"I Once Knew A Man"
Pairing: Brad Vickers/Claire Redfield
Rating: R (Disturbing Subject Matter)
Summary: Claire reflects on her first love.
Genre: Romance/Horror
I'm here without you, baby,
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you, baby,
And I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you, baby,
But you're still with me in my dreams.
. . . And tonight it's only you and me.
- "Here Without You", 3 Doors Down
I once knew a man. I mean, I really knew him ... better than anyone else did. Most would call him a coward, but to me, he was always just cautious. Looking back on things, I'm still not sure why I felt the compulsion to be near him, but it was just an undeniable attraction. Something about him made my heart flutter in a way it never had. The day I discovered love was the day I met Brad Vickers.
I still remember our first meeting so vividly. I had just turned nineteen. I guess you could say I was normal then. I didn't have to worry about Umbrella or a monster lurking around a corner. My largest concern was passing the exam in my automotive classes. Funny how things so trivial had meant so much then ... But those days are gone now. I've accepted it the same way I've accepted he's gone.
I had just aced my midterm, and as spring term dawned on the nation's college population, my brother invited me to spend it with him in Raccoon City. He had only been living there a short time, and I hadn't visited for an extended period. However, I had no desire to go to Cancun like my classmates. I was never the type for putting on bikinis and drinking more than I could handle. Plus, I loved Chris. He's the only person who had been there for my all my life and three weeks with him sounded like Heaven.
So, I packed up my things and set off for the city.
Chris had given me instructions to meet him at the Raccoon City Police Department. I was perched upon those front lobby steps for what seemed like an hour before I finally got antsy and ventured about my grand surroundings, not knowing that in a few months it would be the scene of a changing point in my young life.
A lot of the rooms were closed off, but finally I found one slightly ajar. It was a break room for the officers, and as I walked him, I heard a little yelp. And there he was ... Brad. He was almost pathetic in a way. I couldn't believe he had actually been startled by me. Something about him was almost childlike ... He needed someone. He needed me.
"I'm sorry ... I didn't think anyone else was in here," I stammered out as I stepped fully into the room. It was only when he saw the difference in our stature with him taking the advantage did I get a smile from him. I couldn't help but dwell on his teeth. Sure, they were crooked ... but cute. Just like the rest of him.
"It's fine. I'm just a little ... jumpy," he replied as he wiped some lukewarm coffee off his freehand, only to extend it to me for a hearty shake. From there, we found ourselves engaging in a long conversation. It started out casual at first ... trivial matters such as the weather and local sport's teams, but finally to real introductions.
When he found out I was Chris Redfield's little sister, you should've seen his face. He looked as if he wanted to stand up and run right from the room. I don't know if maybe he thought I would tease him in the manner my brother always had, or if maybe he was afraid of what Chris could do to him if he caught us together, even if our meeting was under innocent circumstances. It took me no time to ease his fears ... from what I heard after this encounter, that was quite an achievement on my part.
About an hour later, Chris finally came into the room, apologizing from being so late and rushing me out. As I turned back for one last glance at my friend, I could see my brother sending him an almost threatening look that seemed to freeze Brad in his place. Chris always had been protective of me. Not even he could keep me and Vickers apart, however.
We ran into each other around Raccoon. It seemed almost as if the fates were drawing us together. Everytime I saw him, my affection for him grew more and more. I had never been the type of girl to fall into such romantic fancies, but it was magnetic.
It wasn't until a week after I arrived did things finally become serious.
As I sit here now and close my eyes, my senses just flare with rememberences of that rainy night. Chris had gone to some marksman competion, and I had felt a bit under the weather earlier in the day. A few shots of Nyquil had fixed me up by nightfall and I took the oppurtunity to full explore the city.
As the clock struck midnight, the drizzle that had been plaguing me throughout my wanderings turned into a full downpour. I ran to find shelter underneath the overhang of a grocery store, a chill running to my very core. In this desperate situation, I was relieved to hear a confused, nervous voice call out to me.
"Claire?"
I whirled about on the heels of my black boots to catch sight of Brad. He looked almost as pitiful as I did at the moment. One of his hands grasped an umbrella while the other worked to balance a grocery bag. He seemed to become a school boy as he started towards me, he even stumbled. It's still amazing that he didn't fall completely.
