It's March 25 and you know what that means.....NEW LINKIN PARK CD! YEAH, ALL RIGHT! So I'm posting new chapters today on both of my stories in honor of Meteroa, since LP is my muse and all. Seriously, I don't think I've written one word of this story without having them blasting in the background! Heck, I'm listening to Hybrid Theory right now and hopefully I'll be listening to Meteora tonight! ^______________^
Review responses that ShadowWind stupidly forgot to include in the last chapter:
to Amrun: Yeah, you're right about that. Raven never WAS sane. But that's just one of the things that makes him so awesome! HOORAY FOR US CRAZY LINKIN PARK FANS!
to The Black Blade Liger X: YES, TRY AGAIN! TRY AS MANY TIMES AS YOU HAVE TO! NEVER GIVE UP ON LINKIN PARK! I mean, you'll have to succeed eventually, right?!
to everyone: Thanks guys! Your reviews are what keeps me going!
Disclaimer: Well, I ate the candy bars but I still have the magazines and my broken CD player! Do you think the people who actually DO own Zoids would be interested in a possible trade?
Chillin' On the Dark Side
CHAPTER 4: The Dark Kaiser is....SANTA?!
Hiltz was pondering an answer when he suddenly came up with another question. (In case you're wondering, the question he's pondering an answer to is Reese's question at the end of the last chapter: "YEAH, WHAT'S IT TO YA?" Okay?) "Hey Reese! If Santa's not real, then how did I get all my presents all those other years?" he asked triumphantly.
Reese sighed. "Come on, Hiltz! Haven't we already fully established that Santa DOESN'T exist? Can't you just shut up about that fat, red-suited, figment of your imagination?"
"ANSWER THE QUESTION, REESE!" Hiltz shouted.
Reese rolled her eyes. "Dark Kaiser bought the presents to shut you up, Hiltz! There, that's your answer! Dark Kaiser bought them in a futile attempt to SHUT YOU UP!!" she explained.
Hiltz gasped. He walked slowly over to the great orb where the Dark Kaiser was and looked up at it. "Is it true Dark Kaiser?" he asked.
"Of course it's true, you idiot!" Dark Kaiser shouted.
Hiltz's eyes grew big and shiny. *.* "YOU'RE SANTA?!?!" he asked in awe.
Reese walked over to the wall and began banging her head against it. "No no no no no no no no no no no no!!!!!" she chanted with each smash.
Raven snickered. "Good one, Reese! You've really done it now!"
"NO, I'M NOT SANTA, YOU STUPID MORON!! HOW DARE YOU EVEN IMPLY SUCH A THING?! I AM SLIM AND TRIM, THANKS TO THE JENNY CRAIG WEIGHT LOSS PLAN!!" the Dark Kaiser yelled. Raven collapsed on the floor laughing.
But Hiltz was too dumbstruck to listen. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SANTA'S BEEN RIGHT HERE THE WHOLE TIME! HEY WOW!! THAT MEANS WE MUST LIVE IN THE NORTH POLE!" he babbled excitedly. "HEY DARK KAISER, WHERE ARE THE ELVES?? HUH? WHERE ARE THE REINDEER? CAN I TRADE THE DEATH STINGER IN FOR RUDOLPH? WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE SANTA?!? HOW ARE YOU IN EVERY MALL ON THE PLANET AT THE SAME TIME?!?" Hiltz yelled.
"OH FOR PETE'S SAKE, WOULD SOMEBODY SHUT HIM UP?!? HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY HERE! REESE, I'LL KILL YOU!!" Dark Kaiser screamed.
Reese didn't answer. She just continued smashing her head against the wall while Raven laughed hysterically. Hiltz kept up with his questions. Meanwhile, Shadow, Specula, and Ambient had gathered together in a corner.
"Hey guys," Shadow hissed. "Who the heck is Pete?"
The other organoids shrugged. "I dunno, but whoever he is, he better look out. Cause he's dead if the Dark Kaiser finds him!" Ambient replied.
"Hey, did you guys know that Dark Kaiser was Santa?" Specula asked. Shadow and Ambient shook their heads.
"No. It's probably just one of the many secrets he keeps from us." Shadow said.
"Yeah, like, who's Pete?" Specula said.
"And why does Hiltz have to shut up for Pete's sake? Is Dark Kaiser gonna kill Pete if Hiltz doesn't shut up?" Ambient added.
