F L O U R I S H
asher
a/n: written in noin's pov. 9x3/9+3 6+9 [definitely not 9+6].
this is a stupid little thing that i wrote after watching the fairly odd parents on nickelodeon. see what happens when you have nothing to do?
forgiveness is asked as this thing is completele stupid and full of the crack.
forgive forgive.
- - -
Cupid's name wasn't really Cupid. Or Eros. Or anything remotely related to any existing world mythology. He wasn't a love god, nor was his mother the goddess of beauty. He was an unhappy demi-god who could force anyone to lust or love, but could not find the latter for himself.
And he was stalking me.
- - -
"I don't want him to fall in love with me. I don't want to stumble into love with anyone. All I want is for you to forget that I exist." He placed his arm on the wall, but couldn't lean because of the obstruction caused by his enormous white wings. "It isn't easy being the God of Love, y'know."
I glared at him. "Why the fuck do you have wings? And why are you wearing that?" He was wearing red suede pants and a vest made of the same material, only it was embroidered with a thick white ribbon around the edges and the back where it laced up and over the base of the wings.
"Maybe it's time to get a little more into character. I am the Eros, so shouldn't I look like this?"
I stopped walking and turned back to him. "If I followed your fucked logic, I would be male, with blond hair topped with a fucking wreath of laurel leaves on my head and I would be in the running for the horniest god around. Since none of those attributes describe me, I suggest you lose the fairy gear before anyone else sees you." His lip twitched involuntarily. "And what of Artemis, your fair sister?"
"I really hope he managed to hear you call him my sister. I'm sure he'd find it amusing." I turned on my heel, hoping that he would take the hint and leave me the hell alone.
"Apollo, you've become so much more impatient now that you've returned as a woman."
What an asshole.
"It is not my being a woman that makes me more impatient, Zechs. It is the fact that you are a fucking bastard." His superior height allowed him to fall into step next to me and I had to force myself to walk with a wider leg-width than I was comfortable with.
"You don't really hate me, Apo---"
"It's NOIN, you pathetic worm."
He laughed at me. "Alright, Noin. You don't really hate me. I know you don't. In the past you and I have always been cordial. Your predecessor was my lover for over 200 years afterall."
"Maybe Apollo grew tired of your stupidity. No, wait...I think that he just got tired of you. In fact, since I AM Apollo. I know I got tired of you." I brushed aside the heavy curtain that covered the entrance into the Forum. "Now go sit in your goddamn seat like a good little boy next to your mommy."
He kept his good-humor, but it wilted a little around the edges. "She is not my mother."
"Damn right. And I'm not a woman---at least not for the moment." Aphrodite's newest form spoke in an annoyed tone from his seat. "And if I was your mother, I would have made you put on something under that robe."
I glanced back at Zechs. The wings were gone. And the red and white outfit was replaced by a long red ceremonial robe the same length and cut as everyone else's in the room.
Zechs flipped Duo off as he took his seat next to him. Thankfully, my seat was to the far end of the room, next to Artemis, er---Trowa.
"He's following you again." He murmured into my ear. His silver colored robe covered him from head to toe in a sheath of opaque moonlight.
I smiled. "And he's glaring at you as wild ideas of 'incest' run through his head."
He delved his hand in my short hair, managing to comb out a few tangles and feathering my bangs in the process. "Maybe I should kiss you so that Duo has to restrain him from coming over here and bashing me over the head with a quiver full of love-arrows."
We both snickered as Zechs continued to sulk in his throne.
Treize finally appeared and the uselessly stupid Forum officially began.
- - -
The first thing we had talked about was an updating in communication.
My suggestion had been that we just all go buy some cellphones and create the first immortal call-plan, but when no one other than Trowa smiled at my suggestion, the discussion was cut short and the topic of the Olympus wall was brought up.
We had spent over an hour deliberating whether to restore the wall or not when I made another suggestion.
"How about we just fucking all move out and go buy condos in Acapulco?"
Treize gave me a warning look that said 'shut the fuck up' and I sighed, resigned to never have my voice heard in the bureaucracy that was the Olympus Forum.
He pounded his little gavel with a determination that said :"I AM KING. ARGH."
Everyone stopped talking and refocused their attentions back on him.
"Since no one is reaching a consensus, I will use my position as ruler to override the democratic attempt at a vote and declare that we will in fact NOT be reconstructing a new wall. And that the meeting is now adjourned. See you all in a century. Stay for ambrosia and wine."
