After a million years, I have returned from infinite nothingness with the unbelievably long and incredibly demented Chapter 9! Aren't ya excited?!
Disclaimer: Okay, I admit it. It's not mine. It belongs to......THEM.
Chillin' On the Dark Side
Chapter 9: That's What It's All About
"That is so disturbing." Raven commented as he watched Hiltz dance wildly.
"La CucuraCHA, La CucuraCHA! CHACHACHACHACHACHACHA, OLE!" Hiltz jumped in the air, tapped his ankles together, and promptly fell down, smashing his face into the floor, while Raven laughed hysterically.
"Once again, I feel it necessary to point out that I am laughing AT you, Hiltz. That is to say that-" Raven began, but was cut off suddenly by Thomas.
"Oh like, WOW, I like soooooo totally *love* to dance and stuff!" Thomas screamed joyfully, skipping over to Hiltz.
"Put your south foot in, put your east elbow out, put your northwestern head in and shake it all about! Do the Hokey Pokey and ya turn yourself arounds, that's what it's all about! Yeah yeah yeah, I says that's what it's all about!" Hiltz shrieked as he jumped up and down frantically.
"Those aren't the right words, stupid! And you can't have a northwestern head, either!" Specula yelled.
"Yeah!" Zeke added. "You can only have a northsouthern one!"
"That doesn't even make sense! 'Northsouthern' is an oxymoron!" Specula told Zeke, shaking her head in annoyance.
"Errrrr, don't call me a moron!" Zeke shouted angrily, growling at Specula. "Just because Van's a total imbecile doesn't mean I'm stupid, too! You- you totally shouldn't judge a muffin by its shoe size!"
Specula's face contorted into a look of absolute confusion. "WHAT?!" she screamed. "MUFFINS DON'T EVEN WEAR SHOES! SEE, *NOW* YOU'RE A MORON!"
"Yeah, for sure, Zeke. Whad'ya thinkin?" Ambient shook his head. Then his face brightened. "Only cupcakes wear shoes!"
Specula looked at the two organoids blankly, completely unable to believe their stupidity. Then she began smashing her head against the wall. "Why me? Why always me? I just don't get it!" she spoke over and over again.
"Hey man, I don't want any dents on that wall, ya hear? I'm arranging to have it painted for spring and I don't wanna pay for any damages!" Dark Kaiser shouted.
Shadow shook his head at the blue organoid. "That's right, Specula. Just keep bashing your head against the wall just like your master does. That'll sure solve all your problems." he commented sarcastically.
"That's right, Shadow. Just keep being a jerk like your master is." Specula muttered. She turned to face him. "Look, I'm doing the best I can, okay?!" she cried before going back to the wall.
"For peanut's sake, Specula, why can't you just accept our differences? You acknowledge your master's mental difficulties, why can't you understand ours?" Ambient yelled at her.
"Yeah, Specula! You seriously gotta step outside the box and smell the Mr. Clean, man. Reese isn't the only one with problems, ya know!" Zeke told her in a huff.
"So then she said, buy me a sandwich and I was all like, no way man I'm not spending perfectly good Laundromat nickels on you and so she was all like that's so typical of you, you stupid tractor face!" Dark Kaiser stopped to blow his nose. "Can you believe she called me that?" he sniffed.
"Oh my word, that's terrible! Some people just don't know when they've gone too far, boy turkey, I'll tell you that!" Fiona cried, giving the Dark Kaiser a sympathetic look.
Shadow looked over at Dark Kaiser and Fiona, then back at Specula. "Yeah, she definitely isn't. I'd say more than half the people around here aren't sane."
Ambient eyed Shadow suspiciously. "Are you trying to say there's something wrong with us, Shadow?"
"You just said yourself that you're messed up, Ambient! Don't put taxis in my mouth!" Shadow shot back angrily.
"Ohhhh, I'll put all the taxis I darn well please in your trap! And the little squeaky horns, too!" Ambient shouted.
Shadow looked stunned and insulted as he responded. "Oh, you went *way* too far with that one, amigo!"
"I DON'T SPEAK DUTCH, STUPID! DARN IT SHADOW, QUIT TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU'RE SMARTER THAN ALL OF US!" Ambient yelled furiously.
"Yeah, Shadow! We can't all be big dumb chipmunks in dresses, now can we?!" Zeke cried out. Ambient and Shadow suddenly stopped shouting and gave him very strange looks.
"What do chipmunks have to do with anything, Zeke?! You're so stupid, I bet if a teacup tried to swim on you, he'd trip and fall!" Ambient screamed.
"And chipmunks don't wear dresses!" Shadow added. He paused for a second and then smiled widely at no one in particular. "They wear suspenders and soccer cleats!"
"Oh yeah, well......takes one to know one, you lunatics!" Zeke scoffed, turning his back to Shadow and Ambient.
"Would you three shut up?! You've only been going on about taxis and chipmunks for like 13,000 leap years! How am I supposed to have a psychological breakdown when a bunch of mentally challenged idiots keep interrupting my confusion?! I can't concentrate on losing my mind with you morons around!" Reese shrieked from her corner, which she absolutely refused to leave.
"Okay, okay! Don't have a goat, Reese!" Ambient shouted. He turned and whispered to Zeke and Shadow. "Boy, is she ever testy when she's hyperventilating!"
"Tell me about it," Specula muttered, still pounding her head on the rock wall. "You should see her on St. Patrick's Day!"
"Uhhhhhh, what about St. Patrick's Day?" Zeke asked slowly, not sure if he really wanted to hear the answer.
"She's deathly afraid of shamrocks. Don't ask." Specula mumbled. "Might have something to do with her fear of steak seasoning."
"Duhhhhhhh........." Zeke, Ambient, and Shadow looked at each other in confusion and fear, and simultaneously took a very large step back from Reese's corner.
"Like, wow and some junk! This is like, *totally* the greatest form of self-expression!" Thomas shrieked, copying Hiltz's earlier movements. "Like, yaHOOOOO!!!" he screamed.
"Oh my cheeseburger, is that man all right?" Fiona asked worriedly as she watched Thomas. "He seems to be having a seizure!"
Raven waved his hand nonchalantly. "Oh please. Where have you been the last hour?"
