mamoru's room to find a new outfit to wear. 'And a shower would be nice,' she decided. Her clothes were strewn all over Mamoru's tidy bedroom carpet. The blonde grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, along with her towel, and headed toward the bathroom.
Mamoru was just coming out from said bathroom with only a towel tied at his waist. Seeing his girlfriend come in, he smiled. Usagi couldn't help but stare at him. He looked utterly handsome standing there...wearing only a towel. She gulped, feeling a blush staining her cheeks, and looked away, suddenly very uncomfortable. He, however, wasn't ruffled in the least. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
"It's all yours," he said, gesturing to the shower. "I'll get breakfast started."
"Arigato, Mamo-chan," she called to his retreating form. Usagi took a shuddering breath and tried to control her pounding heart. She stepped inside the bathroom. A fresh cloud of steam hit her face upon entrance, warming her.
When she stepped out from the shower, the smell of bacon and eggs floated down the hall. Her stomach rumbled in response. Toweling her hair as best as she could, she dressed and went to greet Mamoru. He was already seated, his plate and glass of juice untouched. He had waited for her, even though it was well past noon. She didn't know what to think when she sat down opposite him around the table, except, how did I meet such a wonderful guy? They ate in mostly silence, until Usagi finally discovered the Christmas tree sitting in the living room. In her haste this morning and the talk she had with Mamoru, she hadn't noticed the tree until now.
The young woman squealed, hugging Mamoru fiercely before returning to stare at it in admiration.
"It's beautiful! Look, the angel on the top...wow..."
He kissed her shoulder blade as his arms sneaked to claim her small waist.
"I had Ron put it up there especially," he whispered into her ear, sending a small shiver down her spine.
"Why?" She looked at him with curious eyes.
"Because...that's you. My angel. Usako, you saved me from the darkness...loved me even when I couldn't truly return it for the longest time. You gave me something so special--your love. Nothing can compare to that."
"I--" Tears, this time, of happiness, were flowing freely down her cheeks by the time he finished. "Mamo-chan, I...aishiteru..." It was the only thing she could say, the only thing she felt. For Mamoru, it meant the world.
The two gifts were sitting neatly underneath the small pine. She sat down cross-legged beside him, grinning widely. Her present for Mamoru had taken ages to find, even with Ami's help. Usagi had wanted something that was useful for him, which showed her support of his studies abroad. A shirt or sweater was out of the question. It was likely to end up in the back of his closet until he moved from the apartment. Ami had helpfully suggested getting Mamoru a book. After all, she said, that's what she would have wanted. Considering this, Usagi remembered his love for reading. In his apartment back in Tokyo, his shelves were stock full of books of all sorts. A book would definitely be good. But which one?
Together, after hours of pawing through bookstore after bookstore, the two girls chose a thick medical text, a well of knowledge all dealing with the medical world. It was perfect, a gift Usagi knew he'd love and put to good use.
Now, it sat at the base of the tree, wrapped neatly in bunny and crescent moon wrapping paper. It had taken her half an hour to get the edges to go in. Mamoru's present, also wrapped flawlessly, was smaller than hers, she noted. She was more than eager to find out what was in it. Tugging on the his shirt sleeve, she dragged the man to the tree half her size and plopped down beside it. A second later, he joined her on the carpet, instinctively reaching for her hand. Usagi shyly took the package from the tree with her free hand and passed it wordlessly to her boyfriend.
"It took me forever to find this for you," she admitted. "I hope you'll like it..."
"Coming from you, I'm sure I'll absolutely love it," he chuckled, presenting her with her Christmas gift as well. And he meant it too...even if it was an unattractive shirt or something of the sort. He silently hoped it wouldn't be, though.
Usagi decided to wait until he opened his present before she did hers. He took special care to not tearing the paper to reveal the hardcover book, several hundred pages in length. A book full of medical information to help him with his studies. His hands shakily traced over the gold lettering on the front of the thoughtful gift.
