So Far Away…
Chapter 3 - Lost in illusion…
I reach for the sky
And call out your name
And if I could trade
I would
And it feels
And it feels like
Heaven is so far away…
It had only taken twenty-five minutes for the ambulance to arrive, yet for Ryo it had seemed more like years. Each second that melted away and faded into the realms of omnipotent existence welting yet another memory, frozen in the image of lost perfection. The cool air spiralled around the officer as he clung tightly onto the raven-haired man in his arms, tears biting in a hazed presence of fallen boundaries.
The sunlight shifted, tinting hues of concentration mellowing into distant beams of afternoon fog; chasing shadows along the pavement. The body pressed against his own was warm; he crossed that off as being a good sign. Heat meant life, hope and that was one thing he couldn't let go of right now. If he did he knew what would happen without even considering such in the slightest - if he let go of the trust in Dee surviving he would break.
Everything he had spent the last few years building up would shatter in a heartbeat, as if it had never really been there.
First it had been his parents - spending the first seventeen years of his life in quivering naivety, the knowledge that such things as death were only second-hand experiences and would never come so close as to touch him personally. He'd been wrong about that now, hadn't he? He had danced with death and then ran, always running from what he knew was right. Looking down at the blood-tainted body of his partner he sighed, "I guess the dance never does end…" he whispered almost silently, absently running a finger through the ice-cold blood on the floor.
He hated this.
He hated the fact that it brought back so many unsated memories.
That it surfaced so much pain he thought he was rid of.
Another sigh, "But most of all, I hate that I feel so useless…."
A single tear trickled down his cheek and echoed sadness through the crimson lining the ground.
He hated that it hurt so much.
A drizzled wind wound its way through the thin hospital corridors, haunting and somewhat Hollywood-like in terms such as wanton horror movies where everybody in the place ended up getting slashed to death by the ghost of the resident psycho. That was not a pleasant thought at the time.
"Excuse me, sir?" the gentle, lulling voice of the nurse softened the piercing sting of the scenery somewhat yet the man slouched in the seat before her didn't seem to even acknowledge her presence.
Staring blankly at the opposite wall Ryo fought to keep his grip on the situation, his mind constantly wavering between one thing and the next yet every stream of thoughts crowding his mind focused solely on his dark-haired partner. His eyes would occasionally skim around the room for any signs of news on Dee yet for the past five hours not even a whisper of his condition had came his way, at that point he had allowed himself to submerge fully in the complexities of his own mind - anything was better than walking along the edge of uncertainty. When they had first brought Dee in, even then, the Doctor hadn't been able to assure him with the conviction that the man would live.
Come to think of it, Ryo mused to himself, he hadn't assured him of much. All that had been said was that they would do their best, as if Dee was just another number in a long list of possible deaths.
Obsidian orbs narrowed slightly, "He isn't just another number" he whispered, tone full of hurt and stubbornness. A pair of emerald green eyes flashed before him and he stretched out a hand to touch their proprietor, "If you die Dee, I`ll never talk to you again" fingers glided softly over smooth skin and a sculptured jaw before coming into contact with pliable silken hair. He froze - Dee didn't have hair that long.
Ryo timidly blinked and looked up, flushing a rather deep crimson and tears springing to his eyes at the sudden realisation. He pulled his hand away immediately, embarrassed.
"Sir?" the nurse inquired her green eyes examining the man in the seat carefully. He didn't look too good. Actually, if she had to give words to such a look, she would have to say the Japanese man looked as if he had been the one getting shot and not his partner, "Sir, are you ok?"
He blinked a few times, pulling himself back into reality as he sullenly met the nurse's gaze, "Gomen…I…I thought you were somebody else" he blushed at the concept.
What if they were? His mind taunted, What if it was Dee standing before you right now?
"I…I don't know" he whispered aloud in response, not even registering that he was speaking anywhere but in his head.
You do, you know what you would do and what you would want to do. You would want to hug him, to kiss him and tell him it would be ok but you wouldn't. You never do, do you?
He gulped, no longer aware of the nurse standing over him with a rather sympathetic look on her face. He swallowed hard, "I…I have good reason" he argued despite not really being sure of such anymore.
Good reason? Oh you mean that little glitch whereas society frowns on such things and you could never ever go against the flow...
"It's…not like that!"
Oh really? So what is it like then hmm?
Ryo sighed, "It's just….well….I'm not gay ok!!"
"Sir, I don't mind about your sexual preferences. This is a pretty open-minded hospital but if you could keep it down a little please so I could explain to you about your….partner's condition"
He blushed and nodded mutely, "Sorry, so what is it you wanted to tell me about…about Dee?"
She smiled understandingly and sat down next to him, face suddenly serious.
This can't be good….
"Well…" the nurse began, "Your partner is still in the operating theatre right now but the Doctor told me I could inform you of what they had found" she met his gaze willing him to take this gently, "The good news is that the bullet missed his lungs but the bad news is that it penetrated his left kidney, he has immense internal bleeding and the tissue is torn beyond repair"
Tears slowly collected in Ryo`s eyes at that point, unwillingly, "W…will he be ok?" he asked, unsure whether he wanted to know the answer or not.
The nurse sighed, "It's pretty much push and go at the moment, the bleeding isn't so bad as it was before and once it has come to a near stop the only possible course of action is to remove the kidney in question. He will be able to function without it yet it will make him somewhat more susceptible to certain viruses and colds, it will lower his immunity to a degree"
Ryo nodded as the words sunk in with a loud thump, hitting the one spot that seemed to have been acting as a reassurance in the past.
"But" she continued, taking in the man's broken expression and tearing eyes, "So long as no further complications occur he should be fine. The doctor's are planning to operate on him as soon as possible, may I suggest that you go home and get some sleep. Come back in the morning if you wish…"
He had no idea what came over him but before he could stop it the words had poured from his lips, "I'm not leaving Dee"
The woman smiled, "Now I know you must be worried about your partner and that is only natural but you need to take care of yourself right now as well"
Ryo swallowed hard as tears clenched his throat tight, his eyes darkened with emotion as he turned a futile gaze on the nurse, "He saved my life" he stated, "That bullet was aimed at me, he…he dived in front of me….I didn't know what was happening….I…..I…."
The nurse placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as she stood up, smiling as soft as she knew how, "I understand. You're welcome to stay if you wish but I'm sure he would want you to look after yourself, wouldn't he"
A light smile played over the part Japanese man's lips as a fond memory twinged in his head, "Yeah, he'd tell me to stop worrying about other people for once"
"Maybe you should take his advice" the nurse supplied before turning on heel and deftly descending down the silence-ridden corridor leaving Ryo alone in his thoughts.
Automatically, his head fell into his hands as the pain overtook him, "I…..Can't"
You love him, don't you?
…………………….
Don`t you?
…………………….
"Gomen…"