Fiona looked at Raven in confusion. "Whatever do you mean? I've been standing right here in front of you. Don't you see me?" She paused, still looking bemused, when suddenly she gasped. "Oh joy, am I invisible?! Can you really *not* see me?! Is that why you don't know where I've been?!" Without waiting for an answer, she giggled delightedly, a high-pitched sound that tore through the lair. "Oooo, I'm invisible! Now I can rock and rock and rock all the livelong day, and the GF can't come to take me away! Oh, groovy, did you hear that?! An invisible rhyme!" Fiona chuckled again, rocking back and forth joyously.
Raven looked at Fiona and shook his head. "Just when I thought blondes couldn't get any stupider."
"Hey, fashion impaired so totally not super chick! I'll let you know that I take serious offense to that!" Thomas huffed, tossing his head and looking insulted.
Raven eyed Thomas slyly. "Yeah, whatever, loser. How do I even know you're a true blonde? Sure doesn't look it!"
Thomas' mouth dropped open, and for a second he just stood looking astonished and distressed. Then those emotions disappeared, and full-fledged anger filled the gap. "HOW *DARE* YOU?! HOW COULD YOU DOUBT MY TRUE COLOR EVEN FOR A SECOND?! I'M A REAL BLONDE, GIRLFRIEND, NOT ONE STRAND SAYS OTHERWISE!" he screeched.
"SHUT UP! I CAN'T HEAR THE LITTLE VOICES IN MY HEAD OVER YOUR USELESS CHATTER!" Reese screamed frantically, curling into a tighter fetal position. "Luckily, they're nice enough to repeat themselves."
"Aw, put a lid on it, Reeses girl! Not even the people in your mind would wanna talk to such a loser! Why don't you go stuff your face in a Reeses cup or somethin'?!" Raven shouted, giving her a maddening grin.
"WHY MUST YOU TAUNT ME, CRUEL FIEND?! OH WHY MUST I ENDURE SUCH SUFFERING?!" Reese cried, smashing her head on the ground.
"Aw, look, now they're both doing it!" Shadow said, gesturing to Specula and Reese. "It's so nice that they enjoy the same things! What a strong bond they've formed!"
Thomas fingered his hair doubtfully, looking worried. He walked over to Hiltz. "D-do I like, really not like, look like a true like, blonde, and stuff?" he asked almost tearfully. His voice grew loud and hurried, full of insistence. "Cause this like, really is my like, real color, you like, know! Honestly, it totally is!" He looked at Hiltz, his eyes wide and pleading. "You like, believe me, don't ya Hiltz?"
"Oh *sure*! But everybody's gotta grow up someday. It just happens like that." Hiltz shrugged as he sashayed back and forth across the lair.
"Ar-are you saying that I like, totally *don't* look like a blonde?!" Thomas was on the verge of screaming, and he was beginning to tremble.
"Noooo, he's saying you look like a simpleton! And I completely agree!" Raven shouted. He shook his head, chuckling to himself. "Ah, simpleton. What a great word!"
Thomas ran over to Fiona, deciding desperately to place his last hopes in the ditzy girl. "Hey, girl, you would know. Am I like, the perfect blonde, or what?"
Fiona gasped and looked up at him, her eyes wide and troubled. "But how did you see me?! I'm invisible, you're not 'opposed to know where I am! Awww fiddlesticks, does this mean I have to stop rocking now?" she sniffed sadly. "I was just getting the hang of it, too! The little people were even starting to talk to me again," she looked up at Thomas solemnly. "After Van took me to therapy and gave me funny medicine, they told me they were moving away, and then I didn't hear from them for a really long time," she sighed and shook her head. "I don't understand! I mean, they could've at least called!"
Thomas jumped around in front of her nervously, almost bursting with anxiety. "AM I A BLONDE, CHICKY BABY?! AM I?!" he screamed, clenching his fists and looking up at the ceiling. When he looked down, his face was calm and rather perplexed as he looked over at the Dark Kaiser. "Uhhhhh, dude? You have like, a hole up there and some junk."
Dark Kaiser sighed in annoyance. "I *know*, okay?! Don't tell me, tell her!" he added in frustration, pointing a finger at Reese. "It's all her fault, I didn't do anything! So you can take your accusations and your fancy judge talk somewhere else, ya hear?! Cause it wasn't me, I say!" He eyed Thomas nervously. "You're not with the fuzz, are ya?" When Thomas didn't answer, Dark Kaiser's eyes grew wide and panicky. "Aw, I knew it! They found me again!" he groaned, smacking himself in the head.
"Ooooo, look, that cloud waved at me!" Thomas cried joyfully, his head facing skyward, completely ignoring the Dark Kaiser.
"Did it really?" Fiona asked in awestruck wonder, coming to stand next to Thomas. "Wow, Dark Kaiser, your ceiling looks a lot like the sky! Too cool!"
"Ya do the Hooookey Pokey! The Hooookey Pokey! Ya do the Hokey Pokey and ya turn yourself around, that's what it's all about!" Hiltz shouted cheerfully, hopping around the cave.
Raven looked at all the imbeciles around him. "Once more, I am surrounded by idiots. There doesn't seem to be a hint of sanity anywhere." Raven looked around, at Thomas and Fiona staring upwards giggling about the sky, Hiltz dancing his heart out, Reese rocking and muttering to herself, Dark Kaiser packing a suitcase and shouting "They've found me, they've found me!", and then at the organoids, who were kinda just standing around arguing....again. "Yup, not a hint of sanity," he confirmed.
Raven pulled a mirror out of his pocket and looked at it. "You're not sane neither, are ya?" he asked himself. "Nope, not at all," his reflection answered. Raven shook his head, smiling smugly. "I didn't think so, pal!"
Suddenly Fiona pulled her gaze away from the ceiling and looked at Hiltz, who was still jumping around reciting the same lines from the Hokey Pokey over and over again. She stood silently for a second, finger on her chin, thinking hard. Thomas looked at her curiously. "Like, what's on your mind, girlfriend? Oh, I know. You're trying to figure out what your color is, aren't you? Well, personally, I've always gone for fire-engine red, but you seem to be more into the pink *thang* so-"
"No, no, that's not it." Fiona interrupted. "Hiltz's very deep and moving dance performance got me thinking......what if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?"
Hiltz sniffed and wiped his eye. "I'm so touched that you were inspired by my presentation!" he proclaimed. "Was I really that good?" Hiltz grinned modestly, fluttering his eyelashes.
