Sorry this took so long to get out - I was on a school trip all week at
South Carolina and I just got back last night and I'm sooooo tired...
Jessica: Well, that image is probably really realistic for crazy Farfarello, but I didn't quite want to have him put on death row or anything, so the situation worked out differently... lol Thanks a bunch for your review! Make sure to tell me what you think of this chapter too!
Coppelia: Yeah, I try to make Hiromi nice, but for some reason, some people just don't like him... lol Anyhow, you're see just how easily Farfarello goes into that church - just because he agrees doesn't mean he likes it! *evil author's smirk* Keep on reviewing!
Angry Blood Sister: Hehe, many people would've liked to have been a bystander at the amusement park that day. *raises hand* Of course I am included in that group. Anyhow, yes, Farfarello isn't the church going type, of course, so you'll have to read and see his reaction! Please review this chapter too! ~_^
Misura: See, you're one of those people that DOESN'T like Hiromi. lol I really don't know why either. *shrugs* I'd like a boy like him, but oh well - he must just rub you the wrong way. I have the same problem with Sora off Kingdom Hearts. Aww, I'm glad you thought the chapter was cute and sweet and all. Please tell me what you think of this one too. ^_^
Yami Kaosu: Yup, it's about time Bonnie got things on a realistic level. She's been living in happy Farfarello land for now, but she's starting to consider whether or not he'll be a good husband or not if they even marry. So yes, you'll definitely have to see what happens and review afterwards!
~~~~~
It was perfect.
The service got underway and Farfarello sat still and behaved, listening with a reservedly interested face as he sat in the pews at Bonnie's side, holding her hand. He smiled at her every now and then, he stood when the time was appropriate, and he barely stirred throughout the length of the sermon. He was well dressed, well groomed, and very compliant. At the end, he rose, thanked Bonnie for the wonderful experience, and...
That's not how it went. That's how Bonnie dreamed it happening. It's how she wished it would happen. But, unfortunately, she knew far ahead of time, about when she laid eyes on a flighty looking Farfarello, that wasn't how it was going to be.
She knocked on the door to Schuldig and Yohji's apartment an hour before service, worried because she had not heard from him yet and he was not to be found at his home, and was shocked to find a strange sight when the door opened. Apparently, something had caused Yohji and Schuldig to rebel - and horribly at that. Yohji opened the door and unashamedly stared back at her as she gawked, proclaiming, "I will NOT let Crawford push me around."
"Yes, I see..." Bonnie murmured, shielding her eyes momentarily as the sight of shirtless Yohji in a pair of ripped blue jeans and with an expensive looking tie wrapped around his head like a bandanna blinded her. "I...what are you DOING?!"
"Death to the formal occasion!" cried Schuldig, ambling up beside Yohji and waving a tie of his own in the air. He, himself, was wearing a pair of red boxers with yellow smiley faces patterned on them and a black, short- sleeved T-shirt. Then, seeing Bonnie, he smirked and declared, "I should've expected you would come. You started all of this."
"What did I do to...to make you wear ties on your heads and clothes that haven't been washed in years?"
Much to her relief, Farfarello appeared as a third head poking out behind them in the back, looking rather displeased with his current position. However, he was in a nice looking black suit with a white dress shirt underneath, so she wasn't complaining. He looked a lot more acceptable than his comrades.
As Schuldig began to loop the green tie around his head, he said, "Brad thinks that just because you got Farfarello to go to church, he can get us to go someplace equally..." He looked at her warily. "Equal. Namely, the opera."
Yohji grimaced. "He's doing it to 'enrich' Nagi and Schuldig's minds, and he says he has people there that he'd like them to meet."
"People that can get us jobs!" Schuldig added incredulously, looking rather disgusted with the idea. It didn't surprise Bonnie though - the flower shop didn't need eight workers, and since Schuldig was the least beneficial and Nagi only worked two days a week, it figured they'd be the first to go.
Yohji cut in again, remarking, "Actually, they work for Brad at his company. He wants them to train Nagi and Schuldig to work for him, AND when Aya heard, he demanded I go too because he says they don't NEED me anymore!"
"It's ridiculous!" Schuldig agreed, and the more and more they talked, the crazier they sounded. "Yohji has been there from the beginning, and I'm the main draw for the girls!"
Yohji glared at Schuldig, but it quickly passed. "Bonnie, if you had never told Farfarello he had to go to church with you, Brad would've never got the idea stuck in his head that miracles exist and that we could be persuaded to go to the opera! So, we're revolting."
