"And what, exactly, are you so cheerful about?" Boromir grumbled,
still glaring at me. I gave him my sweetest smile, and continued with my
rather springy gait. I, personally, was in a damn good mood at the moment.
We were to the halfway point of the voyage to Khazad-Dum from Balin's tomb,
and our journey had been surprisingly incident-free.
"What, I can't be happy about not being in the presence of Orcs?" I quizzed merrily. "I don't know about you, but I don't like Orcs. They're mean, they're ugly, and they probably smell bad. All in all, it would be like facing an army of you," I added, my smile widening as I quickly darted to Aragorn's side, lest Boromir try to retaliate physically. Yep, I was really getting the hang of the fine sport of Boromir-taunting. So long as you have a wizard, a king, and an Elf prince with you, it's a relatively risk-free pastime.
"And you are CERTAIN that we cannot kill her?" he demanded of the aforementioned fellas.
"Is it really worth your time, Boromir, to hold this vendetta of yours against a mere child?" Aragorn asked rhetorically. Boromir put on his trademark scowl.
"That is no child. That is a creature from the very depths of the Underworld."
"You make me sad," I informed. "And besides, I'm almost fifteen. I am, by definition, a young adult, thankyouverymuch." That earned me several snorts, which indicated that despite this information, I would still be called a child. And I thought it was hard to get stuff through men's heads POST-Feminism! Maybe being in Middle-Earth wouldn't be as fun as previously estimated. I looked at Legolas. On second thought, yeah, this would be plenty of fun. I could only pray that at some point he'd end up getting soaking wet, a la "Pirates of the Carribbean"...
"Are you feeling alright?" the angel in question asked concernedly, obviously having noticed my perverted smile.
"Yes, yes I am," I replied with renewed fangirl happiness. "Feeling better than I have all week, as a matter of fact."
"...Why?"
"Trust me, Elfykins, you don't want to know." All of a sudden, there was a loud crash and a yelp of pain. I turned around to see Pippin on the ground, looking incredibly guilty.
"I...I tripped," he said, pointing to the Dwarf skeleton he'd tripped over. There were a few exasperated groans from the rest of the group. I grabbed the Hobbit and pulled him to his feet.
"Pippin, little guy, I like you a lot, but you REALLY have to stop being so clumsy," I informed, before addressing the rest of the guys. "Hey, boyos, I think maybe we should speed up a little, in case anything heard that."
"It, er, might be too late for that," Merry said helpfully. And then I noticed the red glow coming from the far end of the hallway. Oh. Shit.
"What is this new devilry?" Boromir asked Gandalf. I SO did not have time for this!
"It's a Balrog! Now let's get the hell out of here!"
"For once, I think the demon-child has the right idea," Boromir remarked. Gandalf looked a little like I'd stolen his glory (which I sorta had), but proceeded to lead the group, nonetheless.
The next few minutes would have gone exactly like in the movie, except that since we'd hightailed it toward the exit sooner, the pathways across that big chasm weren't falling down, and Frodo and Aragorn needed not to go rock-surfing. Which, in itself, bought some time.
All in all, we made pretty good time to - and most of the way across - the bridge. Then the Balrog caught up. For a moment I wondered why the hell this was, then realized that it was because Gandalf HAD to fall into the big hole in the ground. It was a major plot element, and there was nothing I could - or, SHOULD - do to prevent it.
I tried rather unsuccessfully to convince the men to just hurry out, but they more or less gave me their respective "You callous little bitch" glares. I normally would have been hurt by being looked upon with such hate, but I was much more interested in leaving. But, I had no choice other than to wait until Gandalf said his last line in the movie. And finally, he did.
"Fly, you fools," he said, before falling backward into the darkness. I resisted the urge to groan "FINALLY", as that probably would have gotten me more hateful looks.
***
At last, fresh air! I would have really liked to just skip around in the sunny, snow-covered field outside the mines, but that seemed unadvisable considering the very gloomy Fellowship around me. Boromir was struggling to restrain a very angry Gimli, the Hobbits were sobbing, Elfy was looking gracefully distraught, and Aragorn looked as though he was blaming himself for the whole mess. Yeah, merrily turning cartwheels was definitely a bad idea.
I guess I felt sympathetic, or something, because I found myself kneeling next to Merry and Pippin.
"Hey, you wanna know a secret?" I asked. They gave me these confused, tearful looks, which I took as an affirmative answer. "I happen to know for a fact that Gandalf's going to be okay."
"That's impossible," Merry said, shaking his head.
"Yeah, didn't you see him fall?" Pippin chimed in, just as morosely.
"Boys, boys, come on now. Do you REALLY think such a strong wizard could croak that easily?" That seemed to have struck a chord, as their tiny little faces lit up with hope. Oh, shit, now I was doing good deeds? What was the matter with me?
"Really? He's alright?" Pippin asked. I gave him a surprisingly sincere smile. Oh, c'mon, Hobbits are cool!
"I solemnly swear," I promised. "But don't tell anyone I told you, okay?" They nodded vigorously, now looking quite a bit more cheerful as I walked away, my work done, to talk to Aragorn.
"Well, what now, Master Chief?" I asked. I noticed him looking past me suspiciously.
"What did you say to Merry and Pippin?" he replied, answering my question with another question.
"Why?"
"I would like to know how you've managed to cheer them up so greatly."
"Oh, that. Well, you see, there's a problem with that."
"What sort of problem?"
"The thing is, I can only make one person happy per day, and since those guys equal one full-sized person, my daily good deed is worn out. So, if you want to know what I told them, you'll have to wait till tomorrow."
"That is absurd," he informed. I shrugged. He sighed, shaking his head. "We'll be heading off to Lothlorien. It should take about four days," he said, finally answering the first question.