Thomas shook his head. "Oh no *way*, girl! The Hokey Pokey is soooooo *not* what's in this year! Everyone knows that the miniskirt is truly what it's all about! Trust me on this one, I'm a professional," he assured Fiona.
"Hmmm, well, I guess you could say that." Fiona mused. "After all, the Hokey Pokey kinda went out with pickles, didn't it?"
"Oh sure, take his side! Whatever happened to my moving performance?!" Hiltz scoffed, looking insulted. "Artists are so misunderstood!" he tossed his head as he continued prancing around the room. "We gonna have a P-A-R-T-Y, PARTYBRATION!" he chanted as he twirled around.
"What in the heck is a 'PARTYBRATION'?" Raven asked scornfully.
"Yeah, totally. For Pete's sake Hiltz, whad'ya going on about?" Dark Kaiser asked, looking bewildered. "I ain't never gone to no partybration in my life!"
"There's a first time for everything, chum! Ya just gotta find the adventure!" Fiona spoke up cheerily, wearing a huge grin and giving them all a thumbs up and a wink.
"Would somebody shoot her? You know, I would, I really would, but I'm kinda busy at the moment. So for blue's sake, would somebody put me out of my misery?" Reese muttered, looking up at everyone. When she received no answer, she glared angrily at all of them. "I hate you all," she said simply, rocking back and forth again.
"Thanks Reese! Not that your opinion matters to anyone, but thanks for the input! We're all gonna go cry now cause you hate us!" Raven called out sarcastically. Torturing Reese was just something that got better and better every time.
"I-I just don't understand! How could she hate me?! Everybody loves *me*!" Fiona cried, shaking her head and putting her face in her hands.
Raven gave her a weird look. "What the heck planet are you living on?" When he didn't get a response, he continued. "Well, freak? I'm waiting for an answer and I'm not gonna wait all day!"
"Truly, Fiona dear, truly. Wherever did you get the idea that people actually *liked* you, dahling? Quite a preposterous sentiment, wouldn't you say?" Hiltz drawled, sipping tea and fanning himself with his Christmas list.
"Cause I'm cute," Fiona sniffed sorrowfully. "A-and I'm blonde."
Raven rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up! Tommy boy over here is blonde and everybody still hates *him*!"
"AHA! YOU ADMIT IT! I *AM* A REAL BLONDE!" Thomas cried triumphantly.
"I don't hate him. I think he's a real cool kid!" Hiltz told Raven, twirling around on his toes as he spoke.
"That's because you're a moron, Hiltz," Raven stated simply without any emotion, as though he were talking to a kindergartner.
Thomas came over to Raven. "You're just jealous of my inner femininity and my uncanny ability to always choose outfits that bring out my eyes!" he shouted.
"Oh yeah, that's it. I'm *real* jealous. That must be why I hate you. I mean, what other explanation could there be?" Raven snapped sarcastically, glaring at Thomas.
Thomas smiled smugly. "Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful," he called out, grinning widely at everyone.
Hiltz looked at Thomas for a second, and then walked over to Raven. "Am I beautiful?" he asked, fluttering his eyelashes and glancing down shyly.
o_O Raven stared at Hiltz, unable to speak. After a full two minutes of silence, Hiltz gave up and sat down at his child's desk, pushing away the toy magazines. He took out a piece of paper and began drawing a field of wildflowers, bopping his head to imaginary music. Raven just stood in the middle of the lair, not moving, just repeating the same thing over and over to himself. "I'm not really here, this isn't happening. I'm not really here, this isn't happening."
Fiona looked confused again. "But you are here! I can see you and everything!" She turned to Hiltz. "Did he turn invisible now?"
"I ask you, is it possible? Honestly, can she get any stupider?" Reese muttered to herself in a barely audible voice. After pausing for a moment, she continued. "And for our home viewing audience, the answer is no!"
"Nah. He doesn't like airplanes," Hiltz responded to Fiona's question, not bothering to look up from his drawing. "Aw, crackerjack! Does anybody have a tickle-me-pink crayon available?" he asked, holding up the broken end.
"Hold on!" Dark Kaiser called out, starting to dig through a large patterned purse. Various objects flew above their heads as he struggled to find the requested item. "I know it's in here somewhere," he murmured as a trumpet, a garden hose, and several containers of creamed corn soared through the air.
"Like, ahhhhh!" Thomas screamed, ducking to avoid getting hit by a cat that nearly collided with his head as it was thrown aside. The next thing they heard was the smash of a window. "Hiltz, you're paying for that," Dark Kaiser told him nonchalantly as he continued rummaging through the bag.
"Okey smokey!" Hiltz replied as he got hit in the face with a phone cord. "Oh, never mind. I can use this thingymajigger!" he called out, picking up a pencil sharpener and jamming the crayon into the hole. "Thanks a bunch, DK!"
"Aw great, I went through my whole getaway bag for nothing! Now I gotta start over!" Dark Kaiser moaned, glaring at Hiltz. "If those cherrytops catch me now, it's all your fault! Ya hear me, you stupid crayon-wanter?! For Pete's sake, now how am I gonna get outta this country without my hairdryer?" Dark Kaiser complained, looking around for the objects that he'd thrown.
"Hey! Hey guys, look! Look guys! Hey, look! Guys, look! Come on, guys!" Shadow prompted, trying to get the other organoids to listen.
"WHAAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!" Specula screamed testily.
"No need to be an overbearing jerk face, Specula. Geez." Shadow huffed, crossing his tiny arms. "I just wanted to tell ya that Dark Kaiser's talking about Pete again."
Ambient tossed his head in annoyance. "I resent the fact that he's never brought this 'Pete' to meet us! How dare he have friends that we don't have?!"
"Well, Pete knows you need all the friends you can get, don't you, Ambient?" Specula muttered.
"WHAT?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU'VE KNOWN PETE THIS WHOLE TIME?! AND YOU NEVER TOLD US?!" Ambient screamed at Specula, roaring furiously. He turned to Shadow angrily. "Did you know she was keeping this secret from us?!"
Before Shadow could respond, Zeke spoke up, looking perplexed. "Uhhhhhh......not to interrupt or anything, but who's Pete?"
Ambient turned on him in rage. "THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HERE, YOU IMBECILE!"