"Yeah!" Schuldig stood firm and proud in his smiley boxers, blue eyes glittering. "If Brad wants to take me to the opera, he can take me in my underwear!"
Bonnie, once more, raised her hands to her eyes and looked away. Blindly, she reached out, said, "Farfarello, let's go now," and feeling him accept, turned to walk away with him.
~~~~~
Farfarello sat silently beside her in the car, fiddling with the sleeve of his suit jacket and moodily ignoring her presence. The tension between them was building, Bonnie noted as they drove, and silently she prayed, Please, don't let him turn back - don't let this ruin our relationship after he's come so far!
Bonnie, herself, had come dressed in church apparel, a knee-length denim skirt and a white turtleneck with black flip flops. Her loose spirals of hair had been pulled into a messy bun, a few strands framing her face and falling into her eyes.
When they pulled into the church parking lot, they sat in the car a few moments, as if building up courage and strength.
"So..." she murmured. "You look nice. Don't tell me Yohji and Schuldig dressed you."
"No," he whispered. And then, glaring at her, "I'm not a child. I can dress myself."
"I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."
"Should we go in?"
Bonnie nodded mutely and opened the door, stepping out. The closer they got to the church, the further away Farfarello seemed. By the time he was walking through those double doors, he was nothing more than a shadow accompanying her into the silent halls.
She led him to a pew and looked nervously around at the other parishioners shuffling about and greeting each other, at the people milling about up front and her father leaning on the podium, waiting for the time to begin the service.
"I have to help light the candles for tonight," she told him. "I'll go as fast as I can without burning down the church, ok?"
Farfarello nodded. He thought he could easily pass the time while Bonnie was away. He looked around and observed the people around him. No one was paying any attention to him, but the way he figured it, they were all glancing out of the corners of their eyes and trying not to let him see their curiosity at what such a grotesque being was doing in their pure setting.
He glanced about in a bored fashion and felt his throat constrict suddenly as he watched Bonnie lighting the candles, smiling and chatting away with her father. He began to notice other eyes had finally landed on him, and he feared he might be approached in some form of 'friendliness'. He didn't want to talk to anyone and be 'welcomed' - he tried to convey that with his gaze. Sure enough, anyone who had begun to approach him backed off.
Bonnie, having successfully lighted all the candles, turned and smiled at him from the stage, hazel eyes sparkling with warmth. Farfarello didn't understand how HIS Bonnie could belong to a religion with so many hypocrites and so little truth.
Suddenly, the beginning of service was announced. Bonnie had started to walk back towards him, but her father grabbed her arm and stopped her, speaking to her and asking her to stay for some reason. She looked uncertain but nodded, flashing him an apologetic look.
The chorus behind them began to sang. Everyone stood save Farfarello, who was too petrified, suddenly, to move. He didn't want to shatter the faint illusion of his fragile behavior. He found himself zoning out, traveling back to Ireland...
Bonnie worriedly watched Farfarello from her father's side - he had remained seated whereas everyone else was standing. She turned and silently pleaded with her eyes to be able to go back and at least offer some emotional support, and even though he needed her to help ready communion, he saw her distress and kindly nodded. Relieved, Bonnie stepped down off stage and began to travel down the walkway.
Farfarello's golden eye had closed. All he saw was blood and three corpses.
Bonnie's footsteps quickened but it didn't seem fast enough. Farfarello was trembling and she needed to get to him - and fast - but to run would alarm the rest of the church and her father and maybe even Farfarello so she forced herself to walk.
It was a bad decision.
Farfarello shot up suddenly, eye flying open as he locked his gaze solely on her. Panic and anger flared in his expression and he snarled at her, mouthed her name, shook his head. Then, gracefully, quickly, all with an assassin's grace, he turned and fled the building, sprinting out of it at such a speed that even though Bonnie burst into a run to catch him, she was left far behind.
He felt as though he might rip the doors off the entrance as he flew out, thrusting his hands against them so hard they banged against the walls. He almost tore up the asphalt in the parking lot as he skidded to a stop and turned a sharp corner, heading into the park nearby. Once deep enough in the grassy field, he collapsed underneath a tree, and with tears on his cheeks, thrust his hand into his pocket and ripped out a small knife he had stowed away. The blade was dull and he sobbed in aggravation as he harshly drew it across his arm.
