Chapter Thirty, Slipping Away
Well guys, this story has been in progress for a year now. On July 31st, 2001, I ended Least Likely of All and started Formidolosus Draco, Take Me Away. I can't believe it's been an entire year!! Heh... I was going into my sophmore year, now I'm going to be a junior... my, how time flies... *shakes head* This is a short chapter and I apologize for it, I know I haven't been writing really long ones at all lately, but my Muse isn't working very well. Too many things going on... I want you all to know how very, very important this chapter is... it's the turning point of all turning points in this story, and it leads up to the conclusion. Anyone want me to start a third after this is all said and done? Heh... Wow, that'd be weird. A trilogy. Never done one of those before... I think it'd probably be back to Lily and Severus, although I may just throw in a bit of Castor and Pollux for a bit of fun. Hey, you guys get to find out which House(s) they were in, in a few chapters... ain't that gonna be grand? All right, I'm cutting myself off now.
Aimée
---
This chapter goes out to BELLE! Thank you a ton for reading, and I really, really love hearing from you. Your comments and feedback are much appreciated :o) Thanks again!
Danke,
Aimée
---
Dear Draco,
I don't know where to start. First of all, I want you to know I love you and will always love you, no matter what happens. Things have been so absolutely crazy lately, I don't think I've said those words to you enough.
Second of all, you have been nothing but absolutely amazing and perfect to me. All of the pain and strife we've gone through has never been your fault in anyway way, shape, or form. I love you just the way you are, and never change for anyone else just because they want you to. You know that, of course—after the past three years, how could you not?
I'm sitting here in the hours right before dawn—the darkest of all—and watching you sleep. You're flawless, and if I could—if I could fathom a way—I'd take you with me in a heartbeat. My life means nothing without you, but I don't want to have to drag you down with me right now. Everything has gone so, so wrong—Ethan's gone, Mum hasn't contacted me in so, so long… I don't think she loves me, Draco, I really don't. She has so many other children to help her recover, the loss of one more child isn't going to kill her. I was always the outsider, anyway. James Potter's son isn't worthy of her love, Dad's love, or yours… I'm too scarred, too dark, too much of a hazard to be around all those I love anymore.
I know you don't understand, and there is absolutely no way I could write a full explanation of my feelings down for you, for the emotions I have coursing through me right now have no words. A deep sense of regret and loss doesn't even begin to cover it. I killed Ethan, Draco… I killed my brother, for God's sake! How could anyone ever forgive me for that? If I hadn't have been born, Ethan would still be alive and well today. He was a bastard, I know, but there must have been some good in him—even if it was reduced to his child.
His child will grow up in a world with no father, knowing his uncle—his half uncle—killed him. I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for you, for Mum, for Dad, for Ethan, and for Ethan's child. This is not your fault, it will never be your fault, so don't you dare go and blame this on yourself. You know damn well how much I want to be with you, but if I stay any longer, all I'll succeed in doing it destroying more of this fragile world.
I haven't gone and done something stupid like kill myself, before you start worrying. I'm gone, that's all. I won't tell you where I've gone, nor will I tell you when I will be back, but I can promise you—I will come back to you, whether it's in a month, a year, a decade, or a century. You don't have to wait for me… I'll understand if you find someone new to give your love to. You deserve someone who will love you as much as you deserve, and someone who will make your life better and simpler, not worse and more complicated. I could never do that for you, no matter how hard I tried. I'm so, so, sorry for that, love.
No matter where I go, I'll always be with you. Even if I'm not by your side physically, my spirit will be there. When you find another to love, another to share your life with, I won't be jealous; instead, I'll rejoice that you have found someone deserving of your love and your life.
The sun has almost risen now… I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'll love you forever and a day, I'll always be with you, and I'll never, ever forget you. You are my life, Draco. Hopefully you won't forget me either.
With all my heart, Your loving husband,
Harry
I sighed heavily as I pulled my large suitcase behind me through the hustle and bustle of London's International Airport. For as long as it took, I was bound to set my life straight, even if it meant becoming a Muggle.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sam asked from inside my coat pocket.
"Yes," I replied, looking up at the gate where I was to board an airplane for the first time in my life. My fingers went nervously to the ring that remained on the fourth finger of my left hand, never to be taken off again.
"Gate Four-A, London to New York City, now boarding rows thirty through twenty…" a booming voice came over the loud speaker, frightening Sam back into her pocket.
With a heavy heart, I trudged up to the ticket taker and handed the woman my ticket, eyes glued to the end of the tunnel, where an entirely new destiny awaited me.
