Fandom: X / Tokyo Babylon
Title: Rikoteki na yume.
Pairing: Seishirou + Subaru
Rating: PG
Description: The makings of a Sakurazukamori... (made for Seishirou's birthday.)
Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon and X aren't mine. 'Come Undone' is by Duran Duran. However, Haruka Akira is mine.
"Words playing me dejavu
Like a radio tune I swear I've heard before
Chills - is it something real?
Or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers
Can't ever keep from falling apart at the seams
Can't I believe you're taking my heart to pieces
Lost in a snow filled sky we'll make it alright to come undone now
We'll try to stay blind to the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind and blow me in to cry
Who do you need?
Who do you love?
When you come undone..."
Rikoteki na yume. (Selfish dream.)
By miyamoto yui
Chapter 3 - the red sea illusion
You have six days, Seishirou...
"Haruka Akira - Youngest council man elected! Is there no end to his winning streak?" one of the newspaper headlines read.
I looked at it and shook my head. "Jealous bastards. That's why they want him out."
Crumpling the paper and letting it fly in the wind, I blinked my eyes indifferently. "Well, I don't care either way."
It was of no concern to me anyway. I just had to 'eliminate' their obstacle and that was that.
Mother had done this line of work, so it was no surprise that the best thing I could do was to continue it as well.
It was the only way that I could remind myself of her.
I felt her presence whenever I killed someone...
I looked at the thin file my clients had given me, those old geezers who didn't want to relinquish their cushy seats in office. It was so pathetic I forgot to laugh in their faces.
I didn't even smirk when I took the file from them. I just lifted my hand and said, "Just don't interfere."
They wouldn't though.
I, after all, didn't have any ties to anyone or anything. Being the only one of my clan, I was alone. And besides, my infamous indifference made them very afraid of me.
I could kill without blinking.
Without feeling.
I was perfect…
Mother and Ian had made me almost complete and incomplete that way...
He was coming out of a conference and turning towards a dark corner. I came out of my own corner and walked past him. By twenty-one-years of age, everything was a game now.
It was only a matter of time.
A time clock somewhere was detonating away on someone's life. And today, it was I who took care of it for this particular person.
Haruka-san smirked as he brushed past me. Putting a business card into my hand as he bumped into me, he walked into to his hotel.
I wondered if he was onto me. And I was kind of insulted that he had probably mistaken me for a teenage prostitute.
I went to the hotel room that night and knocked on his door.
He opened it and let me in.
But it wasn't anything that I expected at all.
He offered me a cup of coffee and sat on the couch. I sat in a chair while leaning my elbows on the dining table.
"Why did you call me here?" I asked as I put the cup down.
"I don't know." He looked at me with a lost look in his face. Carefully looking at me, he said, "I have a weakness for beautiful things."
I cleared my throat and drank more coffee.
"How much will it be if I buy you for your time?" he inquired as he drank more of his coffee. "What is your name, by the way?"
I laughed. I wasn't doing it to be a jerk, but I thought that his seductiveness and innocence contrasted greatly within the same being. It seemed like these two traits shouldn't have been born into such a man.
"Matsui Seki," I simply replied. "And just to note, I'm very expensive."
He could have taken my comment in any way he wanted because I found myself looking into his eyes. There was something very alluring about them.
"Just call me Akira."
So cool...
How childish my thoughts were.
He got up and put his hand on my head to mess up my hair.
"What?" I said with a surprised tone.
Leaning forward, we looked at each other. Then, like a high school boy, this thirty-two-year-old man stole a kiss from my forehead. "Yes, you are quite beautiful."
Pathetically, I found myself turning scarlet for his amusement. He laughed at me as he took out a Go board from his closet. "Know how to play?"
I began to laugh. I laughed until my stomach hurt. This was so stupid!
"You're paying me to play Go with you?"
With a hopeful he laughed with a wide smile. "Yes, that was my intention."
I shook my head. "You're a very strange man..."
And I left after beating him in one game while he won the other two.
+/+/+/+/+/
Day two wasn't any better.
I went along with his amusement partly because he was very funny. I wanted to understand why they saw him as such a threat. I, on the other hand, thought he was a bumbling idiot with a nice streak.
We played chess today and while checkmating me, he poked me on the forehead.
"You look too serious. Lighten up, brat."