Bonnie found him there, huffing and out of breath and shoeless. Her bare feet were sore from having kicked off her sandals in the parking lot to run faster, and her chest hurt from all the worry and exertion. She nearly fainted dead away when she saw him sitting beneath the tree on a knoll of grass, face and chest splashed with his own blood, arms stained red.
He raised his eye to meet her; he frowned grimly. "I... It's not fair," he whispered. "Why should I change and not ye?"
She walked over to where he was seated and shakily dropped to her knees, hesitantly extending a hand towards him. When he didn't respond, she let it linger in the air between them, fingers quivering, longing to touch him. "Are you...happy the way you are?" she whispered, eyes filling with tears.
"I'm happy with ye."
How could she respond to that? His level gaze and honest tone broke her heart and she reached out both arms and nearly fell against his chest, hugging him as she cried inconsolably. He made only a weak effort to comfort, lifting a hand slowly and placing it on the back of her head even as he took to staring distantly off into space.
"I'm happy...with you, too..." she sobbed. "But I...I can't live like this..."
Unexpectedly, he roughly took her by the shoulders, shoved her away, holding her at arm's length. Frightened, she saw the tears and blood spattered across his face, the desperate look his eye as he cried, "Can't ye see it's no good? No matter how much ye try, no matter how much I love ye even...ye just kin't change me. I will never change. This is who I am, love, and this is who I will always be. Not even ye can make me stop believin' what I do. So, now, tell me... Are ye goin' ta turn away from me just because of that? Because if ye do...I won't be able to live like this. I don' wanna be alone."
Her heart thudded horribly in her chest, about to burst, she feared. He'd never called her 'love' before. Such a term of endearment was foreign to her. Letting her hands come to rest over his, which still gripped her shoulders, she trembled and replied, "Farfello, I - I care about you so much it hurts sometimes. But there are things you have to understand about me... I cannot throw away everything I believe in just because you ask me to! Why do you have to do this to yourself...? To me...?" She tenderly touched a patch of blood slowly drying on his arm. "When you cut yourself like you are now, it's like you're cutting me! Look at this blood - it's all over the both of us, and the only thing I want to do right now is to tell you it's all right, to hold you tight until you feel better, and just forget about everything and be happy with you...and only you...but, I just - I just...I just can't, Farfello. And you will never understand how much it hurts."
He looked at her, appalled. "Are ye saying goodbye to me?"
"I just need to back off and think, but I will never give up on you, Farfello! I will never put you out of my heart! I - I just couldn't! But...my parents and my friends... I just need to cool things a little and be with them some, to think about us and how you're affecting me, because, to tell you the truth, Farfello, sometimes I don't know what's going on. When I landed in the hospital with that gunshot wound...I had a lot of time to think. I know you say you can protect me from that happening again, but you can't. You couldn't even that time. And the truth is...I make you weak."
He violently pulled her to him again, crushing her against his chest as he, too, began to cry in agony. "I don' care if ye do make me weak! I need you, Bon! Kin't ye see how miserable I am all the time? Ye are my escape! Ye are the only one who makes me smile, who makes me laugh, and I would risk my life for just a few moments of that! When I'm not with ye, I'm in some padded cell, bein' treated like a freak, and slashin' myself wit' knives and enjoyin' the blood cuz it let's me know I am real - and that I have control over some aspect of my life. You kin leave me like this, Bonnie, but someday, one of those knives will cut a lil too deep...will you miss me?"
"You're not a freak!" she nearly screamed, feeling him beginning to rock her back and forth as a confused child would do with a doll cradled in their arms. "I HATE it when people or even you say that! Farfarello, I'd miss you so much! I don't want to break up with you - just take a little break! Just give me some room...just give me some time..." Her voice was frantic, fear-filled, and breathless. "Some time to breathe..."
And he released her, looking as if he'd been terribly betrayed but saying nothing. His handsome suit and dress shirt was ripped and covered in a dark scarlet that shone almost black in the moonlight. Bonnie didn't want to leave him, but from the expression on his face he would not be persuaded to return to the church with her. One last time, she whispered to him, "God is more important to me than anything or anyone, Farfarello - I'm sorry...but I can't throw that away, not even for you. And when I'm with you...I'm not true to myself." And then she walked away, and it was hard. Very hard. She stumbled back to the church, unthinking and only slightly numb. She entered the swinging double doors slowly, went into the smaller chapel and slumped down in the front pew, staring blankly at the cross affixed on the wall.