For too long now, there were secrets in my mind
For too long now, there were things I should have said
In the darkness...I was stumbling for the door
To find a reason - to find the time, the place, the hour
Waiting for the winter sun, and the cold light of day
The misty ghosts of childhood fears
The pressure is building, and I can't stay away
I throw myself into the sea
Release the wave, let it wash over me
To face the fear I once believed
The tears of the dragon, for you and for me
Where I was, I had wings that couldn't fly
Where I was, I had tears I couldn't cry
My emotions frozen in an icy lake
I couldn't feel them until the ice began to break
I have no power over this, you know I'm afraid
The walls I built are crumbling
The water is moving, I'm slipping away...
I throw myself into the sea
Release the wave, let it wash over me
To face the fear I once believed
The tears of the dragon, for you and for me
Slowly I awake, slowly I rise
The walls I built are crumbling
The water is moving, I'm slipping away...
I throw (I throw)
Myself (myself)
Into the sea
Release the wave, let it wash over me
To face (to face)
The fear (the fear)
I once believed
The tears of the dragon, for you and for me
I throw (I throw)
Myself (myself)
Into the sea
Release the wave, let it wash over me
To face (to face)
The fear (the fear)*
*Bruce Dickinson, Tears of the Dragon
---
Bienfoy: I actually don't know if they're going to have kids or not. The original idea was for them to adopt Cassandra and Ethan's child, but I doubt that would happen now... although it may... Hmm. *shrug* I have no idea how this thing's going to end, I just know the basic idea of the conclusion leading up to it.
Cat Samwise: I'm sorry, I'll try to make them a bit longer... the heartbreaking thing I can't help though :o) It's a writing quirk. Can't have a good chapter without at least a few tears or mushy stuff.
Eiknlng: Aww, thank you!! I Won't Dance is really good, I like it a lot... Keep it up :o)
Jilly-chan: Wow. Your review blowed me away... thank you SO much for your feedback! I'm terribly glad you like FDTMA, and if you plan on tackling LLOA, beware, it was written before I really cared about editing... One of these days, I have to go back and cut the corniess out of it. Yeah, I'm sure you didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on in FDTMA to begin with, eh? Well, I want to thank you for reading, and welcome to the HP fanfiction domain!
Morien Alexander: Tell me about it... I hate it when ff.net breaks down, just as I'm sure you do. I was afraid it was going to today as well, because my server wouldn't connect to any of the sites on it. *sigh* Ah, well. I love this Draco too :o) He's such a little girl sometimes though... gotta change that. Hmm...
Well guys, this story has been in progress for a year now. On July 31st, 2001, I ended Least Likely of All and started Formidolosus Draco, Take Me Away. I can't believe it's been an entire year!! Heh... I was going into my sophmore year, now I'm going to be a junior... my, how time flies... *shakes head* This is a short chapter and I apologize for it, I know I haven't been writing really long ones at all lately, but my Muse isn't working very well. Too many things going on... I want you all to know how very, very important this chapter is... it's the turning point of all turning points in this story, and it leads up to the conclusion. Anyone want me to start a third after this is all said and done? Heh... Wow, that'd be weird. A trilogy. Never done one of those before... I think it'd probably be back to Lily and Severus, although I may just throw in a bit of Castor and Pollux for a bit of fun. Hey, you guys get to find out which House(s) they were in, in a few chapters... ain't that gonna be grand? All right, I'm cutting myself off now.
Aimée
---
This chapter goes out to BELLE! Thank you a ton for reading, and I really, really love hearing from you. Your comments and feedback are much appreciated :o) Thanks again!
Danke,
Aimée
---
Dear Draco,
I don't know where to start. First of all, I want you to know I love you and will always love you, no matter what happens. Things have been so absolutely crazy lately, I don't think I've said those words to you enough.
Second of all, you have been nothing but absolutely amazing and perfect to me. All of the pain and strife we've gone through has never been your fault in anyway way, shape, or form. I love you just the way you are, and never change for anyone else just because they want you to. You know that, of course—after the past three years, how could you not?
I'm sitting here in the hours right before dawn—the darkest of all—and watching you sleep. You're flawless, and if I could—if I could fathom a way—I'd take you with me in a heartbeat. My life means nothing without you, but I don't want to have to drag you down with me right now. Everything has gone so, so wrong—Ethan's gone, Mum hasn't contacted me in so, so long… I don't think she loves me, Draco, I really don't. She has so many other children to help her recover, the loss of one more child isn't going to kill her. I was always the outsider, anyway. James Potter's son isn't worthy of her love, Dad's love, or yours… I'm too scarred, too dark, too much of a hazard to be around all those I love anymore.