"Oh Usako, arigato. This is wonderful!"
"Really? You think so?"
"Without a doubt. Now, go ahead and open yours."
Usagi did at his urging. She took the small cover off the box the size of her palm, and looked inside. Nestled inside the bed of cotton rested the most beautiful necklace she had ever laid eyes on. She gasped. "Mamo-chan!"
"Here," he smiled, "let me put that on for you."
She turned around so her back faced him and drew her hair to one side while he slid it on her. The thin chain was of fourteen carat gold and complimented Usagi's creamy skin perfectly. But it was the pendant that was breathtaking. In the shape of a perfect rose, it shimmered with every turn of her head. The pendant too was made of rose gold, with small diamonds adorning each delicate petal. Her gift seemed insignificant compared to this costly piece of jewelry.
"Mamo-chan, it's too much!" Usagi said hurriedly. Even though she loved the present dearly, she wasn't sure if Mamoru could afford it. "You shouldn't have spent so much. With college and everything...I'm sure you don't have too much money to spare."
He shook his head. "No. It's yours. Don't worry about the cost. If you like it, that's all that matters."
"I–"
At once, his lips were upon her, and all coherent thoughts fled. She wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her hands through his hair, melting into his kiss. 'Now this is the ultimate Christmas present,' she thought happily. Although, the necklace did come in as a close second.
'Mamo-chan is too good to me. I have to make up for not getting him a better present.'
She broke the kiss and beamed at him. "Mamo-chan, shouldn't we start making the Christmas dinner?" She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already well past three. Usagi was sure her mother was already busily making preparations, scrambling about the kitchen, yelling at her father and Shingo to do something besides sit there. Well, she would be too. For once, she was going to cook a fabulous dinner for Mamoru.
He gulped, retreating from her arms. "Um...how about you leave the cooking for me?" The scared young man suggested. He was well aware of Usagi's...less than perfect cooking skills, and, as much as he dearly adored the blonde, he wasn't about to leave the cooking to her.
"No, Mamo-chan," she pouted, "I have to go this. It's practice for the future! I mean, I can't have you do all the cooking, can I? Besides, Mako-chan has been giving me some lessons."
He was about to give in; he could feel it. He still couldn't refuse her anything. "If you want to, Usako...but I want to help," he said warily, after minutes of hard deliberation. Help, as in trying to do as much cooking as he could. Mamoru swallowed again. This was going to be one long day...
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*Note: due to ff.net's new policy, I am now Lisa4, but I will still use Lisa as my pen name in my stories. ^^* Anyway, okay...I know, I know, pure mush, no plot. You were warned beforehand! ^^ But look, I tried for some humor! *grin* In the next chapter: Usagi attempts to cook Christmas dinner, with, er...unexpected results, and plenty of mush to go around. *cough* ^_^ This story will have two more chapters and an epilogue left, and will be finished by Christmas...hopefully. As always, please review or e-mail me at LisaZUMstories@aol.com or Lisafics@sailormoon.com. Thanks!
This story written June-July 2003, posted August 2003.
Author: Lisa
Chapter: 5
Rating: G
Website: http://hometown.aol.com/lisazumstories
Author's Notes:
Hi! Here's another chapter for you guys! I hope you are enjoying this plotless fic, because I am sure I won't be writing another story like this for a *long* time coming. ^^;; Well, as always, please be sure to review/e-mail at the end! Have fun, and please read the author's notes at the end regarding this story. ^_^
*A special thanks to the readers who reviewed my last chapter: awww, White Eternity, angel12, Callista, and especially to mae for your wonderful reviews!*
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and the others don't belong to me, but this story does.
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"Merry Christmas, Usa."
The words reached Usagi's ears, pulling her from her light slumber. She groaned tiredly, reaching up for her boyfriend with her eyes still closed. "What time is it?" The words came out mumbled and barely audible. Mamoru chuckled, kissing her outstretched hand with a flourish.
