Me again! Thanks to NekoRaven, I actually have another chapter for this fic. *raises fist victoriously* FORWARD, MARCH!
Disclaimer: NO, OKAY?! NO!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! o_O
Chillin On the Dark Side
Chapter 12: 1,000 Pictures of Rudy on the Wall, 1,000 Pictures of Rudy...
"Whoa...I definitely don't like it here," Shadow remarked as he looked around at the bright, mindless joviality of ChalkZone.
*o* "What's not to like?! I LOVE it here!" Hiltz cried, dancing merrily about and breaking into an energetic chorus of "Walking on Sunshine." "It awakens my inner self!"
"I no wanna be here. Me wanna go home." Fiona whined, twisting a piece of blonde hair around her finger.
"Well I wanna know where Rudy is." Reese remarked impatiently, glancing around hoping to catch a sight of the legendary main character. She noticed that everyone else was giving her very strange looks and shifted her weight back and forth nervously. "Well uh...just for kicks, you know? Not that I actually wanna MEET the guy...it's not like I've admired him from afar for the past two years...do I look like the kind of person that would have a shrine dedicated to Rudy in her closet? Because I really don't...and I don't have 1,578 pictures of him taped on the walls behind my dresser-" She stopped speaking when Specula kicked her and glared at the organoid. "What was that for?! I told you I don't have an intense burning passion for Rudy! I DON'T I DON'T I DON'T!!"
"Trust me, Reese, nothing makes me think you do," Specula rolled her eyes sarcastically.
Reese sighed in relief. "Aw, good. I thought I gave away my life's secret."
"So where ARE we, anywho?" Shadow asked, looking around slightly fearfully at the colorful sky and the cheerful birds. "This place really disturbs me."
"I think I have allergies to this green stuff that's all over the ground," Fiona complained, sniffling pitifully.
"You mean...the GRASS?" Specula asked slowly, not sure she understood.
"NO!! THE GREEN STUFF!! WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?!" Fiona screamed.
"No, I'm Hiltz," Hiltz remarked, tossing his head dramatically.
"Hey wait a second...where's Zeke?" Specula asked.
"Why, do you MISS him?" Shadow snickered slyly, batting his eyelashes.
"NO!" Specula screamed, a little too loudly. "I just...did we leave him behind?"
"Would it matter to you if we did?" Shadow smiled deviously.
Specula growled and brandished her claws at the black organoid. "Would it matter to you if I throttled you?"
"Nope, not a bit."
Specula glared and stepped forward. "Alright then!"
Shadow gulped and took a step back. "Uh...you mean you weren't speaking hypothetically?"
Specula's eyes narrowed. "Were you?"
"Of COURSE I was...I know you don't especially like Zeke. It's common knowledge." Shadow waved a claw nonchalantly.
Specula lowered her claws slowly, eyeing Shadow suspiciously. "Really?"
Shadow nodded vigorously. "Oh YEAH...it's Ambient you've got a thing for."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"
"I mean after all, why would you come in here chasing after him if you didn't want to sabotage his relationship with Penny? It's all too clear." Shadow shrugged. "But hey, it's hard to hide true love."
"TRUE...LOVE?!"
"Well sure. I mean when Hiltz used to watch Sesame Street-"
o_O "WOOOOOOOKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Specula held two claws up in alarm. "Say whatever you want about Ambient; just...just DON'T bring up that subject ever again in my presence."
Shadow looked confused. "What, the Big Bird days? I dunno, Specula, I always thought you rather enjoyed 'Story Time.'"
Specula buried her face in her claws and shook her head back and forth. "Leave me alone, Shadow, just leave me alone!"
Shadow shrugged and turned away. "Sure...whatever floats your boat, babe."
"*WHAT* DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!"
Shadow cringed. "Er...nothing?"
Specula raised a fist at him. "Wrong answer, pal." She was seconds from personally slaughtering the organoid when she heard Reese cry out in shock and disgust.
"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT?!" Reese yelled at Fiona, who's eyes grew wide and afraid at the other girl's rage.
Fiona got down on the ground and sat in front of the figure protectively. "It's the Dark Kaiser's lifeless corpse," she replied nonchalantly.
