"I'm hungry, Master Chief, Sir."
"I know."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we gonna be there soon?"
"Yes."
"How soon?"
"Do you ever stop talking?"
"Is that a rhetorical question, Master Chief, Sir? You know I never shut up."
"The Hellchild speaks the truth, Aragorn," Boromir said. "Wouldn't you be happier just to ignore her pointless babbling?"
"Oh, go hump a squirrel, Boromir," I grumbled. As predicted, this earned me eight looks that read quite plainly, 'What have YOU been smoking?' Alright, so maybe it wasn't fair for me to keep harrassing the Fellowship fellas, but you know what? I was tired, I was hungry, I was dehydrated, and on top of all this I had not bathed in at least a month. I thought I deserved to be a little obnoxious under the circumstances. Hey, like I was supposed to KNOW that there would be no nap or shower breaks on this little journey? I think not.
I mournfully examined a lock of my incredibly grimy hair. No washing or brushing had come to it since we'd left Rivendell, and I was fairly certain that had I looked into a mirror just then, I would have screamed in terror at the sight of myself. Don't get me wrong, none of the guys seemed to CARE that I was utterly filthy, but since they themselves were not looking particularly beautiful and well-groomed - with the exception of Legolas, naturally -, the fact that they paid no heed to my lack of glamour did very little to ease my mind. And, of course, Legolas's continued Elvish prettiness only irked me further. Stupid Legolas. But, hey, I could take solace in the fact that at least Aragorn was dirtier than me! Well, I HOPED he was dirtier than me... couldn't be sure with no mirrors around.
"Are we there yet?" I asked again, keeping in stride with Aragorn. He sighed.
"No, Raven, we are still not there," he replied, sounding remarkably calm for someone who had been subjected to my mindless chatter for as long as he had. Even my parents eventually told me to shut the hell up.
"That sucks..." I said sadly. "You know what? I'm gonna sing!"
"No, please do not."
"Are you insinuating that I'm a bad singer, Boromir?"
"Not at all," he responded, gazing haughtily ahead. "You sing beautifully, by Orc standards." I calmly kicked him in the leg, and began to merrily belt out showtunes from "Anything Goes", completely unconcerned about the looks of pain on several faces at the sound of my singing. Served them right for not having soap and hairbrushes.
***
At long last, we finally got to the forest, and my spirits lifted considerably as Gimli started to say his schpiel about Galadriel.
"What has made you so cheerful all of a sudden?" Legolas asked, looking concerned at my mood swing (I had been, up to that point, complaining about food the whole time).
"We're gonna be able to sleep and bathe and eat soon!" I replied happily. "In three, two, one..."
"I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox," Gimli stated proudly, only to find an arrow pointed at him when he turned his head. And then, Haldir came forward. And I was able to restrain myself while Aragorn talked to him. But, it didn't last long.
"You have entered the realm of the- Why are you laughing, girl- child?" he demanded huffily. By this time I, of course, was bent over, laughing like a madwoman for, as far as anyone could tell, no apparent reason.
"'You have entered the realm of the Lady of the Wood,'" I quoted, mimicking his voice. "'You cannot go back.' Dude, Haldir, you are so gay!" He looked at me in shock and Elvish outrage, and continued his lines. And I was giggling crazily all the way to Galadriel's chamber thingamabobber, earning me lots of strange looks. And my amusement wasn't exactly helped by the fact that Galadriel and her bitch, Celeborn, appeared just as they had in the movie - hence, glowy. My words of wisdom?
"Mommy, it's radioactive!" I shouted, breaking into hysterical giggles once again. Legolas smacked his forehead and groaned in embarrassment. Galadriel and Celeborn just looked at me like I was some sort of retard, then Celeborn proceeded with his little "Where is Gandalf?" speech. Man, it's HARD to get a rise out of an Elf! Galdriel put on her 'dismayed' face.
"He has fallen into shadow," she said prettily. Wow, this was a grim little shindig, wasn't it. Well, not to worry, I could fix that. "The quest stands on the edge of a knife," Galadriel continued. "Stray but a little, and it-"
"MEOW!" I shrieked as loud as humanly possible. Ah, random outbursts, great for lightening the mood. Except that no one laughed. Galadriel just kinda gave me this 'How dare you interrupt me while I'm talking at you?!' glare. I did the only thing I could do to rectify this situation: I pointed at Boromir, while making my most innocent face. Oh dear, if Gondor-Boy hadn't wanted to kill me before, he CERTAINLY did now! In fact, he looked as though he was pondering boiling my head in acid.
Boromir's so funny when he's mad!