"It's past midnight," he answered simply. "Do you want to spend another night on the couch, or can you walk with me to the bed?"
Another moan escaped her slightly parted lips. "Do I have to? It's very comfortable here...and I was having the best dream..." Her pink lips curved into a delicate smile at the memory, one that set the man's heart aflutter. He ran a finger against them, a tender caress.
"What of, my love?"
"Mmm...of us," she grinned dreamily, pulling Mamoru down to her and kissing his fully on the lips, to which he complied to gladly. 'That same wedding dream...' She added to herself.
"Merry Christmas to you too, Mamo-chan." Usagi's half-open eyes were closed in a blink of an eye. He was very tempted to ask for more details of the dream, but she had promptly fell back asleep, that same smile playing on her radiant face. He reminded himself to ask her the next morning. 'Though,' Mamoru figured, 'it must've been very special for her to be so happy about it.'
"I guess it's the sofa for us again tonight."
His back was already in protest to the pain that would come tomorrow morning from sleeping there. Mamoru sighed, but didn't have the heart to move her. He instead nudged her to scoot over some until he lay with her on the narrow cushions, one arm draped around her shoulders and another resting against her small waist. This was going to be the best Christmas of his life. And he needed that. He needed something to wash away the bittersweet memories of his past. Usagi was just the person to do so.
Unlike Usagi, he had much trouble falling asleep. Even with his angel nestled comfortably in his arms, his mind was filled with thoughts that made him grow restless. The hours rolled by in the still darkness. To pass the time, Mamoru periodically rained kisses about her face, whispering endearments into her ear while knowing that she couldn't hear them. It felt good saying how he felt. Yet nothing took away the feeling of dread with the very thought of Usagi leaving. He had known that she couldn't stay forever. It didn't stop him from wanting her to, though. Nothing could to that. The few days he was with her was pure Heaven. He had forgotten all about the burdens and hardships of college life, left behind the tortures of cramming for exams and turning in long essays. When she left, all that would come back crashing back in harsh reality. The joys of Christmas vacation would soon be over, and he would revert back to pining away for her, aching to hear her voice, of kissing her sweet mouth, all the while busily attending his strenous classes. 'Can I handle that?'
Seeing Usagi again made him realize just how much he had missed her this past year. It was hard enough before she came. Now...now it would be unbearable. Mamoru was torn between wanting to stay in America in regards to his future, or following his heart and going home with Usagi as soon as possible, where he could only truly achieve happiness. It was a hard decision, and not one that could be made easily. On one hand, it was wise for him to have the best education provided.
His medical career was something that he had dreamed of achieving ever since he was young. It was one of the few blessings his past brought. During the painfully long road to recovery at the hospital following the accident, which had taken the lives of his parents, Mamoru promised to himself and his family that he would fight as hard as he could to spare others the pain, the anguish that once engulfed him. Since then, his goal to help others fired his passion for learning. It was something that he couldn't just give up.
Still...what did it all mean without Usagi by his side? She was his reason, his sole light in a world of darkness. How many times had he looked into the distant future, and seen Usagi there with him, by his side...as his wife? If he decided to study here, it could possibly be years before he saw her again. Years... It didn't help the doubts that Usagi might find another man while he was gone. She was such a vibrant and amazing young woman. It would be unfair for her to wait such a long time for him. 'Would I be willing to lose Usako in order to achieve my dream career?' The question loomed in the back of his mind even after he drifted into a troubled sleep.
Usagi awoke with a start and greeted the morning with a bright smile. Christmas was finally here. She sighed blissfully, staring into her love's sleeping face, and brushed a few unruly strands of his dark hair from his eyes. It was perfect. 'Who wouldn't enjoy a quiet Christmas at home with the best guy?' The thought pressed down the sinking feeling in her gut. She still had two days left after today. Only two more days. Oh, time had seemed to fly by for her! It seemed like yesterday that she had shared the tearful reunion with Mamoru in the airport admist the busling crowd, with so many plans of things to do and sights to see in her mind. The plans, of course, vanished as soon as she saw him again. All she wanted to do then was hold onto him and never let go... She had gotten her wish all right.