"What are you doing out here in this kind of weather? By yourself? At night?" He removed the old, army green colored jacket from off of his thin shoulders and draped it across mine. It was the first time any man had acted chivalrous towards me. Most just judged me by my mannerisms and motorcycle and figured I wasn't the type to appreciate such treatment. But, God, how I had yearned for it. That wasn't to say I wasn't indepedent ... but everyone wants some affection now and then.
"I wasn't expecting it to rain like this. Guess I should've looked at a weather report before I left the house."
I had just gotten out those words when I felt his shaking arm give me a little nudge. In a voice a pitch higher than any man his age should have, he choked out a simple offer.
"Come back to m-my apartment. It's right around the corner. It's not a very good neighborhood, b-but you can wait out the storm there. It shouldn't last like this much longer."
It was clear in his voice what he was afraid of ... rejection. Had this been the first time he had ever managed to make such an offer to a woman? Just by his appearance I deduced it was. I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips as I agreed.
After a short walk, we came to his little apartment. It was bigger than my dorm room, but not by much. It was also quite neat for a bachelor. Seemed almost lonely in a way. Now, I know what you're thinking ... He only had one thing on his mind, right? Wrong.
It's true that I spent the entire night at Brad's place, but nothing besides a kiss to his forehead happened. We spent hours upon hours just talking to one another. I saw through his "cautious" tendencies, and he tore down my rough exterior. We exposed eachother as human beings and relished in the rawness of our relationship.
When morning dawned on the city, it came time for me to leave him. We stood at the door for what seemed like an eternity. He was shaking again. I thought he'd never be able to lift his gaze from his shoes. But as quickly as he could manage, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my head in the most genuine display of affection I have yet to witness.
That was the last time I ever saw him alive. The STARS team suddenly became involved in an on-going investigation and neither Brad or Chris had time for me. So, I went back to my life at college. I figured I had all the time in the world ... What a damn fool I was.
For a while, me and Brad corresponded through letters. Even the distance couldn't keep our relationship from growing. Then, the Spencer incident happened ... and I stopped reading his letters. I was so mad at him for just leaving Chris there. He knew how much I loved my brother ... and yet he ran away like a coward.
Looking back on things now ... I wish I would have talked things out with him. Maybe if I had been more forgiving, he wouldn't have been in Raccoon when ... when ...
I saw Brad one last time ... My communications with Chris had suddenly ceased. I feared the worst. Being as headstrong and stubborn as ever, I geared myself up and rode off on my motorcycle to Raccoon City. When I arrived, the beautiful city I had dreamed of growing old in was ruined.
I fought my way to the police department through the heards of zombies. I was so sure that Chris was there ... but as I went down into the tunnel just outside the building, I encountered a sight I had never in all my years prepared for. Even now I have nightmares of it. It tears my apart on the inside. It's like a disease. Little things trigger it ... whether it be a couple walking past, or even a rainy day.
There he was ... my Brad. But, it wasn't him. His skin had decayed. His eyes were lifeless. His clothes were smeared with blood ... I'm not sure if it was his, or someone else's. I don't care to think of that too much.
He approached my in jagged steps, his fingers outstretched and just lusting to rip me to pieces. I knew this wasn't the man I loved. I knew that he was gone. This was just his lifeless shell ... but against all logic, I began to have these weird thoughts. I considered just throwing myself at him. Allowing him to bite out my juggular so that we could at least be together in this state of death. I guess I should really called it "undeath".
I couldn't allow that to happen, however. I had always been the compassionate sort, and it killed me to know that if I were to become infected, I could very well kill some innocent person trying to survive. I had no choice ...
The gun trembled in my sweaty palms as I raised it up. I had done this so many times before ... Chris had always made sure I knew how to work a firearm. All that knowledge failed me now. I began to make attempts at pulling the trigger, but I missed over and over again. I felt his palm upon my shoulder ... It was ice cold. That was when I fired the first shot.
