Sweet Misery
By: Rynn Abhorsen
The cliff and ocean were quiet and peaceful, but to Spike it seemed filled to bursting with color, sound, and life. He stared in awe at the scene before him, but was pulled back into reality by Faye. For the past minutes he had been relying on her heartbeat, and it was as if he heard it in his mind, thump, a pause, thump.it didn't beat again. He felt panic seize him as he let her slide down to the earth, her head cradled on his jacket. Thump. One more heartbeat, Spike let out the breath he had been holding with a quiet whoosh.
A gentle wind picked up, stirring the grass in endless waves, mimicking the sea below. Faye breathed softly out as the wind traced over her shoulders, ever so gently stirring the sweatpants and t-shirt she was wearing. She smiled, remembering,
**FLASHBACK**
The little girl, only six, stood precariously on the edge of the cliff, staring at the swells of the sea. Walking one more step, letting herself feel weightless, tricking her mind into an illusion of freedom, like a bird. Closing her eyes, she let her bare feet seek the knowledge of the earth, all its stories. The woman known as mother, the sweet woman who held her and soothed her, walked over, speaking with the caring evident in her voice, "Don't go so close to the edge."
The little girl smiled, exposing her missing front teeth, the youthful innocence plainly written on her face. The woman took the little girls small hand in her smooth polished one, and walked back into the woods, oblivious as the little girl cast one last longing look at the sea.
**Faye's POV**
That little girl was so carefree, so beautiful in her innocence and shyness. I'm her, and yet her antithesis. She was stolen from me, a long time ago, leaving me helpless to sort out the puzzle. I no longer fear death, it's inevitable. I fear leaving them behind, leaving behind my friends. Yeah, they're my friends, all of them: Spike, Jet, and Ed. I'll miss everything, the hunger and laughing about it, the arguments that were our lifestyle. I guess I'll miss having a place to belong, even though I made it mine, with or without their consent.
I keep drawing breaths, keep breathing, but I died a long time ago. I want to thank Spike for taking me here, and I'm sorry he has to be the one watching the rest of me pass on. I love him like I love all of them, and more. He's this enigma, caring but concealing it under layers of superficial skin, keeping things hidden so he can't be hurt. Or is that just what I wish, that he's keeping things from me, that he could be keeping love from me, and someday he'll give it freely? I don't know. I want him to love me, but I won't be around to find out. I told him to think of me when it snows, because I love the snow.
Is it too much to hope for that I would live to see something other than pain? An interesting thought, but I can't linger on it. I feel my body slowly giving up, and I knew this would happen, but I wanted the five days I'm supposed to have left, the six weeks I was hoping for. Fire burns in my lungs as I draw each breath, and it hurts like hell.
I guess I don't seem much like myself, but I'm not myself, I'm an old woman, a dying old woman. The effort to draw breaths is not worth the pain. So I'm going to stop. It is fitting that the cancer should stay in my mortal body, and my soul should be set free. See you somewhere else cowboy; see you when you join me.
**Spike's POV**
You're lost to me Faye; you're lost in the endless whirlwind that controls our lives. I'm wondering as you lie there quietly, where is my Faye? Where is the one I know? Is she still there inside of you, locked away in the chest of things you want to take? Could I tell you now? Would you hear me? You're not breathing, and I know it's time.
**3rd Person**
Spike was surrounded in the fragile calm of this place, but still felt panic fighting for its right to seize him, pushing it down he moved over, picking up Faye, whose eyes were still closed. He felt each rib curving under his support, and the last feeble beatings of her heart. She stayed with her eyes closed as Spike fought an internal battle with himself, emotions pounded in his head, bringing him to the breaking point. He forced them all down, distancing himself from all doubts, as he had one plaintive thought, this is my only chance.
He put his mouth near her ear, smelling the perfume of Faye, the sweet but lingering smell of cigarettes and cinnamon. Whispering to her, hoping she could hear him, "Faye, I wanted to say, before you leave me, I love you, and I don't ever want to let you go. Faye can you hear me?"
Faye smiled, a warm light surrounded her, and it felt as if all the pain was a mist, dissolving as the sun met. Dying was inevitable; all that was in her was joy. A call came to her ears, as she felt a warm breath on her ear. Only one phrase met her mind, reverberating from within, "I love you."
