Chapter 17

"Skywalker, are you ok?" Luke had been sitting on the edge of the overhang, looking out over the trees. He was not meditation, or thinking, he was just sitting. It was all he could bring himself to do at that time. Just to sit and try not to think. At the sound of her voice, Luke turned around to see Mara Jade approach. At first he was surprised that Mara had been able to approach and he had not sensed her, and then he was surprised that it had surprised him. He had not been himself lately.

"You look sick," she said, looking at him closely.

"That's because I am," he replied. Sick of life.

Mara sat down next to him, not seeming to care when he almost instantly inched away from her. Why doesn't she say something about it? He wondered. Does she know? How can I tell her? He ended up right where he was trying not to go, gone astray in his confusing thoughts until he lost track of what he should have been doing. If Mara noticed, she did not react to it.

"That's what we figured," she said with a small shake of her head. He was about to dismiss her comment and study the horizon a little more until her words sunk in.

"We?" he asked. "Who else? I have been visiting with people all week. I thought I was keeping how I felt well hidden."

"Normally you do," Mara agreed. "But not this time. Everyone is worried about you." Luke was sure that she would continue, that she would continue to ask him questions until he either started them arguing or he gave in and told her what she wanted to know. He was not in the mood to talk, especially not to her. But he was not sure he could start an argument, even if it was a guaranteed way to get her to leave him alone. To his surprise she did not continue. Instead he encountered a sudden change of subject. "I came by here to see you a few weeks ago," she said instead. "But you were not here."

"I had some things to take care of," he said. He could feel his defenses going up, unsure of what she was trying to pull this time.

"Sure," she said, her voice light. She turned her eyes on him, and he tried not to think about the new shine he saw there. "I waited here for almost a week to hear from you. You never even called once."

"They do not need me checking up on them," Luke defended himself, although he saw her point.

"You're right, but I also know that you do it anyway. After a week, I had to get back to work. I figured you would call when you were ready to talk, but I still did not hear from you. I had no idea you were back until Corran came and told me." Luke did not say anything. There was nothing he could say. He had agreed to come back, and he had done just that. However it was obvious that no one was happy with the way he was. He would just have to work harder to keep this from them. "We came to check on you."

"Figures," he groaned before he caught himself. They were only worried about him, he should not be upset with them over that. "Thank you." Taking a deep breath, he continued before he could lose his nerve to ask the one thing on his mind. "But why do you care, Mara?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked. He could tell that his question shocked her. Whither it be because she did not expect him to ask that or that she really did not know what he was talking about he could not tell. "You're my friend," she told him. "I'm worried about you. You tell everyone that you are fine, but you're not."

"I'm your friend?" he challenged, finally to the point that he could not keep this inside anymore. He could not believe that she was willing to sit there and act like nothing had happened. "Then why did you leave?"

"Leave?" she repeated. "When?"

"At the hospital," he explained. Her innocent act was grating on his nerves and he wanted her to stop acting like nothing was wrong and tell him what she was feeling, but then again he did not want to know. "I remember you there. But you left, without saying goodbye."

"Wait," she commanded, holding up her hand as if to physically make him halt all activity. "I left when you said you did not want to see me."

"I would never say that," Luke insisted. If he had not wanted to see her, then why was he so upset when he found out that she had left.

"But you did," Mara insisted. "After you woke up I was not even aloud in the room."

Luke closed his eyes and sighed, suddenly realizing what she was talking about. He had forgotten about that. "I was not seeing anyone at the time," he admitted quietly. "I just could not convince Leia to get out of the room." She looked doubtful at first but then he could see understanding starting to work its way in.

"So it wasn't just me that you did not want to see?" she asked.

"No," he insisted, begging her silently to believe him. "I just wanted to be alone. But when I asked to see you, they said you had left."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked. He could not control the shudder resulting from considering her offer. He knew it would increase her concern over him, but it was too late to change that now. All he could do was get thought this conversation and hopefully stop her from worrying about her all together.

"Why?" he finally asked. "You pretty much know everything."

"You know Han did what he had to do," she told him. "With that data pad."

"I know," Luke said, wanting to smile and thank Han for everything he had done for him. "And I'm not angry with him, he was trying to save my life. That could not have been easy for him. I just wish that so many people had not read it."

"Who all do you think read it, Skywalker?" Mara asked, her gaze intensifying. "It was just Leia and I. Leia refused to let anyone else touch it. The only reason she let me read it was that Han thought that I was the person you told him to explain to. Was he wrong?"

"No, he was right." Luke did not know what to think now. He had been living under the impression that everyone know what had happened with her. Every time he looked at someone, all he could think about was what they must me thinking. He saw Mara suddenly smile and he wondered about that. Mara's smiles were few and far between, so each one had a meaning behind it.

He held eye contact with her has he reached out with the Force. He did not want her to get upset over his curiosity, so he was watching for any disturbed emotions to cross her face. When they touched minds and he felt the block on their bond dissolve all he saw was her smile get brighter. He did not intrude and there was no need, her happiness was right there where he could easily see. She was happy that he thought of her as a close enough friend to feel the need to explain things to. That he would even think of her at a time like that. He offered a weak smile back at her.

"Leia filed a report," she told him. "But it only contained information that people needed to know. She has the only copy with her."

"She does?" Luke asked. He was starting to wonder just how many times he was going to be surprised in the space of one day.

"Yes," Mara confirmed. "She would never betray your trust like that, Luke. And neither would I."