Reese's face turned red with fury. "I KNOW THAT, YOU IMBECILE! WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS WHY YOU DRAGGED THAT WORTHLESS WASTE OF A HUMAN BEING IN HERE WITH US!!"
"I didn't want him to wake up and find us all gone," Fiona explained. Her eyes grew pleading and sad. "I had to bring him with us; I couldn't leave him to wake up alone and afraid."
"OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" Reese screamed, rolling her eyes in disgust. "THAT'S THE MOST PATHETIC THING I'VE EVER HEARD! YOU'RE AN INSULT TO THE HUMAN RACE, YOU PINK-SKIRTED YAHOO! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! STOP WASTING MY OXYGEN!"
Fiona stared blankly at her. Then she looked down at the Dark Kaiser's unconscious body, and then back up at Reese. "Are you sure? Because he looks kinda dead."
"ARGH!!" Reese grabbed hold of her hair with her hands and tugged violently. "Are you really this stupid or are you just trying to impress me?"
"Well gee, why would I want to impress you? I'm confident that you accept me for who I am, regardless of race, religion, or preference of yogurt flavor-"
"Okay shut up." Reese turned away from the blonde to address the others. "Okay, we came in here to find Ambient and that's what we're going to do. Shadow and Specula, you go that way," she pointed right, "Hiltz and I will go left, and Fiona, you and the dead useless trash pile can go-"
"HE'S NOT DEAD!!" Fiona cried fearfully, hugging the Dark Kaiser possessively. "He's just sleeping!"
"Errr, right. So you and the dead useless trash pile go that way," she explained, pointing straight ahead. "Everybody got that?"
"But um, I didn't come here to find Ambient." Shadow protested. "I came here to swipe some magic chalk, bring it back to Zi, and take over Jerusalem."
O.O "Can't you do that on your personal health day? This is important, Shadow." Reese insisted.
"Why? It's just Ambient. Didn't you once tell him that he could suffer to the point of death in the Alaskan wasteland and you'd fly overhead in a jet-powered helicopter just to laugh at him?"
Reese shrugged. "That was before. Since then I've realized I'd rather kill him myself. And I can't kill him if he's out running around ChalkZone searching for what's-her-name..."
"Penny," Hiltz supplied joyfully. "Her name's Penny. Me and Ambient, one time he let me watch his DVD with him and every time she came on the screen he would jump up and shout 'HOLY CANADIAN, THAR SHE BLOWS!!' and have a heart attack and then whenever Rudy came on he would throw popcorn at him and scream 'VAYA AL INFIERNO, PERRA!!' which I think is some kind of weird Austrian dialect only I'm not really sure because-"
"WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?!" Reese screamed in terror. She noticed Specula smirking at her and gulped. "I mean, not that I really want to know, it's just that...he shouldn't be wasting popcorn cause there's starving people in Wisconsin and...boy is it hot in here or what?" She fanned herself nervously.
Hiltz shrugged. "Heck if I know. I'm just a struggling talk-show host."
Shadow looked thoughtful. "Hey yeah, I remember that. Ambient said that if he ever met Rudy face to face he'd burn him at the stake and beat him violently with a stick while he was burning. And then he'd shove a watermelon down his throat." The organoid rolled his eyes. "He's convinced Rudy's gonna steal Penny and take her off to Jamaica before he has a chance with her."
"WHAT?!?!" Reese's eyes were large and terrified. "WHAT ARE WE WAITIN FER?! WE'VE GOTTA CATCH THAT FLAMING LUNATIC!" She ran off wildly, screaming for Hiltz to follow her.
Specula shook her head as she watched them go. "There goes a sad, delusional little person. I almost feel sorry for her." She stopped and thought for a second. "Nah, actually I don't give a crap."
Shadow turned and looked at her. "So whadya wanna do now? I don't think Flippin Moron and Obsessive Deranged Mutant Freak are coming back."
Specula shrugged. "Jiminy cricket, I dunno. We could go out for muffins or something, I guess."
"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard." Shadow scoffed. "We're in ChalkZone, idiot. Tell me where we're supposed to find a McMuffin's with a dollar menu and a drive-thru."
"Well then, you think of something, jerkface." Specula shot back.