"Hey man, that's *not* cool, calling me that!" Zeke shouted. "I just asked a simple question that you're probably too stupid to answer anyway! I mean, what was I thinking? You don't even know what shoe size a banana nut muffin is!"
"That's because *banana nut muffins* don't wear shoes!" Ambient yelled. "And if you wanna know who Pete is, why don't you just ask HER, that low-life, secret-keeping, friend-deceiving, Pete-knowing loser!"
Shadow gasped as he turned to look at the blue organoid. "You *know* him?! How could you betray us like that?!" he shook his head in disgust and disappointment. "Oprah would not appreciate this dishonest behavior, Specula. She would not accept it at all."
"Oh really? And how do you know what that fruitcup appreciates? Well, moron?!" Specula shouted at him, angry that she was being accused.
Shadow gaped at her, as if she had committed some unspeakable felony. "Oprah is most certainly *not* a fruitcup, Specula," he told her in a deadly serious tone. "I know what I'm talking about, because I saw her show last week about people who have so-called best friends that are lying two-faced ingrates that know people other people don't and keep their friendships with Pete a secret!" Shadow told her smugly without pausing to take a breath.
"That wasn't the topic, stupid! Quit trying to accuse me of knowing people that I don't know that you think I know and I really don't know because I've never gotten the chance to know them!" Specula yelled. "Because I DON'T KNOW PETE!!!"
Dark Kaiser looked over at the organoids curiously. "Hey, who's this guy Pete that you keep yelling about?" He eyed them suspiciously. "Do you people know something we don't?"
"Oh, that's rich, Dark Kaiser! Don't act like you don't know what we're talking about! We know you have friends that you're keeping from us!" Shadow shouted, his eyes narrowing angrily.
"What the heck are you talking about?! I have no friends, I have no friends!" Dark Kaiser yelled back at them, when suddenly he frowned. "No wait, I do have friends! But they're not anybody you don't know!" he added frantically.
"DENIAL! THIS MAN IS GUILTY OF LYING OF THE FIRST DEGREE!" Ambient screamed, pointing an accusing claw at the Dark Kaiser. "You, sir, are sentenced to hard time at the county prism!"
"Prison, stupid! It's prison!" Zeke hissed. He turned to look at the other two organoids. "I told ya. Didn't I tell ya? He's a moron, that's what I tell ya!"
"Ooooo, can we have another trial?!" Hiltz begged. "The last one was soooooo fun! Even though I don't know why we had it...." he trailed off, trying hard to remember, when suddenly his face brightened. "Oh yeah, it was cause Smokey the Bear said so, wasn't it? Right? Am I right, guys?"
"Already way ahead of ya," Shadow replied, pulling out his big judge hammer and banging it on Zeke's head. "WE HEREBY FIND THE DUDE GUILTY AND SENTENCE HIM TO....to uh.....what are we making him do again?"
"Who cares? Just convict him and throw him in the brig, quick!" Ambient urged. "He's a lying cheat and I don't want him in my presence any longer!"
"Okay, we sentence you to....uh........dress up in a funny apron and polish everybody's Zoids on daytime television while singing showtunes and balancing a bucket of red Jell-O with marshmallows on your head!" Shadow yelled, smashing the hammer down on Zeke's head again. "How's that?" he asked, turning to everyone else.
Ambient smiled smugly. "Perfect." Everybody else nodded, smiling evilly, except for Zeke, who had collapsed on the floor and was muttering something about rainbows. Dark Kaiser looked deathly afraid. "BU-BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" he protested. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M THE DARK KAISER! I RULE ALL, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! I'M INNOCENT, I TELL YOU, INNOCENT!" he cried.
"Save it for the saps, granola boy! And stop screaming, you'll ruin your voice and then the viewing audience won't get their showtunes!" Ambient told him, still grinning widely.
"I don't get it. That guy didn't do anything, did he? Why are they forcing him to do cruel and unusual things for the amusement of the people? Doesn't that cost money?" Fiona asked, turning to Raven.
"Shut up, nimrod. I can only take so much of a dumb blonde." Raven muttered from where he still stood, and then went back to chanting.
Fiona shook her head as she turned away. "I don't get that, either. Why's everyone being such a turkey head today?"
Thomas blew gently on his rosy red nails as he responded to Fiona. "Oh, I so totally know what you mean, girl!" he lowered his voice and smiled knowingly. "It's that time of month."
"Ohhhhhhhhh," a look of understanding crossed Fiona's face and she nodded. "Yeah, it has been getting kinda cold lately. Unhappy weather, that must be the thing. Now I get it."
Before Thomas could respond, Raven jumped in. "Like, oooo, could you do my nails, too? Cause that would be like, soooooooo groovy!" he shrieked sarcastically. "You're such a loser, Schubaltz," he continued, shaking his head.
Fiona looked at Thomas sympathetically. "Don't worry. It's that *time of month*," she smiled and winked at him.
"Like, save me," Thomas muttered as he fell anime-style.
Van's still on the ceiling. That should take care of any questions. And now, I'm doing what I promised and giving all you wonderful reviewers proper recognition, from the very first chapter to the latest installment of lunacy. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?
My appreciation and thanks go to: Evil Person, Final Paradise, Maelgwyn, The Echidna, Dark Warrior, Blackraven10187, Stryker, Any-mass, idesel, Annie, The Krazed Kitsune
Amrun- Do I even have to say it? (hugs LP rock possessively and hands you extra big box of double chocolate chip cookies) Thanks a lots for stickin with me n my insane fic!
Paladin Dragoon- Yep, I finally updated! I think I died, but then I came back......I'M ALIVE, I'M ALIVE! (O_O sees you run away) Aw, wait a sec! Come back! Uh, I have cookies! (sighs) I lose a lotta reviewers that way.......
The Black Blade Liger X- As always, good to know there's other psychos out there! Here! You can never have too many of these! (hands you three super size boxes of assorted cookies) One for Nikita, one for Naomi, and one for you! Thanks so much for always reviewing my fics. You're the best, BBLX, the very best! (sees other reviewers forming an angry mob) AHHHH, NO! (whips out flamethrower) Don't make me use this! I'M WARNING YOU! (begins torching random objects and laughing maniacally) One last thing before I completely lose my mind......LINKIN PARK RULES FOREVER! YAY! You might wanna leave now so ya don't get caught in the line of fire.......
