Chapter 15

Luke sat in his favorite comfortable chair sipping on his caf, and looking silently out the window. It had only been a few days since he had first stepped foot back on Coruscant, and he was not feeling any better. Though he could not let his sister know that. When they had first returned home Leia had tried insisting that he stay with her, but he had refused. The last thing he wanted was to be around her constantly, giving her more than enough opportunities to continue trying to get him to talk. He had refused, knowing if she had got her wish he would have likely lost what sanity he had left.

So he had retreated back to his apartment and locked his door where he could concentrate on getting himself well. However, the feeling of remorse for everything he had put people though was so overwhelming, so unbearable, that he spent his time trying to get away from it. All he wanted to do was bury everything away so he did not have to deal with it any more.

His emotions were in no way out of control, he knew. In fact he had tight control over himself. But he also knew his limits, and at that time they were extremely low. It took very little to get him to the point where he could not control his emotions. Simply making him something to eat was likely to end in tears if he was not careful. He hated himself for how he was acting, and did not want anyone to see him in that condition. So he had made excuses when people came to his door, and he answered no calls. Even when reached out to through the Force, he did not reply. He found it easier that way.

He was still sitting sipping from his cup when his com beeped. He had established the tendency to sit and listen to the messages people would send, not caring to answer any of them. That's what he found himself doing once again. He tried not to moan as he waited to see who it was this time. It was most likely Leia, she tended to try to call a few times a day, and it had been a few hours since her last call.

"Hey Luke!" Came the once again familiar voice over the speaker. Luke's head came up with a start, and he slammed the cup on the nearby table. It was Biggs Darklighter. How could he have forgotten his friend? Biggs, back in his life after all this time, and he had not thought to get hold of him. "Are you there, Luke?" Biggs asked from his end of the call. There was a pause from the caller. "Well," Biggs continued, now sounding disappointed. "I guess you're not home. I'll try back later."

Luke quickly reached out with the Force and turned the com on. "I'm here," he said, his voice low, almost alien to his own ears.

"Oh," came his friend's voice, sounding relieved. "That's good to hear. I just heard you were back. I wanted to see if you were ok."

"I'm fine," Luke moaned, finding his emotions now conflicting. He wanted to talk to his friend, but then again he didn't. They had not gotten to talk about much during their brief visit. He wanted to talk to his friend, someone that knew nothing about what had been going on in his life over the years, someone that would still treat him like plain old Luke.

"Funny," he friend said. "I don't know, maybe it's just because that I have been out of it for quiet a while, but you don't sound fine. You feel like talking."

"Not to a com station," Luke said. His small laugh at his own comment surprised him, but it helped him realized that he did need to speak to Biggs.

"Well then stop making me stand out in the hallway and let me in." A small smile slowly appeared on Luke's face, and then quickly vanished. Even the arrival of Biggs Darklighter was not enough to over shadow the pain he was feeling. With a careless flick of his hand, the door opened and Biggs Darklighter entered.

"Man you look terrible," the dark haired man pointed out after the door closed. "You look like you were trampled on by a herd of Banthas. You call that being fine?"

"Yes, I call this being fine," Luke snapped. He silently scolded himself, he found it very hard not to scream at that moment, but he once again took hold of his emotions. He had let the man in, it would do no good to insult him as soon as he walked though the door.

"Tell me how you see that," Biggs challenged. He stood there with his hands on his hips and Luke could see him just as he was when they were kids. He never let Luke get into any trouble, and was always there to help Luke out when he one of his more irrational ideas. And it always started out like this, him demanding to know what was going on in his mind. But that was a long time ago, Luke reminded himself. Biggs knew everything there was to know about him when he was a child, but he knew nothing about him now. "Well?" Luke jumped to his feet, and began pacing the room. No longer holding himself in check. If Biggs wanted to know, then Luke would tell him. "This is me, Biggs," Luke began, his voice a mix of pleading and anger. "That's what I call this. I call this the way that I want to live my life. I call this being someone that has seen and experienced things no one should have to go through. I call this being a grown man that has decided that he wanted to be left alone. What do you call it?"

"You really want to know what I call this?" Biggs asked, his eyebrows rising at the question. Knowing he was getting himself into a lecture, Luke nodded. "Fine, I call this little Luke Skywalker, hiding in his room because he does not want to face the things going on around him. You have done it since I met you. I didn't put up with it when we were young and I wont put up with it now. You know Luke, when I heard about the things you had done, I really thought you would have grown up a bit. But it seems that through all the publicity and power, nothing has changed. You have been left to yourself so much that you no longer care when others are worried about you."

"How dare you!" Luke shouted, his anger rising. He could not believe what this man had just said. "No one talks to me like that!"

"That's the problem," Biggs shouted back. He took a breath and took Luke by the shoulders. "Luke no one dares to correct you anymore. You are left to do whatever your heart desires. I have been asking around about you, and everyone tells me such amazing stories of the things you are able to do, and everyone looks on in awe. Even when they don't approve of what you're doing, Luke, because you are the Jedi Master, so what you do must be right. You're not grounded anymore."

