Alright guys, the first song here is called 'Hate Everything About You' by
Three Days Grace and I do NOT own it! Now do I own 'Falling Apart' by
Trust Company. Also, I'd like to remark that on that song I switched it
around so that the first paragraph from the song describes Farfarello and
the second, at the end of the chapter, is about Bonnie. See? Simple, huh?
Misura: Yeah, my cell phone always dies when I REALLY need it. Anyhow, I like Yohji, really I do. I just don't like to idolize him. Haha. But I figured I'd been sorta rough on him so I decided to let him show off his good side. Oh, and I'm finding myself getting very into the whole Schuldig and Nagi interaction thing. Hehe - I'm so mean to poor Schu.
Angry Blood Sister: Farfarello isn't the best person to go to if you're in trouble, right? lol He gets back some of his feelings in this chapter - depending on how you look at it. He's just a psycho from a general point of view, I guess. Oh yeah, Nagi finally deserves some pay back. Poor lil kid having to put up with Schu for so long - I can't really blame him for being so unsympathetic, but at the same time, I really feel bad for Schu! Ok, that sounds plain weird since I'm the one putting him through this crap, right? Anyhow, I hope you got your food ~_^ Keep on reviewing!
Heaven Star: Well, I'm sorry about the errors, but I'm just so busy and trying to keep like three or four fics going here at once as well as doing my writing assignments for English and trying to post something on Fictionpress.net! Geez, I'm just so tired...*yawn* I think I checked this over though I don't recall too well... I think it'd be heart breaking to be Bonnie now because she simply doesn't understand the gravity of the situation, nor what she has gotten herself into. And as for Farfarello, poor guy has a rotten life, and on the topic of Schu, well, it must not be fun to be in his shoes, right? Yuck...what a life he's had... Oh, and I'm glad you're back. ^_^
Lady Shadow-san: Wow, I've given up on getting that Farfarello pic. I dunno...did I ever e-mail you again? I don't think I did, so I'll do it one more time and then get off your back about it. Sorry if I'm being a pain. Anyhow, Farfarello is a rather crabby guy, I guess. *shrugs* Keep on reading and reviewing.
~~~~~
//Every time we lie awake After every hit we take//
Farfarello lay curled on his bed, his body contracted into a tight, protective ball as he kept his eye tightly shut, warding off the darkness of his emotions. He had to admit, he was having conflicting emotions about Bonnie. At the time he had turned her away, his heart had been hard - he had thought only of her rejection and how she held herself above him. He hated her, really.
//Every feeling that I get But I haven't missed you yet//
But now... Why was he having doubts?
He'd at least expected Ken in the very least to babble idiocy about what he had done! But a whole day had passed and not even the soccer player had mentioned it. It was as if...as if it had never happened. Hadn't they heard about it? Had Bonnie somehow made it home without telling them? Was she...ok?
//Every roommate kept awake By ever silent scream we make//
He rolled over onto his other side to look at Ken, who slept in the bed across the room, and peacefully at that. His gaze then fell upon a pair of scissors lying on the desk. He stood up and walked over, picking up those dull blades fixed in a position that pivoted them away from one another. With dry consideration, he held one of them to his wrist as if to cut it, but sighed and then set them back in their original place. It just didn't feel right anymore.
//All the feelings that I get But I still don't miss you yet//
So, what to do? He was miserable and he didn't know why. Was he really sane, like they said? Well, if sane meant not cackling maniacally and killing people at random, than perhaps he was, for all that had lost its thrill. Now madness no longer consumed him - just emptiness. Maybe longing? But for what did he long?
//Only when I stop to think about it...//
Stiffly, his shoulders rose in a shrug as he went to the door and got his black boots, pulling them on. Then, retrieving his coat, he started off towards the park, where he could think.
//I - hate - *everything* about you Why do I love you?//
~~~~~
He never made it to the park.
Instead, he found himself at Bonnie's house. Cursed place. With its cursed owners. And its cursed dinners. And its cursed...everything. Angrily, he made his way swiftly around back and then began to, without a thought, scale the side of the house, using the thick, ropy ivy which crawled up and along the lattice to his advantage. The window he came to first had a nice view of a room with knives lining the walls in display cases. His eyes widened. Someone in her family actually collected knives? How strange...