She felt her lungs take in a sharp intake of breath, as her eyes opened, immediately filled with Spike's garnet gaze, the earth blindingly coming into focus. She smiled and gave a gentle nod, so small that it could be perceived as another breath to a bystander but Spike knew, knew as a bittersweet taste thrummed throughout his body, the wind still caressing his form holding Faye's.
Hold on to me love, You know I can't stay long, All I wanted to say was that I love you and I'm not afraid, Can you hear me? Can you feel me in your arms?
Faye smiled as her eyes began to fill with tears, warm and salty, full of life, the last remnants in her body.
Holding my last breath, Safe inside myself Are all my thoughts of you, Sweet raptured light, It ends here tonight,
She whispered as she felt her heart scream for one more beat, "I'll see you again, somewhere else, somewhere where I won't feel any pain. I don't feel any now."
I'll miss the winter, A world of fragile things, Look for me in the white forest, Hiding in the hollow of a tree, Come find me,
"The winter remember that I'm near you in the winter, I'm close to you, I'm by your side, remember me Spike."
I know you hear me, I can taste it in your tears,
Warm liquid fell silently onto her pale cheeks, running in tiny tributaries over her translucent skin, and draining into her mouth. Faye smiled, as she tasted the sweet lingering essence of the man who loved her, the taste of aftershave and smoke, her eyelids felt so heavy, closing them slowly as she felt Spike's lips gently brush her cheek.
Holding my last breath, Safe inside myself, Are all my thoughts of you, Sweet raptured light, It ends here tonight,
His mouth softly traced her jaw, and lingered over her lips, sweetly trying to find knowledge of a place after this, a place where they truly could exist with no awareness of pain. Faye smiled gently against his lips, letting her body slacken, letting her heart beat once more, as her lungs drew from the earth for the last time.
Say goodnight, Don't be afraid, Calling me, Calling me, As you fade to black.
As the air blew out of her slightly open lips, she willed her mouth and vocal chords to form the words; "I'll see you above the stars. "
Her eyes blinked once, and settled on Spike's face, staying there, gazing at his tear streaked face as they closed one last time, finally released, never again to fight the will to sleep forever, never again to rise. Spike whispered as her empty body slipped from his grasp,
"Above the stars."
By: Rynn Abhorsen
The cliff and ocean were quiet and peaceful, but to Spike it seemed filled to bursting with color, sound, and life. He stared in awe at the scene before him, but was pulled back into reality by Faye. For the past minutes he had been relying on her heartbeat, and it was as if he heard it in his mind, thump, a pause, thump.it didn't beat again. He felt panic seize him as he let her slide down to the earth, her head cradled on his jacket. Thump. One more heartbeat, Spike let out the breath he had been holding with a quiet whoosh.
A gentle wind picked up, stirring the grass in endless waves, mimicking the sea below. Faye breathed softly out as the wind traced over her shoulders, ever so gently stirring the sweatpants and t-shirt she was wearing. She smiled, remembering,
**FLASHBACK**
The little girl, only six, stood precariously on the edge of the cliff, staring at the swells of the sea. Walking one more step, letting herself feel weightless, tricking her mind into an illusion of freedom, like a bird. Closing her eyes, she let her bare feet seek the knowledge of the earth, all its stories. The woman known as mother, the sweet woman who held her and soothed her, walked over, speaking with the caring evident in her voice, "Don't go so close to the edge."
The little girl smiled, exposing her missing front teeth, the youthful innocence plainly written on her face. The woman took the little girls small hand in her smooth polished one, and walked back into the woods, oblivious as the little girl cast one last longing look at the sea.
**Faye's POV**
That little girl was so carefree, so beautiful in her innocence and shyness. I'm her, and yet her antithesis. She was stolen from me, a long time ago, leaving me helpless to sort out the puzzle. I no longer fear death, it's inevitable. I fear leaving them behind, leaving behind my friends. Yeah, they're my friends, all of them: Spike, Jet, and Ed. I'll miss everything, the hunger and laughing about it, the arguments that were our lifestyle. I guess I'll miss having a place to belong, even though I made it mine, with or without their consent.
I keep drawing breaths, keep breathing, but I died a long time ago. I want to thank Spike for taking me here, and I'm sorry he has to be the one watching the rest of me pass on. I love him like I love all of them, and more. He's this enigma, caring but concealing it under layers of superficial skin, keeping things hidden so he can't be hurt. Or is that just what I wish, that he's keeping things from me, that he could be keeping love from me, and someday he'll give it freely? I don't know. I want him to love me, but I won't be around to find out. I told him to think of me when it snows, because I love the snow.