And then she broke down.
Her mother came in then, padding softly down the carpeted hall with sympathy scrawled plainly across her face. Marianna sunk into the seat beside her daughter and laid a hand to her back, rubbing it comfortingly, trying to soothe away her fears. "Shh, baby," she whispered. "It's ok. All things will work out for the best..."
"No they won't, mama," she sobbed, tears pouring into her cupped palms. "No they won't... He won't love me after this... Mama, it really hurts, and I'm so ashamed!"
"Bonnie, this is not the end of your life, and it's not necessarily the end of you and Fafarello. Besides, you must consider the possibility that he's not the one for you." Marianna tenderly stroked Bonnie's hair back away from her tear stained face, speaking softly. "I know you feel strongly for him...but I'm so worried about what he's doing to you. Yes, he treats you well, perhaps you're the only one he treats well, but can you sacrifice all that Farfarello needs?"
Bonnie leaned her elbows onto her knees and drew in a shaky breath, cheeks flushed and eyes unbearably hot and moist with tears. She buried her face into her hands and was honest with herself and knew that what she truly wanted, what she'd always dreamed of, was something just for her - someone who was always kind and strong both emotionally and physically and could provide a stable life and a nice home. Someone she could always count on - someone to take care of her when she was too tired to do it herself. Was Farfarello capable of any of her qualifications?
No... Farfarello would never be constant, always waging a war within himself. That was fine now - what about in twenty years when they had a family? Could she raise children in a home like that? And the thing that mattered most, the thing she'd always taken for a given...
Her husband had to be a Christian.
She sniffled, thoroughly heartbroken, and rubbed at her face as the feeling of shame washed over her. "It's no good," she muttered, staring at the wooden cross, polished and shining in the dark. "I can't change him like that... And if I let him change me, I'll never be happy. It's all over, mama, it's all over..."
Marianna bent and craned her neck and gazed into her daughter's lonely eyes, hugging her tightly. She, for one, did not want Farfarello to be in her daughter's life anymore - not after he'd displayed his obvious mental illness.
Yet, somehow...
She just couldn't help but feel sorry for the man.
And hope that all would be righted before either he or Bonnie did something drastic.
~~~~~
Alright, just a few more chapters! This story is beginning to wrap up! Review, everyone!
Jessica: Well, that image is probably really realistic for crazy Farfarello, but I didn't quite want to have him put on death row or anything, so the situation worked out differently... lol Thanks a bunch for your review! Make sure to tell me what you think of this chapter too!
Coppelia: Yeah, I try to make Hiromi nice, but for some reason, some people just don't like him... lol Anyhow, you're see just how easily Farfarello goes into that church - just because he agrees doesn't mean he likes it! *evil author's smirk* Keep on reviewing!
Angry Blood Sister: Hehe, many people would've liked to have been a bystander at the amusement park that day. *raises hand* Of course I am included in that group. Anyhow, yes, Farfarello isn't the church going type, of course, so you'll have to read and see his reaction! Please review this chapter too! ~_^
Misura: See, you're one of those people that DOESN'T like Hiromi. lol I really don't know why either. *shrugs* I'd like a boy like him, but oh well - he must just rub you the wrong way. I have the same problem with Sora off Kingdom Hearts. Aww, I'm glad you thought the chapter was cute and sweet and all. Please tell me what you think of this one too. ^_^
Yami Kaosu: Yup, it's about time Bonnie got things on a realistic level. She's been living in happy Farfarello land for now, but she's starting to consider whether or not he'll be a good husband or not if they even marry. So yes, you'll definitely have to see what happens and review afterwards!
~~~~~
It was perfect.
The service got underway and Farfarello sat still and behaved, listening with a reservedly interested face as he sat in the pews at Bonnie's side, holding her hand. He smiled at her every now and then, he stood when the time was appropriate, and he barely stirred throughout the length of the sermon. He was well dressed, well groomed, and very compliant. At the end, he rose, thanked Bonnie for the wonderful experience, and...
That's not how it went. That's how Bonnie dreamed it happening. It's how she wished it would happen. But, unfortunately, she knew far ahead of time, about when she laid eyes on a flighty looking Farfarello, that wasn't how it was going to be.
She knocked on the door to Schuldig and Yohji's apartment an hour before service, worried because she had not heard from him yet and he was not to be found at his home, and was shocked to find a strange sight when the door opened. Apparently, something had caused Yohji and Schuldig to rebel - and horribly at that. Yohji opened the door and unashamedly stared back at her as she gawked, proclaiming, "I will NOT let Crawford push me around."