"I know."
"Are we there yet?"
"No."
"Are we gonna be there soon?"
"Yes."
"How soon?"
"Do you ever stop talking?"
"Is that a rhetorical question, Master Chief, Sir? You know I never shut up."
"The Hellchild speaks the truth, Aragorn," Boromir said. "Wouldn't you be happier just to ignore her pointless babbling?"
"Oh, go hump a squirrel, Boromir," I grumbled. As predicted, this earned me eight looks that read quite plainly, 'What have YOU been smoking?' Alright, so maybe it wasn't fair for me to keep harrassing the Fellowship fellas, but you know what? I was tired, I was hungry, I was dehydrated, and on top of all this I had not bathed in at least a month. I thought I deserved to be a little obnoxious under the circumstances. Hey, like I was supposed to KNOW that there would be no nap or shower breaks on this little journey? I think not.
I mournfully examined a lock of my incredibly grimy hair. No washing or brushing had come to it since we'd left Rivendell, and I was fairly certain that had I looked into a mirror just then, I would have screamed in terror at the sight of myself. Don't get me wrong, none of the guys seemed to CARE that I was utterly filthy, but since they themselves were not looking particularly beautiful and well-groomed - with the exception of Legolas, naturally -, the fact that they paid no heed to my lack of glamour did very little to ease my mind. And, of course, Legolas's continued Elvish prettiness only irked me further. Stupid Legolas. But, hey, I could take solace in the fact that at least Aragorn was dirtier than me! Well, I HOPED he was dirtier than me... couldn't be sure with no mirrors around.
"Are we there yet?" I asked again, keeping in stride with Aragorn. He sighed.
"No, Raven, we are still not there," he replied, sounding remarkably calm for someone who had been subjected to my mindless chatter for as long as he had. Even my parents eventually told me to shut the hell up.
"That sucks..." I said sadly. "You know what? I'm gonna sing!"
"No, please do not."
"Are you insinuating that I'm a bad singer, Boromir?"
"Not at all," he responded, gazing haughtily ahead. "You sing beautifully, by Orc standards." I calmly kicked him in the leg, and began to merrily belt out showtunes from "Anything Goes", completely unconcerned about the looks of pain on several faces at the sound of my singing. Served them right for not having soap and hairbrushes.
***
At long last, we finally got to the forest, and my spirits lifted considerably as Gimli started to say his schpiel about Galadriel.
"What has made you so cheerful all of a sudden?" Legolas asked, looking concerned at my mood swing (I had been, up to that point, complaining about food the whole time).
"We're gonna be able to sleep and bathe and eat soon!" I replied happily. "In three, two, one..."
"I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox," Gimli stated proudly, only to find an arrow pointed at him when he turned his head. And then, Haldir came forward. And I was able to restrain myself while Aragorn talked to him. But, it didn't last long.
"You have entered the realm of the- Why are you laughing, girl- child?" he demanded huffily. By this time I, of course, was bent over, laughing like a madwoman for, as far as anyone could tell, no apparent reason.
"'You have entered the realm of the Lady of the Wood,'" I quoted, mimicking his voice. "'You cannot go back.' Dude, Haldir, you are so gay!" He looked at me in shock and Elvish outrage, and continued his lines. And I was giggling crazily all the way to Galadriel's chamber thingamabobber, earning me lots of strange looks. And my amusement wasn't exactly helped by the fact that Galadriel and her bitch, Celeborn, appeared just as they had in the movie - hence, glowy. My words of wisdom?
"Mommy, it's radioactive!" I shouted, breaking into hysterical giggles once again. Legolas smacked his forehead and groaned in embarrassment. Galadriel and Celeborn just looked at me like I was some sort of retard, then Celeborn proceeded with his little "Where is Gandalf?" speech. Man, it's HARD to get a rise out of an Elf! Galdriel put on her 'dismayed' face.
"He has fallen into shadow," she said prettily. Wow, this was a grim little shindig, wasn't it. Well, not to worry, I could fix that. "The quest stands on the edge of a knife," Galadriel continued. "Stray but a little, and it-"
"MEOW!" I shrieked as loud as humanly possible. Ah, random outbursts, great for lightening the mood. Except that no one laughed. Galadriel just kinda gave me this 'How dare you interrupt me while I'm talking at you?!' glare. I did the only thing I could do to rectify this situation: I pointed at Boromir, while making my most innocent face. Oh dear, if Gondor-Boy hadn't wanted to kill me before, he CERTAINLY did now! In fact, he looked as though he was pondering boiling my head in acid.
Boromir's so funny when he's mad!