"What kind of roll is the Dark Kaiser?" Shadow asked.
"White?" Ambient suggested.
"Or wheat?" Specula added.
"Pumpernickel!!" yelled Shadow.
"Whole-grain!"
"Banana!"
"Raisin!"
"Sesame seed!"
"Cinnamon roll!"
"CHOCOLATE!! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!" Ambient screamed wildly. "CHOCOLATE!!!"
Everything stopped. Raven stopped laughing, Reese stopped smashing her head against the wall, Dark Kaiser stopped screaming at Reese and Hiltz, and Hiltz even stopped his continual string of stupid, annoying questions. Everyone stared at Ambient.
"HEY, AMBIENT! DO YOU MIND?!? WE'RE A LITTLE BUSY HERE!" Reese screamed.
Ambient suddenly stopped screaming. "Oh, uh, sorry." he replied calmly.
With that, everyone resumed their original activity. Reese went back to bashing her blue head against the wall, Dark Kaiser started shouting at everyone, Hiltz continued his questions, and Raven continued to crack up watching the scene.
Suddenly Raven stopped laughing. An incredibly evil smile spread across his face. He walked over to Hiltz. "Hey, Hiltz. Come here, I gotta secret to tell ya." he whispered evilly.
"WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF COOKIE? HOW MUCH DO YOU GET PAID? HOW DO YOU-" Hiltz stopped his questions when he heard Raven and walked over to him.
Raven smiled triumphantly. "Hey, Hiltz," he whispered. "Ever wonder why Reese hangs out here all the time?"
Hiltz shook his head.
"It's cause....SHE'S AN ELF!" Raven whispered loudly, barely able to contain his laughter.
Hiltz's eyes widened in wonder. "Really? A real live elf?!?" he asked in awe. Then his eyes narrowed. "Hey, wait a second! Aren't elves supposed to be short?"
This little problem didn't stop Raven at all. He came up with a quick answer. "Well, yeah, they're SUPPOSED to be short. But, well, think of Reese as the ugly duckling! You know, the one who didn't turn out right and got all messed up?"
"Wow! Not only is Reese an elf, she's a demented one? Is that why she's so stupid?" Hiltz asked in wonder.
"Yup. That's why, Hiltz. That's why." Raven answered. He was still trying his hardest to hold in his laughter but finally he couldn't do it anymore. He collapsed on the floor laughing, wondering how in the world anyone could be so stupid.
Hiltz walked over to Reese and tapped her on the shoulder. She looked up at him in annoyance. "Yeah, what'dya want you moron?" she asked testily.
"Wow, Reese, how come you never told me you were an elf? Do you like making toys? Is the Dark Kaiser bossy? Does he get mad because you paint all the toys blue? Do you have to wear little pointy shoes and hats with bells on them? What kind of hours do you keep? How much do you get paid?" Hiltz asked in a rush.
Reese stared at him in complete surprise, trying to take in everything he had just said. Was it possible? Had he actually gotten stupider in the past five minutes? "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ZI GAVE YOU THE IDEA THAT I WAS AN ELF?" she shouted.
Hiltz patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Reese, I know it's hard to be different. But just because you're a demented elf and you got all messed up when you were born doesn't mean you can't make great toys!" he reassured her.
Reese's mouth dropped open. "DEMENTED ELF? ALL RIGHT HILTZ, WHO'S BEEN TELLING YOU THIS CRAP?!? I KNOW YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE COME UP WITH THIS ON YOUR OWN!" she shrieked.
Hiltz shook his head. "Oh, Reese. You're an elf in denial!" he said sadly.
Reese looked around the room furiously, trying to figure out who had put those idiotic ideas in Hiltz's head. Then she spotted Raven laughing hysterically at his own genius, and stormed over to him.
"What, pray tell, is so amusing?" Reese asked Raven in a dangerously calm voice.
Raven struggled to talk. "He-he actually believes that YOU'RE an elf!!" he managed to say.
Reese put her finger to her chin and tilted her head in mock wonder. "And I wonder who gave him that idea?" she asked coldly. "Oh, and, not only does he think I'm an elf, but a demented one at that! Now who came up with that brilliant idea?" she added, her eyes narrowed.
"Well, you know. Elves are supposed to be short. So you're like the ugly duckling, ya know? The one who got all messed up?!" Raven explained, trying his hardest to keep a straight face. Man, even fighting Van wasn't this much fun!
