A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed. Now to answer some questions/requests:

harry's4me+notu: Don't worry, I'm not turning Harry into a complete dick. I'm just giving him some sort of "edge" since he just can't be bloody good all the time.

Oh, and in case you're wondering why my version of Draco became kind of nice to Harry pretty fast, well, his character is kind of inspired by Xelloss of Slayers fame: while he's still a genuine bastard, he's also quite lovable. He's also partly inspired by Lestat (hence the "being bad makes me feel good" quote in the fic). As for Uric the Oddball, well I first read bout it in one of Cassandra Claire's stories, I forget if he's actually mentioned in the books or not.

Chapter Two: Welcome to the Brotherhood

"What brings you here, Potter? No one but a Malfoy is allowed in this balcony," Draco drawled as he took a drag of his cigarette.

"And why is that? This is Hogwart's! No student can own 'private sanctuaries' here, Malfoy!" fumed Harry.

"Says who? Do you see that statue? That is my grandfather, who funded the building of the entire Astronomy Tower, hence, I own this Tower, and can have a sanctuary in it, whenever I wish. Ask Dumbledore."

"You're related to Uric the Oddball? No wonder you're so weird!"

"Potter, you are lucky that I'm still savoring the afterglow of a wild night of sex, or else I would have thrown you off this balcony already. Sit with me," Draco commanded.

Harry reluctantly did as told. Draco offered him a cigarette, but Harry refused. Draco just chuckled as Harry sat quietly, thinking about what Draco said about savoring the afterglow. "Well, he's not lying. I can smell the Patil twins on him," Harry thought.

"You know those stuff will kill you?" asked Harry, pointing at Malfoy's cigarette.

"Oh please, it only kills Muggles because they're too dumb to use it properly. A Lung-Cleaning charm after smoking will usually take care of all the junk in this cigarette," said Malfoy as he took another drag. Then he turned to Harry again. "Hey, you never did answer my first question: What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you, I guess," grumbled Harry.

"And the reason for that is?"

"I need to ask you a favor."

"Oh, this is RICH! The Golden Boy, Harry Potter, asking me, Draco-fucking-Malfoy, for a favor? Are you on the mickey?"

"Fine! Forget I said anything!" Harry yelled and turned to leave. Draco grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Look, Potter, you honestly have to do something about that funky temper of yours. What kind of favor are you asking of me? Do you need to smuggle illegal goods into Hogwart's? You want me to kill someone for you? Or perhaps it is a favor of a more 'sexual' nature, eh?" Draco drawled with a naughty glint in his eyes.

"Iwantyoutoteachmehowtobeabadboy," Harry mumbled quickly in one breath.

"Slow down, Potter. No one is running after you with a Cruciatus Curse. Unless of course, you just said something that might irritate me."

"I said I WANT YOU TO TEACH ME HOW TO BE A BAD BOY!" Harry shouted.

Silence came after Harry's declaration. After a while, crickets started chirping. Soon, Draco, who is now holding his sides, laughing hard, interrupted the tension. Harry blushed and continued to stand stiffly.

"Let me get this straight---HAHAHAHAHAHA---you, want to become a---HAHAHAHA---BAD BOY?!?!" Draco laughed.

"Yes. Now shut the fuck up!" demanded Harry, who is still red.

"You know, being rude to me is not the best way to get me to help you."

"If I'm nice to you, will you do it then?"

"Why not? This should be fun. The question is, what's in it for me?"

"What do you desire?"

"Well, if you were better looking, I would ask for your virginity, but---"

"I am not giving you my virginity! Besides, I already lost it to Cho!"

"Potter, I said IF YOU WERE BETTER LOOKING! You're about as attractive as Bubutuber Pus to me!"

"What is it then? Galleons? I have about 100 with me right now."

"No. I've already enough money."

"Certainly not my Firebolt! Although I am so desperate, I might agree to part with it."

"Nah. Father already bought me one."

"What is it then?"

"Hermione Granger."

"What? I can't give you Hermione! She's not even mine to give!"

"Are you always this dense? I'm asking for your permission to date her!"

"Well, it's not exactly up to me, you know? You got to ask 'Mione."

"Look Potter, the reason I haven't asked out Granger is because you and Weasel are always hogging her. I will teach you how to become a bad boy if you and Weasel would kindly step aside from Hermione long enough for me to ask her out."

"That's it? That's not too hard. You have a deal!" Harry extended his hand to Draco, who just stared at it with a disgusted look.