Disclaimer: Okay, I admit it. It's not mine. It belongs to......THEM.
Chillin' On the Dark Side
Chapter 9: That's What It's All About
"That is so disturbing." Raven commented as he watched Hiltz dance wildly.
"La CucuraCHA, La CucuraCHA! CHACHACHACHACHACHACHA, OLE!" Hiltz jumped in the air, tapped his ankles together, and promptly fell down, smashing his face into the floor, while Raven laughed hysterically.
"Once again, I feel it necessary to point out that I am laughing AT you, Hiltz. That is to say that-" Raven began, but was cut off suddenly by Thomas.
"Oh like, WOW, I like soooooo totally *love* to dance and stuff!" Thomas screamed joyfully, skipping over to Hiltz.
"Put your south foot in, put your east elbow out, put your northwestern head in and shake it all about! Do the Hokey Pokey and ya turn yourself arounds, that's what it's all about! Yeah yeah yeah, I says that's what it's all about!" Hiltz shrieked as he jumped up and down frantically.
"Those aren't the right words, stupid! And you can't have a northwestern head, either!" Specula yelled.
"Yeah!" Zeke added. "You can only have a northsouthern one!"
"That doesn't even make sense! 'Northsouthern' is an oxymoron!" Specula told Zeke, shaking her head in annoyance.
"Errrrr, don't call me a moron!" Zeke shouted angrily, growling at Specula. "Just because Van's a total imbecile doesn't mean I'm stupid, too! You- you totally shouldn't judge a muffin by its shoe size!"
Specula's face contorted into a look of absolute confusion. "WHAT?!" she screamed. "MUFFINS DON'T EVEN WEAR SHOES! SEE, *NOW* YOU'RE A MORON!"
"Yeah, for sure, Zeke. Whad'ya thinkin?" Ambient shook his head. Then his face brightened. "Only cupcakes wear shoes!"
Specula looked at the two organoids blankly, completely unable to believe their stupidity. Then she began smashing her head against the wall. "Why me? Why always me? I just don't get it!" she spoke over and over again.
"Hey man, I don't want any dents on that wall, ya hear? I'm arranging to have it painted for spring and I don't wanna pay for any damages!" Dark Kaiser shouted.
Shadow shook his head at the blue organoid. "That's right, Specula. Just keep bashing your head against the wall just like your master does. That'll sure solve all your problems." he commented sarcastically.
"That's right, Shadow. Just keep being a jerk like your master is." Specula muttered. She turned to face him. "Look, I'm doing the best I can, okay?!" she cried before going back to the wall.
"For peanut's sake, Specula, why can't you just accept our differences? You acknowledge your master's mental difficulties, why can't you understand ours?" Ambient yelled at her.
"Yeah, Specula! You seriously gotta step outside the box and smell the Mr. Clean, man. Reese isn't the only one with problems, ya know!" Zeke told her in a huff.
"So then she said, buy me a sandwich and I was all like, no way man I'm not spending perfectly good Laundromat nickels on you and so she was all like that's so typical of you, you stupid tractor face!" Dark Kaiser stopped to blow his nose. "Can you believe she called me that?" he sniffed.
"Oh my word, that's terrible! Some people just don't know when they've gone too far, boy turkey, I'll tell you that!" Fiona cried, giving the Dark Kaiser a sympathetic look.
Shadow looked over at Dark Kaiser and Fiona, then back at Specula. "Yeah, she definitely isn't. I'd say more than half the people around here aren't sane."
Ambient eyed Shadow suspiciously. "Are you trying to say there's something wrong with us, Shadow?"
"You just said yourself that you're messed up, Ambient! Don't put taxis in my mouth!" Shadow shot back angrily.
"Ohhhh, I'll put all the taxis I darn well please in your trap! And the little squeaky horns, too!" Ambient shouted.
Shadow looked stunned and insulted as he responded. "Oh, you went *way* too far with that one, amigo!"
"I DON'T SPEAK DUTCH, STUPID! DARN IT SHADOW, QUIT TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU'RE SMARTER THAN ALL OF US!" Ambient yelled furiously.
"Yeah, Shadow! We can't all be big dumb chipmunks in dresses, now can we?!" Zeke cried out. Ambient and Shadow suddenly stopped shouting and gave him very strange looks.
"What do chipmunks have to do with anything, Zeke?! You're so stupid, I bet if a teacup tried to swim on you, he'd trip and fall!" Ambient screamed.
"And chipmunks don't wear dresses!" Shadow added. He paused for a second and then smiled widely at no one in particular. "They wear suspenders and soccer cleats!"
"Oh yeah, well......takes one to know one, you lunatics!" Zeke scoffed, turning his back to Shadow and Ambient.
"Would you three shut up?! You've only been going on about taxis and chipmunks for like 13,000 leap years! How am I supposed to have a psychological breakdown when a bunch of mentally challenged idiots keep interrupting my confusion?! I can't concentrate on losing my mind with you morons around!" Reese shrieked from her corner, which she absolutely refused to leave.
"Okay, okay! Don't have a goat, Reese!" Ambient shouted. He turned and whispered to Zeke and Shadow. "Boy, is she ever testy when she's hyperventilating!"
"Tell me about it," Specula muttered, still pounding her head on the rock wall. "You should see her on St. Patrick's Day!"
"Uhhhhhh, what about St. Patrick's Day?" Zeke asked slowly, not sure if he really wanted to hear the answer.
"She's deathly afraid of shamrocks. Don't ask." Specula mumbled. "Might have something to do with her fear of steak seasoning."
"Duhhhhhhh........." Zeke, Ambient, and Shadow looked at each other in confusion and fear, and simultaneously took a very large step back from Reese's corner.
"Like, wow and some junk! This is like, *totally* the greatest form of self-expression!" Thomas shrieked, copying Hiltz's earlier movements. "Like, yaHOOOOO!!!" he screamed.
"Oh my cheeseburger, is that man all right?" Fiona asked worriedly as she watched Thomas. "He seems to be having a seizure!"
Raven waved his hand nonchalantly. "Oh please. Where have you been the last hour?"
