FDTMA, Chapter 18
Quick note from my little sister - she wanted to have a chat with you all, so here she goes:
Hello fellow FDTMA readers... This is Dickens... aka Polyre. You may have read my reviews earlier, but I have been basically a beta for Aimee for 6/7 months. I am intrigued that you are so thinking that Aimee would actually listen to a deviation of her writing norm... from a reviewer that doesn't even sign.
Yes... I know I send an email to a reviewer that actually signed and had the following to say : Most of you are probably nice, kind reviewers, but for the evil ones... I need to talk some more to you.
Some of your reviews include basically "Don't you dare do this, or I'll stop reading." I honestly don't think she cares whether you stop reading because you don't like her story. If you don't even have the guts to sign in to leave a nasty review, she's bloody not going to give a damn about you.
Aimee writes for herself. Not you. Not Mr. President. Not even me. Aimee writes because that is what she does best.
And please, if you want to speak with me... or even get into a chatroom with I and Aimee, you can contact me by the following:
AIM: IgnusFaustina
Email: dickens001@yahoo.com
Trust me... if you have a problem with this, we'll talk to you and see what's so wrong. ExemplarPiaculum is my screen name, and feel free to use it anytime - even if you just want to talk, I love talking to you guys. Don't take it offensively unless it's geared towards you - I'm sick of getting told what to write about and what not to write about. This story's all planned out (for once in my pathetic life :o) ), so really nothing any of you suggest is going to change it. Sorry!
Aimée
Draco sat in front of me, arms crossed and gray eyes fixed on a spot some ten feet to my right, refusing to even acknowledge my presence. My mother sat next to him, her ambers eyes staring at me pleadingly, while Remus stood up and walked over to me, gently guiding me to the last armchair, closest to Mum and farthest from Draco.
"I don't want to have this conversation," I began, my voice purposely sharp in tone, "We've had enough of these over the past year, haven't we? I'd prefer not to be told exactly how wrong I am anymore – I'm sick of it."
Mum sighed, reaching out to rest one cold, pale hand on my own one – that's how close she was.
"This isn't going to be one of those discussions unless you turn it into one, dear."
I eyed her suspiciously, "Where's Dad?"
She shrugged, "I sent him off for the evening, and no, he has no idea I'm here."
I raised an eyebrow, ready to attack, "Defying your precious husband? Mother, I'm surprised in you – we both know I'm not worth it."
"Is that your problem?" Draco suddenly exploded, shocking everyone to the point of complete silence. "Is your self esteem so low that you couldn't bear to even risk having your dad angry at you, even if it cost you me? Is that what's been going on? Because if it is, I'm glad I found out now – knowing I could be pushed aside like that sort of seals the bargain now, doesn't it, Snape?"
I quickly recovered from his outburst and leaned forward in my hand, yanking my mother's hand away from mine. He was not about to get away with that – no bloody way.
"I have enough self esteem to go for who I want, Draco – you just can't handle the fact that someone isn't you. Admit it, you're jealous of Cassandra just because she has me and you don't. Admit it, Draco. You're a traitor to yourself."
He stood up so quickly that for a spilt second, I feared the chair he had sat in would topple backwards and damage the smooth wooden floor. Draco was positively livid with anger at this point, and I found some strange satisfaction in this, although I knew the consequences of what was to come would be etched deep.
He stood there for a moment, glaring at me with more hatred I thought possible from him. I could feel his angry radiating off of him, and it was at this time my mother grabbed my hand once more.
As her skin touched mine, my head exploded with voices.
I pulled away suddenly, as if she had shocked me, but the voices continued. There were three distinct ones – Mum, Remus, and quite obviously Draco – each with their own silent thoughts streaming into my conscience.
Bloody hell!
Harry… this is Mum… just relax, concentrate on Draco, trying to sense what he's feeling, listening to what he's too afraid to say.
Mum… what…?
This is what your father an I have. Now please, just listen to Draco.
I sighed, leaning back in my chair and preparing myself for the blow that was to come.
Don't do it, you idiot… You know if you say what you want to, he'll never speak to you again, and that is the absolute last thing you want… Just control yourself… What would your father think of this?
He's dead, you wanker, he couldn't care less.
Don't say it!
At that point in time, I almost laughed, despite a thousand reasons I shouldn't. It was quite interesting, seeing what was going on in someone's mind.
I never knew Draco had two consciences.
With a defeated sigh, his anger left with one foul swoop, leaving a feeling of complete emptiness I felt with my entire being behind.
"Draco?" I said tentatively, "Can we… please? Talk about this in private?"
He nodded silently, and with a nod to the two adults in the room, we both Apparated back to the flat.
He arrived at his usual Apparation point – the sofa in the living room – while I arrived on our now unused bed, which I'm quite sure Cassandra didn't even know existed.