"The name is Seki," I said with an irritated tone, trying to stay in character.
But there was an endearment in the way he always called me 'brat'.
"If I let my guard down, you'd have taken over the board much earlier, Akira." I tapped my fingers on the table and pouted a bit from losing.
Taking the board away and putting it on the couch, he sat back down and looked at me from across the table. "Will this allow you to become more comfortable with me then?"
I sighed out of frustration. "You ask too much of me."
He countered with a serious face as he told me, "And you seem to ask too little of me."
We sat there looking at one another, trying not to see past ourselves.
Finally, he shook his head and said, "Let's go out to dinner."
"It's too early," I told him as I looked at the clock. "It's only 6 o'clock."
"I'm tired from the press conference today." He got up to put on his jacket. "I'm starving."
"Fine," I conceded as I got up.
But as we were walking downtown, the clouds were gray and it was sprinkling a bit. I glanced at Akira as he had a sad look on his face. He was concentrating hard.
And when I looked at the direction he was staring at, he walked up right to the kid that was leaning out his head from the alleyway. Akira kneeled down a bit and whispered to the child.
The child just opened his eyes widely as he nodded.
"I'll be right back," he said to me. "Just stay here."
When he came back, he glanced from side to side and went into the alleyway. With a lift of his chin, he gave the bag to the kid. "Here."
"Thank you, Onii-chan!" the boy said.
"Wait," he said to the boy. "If you ever need me, keep this number."
The little boy bowed and ran away from us.
I blinked at him. Such kindness disgusted me and when we resumed talking he asked, "Why do you have that look on your face, brat?"
"Why did you do that?" I asked him nonchalantly.
"Because they needed it." At that, he took out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it.
I couldn't understand him.
"What do you think of that, Seki-kun?" He took a puff of his cigarette. "When you see homeless people, what do you think about?"
"Some deserve it," I replied gravely.
"Yes, some deserve it, but there are some who just suffer the consequences." He glanced at me again. "People can't survive alone."
"Then that just shows weakness."
His hand reached out for my head and we stopped walking. He held me for a while as he closed his eyes. "I became a council person because I know there are people that don't know how to survive, Seki-kun. I used to be one of those people. I used to be that poor."
I turned my head to him. His touch made me warm inside.
They were reaching somewhere I couldn't recognize.
That's why they don't like you...
That's why I'm also trying my hardest to reject you...
+/+/+/+/+/
It was already day three before I knew it.
We went out to eat dinner, but afterwards, we went to a bar.
He chuckled at the way I leaned over the counter like an old man.
"You have no finesse. I have to spiffen you up, brat." Patting my cheek, he began to drink his glass. "Not much to make you look sexier than you already do though."
He smirked and I shook my head.
And he was turning red from the drinking.
I was very, very amused. How could the man flirt with such a straight face?
When a girl tried to hit on me, he didn't say a word. In fact, he laughed at the whole thing.
And it got me kind of mad.
Why was he laughing in the first place? Did he think that I really wanted him?
I came for an interesting job. A challenge to say the least.
Nothing else.
As soon as we got to the hotel room, he gave me a Look. And he wouldn't talk to me.
I was getting up to leave when he said, "You're really going to call her?"
"Perhaps…" I answered to be cruel.
"Ah..." He went to the kitchen to get something to drink again.
"I'll be going now." When I was about to turn around to leave, he grabbed my sleeve and kissed me.
"Okay, you're free to leave."
I left without looking back.
"Two more days..." I whispered to myself as soon as I closed the door.
A fleeting moment of weakness had me imagining that I almost didn't want them to come...
+/+/+/+/+/
The next day, I didn't want to come, but I did.
I came with his favorite pastry: A sponge cake.
I didn't understand why his tastes were so plain if he was so obsessive with 'beauty'.
But as he was eating it, he would make me eat it and then steal it from me by playing with my mouth. I found it all the more amusing by protesting back. When I leaned back onto the couch, I got up and then went by the balcony door, looking out.
One more day...
I closed my eyes and touched the glass before me.
He was so awkward when he stood in back of me. He didn't know how to do anything, but as he kissed my neck and unbuttoned my shirt while looking at our reflections on the glass, I didn't care.
This was his charm...
The energy that brought people to him...
...even myself.
He wasn't malicious, but he was formidable.
He wasn't weak, but he wasn't intimidating.