He pressed on, finding himself slowly making his way to the sun room's roof, which he stood steadily on with the grace of a cat, moving easily to the next window, which, as he suspected, was Bonnie's room. He could tell by the Lord of the Rings poster (the girl had ranted and raved about her English copy of the movie for months - although no one had really cared) as well as the framed pictures of her and her family and Megan and, much to his surprise, Nagi and Omi and even Crawford. Sliding the window open with ease, he poured into her room with as much ease as the moonlight streaming in.
She wasn't in her bed...
The covers were in disarray as if she had thrown them away from her and hurriedly left, and when he sat down on the edge of it, he felt that her body heat lingered there. She'd be back soon enough, he decided, and he could wait. They had some things to sort out.
The noise of someone gagging from down the hall, surely vomiting, reached his ears as well as the proceeding noise of the toilet flushing and water running. Was she sick? Hmm... Narrowing his golden eye, he awaited her arrival.
***I slipped away, closer to me
The only thing that is real
But now I can see
Your absence helps me to heal
I shoved you away, I kept you from me
Is - this - what - it - takes
To keep me alive?
So you take me, and you break me, and you see that I'm falling apart...
Complicate me, and forsake me, you push me out so far***
Bonnie made a face as she spat into the sink, trying to erase the sour after taste of throwing up. It was a fruitless effort, she realized with a sigh, grabbing a damp washcloth and slinging it over her eyes. Having the flu was no picnic. Well, what else can you expect after wandering around in the rain all night?
Letting her memory guide her through the darkened halls, her eyes still covered by the cloth, she stepped back into the safety of her room and dizzily stumbled to her bed, falling down heavily on it. But something wasn't right. Her legs bumped something firm and warm, something that felt very much like another human...
She flew up a bit too fast, feeling the bile rise into the back of her throat again, and whipped the covering off her eyes with a pained grunt. Her heart fluttering in her chest like the beating wings of a frightened bird, she spotted the dark figure calmly seated upon the edge of her mattress, regarding her with a serene, golden eye. In her feverish daze, she almost didn't recognize him.
"W-what are you doing here?" she whispered shakily, trembling suddenly. She'd never been so afraid of one man in her entire life before. It was ridiculous, really. She could scream and her parents and brother would come running, but she didn't want that - no, she COULDN'T have that. Farfarello had some sort of hold on her...
He didn't bother to answer her question; merely leaned in with an almost predatory grin until they were merely inches apart. Ironically, she wanted to cover her mouth so he wouldn't smell her horrible breath. "Bonnie," he cooed, an almost insane tone running beneath the river of his words, "I want ye to do something for me..."
She gulped down a lump in her throat. No...Farfarello wouldn't...he wouldn't hurt her, would he?
"What?" she asked weakly.
He was upon her now, forcing her to lean painfully backwards, her arms quaking as she relied all her weight on them. One of his slim fingers tipped her chin up and exposed her neck, which he next trailed down, speaking coolly.
"Tell me why ye think ye are better."
"W-what? I - I don't think I'm b-better!" she stuttered.
"Then why...why did ye reject me?"
"Farfarello." Her voice was dangerously close to a sob. "I'm scared."
He didn't back off, only trying to further intimidate her. "Do ye think I'm sane? Do ye think ye made me sane?"
She didn't know what to say. So she didn't answer.
His face suddenly went from gleefully malicious to stone cold and blank. "Are ye really scared of me?" He paused. And then, confidently, "I'm a monster, ye know. I've killed many people."
She reached out a trembling hand, touching the side of his face, eyes wide and wavering. He didn't react in the least, as he once had, so she let her finger tips touch his hair line, brushing against the bristly, white strands. "I know," she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please, Farfarello," she choked out, and this time she really was sobbing, but quietly so her parents would not hear. "Don't hurt me."
He remained impassive.
"Don't do this," she whispered, hazel eyes darkened to a deep cinnamon in the night. Her hand pressed to the side of his face tenderly. "You're so untouchable now... I can't reach you. I need to be able to...to reach you, Farfarello. You mean so much to me it's not even right..."
"Of course," he whispered. "It's not right for me ta matter ta someone such as yerself."
He was still kneeling over her, his chest pressed to hers, arms on either side of her waist and nose only inches from her own. So close it would've felt sinfully good had it not been for the onslaught of fear. Her strength was quickly failing and she knew that at any moment she could collapse back onto the bed, something she didn't even want to consider with how he was pressing his body upon hers. But his words... They brought a faint smirk to her face even as more liquid gathered in the pools of her brown orbs. "I know I probably shouldn't, but I do love you," was her simple, if not flat, statement. "It's scary, because I don't trust you at all, but I love you, and you could kill me at any given time - I know you could - so I should stay away. And it hurts, Farfarello."