Looking back, most of her time spent in America was in his apartment, in the shelter of Mamoru's arms. Not that she minded in the least bit. Hugging him closer, she unsuccessfully tried to force back the tears that threatened to overflow. This week had been the happiest of her life, and she didn't want it to end. Usagi knew, however, that even if she were given another week, a month, it still wouldn't be enough. She never wanted it to end. She wanted so badly to be with him every day for the rest of her life, to wake up with him as she did now. But it was no use. Sometimes life was so unfair. 'If only time would stop...'
Usagi knew that she was being selfish in wanting Mamoru to come home with her. She felt terribly guilty for that. She only thought of herself, her happiness. The blonde knew that Mamoru wanted to be a doctor more than anything. It was his dream, just as hers was to marry him. And who was she to stand in the way of his shining future? It wouldn't be fair to drag Mamoru back to Japan with her. He was happy and perfectly at home here. He had a wonderful friend, Ron, a nice aparment in a rich learning environment. The colleges in Tokyo couldn't offer what Mamoru needed. It was here that he could reach his full potential. 'Besides,' she thought, as if to reassure herself and the growing ache in her chest, 'it's not like we won't write to each other, and talk on the phone, and...'
Tears began to make their way down her cheek. She tried choking down the sob rising in her throat, making a strangled noise instead. Hastily removing herself from her boyfriend's embrace, Usagi made a mad dash to the bathroom, awaking Mamoru in the process.
Slightly dazed with the lack of Usagi in his arms, he groggily opened his eyes in time to catch a glimpse of her tear-stained cheek. Suddenly wide awake, Mamoru sat up quickly, running a quick hand through his dishelved hair.
"Usako? Usako, what's wrong?"
Receiving no reply except muffled sobbing, he grew even more concerned.
The man jumped up from the sofa and ran down the hall, nearly tripping on the coffee table in the process. He reached the locked door within seconds.
"Usa..tell me what happened...please..." Mamoru pleaded with her. He was debating whether or not to bust down the door when the soft click of the lock was heard on the other side.
He gently opened the door, peering inside at the young woman seated on the ground, her face buried in her knees, hair a messy tangle surrounding her like a blanket.
"Usako?"
A sniffle was his answer. He knelt down cautiously, taking hold of one of her trembling hands. Wiping a stray tear, he looked into her now red, puffy eyes. No matter what, Usagi still looked utterly beautiful under the flourscent lighting. Mamoru's heart broke at the sight of seeing her in so much pain. He gingerly moved closer, inches at the time until he too was seated in the small room, looking at her intently with worried eyes. He couldn't figure out what had caused such an outburst. From what he recalled, they were very happy when they went to sleep last night. Did she have a nightmare? Looking at her shaking form, he realized that no nightmare, even the worst kind, could cause such distress. So, what was wrong?
"Mamo-chan...gomen nasai..." She sniffed, wiping furiously at her eyes, embarrassed as to have cried in front of him.
"Oh Usa..."
Mamoru wrapped his arms tightly around the girl and pulled her closer until she was practically seated in his lap. Half an hour passed before he spoke again. "Usako..what..." She silenced him with a finger to his lips.
"I...I just..." She paused, not knowing how to say what she felt. Usagi was afraid of what his reaction would be.
"Please...tell me what's wrong..." He tenderly planted a kiss upon her sweaty forehead, brushing away hair from her teary eyes.
"Gomen...it's nothing really..."
Usagi stood up and shivered, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. She tried to smile, reassurance that everything was fine, that she was totally under control, but it was all a lie. Beneath the facade was a scared, utterly sad young woman. Mamoru, who knew Usagi better than he did himself, saw through the covering. He shook his head at her attempt to dismiss the subject.