"YOU WANNA GET ALL MESSED UP?!?" Reese asked furiously, holding up a clenched fist.
"If ya ask me, he's got a pretty ugly mug already!" Shadow yelled.
Raven shot a poison glare at his organoid. "STAY OUTTA THIS, YA SCRAP HEAP!" he yelled angrily.
Reese nodded. "Yes, I agree, Shadow. But I think I'm gonna do a little renovation!" she declared, shaking her fist threateningly.
Raven laughed. "Yeah right! Like I'm gonna let a little blue-haired demented elf take me down! Get real, Reese!"
Reese's face turned red with anger. "YOU'LL REGRET THAT REMARK WHEN MY FIST IS DOWN YOUR THROAT, YOU LITTLE PUNK!" she shrieked.
Raven held his hands up in defense. "Hey, Reese, chill out, all right?! Too much anger could cause your blood pressure to skyrocket, therefore decreasing your toy-making productivity!" he warned. He tried to keep his face deadly serious, but cracked up laughing halfway through the sentence.
His casual attitude was making Reese even more angry. "RAAAAAAAAAVEEEEEEEEEN!!! I'LL HANG YOU BY YOUR COLLAR ON THE EDGE OF A CLIFF AND HIRE STORM SWORDERS TO SHOOT YOU TO DEATH!" she screamed wildly.
"Oh boy, that IS cruel and unusual, Reese! You're not even going to let me have dinner first? Man, are you ever a hardcore criminal!" Raven remarked sarcastically.
"OKAY THAT'S IT! YOU ARE SO DEAD, RAVEN! SAY GOODBYE TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING!" Reese shrieked.
"GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD! I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW! FAREWELL MY LOYAL FANS! MAY PEOPLE NEVER FORGET THE NAME RAVEN AND THE FEAR IT STRUCK INTO THEIR HEARTS!" Raven called out in the most sarcastic tone imaginable. He looked at Reese smugly to see her reaction.
Reese looked like she was going to murder him in the most painful way imaginable, and she probably would have done so if Zeke, Van, Fiona, Irvine, Moonbay, and Thomas hadn't burst into the Dark Kaiser's lair at that very moment.
Yay! A long chapter! I'm also happy today cause (besides LP) I looked up my penname a couple days ago and I'm now listed! I guess I just had to wait a little while....now I feel stupid for complaining earlier but oh well. I'll probably do something stupider tomorrow!
Review responses that ShadowWind stupidly forgot to include in the last chapter:
to Amrun: Yeah, you're right about that. Raven never WAS sane. But that's just one of the things that makes him so awesome! HOORAY FOR US CRAZY LINKIN PARK FANS!
to The Black Blade Liger X: YES, TRY AGAIN! TRY AS MANY TIMES AS YOU HAVE TO! NEVER GIVE UP ON LINKIN PARK! I mean, you'll have to succeed eventually, right?!
to everyone: Thanks guys! Your reviews are what keeps me going!
Disclaimer: Well, I ate the candy bars but I still have the magazines and my broken CD player! Do you think the people who actually DO own Zoids would be interested in a possible trade?
Chillin' On the Dark Side
CHAPTER 4: The Dark Kaiser is....SANTA?!
Hiltz was pondering an answer when he suddenly came up with another question. (In case you're wondering, the question he's pondering an answer to is Reese's question at the end of the last chapter: "YEAH, WHAT'S IT TO YA?" Okay?) "Hey Reese! If Santa's not real, then how did I get all my presents all those other years?" he asked triumphantly.
Reese sighed. "Come on, Hiltz! Haven't we already fully established that Santa DOESN'T exist? Can't you just shut up about that fat, red-suited, figment of your imagination?"
"ANSWER THE QUESTION, REESE!" Hiltz shouted.
Reese rolled her eyes. "Dark Kaiser bought the presents to shut you up, Hiltz! There, that's your answer! Dark Kaiser bought them in a futile attempt to SHUT YOU UP!!" she explained.
Hiltz gasped. He walked slowly over to the great orb where the Dark Kaiser was and looked up at it. "Is it true Dark Kaiser?" he asked.
"Of course it's true, you idiot!" Dark Kaiser shouted.
Hiltz's eyes grew big and shiny. *.* "YOU'RE SANTA?!?!" he asked in awe.
Reese walked over to the wall and began banging her head against it. "No no no no no no no no no no no no!!!!!" she chanted with each smash.