Is it too much to hope for that I would live to see something other than pain? An interesting thought, but I can't linger on it. I feel my body slowly giving up, and I knew this would happen, but I wanted the five days I'm supposed to have left, the six weeks I was hoping for. Fire burns in my lungs as I draw each breath, and it hurts like hell.
I guess I don't seem much like myself, but I'm not myself, I'm an old woman, a dying old woman. The effort to draw breaths is not worth the pain. So I'm going to stop. It is fitting that the cancer should stay in my mortal body, and my soul should be set free. See you somewhere else cowboy; see you when you join me.
**Spike's POV**
You're lost to me Faye; you're lost in the endless whirlwind that controls our lives. I'm wondering as you lie there quietly, where is my Faye? Where is the one I know? Is she still there inside of you, locked away in the chest of things you want to take? Could I tell you now? Would you hear me? You're not breathing, and I know it's time.
**3rd Person**
Spike was surrounded in the fragile calm of this place, but still felt panic fighting for its right to seize him, pushing it down he moved over, picking up Faye, whose eyes were still closed. He felt each rib curving under his support, and the last feeble beatings of her heart. She stayed with her eyes closed as Spike fought an internal battle with himself, emotions pounded in his head, bringing him to the breaking point. He forced them all down, distancing himself from all doubts, as he had one plaintive thought, this is my only chance.
He put his mouth near her ear, smelling the perfume of Faye, the sweet but lingering smell of cigarettes and cinnamon. Whispering to her, hoping she could hear him, "Faye, I wanted to say, before you leave me, I love you, and I don't ever want to let you go. Faye can you hear me?"
Faye smiled, a warm light surrounded her, and it felt as if all the pain was a mist, dissolving as the sun met. Dying was inevitable; all that was in her was joy. A call came to her ears, as she felt a warm breath on her ear. Only one phrase met her mind, reverberating from within, "I love you."
She felt her lungs take in a sharp intake of breath, as her eyes opened, immediately filled with Spike's garnet gaze, the earth blindingly coming into focus. She smiled and gave a gentle nod, so small that it could be perceived as another breath to a bystander but Spike knew, knew as a bittersweet taste thrummed throughout his body, the wind still caressing his form holding Faye's.
Hold on to me love, You know I can't stay long, All I wanted to say was that I love you and I'm not afraid, Can you hear me? Can you feel me in your arms?
Faye smiled as her eyes began to fill with tears, warm and salty, full of life, the last remnants in her body.
Holding my last breath, Safe inside myself Are all my thoughts of you, Sweet raptured light, It ends here tonight,
She whispered as she felt her heart scream for one more beat, "I'll see you again, somewhere else, somewhere where I won't feel any pain. I don't feel any now."
I'll miss the winter, A world of fragile things, Look for me in the white forest, Hiding in the hollow of a tree, Come find me,
"The winter remember that I'm near you in the winter, I'm close to you, I'm by your side, remember me Spike."
I know you hear me, I can taste it in your tears,
Warm liquid fell silently onto her pale cheeks, running in tiny tributaries over her translucent skin, and draining into her mouth. Faye smiled, as she tasted the sweet lingering essence of the man who loved her, the taste of aftershave and smoke, her eyelids felt so heavy, closing them slowly as she felt Spike's lips gently brush her cheek.
Holding my last breath, Safe inside myself, Are all my thoughts of you, Sweet raptured light, It ends here tonight,
His mouth softly traced her jaw, and lingered over her lips, sweetly trying to find knowledge of a place after this, a place where they truly could exist with no awareness of pain. Faye smiled gently against his lips, letting her body slacken, letting her heart beat once more, as her lungs drew from the earth for the last time.
Say goodnight, Don't be afraid, Calling me, Calling me, As you fade to black.
As the air blew out of her slightly open lips, she willed her mouth and vocal chords to form the words; "I'll see you above the stars. "
Her eyes blinked once, and settled on Spike's face, staying there, gazing at his tear streaked face as they closed one last time, finally released, never again to fight the will to sleep forever, never again to rise. Spike whispered as her empty body slipped from his grasp,
"Above the stars."