Forbidden Love
Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters here… wish I did though…
'Fields of Innocence' is copyrighted to Evanescence, and whatever record label they're under. Once again, those of you out there who have the time and disc space to spare, go download it and listen while reading this. It's also a really nice song, anyway, definitely gets 5 stars from me. ^_^
Last but not least, this fic is slash. So please don't flame me cos I'm warning you in advance.
Fields of InnocenceI
still remember the world from the eyes of a child.
Slowly those feelings were clouded by what I know now.
Where has my heart gone?
And I'd even dream for the real world.
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all.
I still remember the sun always warm on my back.
Somehow it seems colder now.
Where has my heart gone?
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger.
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything.
Where has my heart gone?
And I'd even dream for the real world.
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything.
Oh where, where has my heart gone?
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger.
Oh I, I want to go back to believing in everything.
I still remember.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Time never seemed to pass so slowly before. Each day was a monotonous routine. Wake up and paste a smile on his face; wander around, pretending everything was alright; wipe off the smile before going to bed…
Legolas took refuge in his charade, always playing the happy prince everyone loved, never removing his mask. Seasons passed this way, the setting sun at the end of each day marking the start of another lonely night haunted with dreams of what had been and what could never be.
It happened slowly, but surely. He could feel the void within him growing deeper and darker each day as he struggled to forget…
But he couldn't.
Legolas was fading.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
The first rays of the sun stretched out over the plains of Rohan and Gondor. The earth seemed to stretch, soaking in and celebrating the arrival of spring.
And of new life.
Riders burst forth from the gates of the White City, bearing summons from their King to his friends of old.
Gondor's heir was born.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Legolas sat under the shade of his favourite tree, methodically polishing the wood of his bow even though there really was no need for that. The orcs and spiders no longer troubled his realm as they did in the days before Sauron's fall. But the familiar motions helped him relax and offered solace from the thoughts that troubled him.
Or rather, it used to work.
He heard a rustle of a dress and looked up to see Vilwarin gazing down at him, her eyes thoughtful. He had a feeling of apprehension as they stared at each other for a moment, before Vilwarin dropped down on the grass next to him. His hands never stopped their work on the bow as they sat in silence. Finally:
"It won't help bottling it up and never letting go."
He did not reply.
Vilwarin sighed. "Legolas, don't do this to yourself - "
"I am fine."
"No, you are not." She retorted. "Listen, you can't pretend that those things never happened. You're fading. Don't think I can't tell."
He dropped his bow onto the grass in exasperation. "Then what would you have me do? What can I do?"
"Face it." Vilwarin held up a simple white envelope bearing the silver tree of Gondor on its front. Legolas stared at it in shock.
"This just arrived. The herald is resting inside and waiting for the reply," she continued, "I just thought that perhaps you should know." She looked at him squarely in the eye and held it out to him. "Ada has already decided."
His hands shook slightly as he slowly reached out to grasp the envelope between his slim fingers.
"The ultimate choice is yours. Just… don't regret your decision." She got up and wandered off.
Legolas opened the envelope gingerly, as though afraid that it would burn him. He scanned the simple yet formal message inside: it was an invitation to the royal house of Eryn Lasgalen to join in the celebrations being held in Gondor at the birth of the Prince Eldarion.
Prince… His… no, their son…
"Why? Why me?" he asked softly, aware that his sister was probably sitting with her back to the tree behind him where they could not see each other. "I'm not even the Crown Prince. Why send me?"
"Because, you were his best friend. As I said, you don't have to go, but don't you think that, perhaps, it's time?" her voice trailed off slightly at the suggestion.
He looked down at the flimsy piece of parchment he held. To think that his future lay in his reply…
Perhaps, it is time.
Time to face my past, to lay everything to rest, and… to see him again.
He sighed, then spoke, "Tell the herald to give this message to the King of Gondor: Prince Legolas of Eryn Lasgalen would be delighted to attend."