"Yes, I see..." Bonnie murmured, shielding her eyes momentarily as the sight of shirtless Yohji in a pair of ripped blue jeans and with an expensive looking tie wrapped around his head like a bandanna blinded her. "I...what are you DOING?!"
"Death to the formal occasion!" cried Schuldig, ambling up beside Yohji and waving a tie of his own in the air. He, himself, was wearing a pair of red boxers with yellow smiley faces patterned on them and a black, short- sleeved T-shirt. Then, seeing Bonnie, he smirked and declared, "I should've expected you would come. You started all of this."
"What did I do to...to make you wear ties on your heads and clothes that haven't been washed in years?"
Much to her relief, Farfarello appeared as a third head poking out behind them in the back, looking rather displeased with his current position. However, he was in a nice looking black suit with a white dress shirt underneath, so she wasn't complaining. He looked a lot more acceptable than his comrades.
As Schuldig began to loop the green tie around his head, he said, "Brad thinks that just because you got Farfarello to go to church, he can get us to go someplace equally..." He looked at her warily. "Equal. Namely, the opera."
Yohji grimaced. "He's doing it to 'enrich' Nagi and Schuldig's minds, and he says he has people there that he'd like them to meet."
"People that can get us jobs!" Schuldig added incredulously, looking rather disgusted with the idea. It didn't surprise Bonnie though - the flower shop didn't need eight workers, and since Schuldig was the least beneficial and Nagi only worked two days a week, it figured they'd be the first to go.
Yohji cut in again, remarking, "Actually, they work for Brad at his company. He wants them to train Nagi and Schuldig to work for him, AND when Aya heard, he demanded I go too because he says they don't NEED me anymore!"
"It's ridiculous!" Schuldig agreed, and the more and more they talked, the crazier they sounded. "Yohji has been there from the beginning, and I'm the main draw for the girls!"
Yohji glared at Schuldig, but it quickly passed. "Bonnie, if you had never told Farfarello he had to go to church with you, Brad would've never got the idea stuck in his head that miracles exist and that we could be persuaded to go to the opera! So, we're revolting."
"Yeah!" Schuldig stood firm and proud in his smiley boxers, blue eyes glittering. "If Brad wants to take me to the opera, he can take me in my underwear!"
Bonnie, once more, raised her hands to her eyes and looked away. Blindly, she reached out, said, "Farfarello, let's go now," and feeling him accept, turned to walk away with him.
~~~~~
Farfarello sat silently beside her in the car, fiddling with the sleeve of his suit jacket and moodily ignoring her presence. The tension between them was building, Bonnie noted as they drove, and silently she prayed, Please, don't let him turn back - don't let this ruin our relationship after he's come so far!
Bonnie, herself, had come dressed in church apparel, a knee-length denim skirt and a white turtleneck with black flip flops. Her loose spirals of hair had been pulled into a messy bun, a few strands framing her face and falling into her eyes.
When they pulled into the church parking lot, they sat in the car a few moments, as if building up courage and strength.
"So..." she murmured. "You look nice. Don't tell me Yohji and Schuldig dressed you."
"No," he whispered. And then, glaring at her, "I'm not a child. I can dress myself."
"I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."
"Should we go in?"
Bonnie nodded mutely and opened the door, stepping out. The closer they got to the church, the further away Farfarello seemed. By the time he was walking through those double doors, he was nothing more than a shadow accompanying her into the silent halls.
She led him to a pew and looked nervously around at the other parishioners shuffling about and greeting each other, at the people milling about up front and her father leaning on the podium, waiting for the time to begin the service.
"I have to help light the candles for tonight," she told him. "I'll go as fast as I can without burning down the church, ok?"
Farfarello nodded. He thought he could easily pass the time while Bonnie was away. He looked around and observed the people around him. No one was paying any attention to him, but the way he figured it, they were all glancing out of the corners of their eyes and trying not to let him see their curiosity at what such a grotesque being was doing in their pure setting.
He glanced about in a bored fashion and felt his throat constrict suddenly as he watched Bonnie lighting the candles, smiling and chatting away with her father. He began to notice other eyes had finally landed on him, and he feared he might be approached in some form of 'friendliness'. He didn't want to talk to anyone and be 'welcomed' - he tried to convey that with his gaze. Sure enough, anyone who had begun to approach him backed off.