Cassandra… shit. She was supposed to get my book…
With a exaggerated sigh, I lifted myself off the bed and made my way down the hall and into the living room, where I sat gently down at the opposite end of the sofa, careful not to make any physical contact with him. His thoughts blared as a loudspeaker would into my mind, however, and I tried desperately to hold onto his thoughts and feelings, something I was rarely given a glimpse of.
"I know how you feel," I began slowly, forming each word carefully in my mind. "Completely alone, despair… as if things will never get better."
He finally looked up from his hands to glance at my face, most likely to see if I was lying or telling him the truth. He always told me I could never tell a lie without the entire world knowing – which I'm quite sure was true, to an extent.
"Obviously," his voice sounded scratchy, "Gee, Harry, you must know me pretty fucking well to be able to tell that just by looking at me."
I winced slightly, knowing I deserved anything he threw at me, "Listen, Draco, I'm sorry –"
"Sorry won't cut it this time, Snape," he snarled, "I was proud of you once, to stand up to your parents like you did – you take that away, you take away my pride, and what's a Malfoy without pride?"
"You," I answered quietly, "Someone I'm desperate to make feel better, but don't know how."
"You can't fix the world, Harry," he snapped, "Don't start trying now. I'm not some charity case – go and find Cassandra, I'm sure she'd be worth a good fuck right about now."
"I've never fucked her," I retorted, a bit harsher than I intended, "And it's just you to believe I have. I only sleep with people I love, Draco, has that ever occurred to you?"
"No," he glared, stormy eyes bearing into mine with reckless abandon, "Because you slept with me."
I never thought you'd hurt me
I guess you live and learn
That when you're playin' with fire you're bound to get burned
I've been mistreated, I've been used before
I get kicked in the face still I come back for more
But I won't cry no more 'cause the tears are all in vain
We can pick up the pieces and start it all again
Let's just get back to the way it was before
I can't take anymore
Don't treat me bad
Well, this could be the best thing that you'll ever have
Don't treat me bad
You can do anything, but baby, don't treat me bad
Don't treat me bad
I gave it everything, but you threw it all away
I can't take anymore of these games that you play
I've been through heartache and I've been through pain
And it's hard to believe you still treat me this way
But I won't cry no more 'cause the tears are all in vain
We can pick up the pieces and start it all again
Let's just get back to the way it was before
I can't take anymore*
*Firehouse, Don't Treat Me Bad
Quick note from my little sister - she wanted to have a chat with you all, so here she goes:
Hello fellow FDTMA readers... This is Dickens... aka Polyre. You may have read my reviews earlier, but I have been basically a beta for Aimee for 6/7 months. I am intrigued that you are so thinking that Aimee would actually listen to a deviation of her writing norm... from a reviewer that doesn't even sign.
Yes... I know I send an email to a reviewer that actually signed and had the following to say : Most of you are probably nice, kind reviewers, but for the evil ones... I need to talk some more to you.
Some of your reviews include basically "Don't you dare do this, or I'll stop reading." I honestly don't think she cares whether you stop reading because you don't like her story. If you don't even have the guts to sign in to leave a nasty review, she's bloody not going to give a damn about you.
Aimee writes for herself. Not you. Not Mr. President. Not even me. Aimee writes because that is what she does best.
And please, if you want to speak with me... or even get into a chatroom with I and Aimee, you can contact me by the following:
AIM: IgnusFaustina
Email: dickens001@yahoo.com
Trust me... if you have a problem with this, we'll talk to you and see what's so wrong. ExemplarPiaculum is my screen name, and feel free to use it anytime - even if you just want to talk, I love talking to you guys. Don't take it offensively unless it's geared towards you - I'm sick of getting told what to write about and what not to write about. This story's all planned out (for once in my pathetic life :o) ), so really nothing any of you suggest is going to change it. Sorry!
Aimée
Draco sat in front of me, arms crossed and gray eyes fixed on a spot some ten feet to my right, refusing to even acknowledge my presence. My mother sat next to him, her ambers eyes staring at me pleadingly, while Remus stood up and walked over to me, gently guiding me to the last armchair, closest to Mum and farthest from Draco.
"I don't want to have this conversation," I began, my voice purposely sharp in tone, "We've had enough of these over the past year, haven't we? I'd prefer not to be told exactly how wrong I am anymore – I'm sick of it."
Mum sighed, reaching out to rest one cold, pale hand on my own one – that's how close she was.
"This isn't going to be one of those discussions unless you turn it into one, dear."
I eyed her suspiciously, "Where's Dad?"
She shrugged, "I sent him off for the evening, and no, he has no idea I'm here."
I raised an eyebrow, ready to attack, "Defying your precious husband? Mother, I'm surprised in you – we both know I'm not worth it."