"Who do you think you are?" Luke said, still astonished by the accusations this man was making. He pulled away and walked to the other side of the room, spinning to see Biggs when he spoke.

"I used to be your best friend," Biggs said, his voice taking on hurt quality. "I used to be the person you would talk to about everything. Granted I have not been around in a lifetime, but I would still like to help."

"How can you help?" Luke asked, falling into a chair. He was exhausted, and was not in the mood to argue. "You have no idea what has happened to me and my family."

"You're right, I don't," Biggs admitted. "And knowing you, I'm sure I would not even find half of it if I read every file I could find on you." He walked over and knelt in front of the chair Luke had sat in. "Please Luke, what ever it is, whatever has happened, it's eating you up. I can see the change from the Luke I knew. I can even see a change since I saw you last. I'm sure what happened was terrible. You wouldn't be acting like this if it weren't. But locking yourself up is no way to deal with anything. You have so many people out there right now that want nothing more then to help you."

"Help me?" Luke asked. He shook his head, the sadness returning. "They don't even know what's wrong with me."

"They don't have to," Biggs told him. "They are your family and friends. They love you no matter what." Luke sat thinking about what Biggs had told him. They would love him no matter what. But by being there for him, they would get hurt. And he could not live with that. He would not hurt them anymore.

"No," Luke said, knowing he could not open up to them. "Biggs, it's not going to work. There's nothing they can do to help me. I don't want to cause them any more pain then I have to right now. All I want to do is get out if here."

"Out of here?" Biggs asked, looking around. "As in out of this room? This building?"

"This planet," Luke admitted. He knew as soon as he said it that it was what he needed. But even Yavin did not seem like a get away at that point. "I need to get away from here. But everywhere I go, people are there, starring and whispering. I can't take it right now."

"So come home, Luke," Biggs said, standing up. "You have always been welcome there."

"I have not been welcome there for a long time, Biggs." Though the idea of going home did sound appealing. Go somewhere that he could hide, and maybe not have to see anyone he knew. The people on Tatooine kept to themselves, if he did not want to be seen, it was easy to accommodate.

"Try it," Biggs said with a smile. "You might be surprised."

"I don't know," Luke said. He sighed with the effort of thinking about it. He would be just as happy if he crawled into his bed and went to sleep. But that would not last. Leia had been understanding up till now, but that was not likely to last. She would come demanding answers sooner or later.

"What could it hurt? At most it will get you off this planet for a while." Luke liked the idea of that. He could go, and take his own ship, so that when he was ready he could leave. And no one had to know, he could truly get away from it all.

"Sure, why not," Luke said, getting back to his feet. "It's better then staying here."

----

Luke shielded his eyes from the blazing Tatooine suns as he made his way across the landing pad. Looking around he was amazed at how much everything hadn't changed since he left. Walking down these streets, he could have easily been ten again. After spending so much time on the ever-changing planet of Coruscant. It was a nice change of pace to be back home.

He looked behind him, knowing that his X-Wing was tucked safely away in Biggs' private hanger, but still not comfortable with leaving it there. If Biggs' father was still the same, he was likely to sell it. He shook the thought away. Where as the buildings had not changed, it was more then likely that the people had. He sighed as he thought. A son returning from the dead was liable to change any man.

Biggs continued to guide them towards their destination and Luke continued to stay awash in memories. They were just crossing a sandy street when he noticed a few people walking past.

"I don't want anyone to know I'm here," Luke murmured to his friend beside him. He knew he had mentioned it before, but he felt the need to remind him. They were walking down the street in the middle of the day. Anyone looking out the door would see them. However Biggs did not seem worried. He just looked over at Luke and smiled.

"Don't worry about it," he said, draping a friendly arm across his shoulders. "No one will bother you. Relax, you're home."

They continued walking down the street until they reached a house that Luke knew very well. He had spent many hours in that house, Biggs' childhood home. He smiled, almost able to see the group of kids as they raced across the yard. He had returned to Tatooine a few times over the years, but never before had he felt at home. The return of his friend seemed to set everything right.

"You live back here?" Luke asked looking around. He had recognized the house, but was surprised to see that it was their destination. He would have thought that Biggs would have found his own place by then.

"My parents insisted," Biggs explained with a smile. "They said they lost me for so long they want me where they know I'll be safe."

"Sounds nice." To have a family that would want him around just because he was alive, not trying to get him to become something he wasn't, just enjoying him still being around. It was something he had always wanted as a child, and learned where to look for it as an adult. He had managed to find a few people in his life that accepted him as he was, and he cherished every moment of it.

"It is," Biggs agreed and walked up to the house and ushered Luke inside. Luke looked around and saw that at least inside the house had changed a bit. After all these years the family had managed to get new furniture and make a few repairs to the building. Luke found himself wondering if the NR government had helped the family in any way. He knew that nowadays there was a fund for pilots killed in action. He scolded himself for never thinking about it earlier. He should have checked on the family sooner, made sure they had what they needed.