Vilwarin smiled to herself. Her brother was healing.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Aragorn's eyes lit up when he heard the news his herald to Greenwood had brought back. He never expected to see Legolas again, not after the way they had parted. But that simple reply, it gave him hope…
And even though he knew that nothing could ever be the same between them again, part of him still wanted to leap up and down shouting for joy at the prospects of seeing his former lover again.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Legolas reined in his horse as he stood on a hill many leagues away from Gondor, his keen eyes focused on the white tower glistening in the sun. His resolved wavered as he suddenly felt the urge to turn back. The urge to escape and follow the call of the sea that lay so enticingly just past the city. The urge to turn around and head back home, locking the doors behind him and never stepping out of his house until he died of heartbreak.
Arod snorted and stamped, shifting impatiently beneath him, as though telling his master to make up his mind, and fast. Legolas laughed slightly and patted the muscular neck gently saying, "Alright, alright. Don't get so excited now. Since we've come this far, I guess we might as well just go all the way. How bad can it be, right?"
Arod bobbed his head vigorously. Legolas continued, "And I wouldn't want to have to explain my early return to Ada. And why I didn't turn up in Gondor…"
He stared contemplatively across the vast Field of Pelennor once more, then nudged Arod forward down the path he had wished never to travel again.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
The city that greeted him was a far cry from that which he had seen during the War of the Ring. Colourful banners and flags adorned the walls, unfurling in the stiff breeze from the sea. People filled the streets, laughing and talking gaily.
Many stared as he made his way through the crowds. Already, he could feel his ears burning, and knew that he was a faint shade of pink, which would steadily darken into red if he did not do something about it. He had never felt this self-conscious before. Thank the Valar I'll be reaching the top soon, he thought sourly to himself. Then he realized –
If he was reaching the top soon, then…
He would have to see him there.
On second thought, he preferred having Gondor gaping at him.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
"Legolas? Is that you?" Arwen greeted him with an enthusiastic hug before she held him away from her and scrutinized him. "We missed you at the wedding."
"I, err - "
"And you look thinner."
"Well, I - "
"But it's so good to see you again!" Arwen beamed at him. Legolas swallowed and smiled weakly at her.
"Aragorn's in a meeting with some of the city officials, so he couldn't greet you immediately upon your arrival. Anyway, since you're the first family friend to arrive, you get the honour of being the first to see the addition to our family." Before he could protest, Arwen dragged him through the vast halls of the palace to a large airy room with a cradle by the window. The proud mother held her finger to her lips as she silently ushered her unwilling guest towards the slumbering infant.
"Isn't he beautiful?" she whispered as she gazed adoringly at her son.
His heart wrenched as he felt his throat go dry. He nodded as he tried to ignore the burning behind his eyes.
"His name is Eldarion. It was Aragorn's idea to call him that."
There was a timid knock and the door opened slightly and a handmaiden looked in. "Milady? Lord Faramir and Lady Eowyn have arrived."
Legolas made a few non-committal noises, telling her to go ahead. Arwen sighed and excused herself, leaving the blonde elf alone in the room.
As the door shut behind her, he moved over to the cradle and rested his hands along the edge, gazing down at the dark-haired human. He muttered, "Even at this age, you already resemble your father so much…"
"He was named for you, you know," a familiar voice remarked from behind him. Legolas jumped slightly. He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he had not noticed the approach of the human now in the same room as him.
"A-Aragorn." He bowed stiffly as his heart started racing.
The king moved to stand beside Legolas, who shifted away uncomfortably, unwilling to share such close proximity with him, not in his current state of mind. Valar knew what would happen if… anything passed between them. Aragorn reached down to brush a lock of hair away from his son's face and smoothed his hand over the dark down. He continued to talk, as though unaware of the discomfort he was causing the elf to feel.
"Eldarion: Son of the First Born… a reminder of the past." He looked up then, stormy grey eyes meeting startled green. "Why did you leave without telling me?"
Legolas forced his eyes away from the gaze that held his. He stared back down at the infant the lay slumbering before them, oblivious to the turmoil he was causing within the elf. "I couldn't," he whispered. Then he straightened and met Aragorn's gaze. "But does it matter now?" His tone was challenging, and slightly defiant.
Aragorn smiled slightly. "No. Because," - he stepped closer to his elf - "You are here now." He lifted his hand, as though to caress his cheek…
Legolas pulled back just before the fingers made contact with his skin, averting his eyes from the hurt gaze which searched his face. "No. You shouldn't, we shouldn't…" he fumbled for the words to say as he quickly walked over to the window, putting some distance between himself and the man he longed to hold. "Things are… different now. It's not like… it can never be like before."
