Hey, I'm back and I've got another chapter! So let's just skip all the talk and get straight to the insanity, shall we? Okay, just remember that last time Hiltz had his letter for Santa, right? You need to know that for the beginning of this chapter to make sense....wait a second! This fic isn't supposed to make sense! What's going on here?!
Disclaimer: I don't own Zoids. I own some candy, some Beckett magazines, and a malfunctioning CD player. Does that really sound like the owner of a major action anime to you? I didn't think so.
Chillin' On The Dark Side
CHAPTER 3: Surprise, surprise
Reese rolled her eyes. "What'dya gonna do, send it to the North Pole? IT'S SEPTEMBER, YOU MENTAL CASE!" she yelled.
"Yeah, but Santa gets real busy this time of year! Sometimes he doesn't even get everyone's list! But I'm way ahead of all those other idiots. I made my list early so I can be sure that it'll reach Santa in time! Pretty smart, huh?" Hiltz explained, looking proud of himself.
Reese picked up a frying pan and chucked it at Hiltz's head. "THERE IS NO SANTA, YOU MORON! IT'S JUST A STUPID FAIRY TALE MADE UP TO TRICK STUPID CHILDREN!" she screamed.
Hiltz looked like someone had punched him in the stomach and knocked the wind out of him. "THAT IS NOT TRUE, REESE!" he cried in agony.
Reese smiled evilly. "Yeah, it is, Hiltz. There is no Santa." she smirked. "He's not real."
"NO! SANTA'S REAL! THE DARK KAISER WOULD NEVER LIE TO ME!" Hiltz shouted.
Reese shook her head. "You just don't get it, do ya? You actually think there's a big fat guy in a red suit living at the North Pole with a bunch of elves who make toys and twelve reindeer?" she scoffed.
"YES!" Hiltz yelled. "DASHER DANCER PRANCER VIXON COMET CUPID DONNER BLITZEN! AND THE VERY LAST REINDEER OF ALLLLLLLLLL......RUDOLPH!!!!!!" he sang loudly.
"SHUT UP!" Raven screamed, covering his ears.
"Look, Hiltz, have you ever actually seen this Santa character?" Reese asked.
"Well, uh.......no." Hiltz admitted.
"Then how do you know he even exists?" Reese asked slyly.
"Well,uh......I guess........huh.......OH NO! I DON'T!!" he shouted.
"Told ya." Reese nodded smugly.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! MY LIFE IS A LIE! MY WHOLE LIFE IS BASED ON A ROTTEN LIE!!! HOW CAN THIS BE?! THIS IS.......INHUMAN!!!" Hiltz screamed.
The Dark Kaiser shook his head. "Look what you did, Reese! You ruined his childhood hopes and dreams! I hope you're happy!"
"I got him to shut up, didn't I?" Reese shot back angrily. "That was more than you could do!"
They were interrupted suddenly when Specula and Shadow started yelling at Ambient. They were sitting at a table playing poker and Ambient was apparently winning.
"ROYAL FLUSH?! GET OUTTA HERE, YA STUPID CHEATER!" Shadow roared at Ambient.
Specula threw her cards up into the air. "THAT'S IT, I GIVE UP! AMBIENT WINS EVERY GAME! CAN'T WE JUST PLAY CHECKERS OR SOMETHIN'?"
Shadow stared at her. "CHECKERS?!? WHAT KINDA MORON ARE YOU? WHO THE HECK WOULD WANNA PLAY CHECKERS?"
(Offscreen- Van: Hey Zeke, wanna play checkers, buddy?!)
"Hey, that reminds me! I forgot to ask Santa for my MYSTERY DATE boardgame! (Ever see those really gay commercials with all the stupid girls for that dumb Mystery Date game with the gay pink plastic phone?) Oh well, I'll just open the envelope and add it on-" suddenly Hiltz stopped speaking and a look of horrible realization appeared on his face. "OH WAIT, I FORGOT!!! THERE IS NO SANTA!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! NO NO NO NO! HOW AM I EVER GONNA GET MY TOASTER BACK NOW?" Hiltz screamed, banging his head against the wall. "HEY DARK KAISER, THINK YOU COULD GIVE ME A RAISE?!?"