"Did you honestly think that I would shake your hand? Please, I'd rather have my hand cut off! Just kindly sign this Unbreakable Pact on this parchment and then I will induct you into the Brotherhood."

Draco waved his wand and dictated the contract. It was written on a parchment by magic as Draco spoke the terms. Draco then handed Harry the parchment and a quill. Harry read the contract thoroughly. Surprisingly, it was airtight, and Draco didn't try to put any fine print or anything underhanded.

"Uhmm, Draco?"

"What is it now, Potter?"

"This quill doesn't have an ink!"

"Use your blood, you imbecile!"

"Why? Why can't we use normal ink?"

"Because the one who breaches this contract will get a Cruciatus Curse automatically cast on him."

Harry dropped the quill. Is Draco serious? Is he really ready to agree to such a Dark Pact? After careful consideration, Harry picked up the quill and pricked his finger with it. "I would do anything for Cho! Anything!" he thought. Then he proceeded to sign the contract. He handed the parchment and quill back to Draco, who signed it in the same way.

"Well, that takes care of it. Welcome to the Brotherhood, Potter," Draco said smugly.

"The Brotherhood of what?" asked Harry.

"Brotherhood of Young Death Eaters," Draco verified in a cold voice.

"What?!?!?!" O_O

"Just kidding, Potter. You just joined the most elite club in Hogwart's: The Brotherhood of the Satyr. Now, please kindly follow me and I will show you our headquarters."

"One question, Draco?"

"Sure. But hurry up, I'm freezing my ass off!"

"Why Hermione?"

"Why not Hermione? She's smart, she's feisty, and I admit, she's beautiful, although at first she looked like a beaver to me the day I met her."

"You're not going to hurt her, are you?"

"No, unless of course, she's a kinky masochist and asked for it."

"And your other girlfriends? You don't honestly think that 'Mione will go for you if you were still seeing other girls aside from her."

"Don't worry, Potter. I already broke up with all of them."

"Why?"

"Let's put it this way: even bad boys need to settle down once in a while. I think I'm ready for a more meaningful relationship. Random sex might be fun, but ultimately, it's love that what's matters the most."

"Draco?"

"Yes?"

"Are you on the mickey?"

"Oh sod off, Potter! You better not tell anyone about this!"

"I won't. Promise."

"Good. Now shut up and follow me!"

Harry couldn't help but smile as he followed Draco down the Tower. Before this, Harry though of Draco as an obnoxious, pompous git, but now, he's starting to think that Draco may not be so bad a person after all. Draco leads him down to the dungeons, not far from the Potions Lab. Draco stopped before a statue of a drunken satyr and looked back to regard Harry.

"Now, do you swear not to reveal this location to any people not in the Brotherhood?" asked Draco.

"I swear."

"Have you ever had sex?"

"What? What does that have to do with this?"

"It has everything to do with this! You can't enter until you've had sex at least once!"

"Oh. Well then, yes." Harry affirmed, blushing lightly.

"Honestly Potter, I never thought you had it in you. Step back please. Advocatus Diaboli!"

The statue started to split open, revealing a long hallway. Harry thought it reminded him of the passage inside the Humpbacked Hag that leads to Honeyduke's. Draco then asked Harry to walk before him."

"Did you remember the password?" asked Draco.

"Yes. Advocatus Diaboli, right?"

"Good. Now keep going until you see the main door."

Harry did just that. But halfway through the hallway, Draco stopped him.

"Damn it, Potter, I was hoping not to give you your first lesson until tomorrow, but I can't help but see that you need it badly now."

"What? What did I do wrong?"

"You're walk."

"My walk? What's wrong with my walk?"

"For one, you walk like a drunken crab sodomized by a troll."

"Ouch! Is my walk really that bad?"

"Yes. You see, bad boys do not walk erratically. They walk with purpose, and damn those who stand in their way. They also do it standing proud, not slouching their shoulders and dragging the soles of their feet to the ground like a common peasant. Watch closely, if you please…"

Draco then proceeded to demonstrate. Harry couldn't help but to admit that Draco did have impeccable poise and air of nobility about him. When it was his turn to imitate, Harry did okay, though not up to Draco's standards.

"Good, Potter, but you'll have to work on it. From now on, I do not want to see you slouching, dragging your feet, and making way for people when you walk, okay?"

"What, are you going to be grading me on this or something?"

"No. But I figure you'd do as I say if you want to succeed. I could care less if you pass or fail. Now walk with attitude, Potter! You are the Golden Boy! No one is better than you, except me of course, but I digress. Attitude! Attitude!" Draco encouraged Harry as he walked. By the time they reached the end of the hall, Harry is now walking suavely.