His countenance suddenly failed as his expression melted into a crest- fallen one. His jaw slowly dropped and he gaped at her until the light pressure of the hand she had been cupping his cheek with fell away and she once again leaned back on it, trying to keep herself upright with only temporary success.
Suddenly, his arms had wrapped around her in a crushing, fiercely possessive embrace, one which chilled her to the very core. She was so in over her head... Falling in love with someone who was mentally unstable had to be the worst move she'd ever made! He was the one sobbing now, almost silently, though his body heaved with the intensity of it. He was mumbling incoherently, rocking back and forth, sounding from his gruff tone as if loved and hated her intensely at the same time.
She returned the hug reluctantly before she broke down into even more bitter tears.
"Bonnie...why would you...how could you do this to me?!" He moaned in grief and despair. "Why? WHY?!" And then, quietly, "I don't know... I don't know anything anymore... I want you with me... You belong with me..."
Sniffling and not quite as convinced, she gently shoved him away and turned her back on the young man, crying into her hands. He tried to hesitantly place his palms on her shoulders, a look of wonderment on his face, but she shrugged away, and he recoiled in shock. Then, she heard the sheets rustle a little, something that sounded like a faint clatter, and when she turned around, he was gone, the curtains flapping in the rough breeze telling of his hasty exit. When she turned back to the front again, she saw the reason for his hurried leave.
Ryan was in the doorway, having the room next to hers, and looked sleepily at her in confusion. "Were you talking to someone?" he yawned. "And why are you crying?"
She fell completely silent, pulling her hands away to stare at her cupped palms. And for the first time in her life, Bonnie found a sort of wonderment there, as if she was looking at the source of all her problems there in the pools of her tears she so carefully held. "Nothing," she murmured, never even glancing up. "It's nothing."
//I slipped away...further from you
Trying to find what is real
You're somebody else that I never knew
And someone that I can't feel
I shoved you away
I kept it in me
Is this what it takes...to keep me alive?
So you take me, and you break me, and you see that I'm falling apart...
Complicate me, and forsake me, you push me out so far...//
~~~~~
Review!
Misura: Yeah, my cell phone always dies when I REALLY need it. Anyhow, I like Yohji, really I do. I just don't like to idolize him. Haha. But I figured I'd been sorta rough on him so I decided to let him show off his good side. Oh, and I'm finding myself getting very into the whole Schuldig and Nagi interaction thing. Hehe - I'm so mean to poor Schu.
Angry Blood Sister: Farfarello isn't the best person to go to if you're in trouble, right? lol He gets back some of his feelings in this chapter - depending on how you look at it. He's just a psycho from a general point of view, I guess. Oh yeah, Nagi finally deserves some pay back. Poor lil kid having to put up with Schu for so long - I can't really blame him for being so unsympathetic, but at the same time, I really feel bad for Schu! Ok, that sounds plain weird since I'm the one putting him through this crap, right? Anyhow, I hope you got your food ~_^ Keep on reviewing!
Heaven Star: Well, I'm sorry about the errors, but I'm just so busy and trying to keep like three or four fics going here at once as well as doing my writing assignments for English and trying to post something on Fictionpress.net! Geez, I'm just so tired...*yawn* I think I checked this over though I don't recall too well... I think it'd be heart breaking to be Bonnie now because she simply doesn't understand the gravity of the situation, nor what she has gotten herself into. And as for Farfarello, poor guy has a rotten life, and on the topic of Schu, well, it must not be fun to be in his shoes, right? Yuck...what a life he's had... Oh, and I'm glad you're back. ^_^
Lady Shadow-san: Wow, I've given up on getting that Farfarello pic. I dunno...did I ever e-mail you again? I don't think I did, so I'll do it one more time and then get off your back about it. Sorry if I'm being a pain. Anyhow, Farfarello is a rather crabby guy, I guess. *shrugs* Keep on reading and reviewing.
~~~~~
//Every time we lie awake After every hit we take//
Farfarello lay curled on his bed, his body contracted into a tight, protective ball as he kept his eye tightly shut, warding off the darkness of his emotions. He had to admit, he was having conflicting emotions about Bonnie. At the time he had turned her away, his heart had been hard - he had thought only of her rejection and how she held herself above him. He hated her, really.