Fiona looked at Raven in confusion. "Whatever do you mean? I've been standing right here in front of you. Don't you see me?" She paused, still looking bemused, when suddenly she gasped. "Oh joy, am I invisible?! Can you really *not* see me?! Is that why you don't know where I've been?!" Without waiting for an answer, she giggled delightedly, a high-pitched sound that tore through the lair. "Oooo, I'm invisible! Now I can rock and rock and rock all the livelong day, and the GF can't come to take me away! Oh, groovy, did you hear that?! An invisible rhyme!" Fiona chuckled again, rocking back and forth joyously.
Raven looked at Fiona and shook his head. "Just when I thought blondes couldn't get any stupider."
"Hey, fashion impaired so totally not super chick! I'll let you know that I take serious offense to that!" Thomas huffed, tossing his head and looking insulted.
Raven eyed Thomas slyly. "Yeah, whatever, loser. How do I even know you're a true blonde? Sure doesn't look it!"
Thomas' mouth dropped open, and for a second he just stood looking astonished and distressed. Then those emotions disappeared, and full-fledged anger filled the gap. "HOW *DARE* YOU?! HOW COULD YOU DOUBT MY TRUE COLOR EVEN FOR A SECOND?! I'M A REAL BLONDE, GIRLFRIEND, NOT ONE STRAND SAYS OTHERWISE!" he screeched.
"SHUT UP! I CAN'T HEAR THE LITTLE VOICES IN MY HEAD OVER YOUR USELESS CHATTER!" Reese screamed frantically, curling into a tighter fetal position. "Luckily, they're nice enough to repeat themselves."
"Aw, put a lid on it, Reeses girl! Not even the people in your mind would wanna talk to such a loser! Why don't you go stuff your face in a Reeses cup or somethin'?!" Raven shouted, giving her a maddening grin.
"WHY MUST YOU TAUNT ME, CRUEL FIEND?! OH WHY MUST I ENDURE SUCH SUFFERING?!" Reese cried, smashing her head on the ground.
"Aw, look, now they're both doing it!" Shadow said, gesturing to Specula and Reese. "It's so nice that they enjoy the same things! What a strong bond they've formed!"
Thomas fingered his hair doubtfully, looking worried. He walked over to Hiltz. "D-do I like, really not like, look like a true like, blonde, and stuff?" he asked almost tearfully. His voice grew loud and hurried, full of insistence. "Cause this like, really is my like, real color, you like, know! Honestly, it totally is!" He looked at Hiltz, his eyes wide and pleading. "You like, believe me, don't ya Hiltz?"
"Oh *sure*! But everybody's gotta grow up someday. It just happens like that." Hiltz shrugged as he sashayed back and forth across the lair.
"Ar-are you saying that I like, totally *don't* look like a blonde?!" Thomas was on the verge of screaming, and he was beginning to tremble.
"Noooo, he's saying you look like a simpleton! And I completely agree!" Raven shouted. He shook his head, chuckling to himself. "Ah, simpleton. What a great word!"
Thomas ran over to Fiona, deciding desperately to place his last hopes in the ditzy girl. "Hey, girl, you would know. Am I like, the perfect blonde, or what?"
Fiona gasped and looked up at him, her eyes wide and troubled. "But how did you see me?! I'm invisible, you're not 'opposed to know where I am! Awww fiddlesticks, does this mean I have to stop rocking now?" she sniffed sadly. "I was just getting the hang of it, too! The little people were even starting to talk to me again," she looked up at Thomas solemnly. "After Van took me to therapy and gave me funny medicine, they told me they were moving away, and then I didn't hear from them for a really long time," she sighed and shook her head. "I don't understand! I mean, they could've at least called!"
Thomas jumped around in front of her nervously, almost bursting with anxiety. "AM I A BLONDE, CHICKY BABY?! AM I?!" he screamed, clenching his fists and looking up at the ceiling. When he looked down, his face was calm and rather perplexed as he looked over at the Dark Kaiser. "Uhhhhh, dude? You have like, a hole up there and some junk."
Dark Kaiser sighed in annoyance. "I *know*, okay?! Don't tell me, tell her!" he added in frustration, pointing a finger at Reese. "It's all her fault, I didn't do anything! So you can take your accusations and your fancy judge talk somewhere else, ya hear?! Cause it wasn't me, I say!" He eyed Thomas nervously. "You're not with the fuzz, are ya?" When Thomas didn't answer, Dark Kaiser's eyes grew wide and panicky. "Aw, I knew it! They found me again!" he groaned, smacking himself in the head.
"Ooooo, look, that cloud waved at me!" Thomas cried joyfully, his head facing skyward, completely ignoring the Dark Kaiser.
"Did it really?" Fiona asked in awestruck wonder, coming to stand next to Thomas. "Wow, Dark Kaiser, your ceiling looks a lot like the sky! Too cool!"
"Ya do the Hooookey Pokey! The Hooookey Pokey! Ya do the Hokey Pokey and ya turn yourself around, that's what it's all about!" Hiltz shouted cheerfully, hopping around the cave.
Raven looked at all the imbeciles around him. "Once more, I am surrounded by idiots. There doesn't seem to be a hint of sanity anywhere." Raven looked around, at Thomas and Fiona staring upwards giggling about the sky, Hiltz dancing his heart out, Reese rocking and muttering to herself, Dark Kaiser packing a suitcase and shouting "They've found me, they've found me!", and then at the organoids, who were kinda just standing around arguing....again. "Yup, not a hint of sanity," he confirmed.
Raven pulled a mirror out of his pocket and looked at it. "You're not sane neither, are ya?" he asked himself. "Nope, not at all," his reflection answered. Raven shook his head, smiling smugly. "I didn't think so, pal!"
Suddenly Fiona pulled her gaze away from the ceiling and looked at Hiltz, who was still jumping around reciting the same lines from the Hokey Pokey over and over again. She stood silently for a second, finger on her chin, thinking hard. Thomas looked at her curiously. "Like, what's on your mind, girlfriend? Oh, I know. You're trying to figure out what your color is, aren't you? Well, personally, I've always gone for fire-engine red, but you seem to be more into the pink *thang* so-"
"No, no, that's not it." Fiona interrupted. "Hiltz's very deep and moving dance performance got me thinking......what if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?"
Hiltz sniffed and wiped his eye. "I'm so touched that you were inspired by my presentation!" he proclaimed. "Was I really that good?" Hiltz grinned modestly, fluttering his eyelashes.