If he was honest, he should have taken me the first time I came to this hotel room...
No, Akira was just being Akira.
And he took possession of my body as if he knew everything about me.
I wondered about how in the past few days, how he'd even stolen little bits of myself without me knowing...
That night, I wondered and thought about what I could have been.
Who could I have lived with through this name Seki.
A lie and a dream at the same time.
+/+/+/+/+/
I didn't want to come. I killed a man, a woman, and a child before I came to his place. I was stained with blood and I didn't want to hide it.
"You're late."
I took off my jacket and answered, "Well, you gave me that job, didn't you?"
"Stop being such a smart mouth." Taking a hold of my chin, he gave me a harsh look.
"I'll do as I please," I told him.
"Fine." He let go of me and took out a cigarette. After all, he was the one that taught me how to do that.
I looked at him as he stood next to the window, puffing away. I guess I was at that awkward age in which I, for once, gave into what my body wanted.
Wrapping my arms around his waist, I began to unbutton his shirt. He gently pushed my hands away. "You come here late and then you talk back to me. Don't expect too much now, brat."
He was such a fascinating character. I think that was why I was so captivated by him.
But his words contradicted his gentleness. He kept my hands in front of him and held them tightly.
Later…
It would be I who held onto his hands so tightly to the point I thought they would break. Digging my fingernails into the skin of his hands, I made him bleed as I shouted in pain.
Bang, bang...
The bed would push against the wall, but since he had rented a 'good' room, we didn't have to worry about disturbing any of the neighbors. But he was perverse though.
Leaving the windows open as he fucked me until I wanted him so badly.
Never thought I could want someone's body so much that I went berserk.
Well, nothing compares to that Sumeragi child...
I wanted to believe in Akira.
Make myself disappear for a long moment.
"You're going to leave me as well, aren't you?" He took a deep breath while looking down at me.
Always with a sharp tongue, I answered, "I was never yours in the first place."
As much as it was true, he kissed me to deny the truth so that I couldn't say any more about the matter. He didn't want to believe it.
For a split-second, I almost didn't want to either.
Maybe this wasn't Seishirou Sakurazuka after all...
I could live comfortably as an assassin and live under his care. Then, my life would be made.
But I hated something like that.
It was too easy.
He began to push harder and harder to the point that I had to hold onto the bed railing to give me support to handle the impact...
When we were finished, he reached over to nightstand and grabbed a pack of cigarettes. Lighting it, he took a puff and handed it over to me. Lying down, he grabbed my waist as I sat up smoking the rest of his cigarette.
"When are you leaving?" he asked me as he grabbed my waist a bit tighter.
He never questioned as to why I left him and I liked it that way. I didn't want to deal with the small talk, but I couldn't understand if he was finally catching onto me.
My usual excuse was that I had class the next day. That was technically true.
"I don't think I'll leave today," I told him.
Akira's only response was to raise his eyebrow. It didn't seem to surprise him. He didn't look depressed nor happy over it. Days ago, he would have jumped at the opportunity. Poor love sick fool.
Or at least, that's what I thought.
It was probably only my selfishness imagining things.
I shouldn't have gotten too involved in this job, but he was so persistent. He, like Ian, let a corpse like me see a glimpse of a dream.
I knew now what was his magic. It wasn't omnyouji or charisma. It wasn't sincerity or honesty.
He was a magnet that people seemed to adore. The way he lifted up his eyes or smiled.
It was seduction mixed with integrity.
Maybe that's what scared my clients.
I stood up and began to put on my clothes.
"I thought you were going to stay with me tonight," he said as he got up and put on his slacks.
Glancing at him, I told him, "Go, Akira. Get away from here."
"What the hell are you talking about, brat?" he began to chuckle as he lit another cigarette.
"I'm telling you to go while I can't catch you," I told him, looking away. Then, I went to the window and looked down at the barricade of bright lights below.
"You're not making sense." He laughed as he put on his shirt.
"Why aren't you dressing up? Go!" My tone was harsh and I was frustrated and angry at the same time.
"Wherever you'll go, I'll follow you."
At that instant, because I had my guard down, he came from behind and hugged me, whispering into my ear, "You'll have to kill me, Sakurazukamori-kun."
My eyes opened wide.
I didn't deny it, and nor did I protest against it.