"How's that?" Harry asked Draco tentatively.

"Better, Potter, much better. You could have been mistaken for a Malfoy, if the onlookers have never seen one, of course."

"You're a lousy motivator, you know that?"

"Why thank you. But you have to admit, I'm a great teacher."

"Yes. I agree."

"Give yourself some credit. You really are a fast learner, as Lupin has told me."

"You knew Professor Lupin? And you talked to him?"

"Of course! He's in the Brotherhood too!"

Harry's heart lightened upon hearing Lupin is in the Brotherhood. He was very worried that this club might be full of Death Eaters and their progeny or something. They stood before a Great Door, made of gold and dark wood, carved with a relief of satyrs frolicking with beautiful nymphs. The door the spoke in a booming voice.

"Name?" asked the door.

"Draco Malfoy. Open, you odious monstrosity!"

The door opened and let Draco in. Before Harry could enter, the door closed and asked his name.

"Name?" asked the door.

"Harry Potter, sir. Open, please."

The door remained closed. Harry repeated his request, and the door refused to budge. Harry was about to try again, until the door swung open and Draco emerged.

"What the hell is taking you so long, Potter?" yelled Draco, getting annoyed.

"It won't open when I asked it to!"

"That's because you asked nicely! You have to insult it! You can't be a bad boy if you are so damn polite! Try again!"

Harry walked towards the closed door. When he is close enough, the door asked for his name again.

"Name?"

"Harry Potter. Open, you mean door!" The door didn't open.

"Honestly, Potter, is that the best you can do? Try again!"

"Name?"

"Harry Potter. Open, you SHIT-COLORED, SON OF A MONKEY-ASS MOTHERFUCKER!"

The door swung open so violently, the ground shook. Draco stood staring at Harry, wide-eyed and mouth open. Harry was huffing and puffing angrily as he and Draco entered.

"Uhmm, Potter? Where did you learn such a colorful vocabulary? O_O" asked Draco, still recovering from shock.

"I don't know. I think it's purely out of pent up aggression, I guess," Harry muttered, somewhat embarrassed.

"I hate to admit it Potter, but it looks like there's hope for you yet. Come here, we'll walk through the Hall of Legends."

Draco led Harry to another long hall. But unlike the hall outside the Great Door, which was completely barren and rough, this interior hall was well decorated: floor to wall carpeting, gold trimmings, gold sconces, and huge portrait frames.

"Draco? What's in the Hall of Legends?" asked Harry.

"Portraits of the members of the Brotherhood who bagged the most sexual partners. The more you get in the sack the further your portrait is in the hall, until it becomes the portrait above the hearth of the headquarters. To be in a portrait, you must have had at least 10 sexual conquests. Come, I'll explain each portrait to you."

Draco then led Harry to the nearest portrait. Harry's eyes bugged out of its socket. It was a portrait of Crabbe and Goyle, who where roughhousing with each other, putting the other in chokeholds. Under the portrait, a plaque was engraved with "Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle: 6."

"Wait a minute! I thought you have to had 10 sexual contest to be in a portrait! They only had six!" complained Harry.

"Yes. But look at those two. Would you believe that between them, six women actually had sex with them? That was such an amazing feat that the Brotherhood decided to immortalize them! It sucks to know that Crabbe and Goyle have had more women than you, huh?"

"Yes. But wait! How current are these counts?"

"Very current. Every time a member of the Brotherhood have had sex, they stand in front their portrait, say the name of their sexual partner, and the number automatically updates. And don't bother lying; made up names do not count. Nor the names of people you forced to have sex with you. The only time the counters stop counting is when you leave Hogwart's or get married. As long as the counter is not sealed by glass, it means it can go up. Right now, only 4 counters remain unsealed: this one, and three others further down the hall."

"Oh. And is my father in anywhere of these portraits?"

"No. However popular your father was on his Hogwart's days, he is but a one-hit wonder, as my father told me. That means he had sex with your mom and your mom alone."

Harry didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed. As they walked along the long hall, they passed the portraits of some people that Harry knew and some he didn't. They passed Remus Lupin, who was blushing shyly as a schoolboy, with his sealed counter on the number 20. Harry waved at the portrait and the portrait waved cheerfully back. Then they passed more portraits that did progressively more sexual conquests than Lupin. Harry didn't recognize anyone until Charlie Weasley, whose sealed counter is at number 35. After that, the portrait of Blaise Zabini, who's counter is not yet sealed, is at 40. Then he didn't recognize anyone since him until Bill Weasley, whose sealed counter is at number 50. Draco nudged Harry.