I know you don't understand, and there is absolutely no way I could write a full explanation of my feelings down for you, for the emotions I have coursing through me right now have no words. A deep sense of regret and loss doesn't even begin to cover it. I killed Ethan, Draco… I killed my brother, for God's sake! How could anyone ever forgive me for that? If I hadn't have been born, Ethan would still be alive and well today. He was a bastard, I know, but there must have been some good in him—even if it was reduced to his child.
His child will grow up in a world with no father, knowing his uncle—his half uncle—killed him. I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this for you, for Mum, for Dad, for Ethan, and for Ethan's child. This is not your fault, it will never be your fault, so don't you dare go and blame this on yourself. You know damn well how much I want to be with you, but if I stay any longer, all I'll succeed in doing it destroying more of this fragile world.
I haven't gone and done something stupid like kill myself, before you start worrying. I'm gone, that's all. I won't tell you where I've gone, nor will I tell you when I will be back, but I can promise you—I will come back to you, whether it's in a month, a year, a decade, or a century. You don't have to wait for me… I'll understand if you find someone new to give your love to. You deserve someone who will love you as much as you deserve, and someone who will make your life better and simpler, not worse and more complicated. I could never do that for you, no matter how hard I tried. I'm so, so, sorry for that, love.
No matter where I go, I'll always be with you. Even if I'm not by your side physically, my spirit will be there. When you find another to love, another to share your life with, I won't be jealous; instead, I'll rejoice that you have found someone deserving of your love and your life.
The sun has almost risen now… I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'll love you forever and a day, I'll always be with you, and I'll never, ever forget you. You are my life, Draco. Hopefully you won't forget me either.
With all my heart, Your loving husband,
Harry
I sighed heavily as I pulled my large suitcase behind me through the hustle and bustle of London's International Airport. For as long as it took, I was bound to set my life straight, even if it meant becoming a Muggle.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sam asked from inside my coat pocket.
"Yes," I replied, looking up at the gate where I was to board an airplane for the first time in my life. My fingers went nervously to the ring that remained on the fourth finger of my left hand, never to be taken off again.
"Gate Four-A, London to New York City, now boarding rows thirty through twenty…" a booming voice came over the loud speaker, frightening Sam back into her pocket.
With a heavy heart, I trudged up to the ticket taker and handed the woman my ticket, eyes glued to the end of the tunnel, where an entirely new destiny awaited me.
For too long now, there were secrets in my mind
For too long now, there were things I should have said
In the darkness...I was stumbling for the door
To find a reason - to find the time, the place, the hour
Waiting for the winter sun, and the cold light of day
The misty ghosts of childhood fears
The pressure is building, and I can't stay away
I throw myself into the sea
Release the wave, let it wash over me
To face the fear I once believed
The tears of the dragon, for you and for me
Where I was, I had wings that couldn't fly
Where I was, I had tears I couldn't cry
My emotions frozen in an icy lake
I couldn't feel them until the ice began to break
I have no power over this, you know I'm afraid
The walls I built are crumbling
The water is moving, I'm slipping away...
I throw myself into the sea
Release the wave, let it wash over me
To face the fear I once believed
The tears of the dragon, for you and for me
Slowly I awake, slowly I rise
The walls I built are crumbling
The water is moving, I'm slipping away...
I throw (I throw)
Myself (myself)
Into the sea
Release the wave, let it wash over me
To face (to face)
The fear (the fear)
I once believed
The tears of the dragon, for you and for me
I throw (I throw)
Myself (myself)
Into the sea
Release the wave, let it wash over me
To face (to face)
The fear (the fear)*
*Bruce Dickinson, Tears of the Dragon
---
Bienfoy: I actually don't know if they're going to have kids or not. The original idea was for them to adopt Cassandra and Ethan's child, but I doubt that would happen now... although it may... Hmm. *shrug* I have no idea how this thing's going to end, I just know the basic idea of the conclusion leading up to it.
Cat Samwise: I'm sorry, I'll try to make them a bit longer... the heartbreaking thing I can't help though :o) It's a writing quirk. Can't have a good chapter without at least a few tears or mushy stuff.
Eiknlng: Aww, thank you!! I Won't Dance is really good, I like it a lot... Keep it up :o)
Jilly-chan: Wow. Your review blowed me away... thank you SO much for your feedback! I'm terribly glad you like FDTMA, and if you plan on tackling LLOA, beware, it was written before I really cared about editing... One of these days, I have to go back and cut the corniess out of it. Yeah, I'm sure you didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on in FDTMA to begin with, eh? Well, I want to thank you for reading, and welcome to the HP fanfiction domain!
Morien Alexander: Tell me about it... I hate it when ff.net breaks down, just as I'm sure you do. I was afraid it was going to today as well, because my server wouldn't connect to any of the sites on it. *sigh* Ah, well. I love this Draco too :o) He's such a little girl sometimes though... gotta change that. Hmm...