Tears streamed down my face, mixing with the dirt and the blood splash that had just discharged from the wound. He was hurt! I could see it in his face! Oh God! I was killing him! But I couldn't stop! I just fired over and over again until he fell. As the crimson liquid pooled around his corpse, I saw one last glimmer in his eyes. A quiver of his lip ... For a split second I had seen the man who I had loved.
I was a murderer.
I collapsed onto the cold ground and pulled him into my lap. My arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, rocking back and forth as if I were trying to provide comfort to him ... or maybe I was just trying to comfort myself. I didn't care that his blood was soaking my clothes, as long as it was his.
"Brad ... Brad ... Brad ... I love you ... Please ..."
I repeated those phrases over and over again, but I was forced to face harsh reality. He wasn't coming back. He was gone forever. He had left me ...
I leapt to my feet as a scream of agony escaped me. I never knew I could make such a sound. What I did next I'm ashamed to admit. I put the barrel of my own gun in my mouth. I was going to end it. After all, what was a life without love? I came so close to pulling that trigger before I realized something ...
... I still had Chris.
I couldn't leave my brother. I now knew the agony of what it felt like to be alone. I could never cause someone to suffer that way. As I pulled that gun from my lips, I stole one last glance at the body of my deceased beloved. I knew then that I could never love another man like I had loved him.
And then I left. I made it out of Raccoon alive, along with Leon and Sherry. And get this ... I infiltrated one of Umbrella's lab and made them take out four floors just to catch me. And don't even get me started on Antartica and Rockfort! I finally found Chris, too. I still haven't told him about me and Brad. I don't know if I ever will.
Maybe one day he'll find these papers and realize what my motivation to do the things I've done was.
But even with my success, I still feel hollow on the inside. I had my chance a lot love. Everyone relationship since then has just seemed lesser. Brad was my true love ... and only when I take down Umbrella will he be able to rest in peace ... and maybe so will I.
I am comforted with the knowledge that when my long battle comes to an end, and I'm six feet under ... that Brad will be waiting for me on the otherside, the angel I always viewed him as. People may say I was made in Heaven, but my place of origin is the only place where I will ever be whole again.
For now, I continue my mission ... with the memory of my precious Chickenheart as motivation. I truly loved him ...
Pairing: Brad Vickers/Claire Redfield
Rating: R (Disturbing Subject Matter)
Summary: Claire reflects on her first love.
Genre: Romance/Horror
I'm here without you, baby,
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you, baby,
And I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you, baby,
But you're still with me in my dreams.
. . . And tonight it's only you and me.
- "Here Without You", 3 Doors Down
I once knew a man. I mean, I really knew him ... better than anyone else did. Most would call him a coward, but to me, he was always just cautious. Looking back on things, I'm still not sure why I felt the compulsion to be near him, but it was just an undeniable attraction. Something about him made my heart flutter in a way it never had. The day I discovered love was the day I met Brad Vickers.
I still remember our first meeting so vividly. I had just turned nineteen. I guess you could say I was normal then. I didn't have to worry about Umbrella or a monster lurking around a corner. My largest concern was passing the exam in my automotive classes. Funny how things so trivial had meant so much then ... But those days are gone now. I've accepted it the same way I've accepted he's gone.
I had just aced my midterm, and as spring term dawned on the nation's college population, my brother invited me to spend it with him in Raccoon City. He had only been living there a short time, and I hadn't visited for an extended period. However, I had no desire to go to Cancun like my classmates. I was never the type for putting on bikinis and drinking more than I could handle. Plus, I loved Chris. He's the only person who had been there for my all my life and three weeks with him sounded like Heaven.
So, I packed up my things and set off for the city.
Chris had given me instructions to meet him at the Raccoon City Police Department. I was perched upon those front lobby steps for what seemed like an hour before I finally got antsy and ventured about my grand surroundings, not knowing that in a few months it would be the scene of a changing point in my young life.
A lot of the rooms were closed off, but finally I found one slightly ajar. It was a break room for the officers, and as I walked him, I heard a little yelp. And there he was ... Brad. He was almost pathetic in a way. I couldn't believe he had actually been startled by me. Something about him was almost childlike ... He needed someone. He needed me.