The clamor of voices started up again and I was thankful that the Forum was over. Most of the gods and goddesses mingled around the salad bar and served themselves huge goblets of wine. I never liked wine and besides, I was going to go visit Trowa's apartment and we were going to watch movies, eat some popcorn and get drunk on some decent liquor.
"Why does he wait for you?" Trowa's pretty voice was slightly aggravated as he made mention of Zechs' presence near the exit.
"He keeps insisting that he wants to sleep with me to see if it'll be any different than it was when I still had my male body."
"Why don't you just give in to him once and get it over with?" I shrugged. "I'm scared shitless that if I let my guard down for even a second the jerk will manage to zing me with one of his psychic love spells. Do you think I want to end up falling in love with HIM?"
"Point taken. I'll meet you there then." Trowa kissed me on the cheek, giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
"So you don't want to sleep with me anymore because you want to bang your sister? That's a rather sick alternative, Noin."
I pushed him out of my way and continued walking. He remained an annoyingly two steps behind me, probably staring at my ass despite the pearl-toned robe I was wearing.
I grit my teeth. "He's not my sister. And if you keep saying that, he's going to tie you up and deliver you on a silver platter to Hermes for a little fun time."
"But you are fucking him?"
"If I am?" I chided him.
"Then I'll just have to resort to more severe measures of courtship."
"Like what? Are you going to stab my with one of your fucking arrows while I have the misfortune of staring at your ugly face?"
He kicked the bottom of my boots and almost sent me careening against the wall.
"Immature asshole."
"Frigid bitch."
We stared at each other heatedly for a few seconds before I regained my balance and continued in down the never-ending hall that lead to the outskirts of Olympus and into the mortal world.
"Although I love you, if you don't stop treating me so badly I will punish you severely."
"You already punish me more than the torrents of hell simply by your presence. What could be worse than that?"
A quiver full of arrows appeared in his hands and he stared straight ahead as he took one out and threatened to poke me with it. "I could make you fall in lust with a nice centaur for example."
I narrowed my eyes, stopping only to scowl at him. "You wouldn't dare."
He made stabbing motions with the arrow. "Try me."
The arrows he held looked suspiciously familiar. He smiled as he caught me examining them. His hair was suddenly swept away from his face with two intricate braids on either side and he was wearing green elvish clothing complete with the pointy ears.
"One guess." He said.
"Legolas Greenleaf, played by Orlando Bloom. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings. Released December 2001."
"Wrong."
"What the fuck? What do you mean 'wrong'? That's his quiver of arrows you prick."
"Yes, but this outfit, if you would have paid attention to detail--is from the second film. The Two Towers. See the blood stains here?" He pointed out the areas on his costume.
"That's just a mindless little detail. Not fair."
The only thing that I shared in common with Zechs was that we shared an affinity for movies. And this was a game that we played often. If I guessed right, I didn't have to go to dinner with him, if I lost--he picked the restaurant and I agreed to go. It was the only thing that would keep him out of my pants and out of my love life.
"Alright, since I don't want you pouting and whiny for our dinner, I'll let you pick the restaurant, okay?"
That's as good as I was going to get. "Fine. Canton Wong #2. Five o'clock Friday."
"Canton---"
"Chinese place on 15th and Aline. Just be there."
I stalked off leaving him with a sense of victory that made me want to puke.
- - -
don't expect this to make ANY sense. it was written on a whim.
and because i didn't make the distinction very clear:
Apollo = Noin
Eros/Cupid = Zechs
Artemis = Trowa
Aphrodite = Duo
Zeus = Treize
Hermes = Heero
if you don't know much about greek/roman mythology---some of the references probably made no sense, so i'll try to explain a few.
Apollo and Artemis are twins. Artemis is female, Apollo is male.
Eros/Cupid is most often identified as Aphrodite's son.
Zeus is the King of the gods.
the gods live in Olympus.
Hermes is the messenger of the gods.
Apollo is the god of music, healing, and a bunch of other crap.
Artemis is the virgin goddess of the hunt and bunch of other crap.
Eros/Cupid is the god of love.
Aphrodite is the goddess of beauty/lust/love.
the gods eat tons of ambrosia and drink tons of wine.
don't think that i will be able to continue this or not. not sure i want to. let me know what you think! this is my first real attempt at nonsensical humor fic!
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