"We call Bill Weasley the 'Bag Barrier.' Few people have gotten pass his mark. Come, I will show you the last 4 portraits."

Harry was quite excited to see whom the last 4 portraits belong to. They reached the first one after Bill Weasley's.

"This is of course, daddy dearest," Draco said proudly.

Harry stood before the portrait of Lucius Malfoy, who's counter is at 70. The portrait sneered at Harry, then looked proudly at Draco. When Harry was about to turn his back, the portrait flipped him the bird, making him turn around and glare at it; the portrait went back to its usual smug demeanor.

"Does you mom know about him being in this club?" Harry asked as they resumed walking.

"Well, yes. But it didn't exactly upset her since my dad never had sex with anyone else after they married. I think it was bullshit, but I would never know if he cheats on mom. Like I said, the counter stops going up after you leave Hogwart's or get married. My dad did both."

They walked for a while until they reached a portrait that made Harry's heart jump with surprise. In the portrait was Sirius Black, who, rather than being portrayed as dirty and disheveled, stood at his very best, before he was sent to Azkaban. Harry looked at his sealed counter: it read 75. Harry gave the portrait a thumbs up sign. The portrait winked backed at him and resumed it's proud posturing.

"Haha. My godfather beat your dad, Draco," boasted Harry proudly.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so smug if I were you," said Draco, with an air of disinterest.

"And why is that?" asked Harry.

"Because you're about to see who outdid your beloved godfather. Say goodbye to your little pride bubble; it's about to be burst. Tada!"

Harry's mouth almost hit the floor. In the portrait before him, a painting of Draco stood and blew a raspberry at him, then it gave a 'victory' sign and resumed to it's preening and posturing. Draco's counter read 98.

"You---you---98 women? O_O" stuttered Harry.

"Well, not exactly 98. Watch." Draco stood in front of his portrait. Harry looked at him intently.

"Parvati Patil and Padma Patil," he yelled in a clear voice. Then he yelled "Finite Numeram!"

There was a clicking sound. Then Harry observed the counter changing from 98 to 100. Then he noticed that Draco's counter became permanently sealed by glass, much like Lupin's, Lucius', Bill's, Charlie's, and Sirius' counters.

"Now my bag count is 100. And since I sealed it, it won't go up anymore. Impressed, Potter?" drawled Draco. Harry just stared at the portrait in shock. "Oh, you haven't seen nothing yet, Potter. Wait till you see whose portrait is above the hearth of the headquarters.

They walked on until they reached the end of the hall. Before them was a circular room, full of couches and armchairs, much like the Common Rooms. The room even had a big fireplace. But what set this room apart was that its walls are covered with pages from sex manuals, perhaps centuries old. But what really caught Harry's attention was the huge portrait above the fireplace. It was of Severus Snape.

"Snape? Snape got the highest count?" stuttered Harry.

"Of course! Who were you expecting, Dumbledore? Please! That old fogey hasn't been laid for nearly a century!"

"But how? How did Snape's count get so high? 200! Is that even human? And his counter is not sealed. Does it mean it can go further?""

"Yes, I was impressed at first too. Until I found out that Snape's been adding to his count for the last 15 years since he graduated from Hogwart's!"

"How is that possible? You only get to stay at Hogwart's until you're 17!"

"I know that. But Snape didn't exactly leave Hogwart's now, did he? He's still teaching here. And he never got married, so his counter never stopped. That's why I've decided that's it's futile to try to beat his score. We both only have one year at Hogwart's left, and I'm not planning to teach in this rattrap or stay single for long. So I retired my count at 100. It's not like someone will beat it anytime soon. I'm Draco-fucking-Malfoy, for Merlin's sake! I mean look at me!"

"So that means Hermione will be your last conquest?"

"No, Potter, I would not think of Hermione as a conquest. But yes, she would the last woman I would have in my life if things work out."

"That's so sweet!"

"Oh sod off, Potter! Will you sit down! I need to ask you a few questions."

Harry and Draco sat down on opposite recliners in front of the fireplace, facing each other. Draco flicked his wand and bottles of butterbeer appeared on the table between them.

"So, Potter, for whom are you suffering all this crap for?"

"For Cho. She said I was boring."

"Yes, you are."

"And a prude."

"I agree."

"And average when it comes to love-making."

"Not surprising."

"You're not making me feel better, you know?"