Bonnie, having successfully lighted all the candles, turned and smiled at him from the stage, hazel eyes sparkling with warmth. Farfarello didn't understand how HIS Bonnie could belong to a religion with so many hypocrites and so little truth.
Suddenly, the beginning of service was announced. Bonnie had started to walk back towards him, but her father grabbed her arm and stopped her, speaking to her and asking her to stay for some reason. She looked uncertain but nodded, flashing him an apologetic look.
The chorus behind them began to sang. Everyone stood save Farfarello, who was too petrified, suddenly, to move. He didn't want to shatter the faint illusion of his fragile behavior. He found himself zoning out, traveling back to Ireland...
Bonnie worriedly watched Farfarello from her father's side - he had remained seated whereas everyone else was standing. She turned and silently pleaded with her eyes to be able to go back and at least offer some emotional support, and even though he needed her to help ready communion, he saw her distress and kindly nodded. Relieved, Bonnie stepped down off stage and began to travel down the walkway.
Farfarello's golden eye had closed. All he saw was blood and three corpses.
Bonnie's footsteps quickened but it didn't seem fast enough. Farfarello was trembling and she needed to get to him - and fast - but to run would alarm the rest of the church and her father and maybe even Farfarello so she forced herself to walk.
It was a bad decision.
Farfarello shot up suddenly, eye flying open as he locked his gaze solely on her. Panic and anger flared in his expression and he snarled at her, mouthed her name, shook his head. Then, gracefully, quickly, all with an assassin's grace, he turned and fled the building, sprinting out of it at such a speed that even though Bonnie burst into a run to catch him, she was left far behind.
He felt as though he might rip the doors off the entrance as he flew out, thrusting his hands against them so hard they banged against the walls. He almost tore up the asphalt in the parking lot as he skidded to a stop and turned a sharp corner, heading into the park nearby. Once deep enough in the grassy field, he collapsed underneath a tree, and with tears on his cheeks, thrust his hand into his pocket and ripped out a small knife he had stowed away. The blade was dull and he sobbed in aggravation as he harshly drew it across his arm.
Bonnie found him there, huffing and out of breath and shoeless. Her bare feet were sore from having kicked off her sandals in the parking lot to run faster, and her chest hurt from all the worry and exertion. She nearly fainted dead away when she saw him sitting beneath the tree on a knoll of grass, face and chest splashed with his own blood, arms stained red.
He raised his eye to meet her; he frowned grimly. "I... It's not fair," he whispered. "Why should I change and not ye?"
She walked over to where he was seated and shakily dropped to her knees, hesitantly extending a hand towards him. When he didn't respond, she let it linger in the air between them, fingers quivering, longing to touch him. "Are you...happy the way you are?" she whispered, eyes filling with tears.
"I'm happy with ye."
How could she respond to that? His level gaze and honest tone broke her heart and she reached out both arms and nearly fell against his chest, hugging him as she cried inconsolably. He made only a weak effort to comfort, lifting a hand slowly and placing it on the back of her head even as he took to staring distantly off into space.
"I'm happy...with you, too..." she sobbed. "But I...I can't live like this..."
Unexpectedly, he roughly took her by the shoulders, shoved her away, holding her at arm's length. Frightened, she saw the tears and blood spattered across his face, the desperate look his eye as he cried, "Can't ye see it's no good? No matter how much ye try, no matter how much I love ye even...ye just kin't change me. I will never change. This is who I am, love, and this is who I will always be. Not even ye can make me stop believin' what I do. So, now, tell me... Are ye goin' ta turn away from me just because of that? Because if ye do...I won't be able to live like this. I don' wanna be alone."
Her heart thudded horribly in her chest, about to burst, she feared. He'd never called her 'love' before. Such a term of endearment was foreign to her. Letting her hands come to rest over his, which still gripped her shoulders, she trembled and replied, "Farfello, I - I care about you so much it hurts sometimes. But there are things you have to understand about me... I cannot throw away everything I believe in just because you ask me to! Why do you have to do this to yourself...? To me...?" She tenderly touched a patch of blood slowly drying on his arm. "When you cut yourself like you are now, it's like you're cutting me! Look at this blood - it's all over the both of us, and the only thing I want to do right now is to tell you it's all right, to hold you tight until you feel better, and just forget about everything and be happy with you...and only you...but, I just - I just...I just can't, Farfello. And you will never understand how much it hurts."