One look into his beautiful eyes, and Usagi knew she couldn't lie to him. She never could. She reached out with one hand and helped him up from the bathroom tiles before leading him onto the sofa in the living room. Laying one hand gently against his cheek, she prayed that she would get the words right. In no way did she want Mamoru to have to feel obligated to go home with her, at the expense of his happiness.
"Mamo-chan...I just want you to know...this past week, being here with you...it was the best few days of my life." A soft smile lifted the corners of her mouth. His simple presence was enough to bring much joy to her heart. "I loved seeing where you live, meeting your friends. You have a different, new, perhaps better life here. A life that I'm not a part of..." The blonde trailed off helplessly. She had obviously not wanted to voice her innermost fears. And, seeing the strange look passing on her love's face, neither did he.
Mamoru objected immediately. "You are a part of my life, Usako, and so much more. Like I said before, you are my life. You always will be."
"Demo...you have so much here."
"I have nothing without you."
She denied it with a vigorous shake of her head, although a secret part of her rejoiced at hearing those words. "You do. I won't lie to you Mamo-chan...I can't." She took a breath. "I want...what I mean is, I want you home again. I want nothing more than you to come home with me when I leave in a couple days."
Usagi didn't dare to look into his eyes for his reaction. If anything, he was probably thinking the notion absurd. She went on with much difficulty. "I know that's impossible. You have to go to school here...but after the time I spent with you, I realized how empty my life was the year that you were away. I can't believe I actually survived." She let out a hollow, nervous laugh, and ran a quick hand through her strands of hair, a gesture learned from Mamoru. "It was the letters, the phone calls, that kept me going. I don't know what would've happened if we lost touch for an entire year..." She paused, gathering another breath. "I guess what I'm saying is that I need you. I need to see you every day...to touch you..." As if to prove her point upon completing her speech, she grabbed his large hand in her smaller one. She thrilled at the electricity that flowed through her. It was a special bond she shared only with her soulmate.
The silence was almost unbearable. Mamoru stared, wide-eyed and in awe at her, trying to digest everything. How was it possible that she was feeling the same way? He wanted to kiss her senseless and tell her that he wanted that too. Somehow, he couldn't. The words just wouldn't come. He still had so much to figure out before he could answer. His heart told him to go home while his mind, the rational part, reminded him that his future was at stake. He remembered the debating he had done the previous night on the ups-and-downs on leaving and staying. He hadn't reached a conclusion then, and he still hadn't now. Instead, he embraced her tightly.
"I want nothing more, Usako...I feel the same way."
"I don't want you to give up your future for me, Mamo-chan. So...you can't...you can't go with me..." She rubbed her face in the soft fabric of his shirt. "It's just not fair...why are there always obstacles between us?"
"That's life, my love."
He smiled sadly before leaning down to capture her lips in a deep kiss. "This I promise you...someday, we'll have our happily ever after. Remember our past, our destinies? They were all leading to our future together. It doesn't matter when. As long as we love each other, nothing can overcome that. But Usako, what you said about my home here, you were wrong."
She scrunched up her brow. "What do you mean?
"I'll admit, right now, this is my home...because you are here. It's not the location that matters. Where you go--that's where my home is. Always. And this past week...it was a dream come true for me."
"Oh Mamo-chan..."
An hour later, Usagi felt considerably better. Though the issues hadn't even come close to be settled and a part of her still wanted him to come home as soon as possible, it was enough for now. All the tender, heartbreakingly loving words had been hard to say, no doubt. She knew Mamoru was never one to share his deepest feelings with anyone--even her. To have said all those things from the depths of his soul...he was finally opening up to her. After all those years, their relationship was taking a complete new turn. Someday, Mamoru might even be ready to share some memories of the past with her. She would be there, listening and comforting all the while. His past had always been a delicate subject to which Usagi thoughtfully avoided in fear of hurting him. In the future, she hoped there would be no more secrets between them.