Thomas shook his head. "Oh no *way*, girl! The Hokey Pokey is soooooo *not* what's in this year! Everyone knows that the miniskirt is truly what it's all about! Trust me on this one, I'm a professional," he assured Fiona.
"Hmmm, well, I guess you could say that." Fiona mused. "After all, the Hokey Pokey kinda went out with pickles, didn't it?"
"Oh sure, take his side! Whatever happened to my moving performance?!" Hiltz scoffed, looking insulted. "Artists are so misunderstood!" he tossed his head as he continued prancing around the room. "We gonna have a P-A-R-T-Y, PARTYBRATION!" he chanted as he twirled around.
"What in the heck is a 'PARTYBRATION'?" Raven asked scornfully.
"Yeah, totally. For Pete's sake Hiltz, whad'ya going on about?" Dark Kaiser asked, looking bewildered. "I ain't never gone to no partybration in my life!"
"There's a first time for everything, chum! Ya just gotta find the adventure!" Fiona spoke up cheerily, wearing a huge grin and giving them all a thumbs up and a wink.
"Would somebody shoot her? You know, I would, I really would, but I'm kinda busy at the moment. So for blue's sake, would somebody put me out of my misery?" Reese muttered, looking up at everyone. When she received no answer, she glared angrily at all of them. "I hate you all," she said simply, rocking back and forth again.
"Thanks Reese! Not that your opinion matters to anyone, but thanks for the input! We're all gonna go cry now cause you hate us!" Raven called out sarcastically. Torturing Reese was just something that got better and better every time.
"I-I just don't understand! How could she hate me?! Everybody loves *me*!" Fiona cried, shaking her head and putting her face in her hands.
Raven gave her a weird look. "What the heck planet are you living on?" When he didn't get a response, he continued. "Well, freak? I'm waiting for an answer and I'm not gonna wait all day!"
"Truly, Fiona dear, truly. Wherever did you get the idea that people actually *liked* you, dahling? Quite a preposterous sentiment, wouldn't you say?" Hiltz drawled, sipping tea and fanning himself with his Christmas list.
"Cause I'm cute," Fiona sniffed sorrowfully. "A-and I'm blonde."
Raven rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up! Tommy boy over here is blonde and everybody still hates *him*!"
"AHA! YOU ADMIT IT! I *AM* A REAL BLONDE!" Thomas cried triumphantly.
"I don't hate him. I think he's a real cool kid!" Hiltz told Raven, twirling around on his toes as he spoke.
"That's because you're a moron, Hiltz," Raven stated simply without any emotion, as though he were talking to a kindergartner.
Thomas came over to Raven. "You're just jealous of my inner femininity and my uncanny ability to always choose outfits that bring out my eyes!" he shouted.
"Oh yeah, that's it. I'm *real* jealous. That must be why I hate you. I mean, what other explanation could there be?" Raven snapped sarcastically, glaring at Thomas.
Thomas smiled smugly. "Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful," he called out, grinning widely at everyone.
Hiltz looked at Thomas for a second, and then walked over to Raven. "Am I beautiful?" he asked, fluttering his eyelashes and glancing down shyly.
o_O Raven stared at Hiltz, unable to speak. After a full two minutes of silence, Hiltz gave up and sat down at his child's desk, pushing away the toy magazines. He took out a piece of paper and began drawing a field of wildflowers, bopping his head to imaginary music. Raven just stood in the middle of the lair, not moving, just repeating the same thing over and over to himself. "I'm not really here, this isn't happening. I'm not really here, this isn't happening."
Fiona looked confused again. "But you are here! I can see you and everything!" She turned to Hiltz. "Did he turn invisible now?"
"I ask you, is it possible? Honestly, can she get any stupider?" Reese muttered to herself in a barely audible voice. After pausing for a moment, she continued. "And for our home viewing audience, the answer is no!"
"Nah. He doesn't like airplanes," Hiltz responded to Fiona's question, not bothering to look up from his drawing. "Aw, crackerjack! Does anybody have a tickle-me-pink crayon available?" he asked, holding up the broken end.
"Hold on!" Dark Kaiser called out, starting to dig through a large patterned purse. Various objects flew above their heads as he struggled to find the requested item. "I know it's in here somewhere," he murmured as a trumpet, a garden hose, and several containers of creamed corn soared through the air.
"Like, ahhhhh!" Thomas screamed, ducking to avoid getting hit by a cat that nearly collided with his head as it was thrown aside. The next thing they heard was the smash of a window. "Hiltz, you're paying for that," Dark Kaiser told him nonchalantly as he continued rummaging through the bag.
"Okey smokey!" Hiltz replied as he got hit in the face with a phone cord. "Oh, never mind. I can use this thingymajigger!" he called out, picking up a pencil sharpener and jamming the crayon into the hole. "Thanks a bunch, DK!"
"Aw great, I went through my whole getaway bag for nothing! Now I gotta start over!" Dark Kaiser moaned, glaring at Hiltz. "If those cherrytops catch me now, it's all your fault! Ya hear me, you stupid crayon-wanter?! For Pete's sake, now how am I gonna get outta this country without my hairdryer?" Dark Kaiser complained, looking around for the objects that he'd thrown.
"Hey! Hey guys, look! Look guys! Hey, look! Guys, look! Come on, guys!" Shadow prompted, trying to get the other organoids to listen.
"WHAAAAATTTTTT?!?!?!" Specula screamed testily.
"No need to be an overbearing jerk face, Specula. Geez." Shadow huffed, crossing his tiny arms. "I just wanted to tell ya that Dark Kaiser's talking about Pete again."
Ambient tossed his head in annoyance. "I resent the fact that he's never brought this 'Pete' to meet us! How dare he have friends that we don't have?!"
"Well, Pete knows you need all the friends you can get, don't you, Ambient?" Specula muttered.
"WHAT?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU'VE KNOWN PETE THIS WHOLE TIME?! AND YOU NEVER TOLD US?!" Ambient screamed at Specula, roaring furiously. He turned to Shadow angrily. "Did you know she was keeping this secret from us?!"
Before Shadow could respond, Zeke spoke up, looking perplexed. "Uhhhhhh......not to interrupt or anything, but who's Pete?"
Ambient turned on him in rage. "THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HERE, YOU IMBECILE!"