Raven snickered. "Good one, Reese! You've really done it now!"
"NO, I'M NOT SANTA, YOU STUPID MORON!! HOW DARE YOU EVEN IMPLY SUCH A THING?! I AM SLIM AND TRIM, THANKS TO THE JENNY CRAIG WEIGHT LOSS PLAN!!" the Dark Kaiser yelled. Raven collapsed on the floor laughing.
But Hiltz was too dumbstruck to listen. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SANTA'S BEEN RIGHT HERE THE WHOLE TIME! HEY WOW!! THAT MEANS WE MUST LIVE IN THE NORTH POLE!" he babbled excitedly. "HEY DARK KAISER, WHERE ARE THE ELVES?? HUH? WHERE ARE THE REINDEER? CAN I TRADE THE DEATH STINGER IN FOR RUDOLPH? WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE SANTA?!? HOW ARE YOU IN EVERY MALL ON THE PLANET AT THE SAME TIME?!?" Hiltz yelled.
"OH FOR PETE'S SAKE, WOULD SOMEBODY SHUT HIM UP?!? HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY HERE! REESE, I'LL KILL YOU!!" Dark Kaiser screamed.
Reese didn't answer. She just continued smashing her head against the wall while Raven laughed hysterically. Hiltz kept up with his questions. Meanwhile, Shadow, Specula, and Ambient had gathered together in a corner.
"Hey guys," Shadow hissed. "Who the heck is Pete?"
The other organoids shrugged. "I dunno, but whoever he is, he better look out. Cause he's dead if the Dark Kaiser finds him!" Ambient replied.
"Hey, did you guys know that Dark Kaiser was Santa?" Specula asked. Shadow and Ambient shook their heads.
"No. It's probably just one of the many secrets he keeps from us." Shadow said.
"Yeah, like, who's Pete?" Specula said.
"And why does Hiltz have to shut up for Pete's sake? Is Dark Kaiser gonna kill Pete if Hiltz doesn't shut up?" Ambient added.
"What kind of roll is the Dark Kaiser?" Shadow asked.
"White?" Ambient suggested.
"Or wheat?" Specula added.
"Pumpernickel!!" yelled Shadow.
"Whole-grain!"
"Banana!"
"Raisin!"
"Sesame seed!"
"Cinnamon roll!"
"CHOCOLATE!! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!" Ambient screamed wildly. "CHOCOLATE!!!"
Everything stopped. Raven stopped laughing, Reese stopped smashing her head against the wall, Dark Kaiser stopped screaming at Reese and Hiltz, and Hiltz even stopped his continual string of stupid, annoying questions. Everyone stared at Ambient.
"HEY, AMBIENT! DO YOU MIND?!? WE'RE A LITTLE BUSY HERE!" Reese screamed.
Ambient suddenly stopped screaming. "Oh, uh, sorry." he replied calmly.
With that, everyone resumed their original activity. Reese went back to bashing her blue head against the wall, Dark Kaiser started shouting at everyone, Hiltz continued his questions, and Raven continued to crack up watching the scene.
Suddenly Raven stopped laughing. An incredibly evil smile spread across his face. He walked over to Hiltz. "Hey, Hiltz. Come here, I gotta secret to tell ya." he whispered evilly.
"WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF COOKIE? HOW MUCH DO YOU GET PAID? HOW DO YOU-" Hiltz stopped his questions when he heard Raven and walked over to him.
Raven smiled triumphantly. "Hey, Hiltz," he whispered. "Ever wonder why Reese hangs out here all the time?"
Hiltz shook his head.
"It's cause....SHE'S AN ELF!" Raven whispered loudly, barely able to contain his laughter.
Hiltz's eyes widened in wonder. "Really? A real live elf?!?" he asked in awe. Then his eyes narrowed. "Hey, wait a second! Aren't elves supposed to be short?"
This little problem didn't stop Raven at all. He came up with a quick answer. "Well, yeah, they're SUPPOSED to be short. But, well, think of Reese as the ugly duckling! You know, the one who didn't turn out right and got all messed up?"
"Wow! Not only is Reese an elf, she's a demented one? Is that why she's so stupid?" Hiltz asked in wonder.
"Yup. That's why, Hiltz. That's why." Raven answered. He was still trying his hardest to hold in his laughter but finally he couldn't do it anymore. He collapsed on the floor laughing, wondering how in the world anyone could be so stupid.