Shadow thought hard for a few minutes. "I suppose we could always go back through the portal to get home, go root through Dark Kaiser's personal things to scrounge together a few bucks, go to the McMuffin's near Wyndne Lake and get the Early Bird Special to go, then come back through the portal and eat our muffins in peace and harmony."
Specula stared at him. "THAT'S your idea?! I've never heard anything so idiotic!" She huffed. "It's 11:00! There's no way we're on time for the Early Bird Special! Your idea is a complete and total failure!"
"WELL FINE! I GUESS WE'LL JUST SIT HERE AMIDST THIS INFURIATING GAIETY UNTIL WE DIE!!" Shadow yelled, plopping down on the ground defiantly.
"FINE BY ME!" Specula threw herself down beside him, glaring. They sat there not speaking for about thirty seconds until Shadow looked over at Specula.
"Let's go get muffins."
"Okay."
Yup, that's right. This is it. I've recently discovered that insanity can't be dragged on for ten pages at a time. Short bursts work a lot better. It saves you time and it saves me grief. So there you have it. It also means that the next chapter will be coming a lot faster, and that's always a good thing. Please please please review! *makes pleading face* If not this, then my Brad/Naomi fic. And if not that, then review The Trinity Project by Neko-Guardian...it's a really well-written fic and it deserves a lot more recognition. And if you review all of them...wow. You're my best friend. ^_^
Little Link: Um...I don't really think they care about being your best friend. I think they'd rather get on with their lives.
Vega: And I think they'd want something better than that, anyways. Like cookies. Or cash prizes.
Little Link*in deep announcer voice*: Or...A BRAND NEW CAR!! *gameshow music*
*rolls her eyes* Okay how about this...they each get one of these *takes out a welrod* and then...they get to shoot you guys.
Vega: WHAT?! YOU'RE PUTTING US AT THE MERCY OF THE REVIEWERS?!
Little Link: You-you can't do that! *looks at Vega* Can she do that?
*handing out welrods* I think I just did. *shrugs* Don't worry...they're nice people; they probably won't take advantage of this opportunity.
Vega*shudders*: That's what YOU think.
Well, it's out of my hands now. Review, people. Please? ^.^ It's greatly appreciated, honestly it is.
Disclaimer: NO, OKAY?! NO!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! o_O
Chillin On the Dark Side
Chapter 12: 1,000 Pictures of Rudy on the Wall, 1,000 Pictures of Rudy...
"Whoa...I definitely don't like it here," Shadow remarked as he looked around at the bright, mindless joviality of ChalkZone.
*o* "What's not to like?! I LOVE it here!" Hiltz cried, dancing merrily about and breaking into an energetic chorus of "Walking on Sunshine." "It awakens my inner self!"
"I no wanna be here. Me wanna go home." Fiona whined, twisting a piece of blonde hair around her finger.
"Well I wanna know where Rudy is." Reese remarked impatiently, glancing around hoping to catch a sight of the legendary main character. She noticed that everyone else was giving her very strange looks and shifted her weight back and forth nervously. "Well uh...just for kicks, you know? Not that I actually wanna MEET the guy...it's not like I've admired him from afar for the past two years...do I look like the kind of person that would have a shrine dedicated to Rudy in her closet? Because I really don't...and I don't have 1,578 pictures of him taped on the walls behind my dresser-" She stopped speaking when Specula kicked her and glared at the organoid. "What was that for?! I told you I don't have an intense burning passion for Rudy! I DON'T I DON'T I DON'T!!"
"Trust me, Reese, nothing makes me think you do," Specula rolled her eyes sarcastically.
Reese sighed in relief. "Aw, good. I thought I gave away my life's secret."
"So where ARE we, anywho?" Shadow asked, looking around slightly fearfully at the colorful sky and the cheerful birds. "This place really disturbs me."
"I think I have allergies to this green stuff that's all over the ground," Fiona complained, sniffling pitifully.
"You mean...the GRASS?" Specula asked slowly, not sure she understood.
"NO!! THE GREEN STUFF!! WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?!" Fiona screamed.
"No, I'm Hiltz," Hiltz remarked, tossing his head dramatically.
"Hey wait a second...where's Zeke?" Specula asked.
"Why, do you MISS him?" Shadow snickered slyly, batting his eyelashes.