"Is that your problem?" Draco suddenly exploded, shocking everyone to the point of complete silence. "Is your self esteem so low that you couldn't bear to even risk having your dad angry at you, even if it cost you me? Is that what's been going on? Because if it is, I'm glad I found out now – knowing I could be pushed aside like that sort of seals the bargain now, doesn't it, Snape?"
I quickly recovered from his outburst and leaned forward in my hand, yanking my mother's hand away from mine. He was not about to get away with that – no bloody way.
"I have enough self esteem to go for who I want, Draco – you just can't handle the fact that someone isn't you. Admit it, you're jealous of Cassandra just because she has me and you don't. Admit it, Draco. You're a traitor to yourself."
He stood up so quickly that for a spilt second, I feared the chair he had sat in would topple backwards and damage the smooth wooden floor. Draco was positively livid with anger at this point, and I found some strange satisfaction in this, although I knew the consequences of what was to come would be etched deep.
He stood there for a moment, glaring at me with more hatred I thought possible from him. I could feel his angry radiating off of him, and it was at this time my mother grabbed my hand once more.
As her skin touched mine, my head exploded with voices.
I pulled away suddenly, as if she had shocked me, but the voices continued. There were three distinct ones – Mum, Remus, and quite obviously Draco – each with their own silent thoughts streaming into my conscience.
Bloody hell!
Harry… this is Mum… just relax, concentrate on Draco, trying to sense what he's feeling, listening to what he's too afraid to say.
Mum… what…?
This is what your father an I have. Now please, just listen to Draco.
I sighed, leaning back in my chair and preparing myself for the blow that was to come.
Don't do it, you idiot… You know if you say what you want to, he'll never speak to you again, and that is the absolute last thing you want… Just control yourself… What would your father think of this?
He's dead, you wanker, he couldn't care less.
Don't say it!
At that point in time, I almost laughed, despite a thousand reasons I shouldn't. It was quite interesting, seeing what was going on in someone's mind.
I never knew Draco had two consciences.
With a defeated sigh, his anger left with one foul swoop, leaving a feeling of complete emptiness I felt with my entire being behind.
"Draco?" I said tentatively, "Can we… please? Talk about this in private?"
He nodded silently, and with a nod to the two adults in the room, we both Apparated back to the flat.
He arrived at his usual Apparation point – the sofa in the living room – while I arrived on our now unused bed, which I'm quite sure Cassandra didn't even know existed.
Cassandra… shit. She was supposed to get my book…
With a exaggerated sigh, I lifted myself off the bed and made my way down the hall and into the living room, where I sat gently down at the opposite end of the sofa, careful not to make any physical contact with him. His thoughts blared as a loudspeaker would into my mind, however, and I tried desperately to hold onto his thoughts and feelings, something I was rarely given a glimpse of.
"I know how you feel," I began slowly, forming each word carefully in my mind. "Completely alone, despair… as if things will never get better."
He finally looked up from his hands to glance at my face, most likely to see if I was lying or telling him the truth. He always told me I could never tell a lie without the entire world knowing – which I'm quite sure was true, to an extent.
"Obviously," his voice sounded scratchy, "Gee, Harry, you must know me pretty fucking well to be able to tell that just by looking at me."
I winced slightly, knowing I deserved anything he threw at me, "Listen, Draco, I'm sorry –"
"Sorry won't cut it this time, Snape," he snarled, "I was proud of you once, to stand up to your parents like you did – you take that away, you take away my pride, and what's a Malfoy without pride?"
"You," I answered quietly, "Someone I'm desperate to make feel better, but don't know how."
"You can't fix the world, Harry," he snapped, "Don't start trying now. I'm not some charity case – go and find Cassandra, I'm sure she'd be worth a good fuck right about now."
"I've never fucked her," I retorted, a bit harsher than I intended, "And it's just you to believe I have. I only sleep with people I love, Draco, has that ever occurred to you?"
"No," he glared, stormy eyes bearing into mine with reckless abandon, "Because you slept with me."
I never thought you'd hurt me
I guess you live and learn
That when you're playin' with fire you're bound to get burned
I've been mistreated, I've been used before
I get kicked in the face still I come back for more
But I won't cry no more 'cause the tears are all in vain
We can pick up the pieces and start it all again
Let's just get back to the way it was before
I can't take anymore
Don't treat me bad
Well, this could be the best thing that you'll ever have
Don't treat me bad
You can do anything, but baby, don't treat me bad
Don't treat me bad
I gave it everything, but you threw it all away
I can't take anymore of these games that you play
I've been through heartache and I've been through pain
And it's hard to believe you still treat me this way
But I won't cry no more 'cause the tears are all in vain
We can pick up the pieces and start it all again
Let's just get back to the way it was before
I can't take anymore*
*Firehouse, Don't Treat Me Bad