From the Earth diaries of Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill:
Today, while my other human friends were at school, Tobias and I went to the establishment known as the Mall. He had found currency on the ground, and said that we could go get a Cinnabun. We flew to the Mall, and after I ate my Cinnabun we had more than an hour left in morph, so we "cruised the mall", as humans call it. We walked past a store called "Bath and Body Works" that smelled wonderful. I asked Tobias is we could go in, and he said it was mostly a store for human females, or human males seeking to buy something to impress their human females. I suggested he purchase something for the human Rachel. He smiled and said that Rachel is the type of female who would appreciate a nice projectile weapon over soap.
Anyway, I entered the store, and Tobias followed. While Tobias wandered aimlessly, I walked over to a sink that had open bottles that smelled nice. I sniffed one and squirted it into my mouth.
The taste! The burning sensation reminded me of the chili that the human Walter made for me, only it felt less physically hot. I took another that smelled differently and squirted it into my mouth. About that time Tobias spotted me, and began to drag me away, but I did notice that despite the differences in smells, the bottles both tasted the same. This is a curiosity that I will have to examine at a later date.
The human Rachel has always impressed me with her prowess at the sport humans refer to as gymnastics. The idea that humans, using their two legs, can flip and jump without stumbling is amazing to me. Watching her, I find myself almost frightened.
However, today I happened to notice humans perform a sport called yoga on my television. The humans twist, bend, and stretch themselves into impossible positions, and then hold them for long periods of time. It is truly impressive. I do not think any reasonable, four-legged creature would be able to imagine the things humans can do if they do not see it for themselves. I can barely manage to walk in human morph, much less balance on one leg while twisting my arms around themselves.
I had the delight of discovering a new kind of cookie today. It is a seasonal cookie, called "Girl Scout Cookie" and it comes in many flavors. A small female offered me one to taste, and I knocked over her stand, and ripped open the boxes in order to taste more of them.
My human friend Marco said that was very wrong of me to do, but I think the cookies were good enough to justify it.
If I had won all of the prize currency associated with every question I have answered correctly while watching the human show Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, I would currently have approximately $3,632,000. This is, of course, subtracting money from all of the times I guessed on a question and lost all of my currency.
And the humans think there was no point to the almanac they gave me.