I want you to live, Akira...
I found myself thinking about saving you...
He shook his head as he grabbed me even more. "What do I have to pay? What do I have to do to get you out of this?"
I stopped breathing...
How you can you stop what's in my blood? I can't escape my fate. That's why I learned to manipulate it and laugh with cruelty as I walked in the valley of death.
Tokyo was my playground and soon will be my grave.
Sumeragi Subaru...
...was growing older as we spoke...
"You can't." I turned around and smiled at him a sincere grin. The most innocent that I had been and most vulnerable in all my life. "You can't do anything."
In a blink, he grabbed my arm as I struck into his heart.
I died all over again.
He looked at me and smirked. Until the end, he was so stunning...
"I told you to leave," I told him as I looked into his eyes.
"But I wanted you to live, brat." He then leaned up to kiss me on the lips.
I told him with a gentle voice, "My name is Seishirou. Sakurazuka Seishirou."
Remember me...
Remember that much...
He smiled. "At least you told me your name...
...Sei-chan."
I opened my eyes and blinked at him in shock.
At that, he died and I held onto him for a long while.
Matsui Seki...
A regular vet student...
Lover of Haruka Akira.
I wouldn't have to kill anyone anymore...
"My dream has died within you," I whispered into his ear while running my fingers through his hair.
I can't ever live a normal life.
Even when you offered it to me, you knew the moment you would, you'd die because that could never happen.
Never.
And I couldn't die yet.
I wouldn't let you kill my identity, Akira.
I wasn't ashamed because of my mother and Ian. Even though you understood and wanted me despite everything, I wasn't going to change.
I didn't want to change.
This person, whomever resided in this decrepit soul, was me.
Sakurazuka Seishirou.
I didn't want to change.
If I did, he wouldn't know me. And I wanted to meet him again.
I wanted to meet the little boy with the sweet lips.
I left him on the bed and kissed his lips as his skin became more and more pallid. It was very aesthetically pleasing to me.
Yes, the Matsui Seki you know has died within you, Akira.
He died with you today.
+/+/+/+/+/
A day later, I glanced at the newspaper headline: "Haruka Akira found dead under a pile of sakura petals..." But I didn't want to read any more of it.
"In some weird way, it's very artistic," a woman commented as she looked at the newspaper with her girlfriend.
I walked away and smiled as I passed them.
Whispering to myself, I said to the wind, "I will be very upset at anyone who says I never cared for you..."
I left him in a sea of red, red sakura petals scattered all over his body,
As if he was just sleeping.
Yes, we're both dreaming...
Why is it that when people say they want the one they love the most to live, they sacrifice themselves to die in their place? Isn't it ironic?
Out of both of their selfishness and overflowing affection,
they both die at the same time when that moment comes?
"I'm finally understanding, Ian," I said to myself as I let the newspaper fly away with the wind.
I'm starting to understand what it means to be passionate...
I passed by the alleyway where he had given the bag of food to the homeless child and I thought about what he said to me after he let go of my head.
"Why...why the hell did you give me your card? Did you think I was some kind of prostitute?" I questioned with a hint of annoyance.
"No." He shook his head as he gave me a loving smile. "I thought you were lost."
With his boyish ways, he closed his eyes and smiled wider with a tinge of sorrow.
"I thought you needed me," he finished.
Passion didn't mean anything...
Without the will to live.
Without the will to protect.
Even if it may be wrong.
There's nothing you can believe in the world
Except the things that you believe are true.
Even if they are illusions.
Being passionate meant going further than surviving in the world...
Willing to die,
Striving to live.
You had to let go of yourself.
Immersing yourself in hope and fear.
Tsuzuku...
-
Author's note: I do understand that Seishirou may seem out of character, but in my head, he isn't. Seishirou isn't good at manipulating people because it was a mere talent, I wanted him to be well-rounded. I wanted him to know happiness and I wanted him to feel sadness. Because if he didn't, he wouldn't have been the perfect one to execute the plan of hunting his prey Subaru.
Seishirou is an assassin who not only kills his victims physically, he kills them thoroughly. Or at least, in my mind. He cannot be so good at what he does unless he's experienced it.
I made a pun out of the 'red sea' because it refers to the sakura, but it also refers to a Bible story in which the Israelites were delivered from exile through the Red Sea.
Between November 2003 to January 2004