"I'm sorry ... I didn't think anyone else was in here," I stammered out as I stepped fully into the room. It was only when he saw the difference in our stature with him taking the advantage did I get a smile from him. I couldn't help but dwell on his teeth. Sure, they were crooked ... but cute. Just like the rest of him.
"It's fine. I'm just a little ... jumpy," he replied as he wiped some lukewarm coffee off his freehand, only to extend it to me for a hearty shake. From there, we found ourselves engaging in a long conversation. It started out casual at first ... trivial matters such as the weather and local sport's teams, but finally to real introductions.
When he found out I was Chris Redfield's little sister, you should've seen his face. He looked as if he wanted to stand up and run right from the room. I don't know if maybe he thought I would tease him in the manner my brother always had, or if maybe he was afraid of what Chris could do to him if he caught us together, even if our meeting was under innocent circumstances. It took me no time to ease his fears ... from what I heard after this encounter, that was quite an achievement on my part.
About an hour later, Chris finally came into the room, apologizing from being so late and rushing me out. As I turned back for one last glance at my friend, I could see my brother sending him an almost threatening look that seemed to freeze Brad in his place. Chris always had been protective of me. Not even he could keep me and Vickers apart, however.
We ran into each other around Raccoon. It seemed almost as if the fates were drawing us together. Everytime I saw him, my affection for him grew more and more. I had never been the type of girl to fall into such romantic fancies, but it was magnetic.
It wasn't until a week after I arrived did things finally become serious.
As I sit here now and close my eyes, my senses just flare with rememberences of that rainy night. Chris had gone to some marksman competion, and I had felt a bit under the weather earlier in the day. A few shots of Nyquil had fixed me up by nightfall and I took the oppurtunity to full explore the city.
As the clock struck midnight, the drizzle that had been plaguing me throughout my wanderings turned into a full downpour. I ran to find shelter underneath the overhang of a grocery store, a chill running to my very core. In this desperate situation, I was relieved to hear a confused, nervous voice call out to me.
"Claire?"
I whirled about on the heels of my black boots to catch sight of Brad. He looked almost as pitiful as I did at the moment. One of his hands grasped an umbrella while the other worked to balance a grocery bag. He seemed to become a school boy as he started towards me, he even stumbled. It's still amazing that he didn't fall completely.
"What are you doing out here in this kind of weather? By yourself? At night?" He removed the old, army green colored jacket from off of his thin shoulders and draped it across mine. It was the first time any man had acted chivalrous towards me. Most just judged me by my mannerisms and motorcycle and figured I wasn't the type to appreciate such treatment. But, God, how I had yearned for it. That wasn't to say I wasn't indepedent ... but everyone wants some affection now and then.
"I wasn't expecting it to rain like this. Guess I should've looked at a weather report before I left the house."
I had just gotten out those words when I felt his shaking arm give me a little nudge. In a voice a pitch higher than any man his age should have, he choked out a simple offer.
"Come back to m-my apartment. It's right around the corner. It's not a very good neighborhood, b-but you can wait out the storm there. It shouldn't last like this much longer."
It was clear in his voice what he was afraid of ... rejection. Had this been the first time he had ever managed to make such an offer to a woman? Just by his appearance I deduced it was. I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips as I agreed.
After a short walk, we came to his little apartment. It was bigger than my dorm room, but not by much. It was also quite neat for a bachelor. Seemed almost lonely in a way. Now, I know what you're thinking ... He only had one thing on his mind, right? Wrong.
It's true that I spent the entire night at Brad's place, but nothing besides a kiss to his forehead happened. We spent hours upon hours just talking to one another. I saw through his "cautious" tendencies, and he tore down my rough exterior. We exposed eachother as human beings and relished in the rawness of our relationship.
When morning dawned on the city, it came time for me to leave him. We stood at the door for what seemed like an eternity. He was shaking again. I thought he'd never be able to lift his gaze from his shoes. But as quickly as he could manage, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my head in the most genuine display of affection I have yet to witness.
That was the last time I ever saw him alive. The STARS team suddenly became involved in an on-going investigation and neither Brad or Chris had time for me. So, I went back to my life at college. I figured I had all the time in the world ... What a damn fool I was.