The silence stretched between them. One staring hard out of the window, trying to ignore the burning gaze of the other, who gripped the cradle so tightly his knuckles turned white.
"I - " Aragorn started as the door opened again and Arwen breezed into the room, followed closely by Faramir and Eowyn.
"Oh, so you're done with the meeting then, dear." She dropped a kiss on her husband's cheek, missing the slight flinch from the elf prince, which was caused by her simple action.
She noticed the frown on her husband's face and asked, "What's wrong, dear?"
Aragorn shook his head slightly and said, "Nothing. It's… nothing."
It's everything.
Aragorn forced a smile onto his face as he exclaimed, "Well, why don't all of you go freshen up a little? I believe Eomer and Gimli should be here soon, then we can all dine together like we did in the past."
"Estel," Arwen scolded him gently, "Faramir and Eowyn haven't even seen Eldarion and you're driving them out of the room already?"
The sounds of laughter fell on deaf ears as Legolas gazed at the scene unfolding before him. Aragorn, the proud father with his arms around his wife who was rocking their just awoken child in her arms; Eowyn's coos of delight and Faramir gazing fondly at his wife…
And I can never have that. All because of one mistake I made.
"Legolas? Legolas. Are you alright?" Arwen's voice dragged him out of the daze he had fallen into.
"I'm fine. Really." He pasted his most brilliant smile on his face. It would have fooled anyone but those closest to him. And unfortunately, one person in that room fell under that category.
"Would you like to hold Eldarion? After all, I guess you could be considered his uncle… after the twins that is." She turned towards him, holding out the wide-eyed infant in her arms…
Large liquid grey eyes gazed innocently at him. So oblivious to the barrage of emotions the elf was struggling to keep under control.
Too much
It was too much to bear.
Legolas backed away in a hurry, his face turning a few shades lighter. "I, I'm sorry. The journey was a tiring one… if I might know… which is my room? Please?"
Aragorn exchanged a glance with his wife, then stepped forward. "I'll show you to you room. I think these two will be staying here for a long time more." He nodded at Faramir and Eowyn.
He ushered the elf out of the room, ignoring his protests, guiding him through the hallways with a hand placed casually on the small of his back.
Arwen cast a worried glance at the retreating figures, and immediately squashed the feeling of doubt that nagged at the back of her mind.
It's been so long. He should have forgotten. They must have.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
"Here we are then."
Aragorn opened the door to a large and airy room. A flood of recognition swept across Legolas as he entered the room.
It was the very same room he had taken when he had lived in Gondor, before Aragorn's wedding. The furnishing was still intact, left exactly the way he liked it.
He wandered forward, hands drifting lightly over the ornaments… the carving across the headboard of the bed…
So many memories…
And the scary thing was that, they were all good memories.
And they threatened to tear apart the already fragile curtain that hid his shattered soul from the scrutiny of the man behind him.
The click of the door being locked brought him back from the past. He turned to stare at Aragorn, his gaze akin to that of a deer being hunted and knowing that it had no chance of escape.
"We need to talk." The man's voice was low and firm.
"There's nothing to say."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why everything? Why leave? Why come back here in this manner?"
Legolas sighed. "You know why, Estel."
Aragorn pulled out a well-worn piece of parchment from his tunic and held it up in front of the stunned elf. Legolas' eyes widened in recognition.
My letter…
"This does not serve as an explanation, Legolas. No matter how many times I read it, I will not accept it as your excuse."
Estel, you stubborn fool.
"Then what do you want me to do? What do you want me to say? You know as well as I do that even if I said it, it won't change anything."
"No. it won't." Aragorn stared at him for a moment, then stepped forward and swept his elf into his arms, claiming his mouth in a hungry kiss.
Legolas stiffened, then relaxed and allowed himself to be lost in what he had been dreaming off for so long. He tasted salt in the kiss, and realized:
Estel is crying.
Aragorn broke off the kiss, but did not let go of the elf he had been longing to hold for the past years he had not seen him.
Legolas gently wiped the tears off the man's face. "Estel, we've been through this before. It won't change anything."
"I don't care. Just for a little longer…"
"You are a father now, Estel." Legolas said quietly.
Aragorn stared at him, knowing that the hurt and despair he saw in the green eyes before him were mirrored in his own. He let his hands fall, then backed away from the Prince.