The Dark Kaiser laughed at Hiltz's pitifulness. "A raise? What the heck are you talking about, I don't even pay you!" No sooner had he finished his sentence that he clapped his hand over his mouth, but it was too late. The fatal mistake had been made.
Hiltz stopped smashing his head against the rock wall. "WHAT?!?! AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR YOU I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO GET PAID?!? THAT WAS NOT IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION!"
"Well I never said I was going to pay you, now did I?" Dark Kaiser asked smugly.
Upon hearing that she wasn't going to be paid either, Reese decided to take matters into her own hands. And she handled it very well. "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PAY US?!?" Reese whined. "WHY NOT, YA STUPID CHEAPSKATE?"
"HA HA HA HA! CAUSE NONE OF YOU IDIOTS DESERVE TO GET PAID, THAT'S WHY!" Raven yelled.
"Exactly. Very well said, Raven. Not one of you three morons deserves payment." the Dark Kaiser agreed.
Raven's smirk turned into a look of shock. "WHAT?!? YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GONNA PAY ME EITHER?!? WHAT IS THIS, SLAVERY?!?"
"It's not like I actually needed your services. Besides, you messed up most of the missions I gave you anyway. Raven, have you even noticed that Van is still living? And Reese, when I am I going to get that Ancient Zoidian girl? And Hiltz, why hasn't this planet been obliterated?" the Dark Kaiser told them.
"OH, LIKE IT'S MY FAULT THAT THE CREATORS OF THIS SHOW CONSPIRE AGAINST VILLIANS AND MAKE SURE THE STUPID HEROES ALWAYS WIN?!?" Raven yelled. (WHY do they do that?! It annoys the heck outta me!)
"YEAH, HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THAT ZOIDIAN BRAT WHEN SHE'S BEING PROTECTED BY THE STUPID HERO?!?" Reese shrieked.
"AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DESTROY THE WORLD WITH THAT LOUSY CRUSTACEAN AND NO BREAD ON THE TABLE BECAUSE I WORK FOR A TYRANT THAT WON'T PAY ME?!?" Hiltz screamed.
"My, my, we're a loud bunch, aren't we? Quit blaming your pathetic problems on me. Maybe if you all worked together you could complete your tasks successfully." Dark Kaiser suggested.
Raven, Reese, and Hiltz looked at each other in disgust. Nobody said anything until Raven called out, "YEAH RIGHT! LIKE I'D EVER WANT TO BE SEEN WITH LITTLE GIRL BLUE AND HER SIDEKICK BOZO, PILOT OF THE DEATH LOBSTER!!! HA HA HA HA! GOOD ONE, BREAD BOY!" he shouted as he laughed uncontrollably.
Reese glared at him. "THAT RED-HEADED CIRCUS CLOWN IS NOT MY SIDEKICK! AND IT'S NOT LIKE I WANNA TEAM UP WITH YOU EITHER! OR HILTZ! WHO'D WANNA TEAM UP WITH DUMB AND DUMBER?" she yelled.
"KNOCK KNOCK!" Hiltz cried out.
Raven returned Reese's venemous stare. "AT LEAST I DON'T SEND OUT A BUNCH OF STUPID LITTLE ROBOTIC BUGS TO DO MY WORK FOR ME, ZOIDIAN TRASH!"
Reese looked like she was about to blow. "DON'T INSULT MY PEOPLE YOU STUPID JERK!" Using her creepy powers, she picked Raven up and smashed him against the wall. As he slumped to the floor, he did what he always did when he was in trouble. "SHADOW!" Raven yelled.
"Yeah, whad'ya want, ya tyrannical bully?" Shadow called out casually.