"NO!" Specula screamed, a little too loudly. "I just...did we leave him behind?"
"Would it matter to you if we did?" Shadow smiled deviously.
Specula growled and brandished her claws at the black organoid. "Would it matter to you if I throttled you?"
"Nope, not a bit."
Specula glared and stepped forward. "Alright then!"
Shadow gulped and took a step back. "Uh...you mean you weren't speaking hypothetically?"
Specula's eyes narrowed. "Were you?"
"Of COURSE I was...I know you don't especially like Zeke. It's common knowledge." Shadow waved a claw nonchalantly.
Specula lowered her claws slowly, eyeing Shadow suspiciously. "Really?"
Shadow nodded vigorously. "Oh YEAH...it's Ambient you've got a thing for."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"
"I mean after all, why would you come in here chasing after him if you didn't want to sabotage his relationship with Penny? It's all too clear." Shadow shrugged. "But hey, it's hard to hide true love."
"TRUE...LOVE?!"
"Well sure. I mean when Hiltz used to watch Sesame Street-"
o_O "WOOOOOOOKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Specula held two claws up in alarm. "Say whatever you want about Ambient; just...just DON'T bring up that subject ever again in my presence."
Shadow looked confused. "What, the Big Bird days? I dunno, Specula, I always thought you rather enjoyed 'Story Time.'"
Specula buried her face in her claws and shook her head back and forth. "Leave me alone, Shadow, just leave me alone!"
Shadow shrugged and turned away. "Sure...whatever floats your boat, babe."
"*WHAT* DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!"
Shadow cringed. "Er...nothing?"
Specula raised a fist at him. "Wrong answer, pal." She was seconds from personally slaughtering the organoid when she heard Reese cry out in shock and disgust.
"WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT?!" Reese yelled at Fiona, who's eyes grew wide and afraid at the other girl's rage.
Fiona got down on the ground and sat in front of the figure protectively. "It's the Dark Kaiser's lifeless corpse," she replied nonchalantly.
Reese's face turned red with fury. "I KNOW THAT, YOU IMBECILE! WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS WHY YOU DRAGGED THAT WORTHLESS WASTE OF A HUMAN BEING IN HERE WITH US!!"
"I didn't want him to wake up and find us all gone," Fiona explained. Her eyes grew pleading and sad. "I had to bring him with us; I couldn't leave him to wake up alone and afraid."
"OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" Reese screamed, rolling her eyes in disgust. "THAT'S THE MOST PATHETIC THING I'VE EVER HEARD! YOU'RE AN INSULT TO THE HUMAN RACE, YOU PINK-SKIRTED YAHOO! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! STOP WASTING MY OXYGEN!"
Fiona stared blankly at her. Then she looked down at the Dark Kaiser's unconscious body, and then back up at Reese. "Are you sure? Because he looks kinda dead."
"ARGH!!" Reese grabbed hold of her hair with her hands and tugged violently. "Are you really this stupid or are you just trying to impress me?"
"Well gee, why would I want to impress you? I'm confident that you accept me for who I am, regardless of race, religion, or preference of yogurt flavor-"
"Okay shut up." Reese turned away from the blonde to address the others. "Okay, we came in here to find Ambient and that's what we're going to do. Shadow and Specula, you go that way," she pointed right, "Hiltz and I will go left, and Fiona, you and the dead useless trash pile can go-"
"HE'S NOT DEAD!!" Fiona cried fearfully, hugging the Dark Kaiser possessively. "He's just sleeping!"
"Errr, right. So you and the dead useless trash pile go that way," she explained, pointing straight ahead. "Everybody got that?"
"But um, I didn't come here to find Ambient." Shadow protested. "I came here to swipe some magic chalk, bring it back to Zi, and take over Jerusalem."
O.O "Can't you do that on your personal health day? This is important, Shadow." Reese insisted.
"Why? It's just Ambient. Didn't you once tell him that he could suffer to the point of death in the Alaskan wasteland and you'd fly overhead in a jet-powered helicopter just to laugh at him?"
Reese shrugged. "That was before. Since then I've realized I'd rather kill him myself. And I can't kill him if he's out running around ChalkZone searching for what's-her-name..."