Hiltz walked over to Reese and tapped her on the shoulder. She looked up at him in annoyance. "Yeah, what'dya want you moron?" she asked testily.
"Wow, Reese, how come you never told me you were an elf? Do you like making toys? Is the Dark Kaiser bossy? Does he get mad because you paint all the toys blue? Do you have to wear little pointy shoes and hats with bells on them? What kind of hours do you keep? How much do you get paid?" Hiltz asked in a rush.
Reese stared at him in complete surprise, trying to take in everything he had just said. Was it possible? Had he actually gotten stupider in the past five minutes? "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ZI GAVE YOU THE IDEA THAT I WAS AN ELF?" she shouted.
Hiltz patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Reese, I know it's hard to be different. But just because you're a demented elf and you got all messed up when you were born doesn't mean you can't make great toys!" he reassured her.
Reese's mouth dropped open. "DEMENTED ELF? ALL RIGHT HILTZ, WHO'S BEEN TELLING YOU THIS CRAP?!? I KNOW YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY HAVE COME UP WITH THIS ON YOUR OWN!" she shrieked.
Hiltz shook his head. "Oh, Reese. You're an elf in denial!" he said sadly.
Reese looked around the room furiously, trying to figure out who had put those idiotic ideas in Hiltz's head. Then she spotted Raven laughing hysterically at his own genius, and stormed over to him.
"What, pray tell, is so amusing?" Reese asked Raven in a dangerously calm voice.
Raven struggled to talk. "He-he actually believes that YOU'RE an elf!!" he managed to say.
Reese put her finger to her chin and tilted her head in mock wonder. "And I wonder who gave him that idea?" she asked coldly. "Oh, and, not only does he think I'm an elf, but a demented one at that! Now who came up with that brilliant idea?" she added, her eyes narrowed.
"Well, you know. Elves are supposed to be short. So you're like the ugly duckling, ya know? The one who got all messed up?!" Raven explained, trying his hardest to keep a straight face. Man, even fighting Van wasn't this much fun!
"YOU WANNA GET ALL MESSED UP?!?" Reese asked furiously, holding up a clenched fist.
"If ya ask me, he's got a pretty ugly mug already!" Shadow yelled.
Raven shot a poison glare at his organoid. "STAY OUTTA THIS, YA SCRAP HEAP!" he yelled angrily.
Reese nodded. "Yes, I agree, Shadow. But I think I'm gonna do a little renovation!" she declared, shaking her fist threateningly.
Raven laughed. "Yeah right! Like I'm gonna let a little blue-haired demented elf take me down! Get real, Reese!"
Reese's face turned red with anger. "YOU'LL REGRET THAT REMARK WHEN MY FIST IS DOWN YOUR THROAT, YOU LITTLE PUNK!" she shrieked.
Raven held his hands up in defense. "Hey, Reese, chill out, all right?! Too much anger could cause your blood pressure to skyrocket, therefore decreasing your toy-making productivity!" he warned. He tried to keep his face deadly serious, but cracked up laughing halfway through the sentence.
His casual attitude was making Reese even more angry. "RAAAAAAAAAVEEEEEEEEEN!!! I'LL HANG YOU BY YOUR COLLAR ON THE EDGE OF A CLIFF AND HIRE STORM SWORDERS TO SHOOT YOU TO DEATH!" she screamed wildly.
"Oh boy, that IS cruel and unusual, Reese! You're not even going to let me have dinner first? Man, are you ever a hardcore criminal!" Raven remarked sarcastically.
"OKAY THAT'S IT! YOU ARE SO DEAD, RAVEN! SAY GOODBYE TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING!" Reese shrieked.
"GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD! I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW! FAREWELL MY LOYAL FANS! MAY PEOPLE NEVER FORGET THE NAME RAVEN AND THE FEAR IT STRUCK INTO THEIR HEARTS!" Raven called out in the most sarcastic tone imaginable. He looked at Reese smugly to see her reaction.
Reese looked like she was going to murder him in the most painful way imaginable, and she probably would have done so if Zeke, Van, Fiona, Irvine, Moonbay, and Thomas hadn't burst into the Dark Kaiser's lair at that very moment.
Yay! A long chapter! I'm also happy today cause (besides LP) I looked up my penname a couple days ago and I'm now listed! I guess I just had to wait a little while....now I feel stupid for complaining earlier but oh well. I'll probably do something stupider tomorrow!