For a while, me and Brad corresponded through letters. Even the distance couldn't keep our relationship from growing. Then, the Spencer incident happened ... and I stopped reading his letters. I was so mad at him for just leaving Chris there. He knew how much I loved my brother ... and yet he ran away like a coward.
Looking back on things now ... I wish I would have talked things out with him. Maybe if I had been more forgiving, he wouldn't have been in Raccoon when ... when ...
I saw Brad one last time ... My communications with Chris had suddenly ceased. I feared the worst. Being as headstrong and stubborn as ever, I geared myself up and rode off on my motorcycle to Raccoon City. When I arrived, the beautiful city I had dreamed of growing old in was ruined.
I fought my way to the police department through the heards of zombies. I was so sure that Chris was there ... but as I went down into the tunnel just outside the building, I encountered a sight I had never in all my years prepared for. Even now I have nightmares of it. It tears my apart on the inside. It's like a disease. Little things trigger it ... whether it be a couple walking past, or even a rainy day.
There he was ... my Brad. But, it wasn't him. His skin had decayed. His eyes were lifeless. His clothes were smeared with blood ... I'm not sure if it was his, or someone else's. I don't care to think of that too much.
He approached my in jagged steps, his fingers outstretched and just lusting to rip me to pieces. I knew this wasn't the man I loved. I knew that he was gone. This was just his lifeless shell ... but against all logic, I began to have these weird thoughts. I considered just throwing myself at him. Allowing him to bite out my juggular so that we could at least be together in this state of death. I guess I should really called it "undeath".
I couldn't allow that to happen, however. I had always been the compassionate sort, and it killed me to know that if I were to become infected, I could very well kill some innocent person trying to survive. I had no choice ...
The gun trembled in my sweaty palms as I raised it up. I had done this so many times before ... Chris had always made sure I knew how to work a firearm. All that knowledge failed me now. I began to make attempts at pulling the trigger, but I missed over and over again. I felt his palm upon my shoulder ... It was ice cold. That was when I fired the first shot.
Tears streamed down my face, mixing with the dirt and the blood splash that had just discharged from the wound. He was hurt! I could see it in his face! Oh God! I was killing him! But I couldn't stop! I just fired over and over again until he fell. As the crimson liquid pooled around his corpse, I saw one last glimmer in his eyes. A quiver of his lip ... For a split second I had seen the man who I had loved.
I was a murderer.
I collapsed onto the cold ground and pulled him into my lap. My arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, rocking back and forth as if I were trying to provide comfort to him ... or maybe I was just trying to comfort myself. I didn't care that his blood was soaking my clothes, as long as it was his.
"Brad ... Brad ... Brad ... I love you ... Please ..."
I repeated those phrases over and over again, but I was forced to face harsh reality. He wasn't coming back. He was gone forever. He had left me ...
I leapt to my feet as a scream of agony escaped me. I never knew I could make such a sound. What I did next I'm ashamed to admit. I put the barrel of my own gun in my mouth. I was going to end it. After all, what was a life without love? I came so close to pulling that trigger before I realized something ...
... I still had Chris.
I couldn't leave my brother. I now knew the agony of what it felt like to be alone. I could never cause someone to suffer that way. As I pulled that gun from my lips, I stole one last glance at the body of my deceased beloved. I knew then that I could never love another man like I had loved him.
And then I left. I made it out of Raccoon alive, along with Leon and Sherry. And get this ... I infiltrated one of Umbrella's lab and made them take out four floors just to catch me. And don't even get me started on Antartica and Rockfort! I finally found Chris, too. I still haven't told him about me and Brad. I don't know if I ever will.
Maybe one day he'll find these papers and realize what my motivation to do the things I've done was.
But even with my success, I still feel hollow on the inside. I had my chance a lot love. Everyone relationship since then has just seemed lesser. Brad was my true love ... and only when I take down Umbrella will he be able to rest in peace ... and maybe so will I.
I am comforted with the knowledge that when my long battle comes to an end, and I'm six feet under ... that Brad will be waiting for me on the otherside, the angel I always viewed him as. People may say I was made in Heaven, but my place of origin is the only place where I will ever be whole again.
For now, I continue my mission ... with the memory of my precious Chickenheart as motivation. I truly loved him ...