One step.
Two steps.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"
"Please, leave me alone. I… I need to think."
Legolas faced his back to the man, unwilling to let him see the tears that were now running freely down his face. He heard the footsteps going towards the door, the click of the door being unlocked…
"I just want you to know that… I never stopped. Loving you, that is. And, I still do."
The door opened and the speaker walked out of the room, shutting the door gently behind him.
Just like the last time. Oh, Valar, when will this ever end? When will I be free?
Legolas slumped down next to the window and started to cry in earnest, wishing that he had never come back.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
TBC
Author's Notes:
*hides behind computer screen* Err… hi? *ducks projectiles*
SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE!!! Really, really, really sorry… I planned to post this chapter on Boxing Day, but the problem was that, I hadn't written it by then, so I was thinking of posting it as a New Year's gift to all the people who are reading this and are enjoying this.
BUT…
It was only half-written by 1st Jan, thanks to my being sidetracked by some comics I picked up from my friend… and a bout of over strained eyes plus a sore eye… but hey! It's done at last! ^_^ *fireworks*
I guess that the screening of Return of the King did help to give me more ideas for this story… after all, Legolas looks so hot and totally edible in the last few scenes after the Ring was destroyed… agreed? I mean… hello, move over Arwen, you so do not look good next to Leggy dearest. ^_^ I'm mean, but seriously, he would have made a better bride for Aragorn than Arwen.
I just realized… I made Legolas a little of a crybaby right? *sheepish grin* Sorry, about that… but, considering how stressed he is… I'm sure he can be forgiven. Right? (not to mention all the fan girls out there queuing up to comfort him…) I haven't read the books for a long time too, so please forgive me if I've made any mistakes, especially the spelling of and names of places. Tell me if that happened, so I won't do it again in the next chapter. ^_^ Thanks!
Anyway, one more chapter after this to wrap up my whole story, and maybe the side story about Vilwarin to make the history a little more complete. But that depends on whether lazy ol' me gets round to writing it. been rather busy of late, trying to get a job and all that stuff. Unbelievable, after 12 years of wanting to get out of school, I'm starting to miss it now that I'm waiting for my results to see what I can do in the university. ^_^
Alrighty then, time for replies to reviews!!
Key: Ta-dah! Reunion! Hahaha… well, sort of. The conclusion will be sort of happily-ever-after… depending on the way you look at things. ^_~ Not telling anymore!
farflung: Hahaha, confession, sometimes, I also forget how to spell Vilwarin's name… in fact, I used to think it was spelled at "Gilwarin" before I checked back and realized my mistake. XP And I agree that the Helm's Deep scene certainly caused a lot of warped bunnies to hop around in my head… I remember shouting "Kiss and make out!" at one point. XP But RotK really has a lot more slash worthy moments… hehehehe….
Shadow41: Thank you! I'm really glad that you feel so about this story, 'cos I've been too hyper of late to write properly, so I hope that this is of about the same standard as the chapter before? ^_^
Cinnamon-Sweet-Heart: *lol* Yup, I got my sugar. Lots of it. (to the dismay of those who have to live with hyper me) ^_^ And exams suck! Hope you did well for them! Sugar is always my companion for all the late night/early morning mugging and cramming. ^_^ Glad you liked the previous chapter, hope you like this one as well!
Zelda Saturn Mistress: Whoa! Calm down!! I hope for Arwen's sake she never gets near you, you sound really anti-Arwen! ^_~ hahahaha… Glad you liked Vilwarin… I was a little apprehensive about how she would be received… OFC and all that, you know. And no worries, Aragorn will end up with Legolas… sort of… everything will be resolved in the next chapter, so stay tuned! Incidentally, did you ever write 'Flame of Recca' fanfiction? (even though there aren't any on your bio page…) Your name sounds familiar somehow… or maybe I'm confusing you with someone else. ^_^
arimel: Heh, thank you! Figured out that the best way to handle stuff would be to make Aragorn married… also ups the angst factor… what with all the 'forbidden love' and stuff. ^_^
Once again, thank you everyone for reviewing!! I'll try to update in about 2 weeks time… hopefully…
*determined look* I WILL keep to my personal deadline.
Until then, hope you enjoyed this! R & R please!