"Am I supposed to?"

"No, but you could at least be sympathetic."

"Sympathy is not in my vocabulary."

"But still-"

"Look, just because I'm teaching you doesn't mean I have to be nice to you all the time."

"Fine. So what's the plan?"

"What plan?"

"For all of these! You know, teaching me how to act like bad boy and all that shit."

"Look, Potter, being a bad boy is not an act. It's an art. Unless you take my lessons seriously, you'll never be one, no matter how hard you try."

"Well, as long as you don't make me worship Voldemort, I'll do as you say."

"Who says I worship Voldemort?"

"Isn't your father a Death Eater?"

"So? What does it have to do with me? Potter, I am not bad for the sake of being bad. I am bad because it makes me feel so good."

"You lost me."

"No surprise there. Your mind is the shallowest I've ever seen, and that's saying something since I hang out with Crabbe and Goyle."

"Well, do you at least have lesson plans?"

"I figure we should start with your mannerisms and habits to make you 'less boring.' Then we should refine your idea of 'fun.' Speaking of which, what do you find fun?"

"Quidditch."

"That's it?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"You don't find torture fun? Reckless endangerment fun? Petty crimes fun?"

"Nope."

"Oy! It looks like I have my work cut out for me. Well after I teach yeah about life outside of Quidditch, then we should work on your sexual performance. I will make some adjustments in your techniques to make you above average. Sex with what gender do you prefer? Female? Male?"

"Female of course!"

"A real bad boy would have said 'both.' But hey, to each his own. I will be personally training you in the Art of Lovemaking."

"Ew! That sounded wrong."

"Yes. Believe me Potter; I didn't enjoy saying it either. But trust me, by the time I'm done teaching you, Cho will be screaming your name so loud, it will be heard throughout Hogwart's!"

"As long as you keep your willie away from me, I can't see why I should refuse."

"Potter, please! I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last creature in wizardom I can have sex with. I'd rather have sex with a Muggle."

"Muggles are still humans, you know? They couldn't possibly be that disgusting."

"To me, they are."

"Hermione is Muggle-born, you know?"

"Yes. But she's not a Muggle, she's a Mudblood."

"Would you stop calling her that?"

"Oh please, it's not like she minds. In fact, I personally think that the way 'Mudblood' lusciously flows from my oh-so-sexy lips turns her on."

"You're such a prick, you know that? And here I am, starting to like you?"

"You like me? Don't go gay on me now Potter, although I think you just can't help it."

"You're delusional."

"Oh, am I now? Tell me, who has slept with a total of 100 women, and men, in just 6 years here at Hogwart's?"

"That's not impressive; that makes you a slut!"

"That's 'Mr. Very well-experienced slut' to you, Mr. Average-In-Bed."

"Point."

"Well, Potter, it's getting late. I would give you your next lesson tomorrow, since I already gave you your first one."

"Aww, couldn't you give me anymore?"

"Look, I admire your enthusiasm, but for Merlin's sake, it's two-fucking-thirty in the morning!"

"Okay. Uhmm, Draco?"

"Yes?"

"How do I get back?"

"Well, normally, you would leave via Floo Powder in this fireplace to the fireplace of your Common Room."

"But why didn't we just take Floo to get here in the first place?"

"Tradition, Potter. All members of the club must pay their respects to those whose portraits are hung in the Hall of Legends by walking past them. This is the first of the Brotherhood's Cardinal Rules: long way in, quick way out. If you take the quick way in, you will end up under the lake. In retrospect, I have never encountered a problem about taking the long way out, so you can take advantage of that to practice your walk, while I myself will leave by Floo. Ta!"

"Hey, that's not fair! How come?"

"Hello? I'm an evil bastard?"

"But-"

"Just do as I say, Potter. Start walking! And to make sure you won't turn around and take a shortcut, I will just take this bucket of Floo here with me."

Saying that, Draco stood on the fireplace, taking the bucket of Floo powder with him. All he said was "Slytherin Common Room" and he was gone with a flash, leaving Harry alone. Harry shook his head and started practicing the "Malfoy Walk." Then suddenly, a rather thick tome hit him on the back of his head.

"Oops, I forgot to give you your official Brotherhood of the Satyr Handbook. Read it and learn it by heart." Draco's disembodied head commanded to Harry from the fireplace.

"Did you really have to throw it at my head? That fucking hurt!" yelled Harry back.

"You're right, I could've just handed it to you…but where's the fun in that?" And with that, Draco's image vanished in a puff of green smoke.