//Every feeling that I get But I haven't missed you yet//
But now... Why was he having doubts?
He'd at least expected Ken in the very least to babble idiocy about what he had done! But a whole day had passed and not even the soccer player had mentioned it. It was as if...as if it had never happened. Hadn't they heard about it? Had Bonnie somehow made it home without telling them? Was she...ok?
//Every roommate kept awake By ever silent scream we make//
He rolled over onto his other side to look at Ken, who slept in the bed across the room, and peacefully at that. His gaze then fell upon a pair of scissors lying on the desk. He stood up and walked over, picking up those dull blades fixed in a position that pivoted them away from one another. With dry consideration, he held one of them to his wrist as if to cut it, but sighed and then set them back in their original place. It just didn't feel right anymore.
//All the feelings that I get But I still don't miss you yet//
So, what to do? He was miserable and he didn't know why. Was he really sane, like they said? Well, if sane meant not cackling maniacally and killing people at random, than perhaps he was, for all that had lost its thrill. Now madness no longer consumed him - just emptiness. Maybe longing? But for what did he long?
//Only when I stop to think about it...//
Stiffly, his shoulders rose in a shrug as he went to the door and got his black boots, pulling them on. Then, retrieving his coat, he started off towards the park, where he could think.
//I - hate - *everything* about you Why do I love you?//
~~~~~
He never made it to the park.
Instead, he found himself at Bonnie's house. Cursed place. With its cursed owners. And its cursed dinners. And its cursed...everything. Angrily, he made his way swiftly around back and then began to, without a thought, scale the side of the house, using the thick, ropy ivy which crawled up and along the lattice to his advantage. The window he came to first had a nice view of a room with knives lining the walls in display cases. His eyes widened. Someone in her family actually collected knives? How strange...
He pressed on, finding himself slowly making his way to the sun room's roof, which he stood steadily on with the grace of a cat, moving easily to the next window, which, as he suspected, was Bonnie's room. He could tell by the Lord of the Rings poster (the girl had ranted and raved about her English copy of the movie for months - although no one had really cared) as well as the framed pictures of her and her family and Megan and, much to his surprise, Nagi and Omi and even Crawford. Sliding the window open with ease, he poured into her room with as much ease as the moonlight streaming in.
She wasn't in her bed...
The covers were in disarray as if she had thrown them away from her and hurriedly left, and when he sat down on the edge of it, he felt that her body heat lingered there. She'd be back soon enough, he decided, and he could wait. They had some things to sort out.
The noise of someone gagging from down the hall, surely vomiting, reached his ears as well as the proceeding noise of the toilet flushing and water running. Was she sick? Hmm... Narrowing his golden eye, he awaited her arrival.
***I slipped away, closer to me
The only thing that is real
But now I can see
Your absence helps me to heal
I shoved you away, I kept you from me
Is - this - what - it - takes
To keep me alive?
So you take me, and you break me, and you see that I'm falling apart...
Complicate me, and forsake me, you push me out so far***
Bonnie made a face as she spat into the sink, trying to erase the sour after taste of throwing up. It was a fruitless effort, she realized with a sigh, grabbing a damp washcloth and slinging it over her eyes. Having the flu was no picnic. Well, what else can you expect after wandering around in the rain all night?
Letting her memory guide her through the darkened halls, her eyes still covered by the cloth, she stepped back into the safety of her room and dizzily stumbled to her bed, falling down heavily on it. But something wasn't right. Her legs bumped something firm and warm, something that felt very much like another human...
She flew up a bit too fast, feeling the bile rise into the back of her throat again, and whipped the covering off her eyes with a pained grunt. Her heart fluttering in her chest like the beating wings of a frightened bird, she spotted the dark figure calmly seated upon the edge of her mattress, regarding her with a serene, golden eye. In her feverish daze, she almost didn't recognize him.
"W-what are you doing here?" she whispered shakily, trembling suddenly. She'd never been so afraid of one man in her entire life before. It was ridiculous, really. She could scream and her parents and brother would come running, but she didn't want that - no, she COULDN'T have that. Farfarello had some sort of hold on her...
He didn't bother to answer her question; merely leaned in with an almost predatory grin until they were merely inches apart. Ironically, she wanted to cover her mouth so he wouldn't smell her horrible breath. "Bonnie," he cooed, an almost insane tone running beneath the river of his words, "I want ye to do something for me..."