"Great. Because I, for one, am really in the mood for some food, sleep, and a hot shower."
"I share your sentiments completely," he agreed. Then, "...Shower?"
"What, I can't be happy about not being in the presence of Orcs?" I quizzed merrily. "I don't know about you, but I don't like Orcs. They're mean, they're ugly, and they probably smell bad. All in all, it would be like facing an army of you," I added, my smile widening as I quickly darted to Aragorn's side, lest Boromir try to retaliate physically. Yep, I was really getting the hang of the fine sport of Boromir-taunting. So long as you have a wizard, a king, and an Elf prince with you, it's a relatively risk-free pastime.
"And you are CERTAIN that we cannot kill her?" he demanded of the aforementioned fellas.
"Is it really worth your time, Boromir, to hold this vendetta of yours against a mere child?" Aragorn asked rhetorically. Boromir put on his trademark scowl.
"That is no child. That is a creature from the very depths of the Underworld."
"You make me sad," I informed. "And besides, I'm almost fifteen. I am, by definition, a young adult, thankyouverymuch." That earned me several snorts, which indicated that despite this information, I would still be called a child. And I thought it was hard to get stuff through men's heads POST-Feminism! Maybe being in Middle-Earth wouldn't be as fun as previously estimated. I looked at Legolas. On second thought, yeah, this would be plenty of fun. I could only pray that at some point he'd end up getting soaking wet, a la "Pirates of the Carribbean"...
"Are you feeling alright?" the angel in question asked concernedly, obviously having noticed my perverted smile.
"Yes, yes I am," I replied with renewed fangirl happiness. "Feeling better than I have all week, as a matter of fact."
"...Why?"
"Trust me, Elfykins, you don't want to know." All of a sudden, there was a loud crash and a yelp of pain. I turned around to see Pippin on the ground, looking incredibly guilty.
"I...I tripped," he said, pointing to the Dwarf skeleton he'd tripped over. There were a few exasperated groans from the rest of the group. I grabbed the Hobbit and pulled him to his feet.
"Pippin, little guy, I like you a lot, but you REALLY have to stop being so clumsy," I informed, before addressing the rest of the guys. "Hey, boyos, I think maybe we should speed up a little, in case anything heard that."
"It, er, might be too late for that," Merry said helpfully. And then I noticed the red glow coming from the far end of the hallway. Oh. Shit.
"What is this new devilry?" Boromir asked Gandalf. I SO did not have time for this!
"It's a Balrog! Now let's get the hell out of here!"
"For once, I think the demon-child has the right idea," Boromir remarked. Gandalf looked a little like I'd stolen his glory (which I sorta had), but proceeded to lead the group, nonetheless.
The next few minutes would have gone exactly like in the movie, except that since we'd hightailed it toward the exit sooner, the pathways across that big chasm weren't falling down, and Frodo and Aragorn needed not to go rock-surfing. Which, in itself, bought some time.
All in all, we made pretty good time to - and most of the way across - the bridge. Then the Balrog caught up. For a moment I wondered why the hell this was, then realized that it was because Gandalf HAD to fall into the big hole in the ground. It was a major plot element, and there was nothing I could - or, SHOULD - do to prevent it.
I tried rather unsuccessfully to convince the men to just hurry out, but they more or less gave me their respective "You callous little bitch" glares. I normally would have been hurt by being looked upon with such hate, but I was much more interested in leaving. But, I had no choice other than to wait until Gandalf said his last line in the movie. And finally, he did.
"Fly, you fools," he said, before falling backward into the darkness. I resisted the urge to groan "FINALLY", as that probably would have gotten me more hateful looks.
***
At last, fresh air! I would have really liked to just skip around in the sunny, snow-covered field outside the mines, but that seemed unadvisable considering the very gloomy Fellowship around me. Boromir was struggling to restrain a very angry Gimli, the Hobbits were sobbing, Elfy was looking gracefully distraught, and Aragorn looked as though he was blaming himself for the whole mess. Yeah, merrily turning cartwheels was definitely a bad idea.
I guess I felt sympathetic, or something, because I found myself kneeling next to Merry and Pippin.
"Hey, you wanna know a secret?" I asked. They gave me these confused, tearful looks, which I took as an affirmative answer. "I happen to know for a fact that Gandalf's going to be okay."
"That's impossible," Merry said, shaking his head.
"Yeah, didn't you see him fall?" Pippin chimed in, just as morosely.
"Boys, boys, come on now. Do you REALLY think such a strong wizard could croak that easily?" That seemed to have struck a chord, as their tiny little faces lit up with hope. Oh, shit, now I was doing good deeds? What was the matter with me?
"Really? He's alright?" Pippin asked. I gave him a surprisingly sincere smile. Oh, c'mon, Hobbits are cool!
"I solemnly swear," I promised. "But don't tell anyone I told you, okay?" They nodded vigorously, now looking quite a bit more cheerful as I walked away, my work done, to talk to Aragorn.
"Well, what now, Master Chief?" I asked. I noticed him looking past me suspiciously.
"What did you say to Merry and Pippin?" he replied, answering my question with another question.
"Why?"
"I would like to know how you've managed to cheer them up so greatly."
"Oh, that. Well, you see, there's a problem with that."
"What sort of problem?"
"The thing is, I can only make one person happy per day, and since those guys equal one full-sized person, my daily good deed is worn out. So, if you want to know what I told them, you'll have to wait till tomorrow."
"That is absurd," he informed. I shrugged. He sighed, shaking his head. "We'll be heading off to Lothlorien. It should take about four days," he said, finally answering the first question.
"Great. Because I, for one, am really in the mood for some food, sleep, and a hot shower."
"I share your sentiments completely," he agreed. Then, "...Shower?"