"Penny," Hiltz supplied joyfully. "Her name's Penny. Me and Ambient, one time he let me watch his DVD with him and every time she came on the screen he would jump up and shout 'HOLY CANADIAN, THAR SHE BLOWS!!' and have a heart attack and then whenever Rudy came on he would throw popcorn at him and scream 'VAYA AL INFIERNO, PERRA!!' which I think is some kind of weird Austrian dialect only I'm not really sure because-"
"WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?!" Reese screamed in terror. She noticed Specula smirking at her and gulped. "I mean, not that I really want to know, it's just that...he shouldn't be wasting popcorn cause there's starving people in Wisconsin and...boy is it hot in here or what?" She fanned herself nervously.
Hiltz shrugged. "Heck if I know. I'm just a struggling talk-show host."
Shadow looked thoughtful. "Hey yeah, I remember that. Ambient said that if he ever met Rudy face to face he'd burn him at the stake and beat him violently with a stick while he was burning. And then he'd shove a watermelon down his throat." The organoid rolled his eyes. "He's convinced Rudy's gonna steal Penny and take her off to Jamaica before he has a chance with her."
"WHAT?!?!" Reese's eyes were large and terrified. "WHAT ARE WE WAITIN FER?! WE'VE GOTTA CATCH THAT FLAMING LUNATIC!" She ran off wildly, screaming for Hiltz to follow her.
Specula shook her head as she watched them go. "There goes a sad, delusional little person. I almost feel sorry for her." She stopped and thought for a second. "Nah, actually I don't give a crap."
Shadow turned and looked at her. "So whadya wanna do now? I don't think Flippin Moron and Obsessive Deranged Mutant Freak are coming back."
Specula shrugged. "Jiminy cricket, I dunno. We could go out for muffins or something, I guess."
"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard." Shadow scoffed. "We're in ChalkZone, idiot. Tell me where we're supposed to find a McMuffin's with a dollar menu and a drive-thru."
"Well then, you think of something, jerkface." Specula shot back.
Shadow thought hard for a few minutes. "I suppose we could always go back through the portal to get home, go root through Dark Kaiser's personal things to scrounge together a few bucks, go to the McMuffin's near Wyndne Lake and get the Early Bird Special to go, then come back through the portal and eat our muffins in peace and harmony."
Specula stared at him. "THAT'S your idea?! I've never heard anything so idiotic!" She huffed. "It's 11:00! There's no way we're on time for the Early Bird Special! Your idea is a complete and total failure!"
"WELL FINE! I GUESS WE'LL JUST SIT HERE AMIDST THIS INFURIATING GAIETY UNTIL WE DIE!!" Shadow yelled, plopping down on the ground defiantly.
"FINE BY ME!" Specula threw herself down beside him, glaring. They sat there not speaking for about thirty seconds until Shadow looked over at Specula.
"Let's go get muffins."
"Okay."
Yup, that's right. This is it. I've recently discovered that insanity can't be dragged on for ten pages at a time. Short bursts work a lot better. It saves you time and it saves me grief. So there you have it. It also means that the next chapter will be coming a lot faster, and that's always a good thing. Please please please review! *makes pleading face* If not this, then my Brad/Naomi fic. And if not that, then review The Trinity Project by Neko-Guardian...it's a really well-written fic and it deserves a lot more recognition. And if you review all of them...wow. You're my best friend. ^_^
Little Link: Um...I don't really think they care about being your best friend. I think they'd rather get on with their lives.
Vega: And I think they'd want something better than that, anyways. Like cookies. Or cash prizes.
Little Link*in deep announcer voice*: Or...A BRAND NEW CAR!! *gameshow music*
*rolls her eyes* Okay how about this...they each get one of these *takes out a welrod* and then...they get to shoot you guys.
Vega: WHAT?! YOU'RE PUTTING US AT THE MERCY OF THE REVIEWERS?!
Little Link: You-you can't do that! *looks at Vega* Can she do that?
*handing out welrods* I think I just did. *shrugs* Don't worry...they're nice people; they probably won't take advantage of this opportunity.
Vega*shudders*: That's what YOU think.
Well, it's out of my hands now. Review, people. Please? ^.^ It's greatly appreciated, honestly it is.