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND GET THE HECK OVER HERE! I AM YOUR MASTER AND I DEMAND YOU TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF REESE!" Raven commanded.
"Aw, come on Raven, I'm right in the middle of a game here! Can't you handle it yourself?" Shadow called back as he dealt another hand.
"FINE! I DON'T NEED YOU, YOU STUPID PIECE OF JUNK! I'LL KILL HER MYSELF!" Raven fumed. He jumped to his feet and lunged towards Reese. She jumped aside and he crashed into a small figurine. The figurine fell over and smashed into pieces.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! LITTLE KAISER!!!!! RAVEN, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!!?? THAT WAS A PRICELESS ANTIQUE!!!!" the Dark Kaiser screamed in agony.
Raven was getting sick of getting screamed at by Reese and the Dark Kaiser. "OH SHUT UP, WOULD YA? IF YOU WANT TO SEE A STUPID ANTIQUE, GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR!" he yelled at the Dark Kaiser.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN!!!" the Dark Kaiser thundered. The whole room shook with his rage.
"I SAID KNOCK KNOCK!" Hiltz repeated angrily.
Ambient sighed, knowing that his idiotic master was going to keep it up until someone answered him. "Who's there, ya moron?" he asked.
"HOAGIES!" Hiltz cried happily.
Reese smiled evilly. "HOAGIES, EH? GO AWAY, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" she screamed.
Hiltz started to get mad again. "THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY, STUPID! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY 'HOAGIES WHO?'!" he shouted.
"HOAGIES YOU!!!!" Reese shrieked with laughter.
Raven stared at her in utter astonishment. "That is quite possibly THE GAYEST THING that you have ever said." he remarked.
Hiltz pointed an accusing finger at Reese. "YOU STOLE MY LINE, YOU BLUE-HAIRED FREAK!" he cried.
"YEAH, WHAT'S IT TO YA?" Reese called out.
Kinda sudden ending there. Sorry about that, but I'll get the next chapter up soon enough. And no, I still don't own Zoids. So I'm just gonna go listen to my malfunctioning CD player while eating candy bars and reading Beckett Collector, and wish that I did.
Disclaimer: I don't own Zoids. I own some candy, some Beckett magazines, and a malfunctioning CD player. Does that really sound like the owner of a major action anime to you? I didn't think so.
Chillin' On The Dark Side
CHAPTER 3: Surprise, surprise
Reese rolled her eyes. "What'dya gonna do, send it to the North Pole? IT'S SEPTEMBER, YOU MENTAL CASE!" she yelled.
"Yeah, but Santa gets real busy this time of year! Sometimes he doesn't even get everyone's list! But I'm way ahead of all those other idiots. I made my list early so I can be sure that it'll reach Santa in time! Pretty smart, huh?" Hiltz explained, looking proud of himself.
Reese picked up a frying pan and chucked it at Hiltz's head. "THERE IS NO SANTA, YOU MORON! IT'S JUST A STUPID FAIRY TALE MADE UP TO TRICK STUPID CHILDREN!" she screamed.
Hiltz looked like someone had punched him in the stomach and knocked the wind out of him. "THAT IS NOT TRUE, REESE!" he cried in agony.
Reese smiled evilly. "Yeah, it is, Hiltz. There is no Santa." she smirked. "He's not real."
"NO! SANTA'S REAL! THE DARK KAISER WOULD NEVER LIE TO ME!" Hiltz shouted.
Reese shook her head. "You just don't get it, do ya? You actually think there's a big fat guy in a red suit living at the North Pole with a bunch of elves who make toys and twelve reindeer?" she scoffed.
"YES!" Hiltz yelled. "DASHER DANCER PRANCER VIXON COMET CUPID DONNER BLITZEN! AND THE VERY LAST REINDEER OF ALLLLLLLLLL......RUDOLPH!!!!!!" he sang loudly.
"SHUT UP!" Raven screamed, covering his ears.
"Look, Hiltz, have you ever actually seen this Santa character?" Reese asked.