Stretching her sore muscles, she realized that half the day had already passed. Half of Christmas. This was hardly how she imagined her Christmas alone with Mamoru would be spent. A day full of kisses, hugs, gifts, and a candle-lit dinner for two was more like it. She didn't have time to feel guilty for ruining their first real Christmas together, as Mamoru had already gotten up to change out of his rumpled, and somewhat damp, shirt. The shirt she had gotten wet with her tears, yet another mishap of the morning.
Usagi cringed, looking down at her own wrinkled clothing. A hand quickly ran to her head to check the state of her hair. It felt fuzzy and, giving it a quick run through with her fingers, there were plenty of knots to brush out. Sighing, she went into the Mamoru's room to find a new outfit to wear. 'And a shower would be nice,' she decided. Her clothes were strewn all over Mamoru's tidy bedroom carpet. The blonde grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, along with her towel, and headed toward the bathroom.
Mamoru was just coming out from said bathroom with only a towel tied at his waist. Seeing his girlfriend come in, he smiled. Usagi couldn't help but stare at him. He looked utterly handsome standing there...wearing only a towel. She gulped, feeling a blush staining her cheeks, and looked away, suddenly very uncomfortable. He, however, wasn't ruffled in the least. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
"It's all yours," he said, gesturing to the shower. "I'll get breakfast started."
"Arigato, Mamo-chan," she called to his retreating form. Usagi took a shuddering breath and tried to control her pounding heart. She stepped inside the bathroom. A fresh cloud of steam hit her face upon entrance, warming her.
When she stepped out from the shower, the smell of bacon and eggs floated down the hall. Her stomach rumbled in response. Toweling her hair as best as she could, she dressed and went to greet Mamoru. He was already seated, his plate and glass of juice untouched. He had waited for her, even though it was well past noon. She didn't know what to think when she sat down opposite him around the table, except, how did I meet such a wonderful guy? They ate in mostly silence, until Usagi finally discovered the Christmas tree sitting in the living room. In her haste this morning and the talk she had with Mamoru, she hadn't noticed the tree until now.
The young woman squealed, hugging Mamoru fiercely before returning to stare at it in admiration.
"It's beautiful! Look, the angel on the top...wow..."
He kissed her shoulder blade as his arms sneaked to claim her small waist.
"I had Ron put it up there especially," he whispered into her ear, sending a small shiver down her spine.
"Why?" She looked at him with curious eyes.
"Because...that's you. My angel. Usako, you saved me from the darkness...loved me even when I couldn't truly return it for the longest time. You gave me something so special--your love. Nothing can compare to that."
"I--" Tears, this time, of happiness, were flowing freely down her cheeks by the time he finished. "Mamo-chan, I...aishiteru..." It was the only thing she could say, the only thing she felt. For Mamoru, it meant the world.
The two gifts were sitting neatly underneath the small pine. She sat down cross-legged beside him, grinning widely. Her present for Mamoru had taken ages to find, even with Ami's help. Usagi had wanted something that was useful for him, which showed her support of his studies abroad. A shirt or sweater was out of the question. It was likely to end up in the back of his closet until he moved from the apartment. Ami had helpfully suggested getting Mamoru a book. After all, she said, that's what she would have wanted. Considering this, Usagi remembered his love for reading. In his apartment back in Tokyo, his shelves were stock full of books of all sorts. A book would definitely be good. But which one?
Together, after hours of pawing through bookstore after bookstore, the two girls chose a thick medical text, a well of knowledge all dealing with the medical world. It was perfect, a gift Usagi knew he'd love and put to good use.