"Hey man, that's *not* cool, calling me that!" Zeke shouted. "I just asked a simple question that you're probably too stupid to answer anyway! I mean, what was I thinking? You don't even know what shoe size a banana nut muffin is!"
"That's because *banana nut muffins* don't wear shoes!" Ambient yelled. "And if you wanna know who Pete is, why don't you just ask HER, that low-life, secret-keeping, friend-deceiving, Pete-knowing loser!"
Shadow gasped as he turned to look at the blue organoid. "You *know* him?! How could you betray us like that?!" he shook his head in disgust and disappointment. "Oprah would not appreciate this dishonest behavior, Specula. She would not accept it at all."
"Oh really? And how do you know what that fruitcup appreciates? Well, moron?!" Specula shouted at him, angry that she was being accused.
Shadow gaped at her, as if she had committed some unspeakable felony. "Oprah is most certainly *not* a fruitcup, Specula," he told her in a deadly serious tone. "I know what I'm talking about, because I saw her show last week about people who have so-called best friends that are lying two-faced ingrates that know people other people don't and keep their friendships with Pete a secret!" Shadow told her smugly without pausing to take a breath.
"That wasn't the topic, stupid! Quit trying to accuse me of knowing people that I don't know that you think I know and I really don't know because I've never gotten the chance to know them!" Specula yelled. "Because I DON'T KNOW PETE!!!"
Dark Kaiser looked over at the organoids curiously. "Hey, who's this guy Pete that you keep yelling about?" He eyed them suspiciously. "Do you people know something we don't?"
"Oh, that's rich, Dark Kaiser! Don't act like you don't know what we're talking about! We know you have friends that you're keeping from us!" Shadow shouted, his eyes narrowing angrily.
"What the heck are you talking about?! I have no friends, I have no friends!" Dark Kaiser yelled back at them, when suddenly he frowned. "No wait, I do have friends! But they're not anybody you don't know!" he added frantically.
"DENIAL! THIS MAN IS GUILTY OF LYING OF THE FIRST DEGREE!" Ambient screamed, pointing an accusing claw at the Dark Kaiser. "You, sir, are sentenced to hard time at the county prism!"
"Prison, stupid! It's prison!" Zeke hissed. He turned to look at the other two organoids. "I told ya. Didn't I tell ya? He's a moron, that's what I tell ya!"
"Ooooo, can we have another trial?!" Hiltz begged. "The last one was soooooo fun! Even though I don't know why we had it...." he trailed off, trying hard to remember, when suddenly his face brightened. "Oh yeah, it was cause Smokey the Bear said so, wasn't it? Right? Am I right, guys?"
"Already way ahead of ya," Shadow replied, pulling out his big judge hammer and banging it on Zeke's head. "WE HEREBY FIND THE DUDE GUILTY AND SENTENCE HIM TO....to uh.....what are we making him do again?"
"Who cares? Just convict him and throw him in the brig, quick!" Ambient urged. "He's a lying cheat and I don't want him in my presence any longer!"
"Okay, we sentence you to....uh........dress up in a funny apron and polish everybody's Zoids on daytime television while singing showtunes and balancing a bucket of red Jell-O with marshmallows on your head!" Shadow yelled, smashing the hammer down on Zeke's head again. "How's that?" he asked, turning to everyone else.
Ambient smiled smugly. "Perfect." Everybody else nodded, smiling evilly, except for Zeke, who had collapsed on the floor and was muttering something about rainbows. Dark Kaiser looked deathly afraid. "BU-BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" he protested. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M THE DARK KAISER! I RULE ALL, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! I'M INNOCENT, I TELL YOU, INNOCENT!" he cried.
"Save it for the saps, granola boy! And stop screaming, you'll ruin your voice and then the viewing audience won't get their showtunes!" Ambient told him, still grinning widely.
"I don't get it. That guy didn't do anything, did he? Why are they forcing him to do cruel and unusual things for the amusement of the people? Doesn't that cost money?" Fiona asked, turning to Raven.
"Shut up, nimrod. I can only take so much of a dumb blonde." Raven muttered from where he still stood, and then went back to chanting.
Fiona shook her head as she turned away. "I don't get that, either. Why's everyone being such a turkey head today?"
Thomas blew gently on his rosy red nails as he responded to Fiona. "Oh, I so totally know what you mean, girl!" he lowered his voice and smiled knowingly. "It's that time of month."
"Ohhhhhhhhh," a look of understanding crossed Fiona's face and she nodded. "Yeah, it has been getting kinda cold lately. Unhappy weather, that must be the thing. Now I get it."
Before Thomas could respond, Raven jumped in. "Like, oooo, could you do my nails, too? Cause that would be like, soooooooo groovy!" he shrieked sarcastically. "You're such a loser, Schubaltz," he continued, shaking his head.
Fiona looked at Thomas sympathetically. "Don't worry. It's that *time of month*," she smiled and winked at him.
"Like, save me," Thomas muttered as he fell anime-style.
Van's still on the ceiling. That should take care of any questions. And now, I'm doing what I promised and giving all you wonderful reviewers proper recognition, from the very first chapter to the latest installment of lunacy. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?
My appreciation and thanks go to: Evil Person, Final Paradise, Maelgwyn, The Echidna, Dark Warrior, Blackraven10187, Stryker, Any-mass, idesel, Annie, The Krazed Kitsune
Amrun- Do I even have to say it? (hugs LP rock possessively and hands you extra big box of double chocolate chip cookies) Thanks a lots for stickin with me n my insane fic!
Paladin Dragoon- Yep, I finally updated! I think I died, but then I came back......I'M ALIVE, I'M ALIVE! (O_O sees you run away) Aw, wait a sec! Come back! Uh, I have cookies! (sighs) I lose a lotta reviewers that way.......
The Black Blade Liger X- As always, good to know there's other psychos out there! Here! You can never have too many of these! (hands you three super size boxes of assorted cookies) One for Nikita, one for Naomi, and one for you! Thanks so much for always reviewing my fics. You're the best, BBLX, the very best! (sees other reviewers forming an angry mob) AHHHH, NO! (whips out flamethrower) Don't make me use this! I'M WARNING YOU! (begins torching random objects and laughing maniacally) One last thing before I completely lose my mind......LINKIN PARK RULES FOREVER! YAY! You might wanna leave now so ya don't get caught in the line of fire.......