She gulped down a lump in her throat. No...Farfarello wouldn't...he wouldn't hurt her, would he?
"What?" she asked weakly.
He was upon her now, forcing her to lean painfully backwards, her arms quaking as she relied all her weight on them. One of his slim fingers tipped her chin up and exposed her neck, which he next trailed down, speaking coolly.
"Tell me why ye think ye are better."
"W-what? I - I don't think I'm b-better!" she stuttered.
"Then why...why did ye reject me?"
"Farfarello." Her voice was dangerously close to a sob. "I'm scared."
He didn't back off, only trying to further intimidate her. "Do ye think I'm sane? Do ye think ye made me sane?"
She didn't know what to say. So she didn't answer.
His face suddenly went from gleefully malicious to stone cold and blank. "Are ye really scared of me?" He paused. And then, confidently, "I'm a monster, ye know. I've killed many people."
She reached out a trembling hand, touching the side of his face, eyes wide and wavering. He didn't react in the least, as he once had, so she let her finger tips touch his hair line, brushing against the bristly, white strands. "I know," she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please, Farfarello," she choked out, and this time she really was sobbing, but quietly so her parents would not hear. "Don't hurt me."
He remained impassive.
"Don't do this," she whispered, hazel eyes darkened to a deep cinnamon in the night. Her hand pressed to the side of his face tenderly. "You're so untouchable now... I can't reach you. I need to be able to...to reach you, Farfarello. You mean so much to me it's not even right..."
"Of course," he whispered. "It's not right for me ta matter ta someone such as yerself."
He was still kneeling over her, his chest pressed to hers, arms on either side of her waist and nose only inches from her own. So close it would've felt sinfully good had it not been for the onslaught of fear. Her strength was quickly failing and she knew that at any moment she could collapse back onto the bed, something she didn't even want to consider with how he was pressing his body upon hers. But his words... They brought a faint smirk to her face even as more liquid gathered in the pools of her brown orbs. "I know I probably shouldn't, but I do love you," was her simple, if not flat, statement. "It's scary, because I don't trust you at all, but I love you, and you could kill me at any given time - I know you could - so I should stay away. And it hurts, Farfarello."
His countenance suddenly failed as his expression melted into a crest- fallen one. His jaw slowly dropped and he gaped at her until the light pressure of the hand she had been cupping his cheek with fell away and she once again leaned back on it, trying to keep herself upright with only temporary success.
Suddenly, his arms had wrapped around her in a crushing, fiercely possessive embrace, one which chilled her to the very core. She was so in over her head... Falling in love with someone who was mentally unstable had to be the worst move she'd ever made! He was the one sobbing now, almost silently, though his body heaved with the intensity of it. He was mumbling incoherently, rocking back and forth, sounding from his gruff tone as if loved and hated her intensely at the same time.
She returned the hug reluctantly before she broke down into even more bitter tears.
"Bonnie...why would you...how could you do this to me?!" He moaned in grief and despair. "Why? WHY?!" And then, quietly, "I don't know... I don't know anything anymore... I want you with me... You belong with me..."
Sniffling and not quite as convinced, she gently shoved him away and turned her back on the young man, crying into her hands. He tried to hesitantly place his palms on her shoulders, a look of wonderment on his face, but she shrugged away, and he recoiled in shock. Then, she heard the sheets rustle a little, something that sounded like a faint clatter, and when she turned around, he was gone, the curtains flapping in the rough breeze telling of his hasty exit. When she turned back to the front again, she saw the reason for his hurried leave.
Ryan was in the doorway, having the room next to hers, and looked sleepily at her in confusion. "Were you talking to someone?" he yawned. "And why are you crying?"
She fell completely silent, pulling her hands away to stare at her cupped palms. And for the first time in her life, Bonnie found a sort of wonderment there, as if she was looking at the source of all her problems there in the pools of her tears she so carefully held. "Nothing," she murmured, never even glancing up. "It's nothing."
//I slipped away...further from you
Trying to find what is real
You're somebody else that I never knew
And someone that I can't feel
I shoved you away
I kept it in me
Is this what it takes...to keep me alive?
So you take me, and you break me, and you see that I'm falling apart...
Complicate me, and forsake me, you push me out so far...//
~~~~~
Review!