Now, it sat at the base of the tree, wrapped neatly in bunny and crescent moon wrapping paper. It had taken her half an hour to get the edges to go in. Mamoru's present, also wrapped flawlessly, was smaller than hers, she noted. She was more than eager to find out what was in it. Tugging on the his shirt sleeve, she dragged the man to the tree half her size and plopped down beside it. A second later, he joined her on the carpet, instinctively reaching for her hand. Usagi shyly took the package from the tree with her free hand and passed it wordlessly to her boyfriend.
"It took me forever to find this for you," she admitted. "I hope you'll like it..."
"Coming from you, I'm sure I'll absolutely love it," he chuckled, presenting her with her Christmas gift as well. And he meant it too...even if it was an unattractive shirt or something of the sort. He silently hoped it wouldn't be, though.
Usagi decided to wait until he opened his present before she did hers. He took special care to not tearing the paper to reveal the hardcover book, several hundred pages in length. A book full of medical information to help him with his studies. His hands shakily traced over the gold lettering on the front of the thoughtful gift.
"Oh Usako, arigato. This is wonderful!"
"Really? You think so?"
"Without a doubt. Now, go ahead and open yours."
Usagi did at his urging. She took the small cover off the box the size of her palm, and looked inside. Nestled inside the bed of cotton rested the most beautiful necklace she had ever laid eyes on. She gasped. "Mamo-chan!"
"Here," he smiled, "let me put that on for you."
She turned around so her back faced him and drew her hair to one side while he slid it on her. The thin chain was of fourteen carat gold and complimented Usagi's creamy skin perfectly. But it was the pendant that was breathtaking. In the shape of a perfect rose, it shimmered with every turn of her head. The pendant too was made of rose gold, with small diamonds adorning each delicate petal. Her gift seemed insignificant compared to this costly piece of jewelry.
"Mamo-chan, it's too much!" Usagi said hurriedly. Even though she loved the present dearly, she wasn't sure if Mamoru could afford it. "You shouldn't have spent so much. With college and everything...I'm sure you don't have too much money to spare."
He shook his head. "No. It's yours. Don't worry about the cost. If you like it, that's all that matters."
"I–"
At once, his lips were upon her, and all coherent thoughts fled. She wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her hands through his hair, melting into his kiss. 'Now this is the ultimate Christmas present,' she thought happily. Although, the necklace did come in as a close second.
'Mamo-chan is too good to me. I have to make up for not getting him a better present.'
She broke the kiss and beamed at him. "Mamo-chan, shouldn't we start making the Christmas dinner?" She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already well past three. Usagi was sure her mother was already busily making preparations, scrambling about the kitchen, yelling at her father and Shingo to do something besides sit there. Well, she would be too. For once, she was going to cook a fabulous dinner for Mamoru.
He gulped, retreating from her arms. "Um...how about you leave the cooking for me?" The scared young man suggested. He was well aware of Usagi's...less than perfect cooking skills, and, as much as he dearly adored the blonde, he wasn't about to leave the cooking to her.
"No, Mamo-chan," she pouted, "I have to go this. It's practice for the future! I mean, I can't have you do all the cooking, can I? Besides, Mako-chan has been giving me some lessons."
He was about to give in; he could feel it. He still couldn't refuse her anything. "If you want to, Usako...but I want to help," he said warily, after minutes of hard deliberation. Help, as in trying to do as much cooking as he could. Mamoru swallowed again. This was going to be one long day...
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*Note: due to ff.net's new policy, I am now Lisa4, but I will still use Lisa as my pen name in my stories. ^^* Anyway, okay...I know, I know, pure mush, no plot. You were warned beforehand! ^^ But look, I tried for some humor! *grin* In the next chapter: Usagi attempts to cook Christmas dinner, with, er...unexpected results, and plenty of mush to go around. *cough* ^_^ This story will have two more chapters and an epilogue left, and will be finished by Christmas...hopefully. As always, please review or e-mail me at LisaZUMstories@aol.com or Lisafics@sailormoon.com. Thanks!
This story written June-July 2003, posted August 2003.