He sat quietly, trying to digest everything he had heard. His mind flipped from one thing to another trying to come to terms with everything and succeeding in nothing. When had he lost his ability to cope with things? He needed stable ground, he realized. He had been so lost in his own self pity that he did not know, anymore, where to reach to pull himself out. This must be what everyone was seeing. Why, despite his best efforts, everyone was still worried about him. He brought his eyes back to Mara, intending to tell her what he had realized. But the site before him shocked him yet again. He realized that he had not looked in her direction once since she arrived, and had missed a very important detail. There was no hiding her now protruding stomach, a very knowing sign of her condition.

"My goodness, Mara," he exclaimed, unable to get the astonishment out of his voice. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I swallowed the Fire," she said with a laugh. "Other than that, I'm fine." It seemed to be her time to be at a loose for words. She studied her hands, threading her fingers together before getting the courage to say what was on her mind. "That was the other thing I wanted to ask you," she finally said. "Did you happen to find out anything about this, while you were back there?"

Luke swallowed hard trying not to feel as nervous as he suddenly felt. "It was all on the holo-recording," he forced out, suddenly meeting her eyes again. "You didn't watch it?"

"What recording?" she asked.

Luke suddenly wanted to kick himself. She has no clue! He yelled at himself. She did not have the tape. She did not know. But then where was that recording? He felt jittery as he tried to figure out what he should do with this new information. He wanted to know what had happened. Had the old nurse kept the tape? Would it be possible that he had given that damaging tape to someone who would use it against him? It was too humiliating to think about. Doing the only thing he could think of, he searched his memory, using the Force to literally scan through his things that he had thrown in his closet when he returned. To his utmost relief, he found the tape at the bottom of his bag.

"Are you there, Farmboy?" He refocused only to find Mara watching him closely, she had obviously just been trying to get his attention.

"You were never given the tape," he whispered, more to confirm the facts to himself than for her to hear. "It's still in my things."

"Ok," she said with a shrug. "So what was on that tape?" It was a simple question that held the opening to such a difficult and potentially friendship shattering answer. "She told you who the father was," Mara said, when he did not speak. "Didn't she?"

"Yes," Luke forced out.

"So tell me," it was such a light and cheerful request. It was as if she was not expecting the information to affect her any. And what reason would she have to fear over such a revelation. She had plenty of time know come to terms with the fact that the father of her child was some unknown figure that she would probably never see again. All she was looking for was answers. "This not knowing is driving my crazy… Skywalker?"

Luke lowered his eyes, not willing to let her see the conflicting emotions in his eyes. Why did this feel so hard to tell her? It would have been so much easier if she had found out the same way he did. "I could give you the tape," he finally said.

"Sure," Mara agreed with a nod. "You could do that. But since you already know, you can tell me. You have to realize that I'm pregnant and incapable of playing games. So, if you don't tell me soon, I'll not be held responsible if I decide to toss you over this cliff."

"It's me," he blurted out. He realized just after the words left his lips that she had been kidding. The smile on her face slowly faded at the sound of his voice.

"What's you?" she asked. Was she really not going to understand after all this? Then her eyes widened a bit as understanding swept in. "You?" she asked in disbelief.

"She originally wanted to just capture me," Luke rushed to explain. Now that it was out in the open he was determined that she know everything that he knew. "However, when she got you too, she set up what she called a test. She drugged us both to see whom I would choose. When I chose you, she decided to punish us both."

"What do you mean chose me?" Mara asked. Luke wondered if he had looked as shocked when he found out. He remembered little of the thoughts of that day. All that lived in that part of his memory was numbing pain, heart wrenching emotions. "Tell me what happened," she pleaded.

"You're pregnant, by me," Luke clarified, heart tearing as he forced the words out. "And neither of us remembers doing it."

"Then how do you know?" Mara asked. There was none of the flat out denials he had been expecting. None of the accusations of this being his fault that he had been fearing. And most of all she did not just get up and leave.

"That's where the tape came in," Luke said. "For the two months we were there, she recorded us. All the time. Everything we did."

"Everything we did?" Mara asked, and he could just imagine what was going through her mind. He did not have the option of thinking about it when he found out. He knew everything that was on that tape. He was forced to watch every painful moment of it.

"Everything," he confirmed. "It's all on there… She made me watch it." He was not sure why he was telling her that part. Maybe he did not want her to think that he would watch it just to see it. Maybe he wanted her to believe him when he told her that he would have not watched it if he had not be forced to. "It was strange to watch. It was me, I cannot deny that, but I don't remember anything that happened. It was almost like watching a stranger."

"I want to see it," Mara said, quietly. He thought at first that he had misheard her. But then realized that she was really requesting to see what he had seen. Even knowing the truth, she still wanted to see it for herself.

"Come on," he said, getting to his feet and offering her a hand up. "I'll go get it for you." He never broke the habit of offering her assistance even after her refusing it time after time. Her not turning his offer away was one look at how much she had changed over the last few months. He turned, meaning to lead her back inside so he could honor her request, when he was stopped by her hand on his arm.

"Luke," she said, looking at him warmly. "You thinking I had that tape, and then leaving; that's why you got upset again wasn't it?" He wanted to deny it, to say it was no big deal, but she deserved better than that. He would not lie to her, after everything they had been though, the last thing he wanted to do was lie to her. The one person he had told the truth. The only person he had ever felt he could turn to.

"Yes," he admitted. "I honestly thought you had seen it and ran. It hurt."

"I'm sorry," she told him, her voice dropping. He felt the hand on his shoulder and looked into those for once emotional eyes. "If I had known the truth, Luke. I would never have left. If I knew there was a reason for me to stay you would not have been able to get rid of me. I can be just as stubborn as you."

"Thank you." Mara broke the comfortable silence that had descended on them first.

"You were going to show me the tape," she reminded him. With a nod and another ofter of his hand, Luke lead Mara back into the temple.

TBC...