He looked at her, appalled. "Are ye saying goodbye to me?"
"I just need to back off and think, but I will never give up on you, Farfello! I will never put you out of my heart! I - I just couldn't! But...my parents and my friends... I just need to cool things a little and be with them some, to think about us and how you're affecting me, because, to tell you the truth, Farfello, sometimes I don't know what's going on. When I landed in the hospital with that gunshot wound...I had a lot of time to think. I know you say you can protect me from that happening again, but you can't. You couldn't even that time. And the truth is...I make you weak."
He violently pulled her to him again, crushing her against his chest as he, too, began to cry in agony. "I don' care if ye do make me weak! I need you, Bon! Kin't ye see how miserable I am all the time? Ye are my escape! Ye are the only one who makes me smile, who makes me laugh, and I would risk my life for just a few moments of that! When I'm not with ye, I'm in some padded cell, bein' treated like a freak, and slashin' myself wit' knives and enjoyin' the blood cuz it let's me know I am real - and that I have control over some aspect of my life. You kin leave me like this, Bonnie, but someday, one of those knives will cut a lil too deep...will you miss me?"
"You're not a freak!" she nearly screamed, feeling him beginning to rock her back and forth as a confused child would do with a doll cradled in their arms. "I HATE it when people or even you say that! Farfarello, I'd miss you so much! I don't want to break up with you - just take a little break! Just give me some room...just give me some time..." Her voice was frantic, fear-filled, and breathless. "Some time to breathe..."
And he released her, looking as if he'd been terribly betrayed but saying nothing. His handsome suit and dress shirt was ripped and covered in a dark scarlet that shone almost black in the moonlight. Bonnie didn't want to leave him, but from the expression on his face he would not be persuaded to return to the church with her. One last time, she whispered to him, "God is more important to me than anything or anyone, Farfarello - I'm sorry...but I can't throw that away, not even for you. And when I'm with you...I'm not true to myself." And then she walked away, and it was hard. Very hard. She stumbled back to the church, unthinking and only slightly numb. She entered the swinging double doors slowly, went into the smaller chapel and slumped down in the front pew, staring blankly at the cross affixed on the wall.
And then she broke down.
Her mother came in then, padding softly down the carpeted hall with sympathy scrawled plainly across her face. Marianna sunk into the seat beside her daughter and laid a hand to her back, rubbing it comfortingly, trying to soothe away her fears. "Shh, baby," she whispered. "It's ok. All things will work out for the best..."
"No they won't, mama," she sobbed, tears pouring into her cupped palms. "No they won't... He won't love me after this... Mama, it really hurts, and I'm so ashamed!"
"Bonnie, this is not the end of your life, and it's not necessarily the end of you and Fafarello. Besides, you must consider the possibility that he's not the one for you." Marianna tenderly stroked Bonnie's hair back away from her tear stained face, speaking softly. "I know you feel strongly for him...but I'm so worried about what he's doing to you. Yes, he treats you well, perhaps you're the only one he treats well, but can you sacrifice all that Farfarello needs?"
Bonnie leaned her elbows onto her knees and drew in a shaky breath, cheeks flushed and eyes unbearably hot and moist with tears. She buried her face into her hands and was honest with herself and knew that what she truly wanted, what she'd always dreamed of, was something just for her - someone who was always kind and strong both emotionally and physically and could provide a stable life and a nice home. Someone she could always count on - someone to take care of her when she was too tired to do it herself. Was Farfarello capable of any of her qualifications?
No... Farfarello would never be constant, always waging a war within himself. That was fine now - what about in twenty years when they had a family? Could she raise children in a home like that? And the thing that mattered most, the thing she'd always taken for a given...
Her husband had to be a Christian.
She sniffled, thoroughly heartbroken, and rubbed at her face as the feeling of shame washed over her. "It's no good," she muttered, staring at the wooden cross, polished and shining in the dark. "I can't change him like that... And if I let him change me, I'll never be happy. It's all over, mama, it's all over..."
Marianna bent and craned her neck and gazed into her daughter's lonely eyes, hugging her tightly. She, for one, did not want Farfarello to be in her daughter's life anymore - not after he'd displayed his obvious mental illness.
Yet, somehow...
She just couldn't help but feel sorry for the man.
And hope that all would be righted before either he or Bonnie did something drastic.
~~~~~
Alright, just a few more chapters! This story is beginning to wrap up! Review, everyone!