Biggs broke him out of his thoughts by slapping him on the shoulder. "They really did a job on this place huh?" Biggs laughed. "But you should have seen my room, it was completely empty. They had cleared everything out of it, but never put anything back into it. It was strange."

"I bet." Reaching out through the house Luke verified that there was no one else around. There was no real question where everyone was. This was still Tatooine and there was always work to do.

"What is your family like, Luke?" Biggs asked as he took Luke's bag and sat it in one of the rooms. "I hear you have a sister. That must have been strange. And Leia Organa on top of it."

"Yes, it was really strange at first," he smiled for the first time since arriving on the planet. Biggs sat on the couch and Luke took the hint and sat in a chair. He smiled even more as he told Biggs the tale of his relationship with Leia. "You have to understand, before I found out, I spent most of my time competing with Han for Leia's attention. I thought I was in love with her."

"You and every other guy in the Rebellion," Biggs joked.

"True. As it turned out I was, but not in the way that I thought." His smile faded as he let his mind wonder to a time he had not thought about in a long time. "We had been through a lot together, Leia, Han, Chewie and me. But there was yet a lot we had to get through. It has been years, but it seems like in a blink of an eye I found myself as a brother, uncle, and … a lot has happened." He got up from the chair and walked to the window. It was designed to let in sun light, but there was really no way to keep the sand off them, and most windows stayed dusty. This was no exception. He held his lightsaber out staring at it, as he thought, a dozen emotions drifting across his face.

"What's that?" Biggs asked, walking over to him.

"This?" Luke asked. "It's my lightsaber." Biggs stared as Luke ignited it, the brilliant green blade snapping to existence. Just as quickly, he shut it down. "I'd better put this thing away, I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt with it." He sat it on the top most self in the living room.

"Wow," Biggs said in true amazement as he watched Luke put it away. "Do you remember those stories we used to hear about those things? I always thought those old guys were just crazy." Luke had to laugh at that. He had thought the same thing as he had listened to the old timers jabber on about the Jedi.

"We are the old guys now, my friend." They both smiled, and then turned when the doorbell rang. Luke stretched out with the Force, but the presence there was unfamiliar. Not that it surprised him. He had known Biggs like a brother but had not recognized his signature when he had first arrived. The person on the other side of the door could be someone he knew as a child, but there was only on way to find out. He continued to stand by the shelf as Biggs went to answer the door.

From where he was standing he could not see who had arrived, but he picked up on Biggs' amused surprise. It sparked his interest and he wondered who would cause such a reaction.

"Windy," Biggs said, glancing back in his direction. It was obvious that he did not know what to do. He was not sure how Luke would react to a visitor after he had made it clear he did not want anyone to know he was there. Luke berated himself for the mix up. It was not that he wanted it to go unnoticed that he was there. He just did not want people to know that would get word back to Coruscant. You never knew who would see you on the street. He did not see Windy as having contacts that far from home. Luke smiled and shrugged and Biggs turned back to his newest arrival.

"I was sitting in the station when your call to land came in," Windy said, unaware of the other mans discomfort.

"And your old man sent you over to find out who I brought in with me right?" Biggs asked, and laughed.

"Yeah, something like that," Windy confirmed, now looking uncomfortable himself. "It's not that he doesn't trust you, he just does not know when to keep his nose out of other people's business."

"I know. There's nothing to worry about." He ushered him in to the living room. Luke got his first look at another childhood friend, and him the same. If anyone looked like a born and raised Tatooinian it was Windy. From his tan colored clothes to the sand in his hair. He had not changed much. However the subject of his inspection was not nearly so calm when he saw Luke standing there.

"Oh my lords, Wormie!" Windy exclaimed as Biggs closed the door. Luke could do nothing but smile at his old friend. Once again he was being greeted, not by someone shocked over who he was, but shock to see an old friend.

"Hello Windy, good to see you again," Luke said. He wanted to laugh at the way the man continued to stare at him, dumbfounded.

"Listen Windy," Biggs told him quietly, pulling the attention off of Luke for a moment. "Luke has been though a lot, he has come here to rest. Keep this to yourself, alright?" Biggs was trying to spare him from the barrage of questions they both knew was coming, and for once the overprotectivness from others did not upset Luke. For once he welcomed it.

"Yes, I know," Windy said looking back and forth between the two, his smiling never fading. "I read about that. They said you were held captive for two months?"

"Something like that," Luke said with a shrug before sitting down in the chair he had been in earlier. This was a subject that he did not want to get into.

"They also suggested that it was by someone you knew," Windy pressed. Biggs rolled his eyes, and Luke could just imagine what he was thinking. This boy would not stop until he got the answers he wanted. And Luke at least could rest knowing he did not want to know much.

"Windy, that's enough," Biggs warned.

"No Biggs, it's fine," Luke said, cutting in with a tired sigh. "Its old friends right? It was by an ex-girlfriend, Windy. It was her way of revenge for me not going back to her." It was a simple enough answer, one that should satisfy the curiosity of the man standing before him. Windy processed the information, seeming to roll it around in his head before smiling and coming over to pat Luke on the shoulder.

"You sure do know how to pick them, Wormie."

TBC...