"Well, uh.......no." Hiltz admitted.
"Then how do you know he even exists?" Reese asked slyly.
"Well,uh......I guess........huh.......OH NO! I DON'T!!" he shouted.
"Told ya." Reese nodded smugly.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! MY LIFE IS A LIE! MY WHOLE LIFE IS BASED ON A ROTTEN LIE!!! HOW CAN THIS BE?! THIS IS.......INHUMAN!!!" Hiltz screamed.
The Dark Kaiser shook his head. "Look what you did, Reese! You ruined his childhood hopes and dreams! I hope you're happy!"
"I got him to shut up, didn't I?" Reese shot back angrily. "That was more than you could do!"
They were interrupted suddenly when Specula and Shadow started yelling at Ambient. They were sitting at a table playing poker and Ambient was apparently winning.
"ROYAL FLUSH?! GET OUTTA HERE, YA STUPID CHEATER!" Shadow roared at Ambient.
Specula threw her cards up into the air. "THAT'S IT, I GIVE UP! AMBIENT WINS EVERY GAME! CAN'T WE JUST PLAY CHECKERS OR SOMETHIN'?"
Shadow stared at her. "CHECKERS?!? WHAT KINDA MORON ARE YOU? WHO THE HECK WOULD WANNA PLAY CHECKERS?"
(Offscreen- Van: Hey Zeke, wanna play checkers, buddy?!)
"Hey, that reminds me! I forgot to ask Santa for my MYSTERY DATE boardgame! (Ever see those really gay commercials with all the stupid girls for that dumb Mystery Date game with the gay pink plastic phone?) Oh well, I'll just open the envelope and add it on-" suddenly Hiltz stopped speaking and a look of horrible realization appeared on his face. "OH WAIT, I FORGOT!!! THERE IS NO SANTA!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! NO NO NO NO! HOW AM I EVER GONNA GET MY TOASTER BACK NOW?" Hiltz screamed, banging his head against the wall. "HEY DARK KAISER, THINK YOU COULD GIVE ME A RAISE?!?"
The Dark Kaiser laughed at Hiltz's pitifulness. "A raise? What the heck are you talking about, I don't even pay you!" No sooner had he finished his sentence that he clapped his hand over his mouth, but it was too late. The fatal mistake had been made.
Hiltz stopped smashing his head against the rock wall. "WHAT?!?! AFTER EVERYTHING I DID FOR YOU I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO GET PAID?!? THAT WAS NOT IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION!"
"Well I never said I was going to pay you, now did I?" Dark Kaiser asked smugly.
Upon hearing that she wasn't going to be paid either, Reese decided to take matters into her own hands. And she handled it very well. "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PAY US?!?" Reese whined. "WHY NOT, YA STUPID CHEAPSKATE?"
"HA HA HA HA! CAUSE NONE OF YOU IDIOTS DESERVE TO GET PAID, THAT'S WHY!" Raven yelled.
"Exactly. Very well said, Raven. Not one of you three morons deserves payment." the Dark Kaiser agreed.
Raven's smirk turned into a look of shock. "WHAT?!? YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GONNA PAY ME EITHER?!? WHAT IS THIS, SLAVERY?!?"
"It's not like I actually needed your services. Besides, you messed up most of the missions I gave you anyway. Raven, have you even noticed that Van is still living? And Reese, when I am I going to get that Ancient Zoidian girl? And Hiltz, why hasn't this planet been obliterated?" the Dark Kaiser told them.
"OH, LIKE IT'S MY FAULT THAT THE CREATORS OF THIS SHOW CONSPIRE AGAINST VILLIANS AND MAKE SURE THE STUPID HEROES ALWAYS WIN?!?" Raven yelled. (WHY do they do that?! It annoys the heck outta me!)
"YEAH, HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THAT ZOIDIAN BRAT WHEN SHE'S BEING PROTECTED BY THE STUPID HERO?!?" Reese shrieked.
"AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DESTROY THE WORLD WITH THAT LOUSY CRUSTACEAN AND NO BREAD ON THE TABLE BECAUSE I WORK FOR A TYRANT THAT WON'T PAY ME?!?" Hiltz screamed.
"My, my, we're a loud bunch, aren't we? Quit blaming your pathetic problems on me. Maybe if you all worked together you could complete your tasks successfully." Dark Kaiser suggested.
Raven, Reese, and Hiltz looked at each other in disgust. Nobody said anything until Raven called out, "YEAH RIGHT! LIKE I'D EVER WANT TO BE SEEN WITH LITTLE GIRL BLUE AND HER SIDEKICK BOZO, PILOT OF THE DEATH LOBSTER!!! HA HA HA HA! GOOD ONE, BREAD BOY!" he shouted as he laughed uncontrollably.
Reese glared at him. "THAT RED-HEADED CIRCUS CLOWN IS NOT MY SIDEKICK! AND IT'S NOT LIKE I WANNA TEAM UP WITH YOU EITHER! OR HILTZ! WHO'D WANNA TEAM UP WITH DUMB AND DUMBER?" she yelled.
"KNOCK KNOCK!" Hiltz cried out.
Raven returned Reese's venemous stare. "AT LEAST I DON'T SEND OUT A BUNCH OF STUPID LITTLE ROBOTIC BUGS TO DO MY WORK FOR ME, ZOIDIAN TRASH!"
Reese looked like she was about to blow. "DON'T INSULT MY PEOPLE YOU STUPID JERK!" Using her creepy powers, she picked Raven up and smashed him against the wall. As he slumped to the floor, he did what he always did when he was in trouble. "SHADOW!" Raven yelled.
"Yeah, whad'ya want, ya tyrannical bully?" Shadow called out casually.
"SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND GET THE HECK OVER HERE! I AM YOUR MASTER AND I DEMAND YOU TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF REESE!" Raven commanded.
"Aw, come on Raven, I'm right in the middle of a game here! Can't you handle it yourself?" Shadow called back as he dealt another hand.
"FINE! I DON'T NEED YOU, YOU STUPID PIECE OF JUNK! I'LL KILL HER MYSELF!" Raven fumed. He jumped to his feet and lunged towards Reese. She jumped aside and he crashed into a small figurine. The figurine fell over and smashed into pieces.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! LITTLE KAISER!!!!! RAVEN, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!!?? THAT WAS A PRICELESS ANTIQUE!!!!" the Dark Kaiser screamed in agony.
Raven was getting sick of getting screamed at by Reese and the Dark Kaiser. "OH SHUT UP, WOULD YA? IF YOU WANT TO SEE A STUPID ANTIQUE, GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR!" he yelled at the Dark Kaiser.
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN!!!" the Dark Kaiser thundered. The whole room shook with his rage.
"I SAID KNOCK KNOCK!" Hiltz repeated angrily.
Ambient sighed, knowing that his idiotic master was going to keep it up until someone answered him. "Who's there, ya moron?" he asked.
"HOAGIES!" Hiltz cried happily.
Reese smiled evilly. "HOAGIES, EH? GO AWAY, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" she screamed.
Hiltz started to get mad again. "THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY, STUPID! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY 'HOAGIES WHO?'!" he shouted.
"HOAGIES YOU!!!!" Reese shrieked with laughter.
Raven stared at her in utter astonishment. "That is quite possibly THE GAYEST THING that you have ever said." he remarked.
Hiltz pointed an accusing finger at Reese. "YOU STOLE MY LINE, YOU BLUE-HAIRED FREAK!" he cried.
"YEAH, WHAT'S IT TO YA?" Reese called out.
Kinda sudden ending there. Sorry about that, but I'll get the next chapter up soon enough. And no, I still don't own Zoids. So I'm just gonna go listen to my malfunctioning CD player while eating candy bars and reading Beckett Collector, and wish that I did.