Abandon

"You kissed me, then dissed me,
And now you say you miss me.
You used me, confused me,
But you don't want to lose me.

Don't talk to me,
Don't acknowledge me anymore,
I'm just another score."


***

            "Wow", Sophia gasped slightly as she stepped inside Ana's very large and cozy cabin.  "This is some cabin", she commented.

            "Yeah, shoulda been Gibbs seeing as he's technically first mate, but being a gentleman he gave it to me and sleeps with the rest o' the crew.  And we're pretty lax round 'ere anyway."

            "That was nice of him."

            "He's a good guy Gibbs.  And truth be told I think he'd rather be down there havin fun with the boys than up 'ere all be his onesies." 

            Sophia chuckled a little at that as she continued to look around.  "I hope ye don't mind all this", she said to Anamaria.

            "Mind what?"

            "Well, it musta been nice havin' a room all to yerself."

            "Oh that.  No I don't mind.  Truth be told it gets a bit lonely up 'ere sometimes, besides the aloneness of being the only woman in the first place.  In fact, it's kinda nice having another woman round for once.

            "Yeah well don't get too used to it", Sophia replied.  "I don't plan on bein 'ere long."

            "Well mores the pity.  I think the crew has grown quite fond of watching ye hit the Cap'ns nerves.  I know I 'ave", she laughed. 

            "Why's that?"

            "Just nice to see someone put the cocky bastard in his place every now and then.  Some of me fondest memories aboard the Pearl have been watching him come above deck these past few days after checking on you.  Anyway, that's yer bed there, I'm guessin they didn't let ye grab any of yer stuff before we left so's anything you need ye can borrow from me."

            "Thanks", Sophia replied and she threw herself on her bed. 

            "I wouldn't get too comfortable.  I've no doubt he'll be callin us out to our duties before too long", Ana suggested.

            "Ah let him, see what I care.  I've absolutely no intention of makin me stay 'ere easy on him."

            "I see that strategy has gotten ye real far", Ana laughed back.

            "Good point."

            "I know we haven't exactly known each other for very long, but if ye don't mind me askin, what is it that he did to you that was so horrible?"

            Sophia sighed, which was becoming a habit, and rolled over to stare up at the ceiling.  "It's not what you think.  I'm sure everyone's got the impression that I'm some woman scorned who made the stupid mistake of falling in love with the Caribbean's biggest womanizer", her voice began to trail off, and Anamaria understood that whatever it was, Sophia was just not ready to share it. 

            "It's alright, ye don't have to tell me."

            Sophia thanked her with a smile.  "Let's just say there's only one person that Jack Sparrow cares about in this world, himself.  If he ever attempts to make ye believe otherwise, run away as fast as ye can."

            Just as she finished, a knock was heard on the door and whoever was on the other side opened it.  Stepping inside, Sophia groaned inwardly at the sight of Jack. 

            "Ye want to head on back out Ana, I've got some things I'd like to discuss with our new recruit", he said in a serious tone, an unusually serious tone.

            Ana nodded and obeyed leaving the two of them alone.  Sophia sat up in bed and waited for Jack to speak.  Whatever game he was playing, she had no intentions of playing along with.  If thought he could bring her onto the Pearl and try to amend the wrongs he'd done to her by buttering her up, it wasn't going to work.

            "Yes Cap'n", she asked when he still had not spoken several moments later. 

            He looked at her sharply, seemingly surprised that this was the second time she had referred to him as captain.  Normally, he would have been pleased with this, though from her he would have much preferred she call him Jack.  Sophia knew this, she knew that he wanted to her to show some sign that she still had some affection for him buried deep within her.  That in mind, she made every resolve to remind him that he was nothing to her, that the nature of their relationship was strictly a crew member who despised her captain and was only aboard against her will.  She would not be overtly difficult, if there was one thing she was sure of, it was how to manipulate people.  If she was too mean to him she would only manage to make him hate her the way she hated him.  This way, she would be able to make him feel exactly how she wanted him to feel:  Guilty.

            "Ye don't have to keep callin me captain ye know", he answered her.

            "I'm part o' the crew now, and ye are the captain are ye not?  So, what is it that ye want Cap'n?"

            "Well then, I just wanted to make sure ye knew what was expected of ye.  Ye have been on a ship before right?"

            "Aye."

            "Right, of course ye have.  Is there anything in particular ye'd like to be responsible for 'ere on the Pearl."

            "I didn't know it was common practice for captains to ask their lowest crew members their preference."

            "Normally it isn't, but under the circumstances I thought it might be nice", he replied.

            "What circumstances might they be?"

            It was a trap and Jack knew it.  If he fell for it he'd be forced to admit that he had messed up royally and that was not something he was ready to do.  But being Jack Sparrow, he easily evaded the situation with a more neutral answer. 

            "Just that yer not exactly here of yer own free will,"

            "Ah I see.  Well in that case I've already told ye, I want to be captain."

            "Unfortunately my dear, that job is not up for the taking."

            "I'm not yer dear, so don't get in the habit of referring to me as such.  And for that matter, I'm no different from any other crewmember so don't treat me as such.  I'll do whatever job ye order me to", she finished standing up.

            "Really?  Any job I order ye to", he said with a grin, his typical humor crawling back into the conversation.

            "Ye know what I mean.  Anything within reason.  If ye wouldn't ask everyone else, don't ask me, savvy?"

            At her last remark Jack's eyes shot up and he examined her face.  How did I let it come to this, he wondered to himself as he gazed into cold eyes that once held nothing but love and affection for him.  Having still not answered her question he nodded that he would abide by her request.  Taking one last look at her, he turned on his heel to make his way out. 

            "I expect ye outside in five minutes to start yer work", he called to her over his shoulder. 

            Sophia just shook her head and followed him out. 


***

            Weeks passed on the Black Pearl, and Sophia was now a full fledged member of the crew, no different than any of the others.  In her time with them, she had come to truly enjoy the company of most of her fellow crewmen, and considered many of them friends, even good friends in the case of a few.  She fit in perfectly with them, laughing and joking with everyone, and soon they all forgot the circumstances of how she had gotten there in the first place.  But despite her developing friendships and comradery with everyone else, her relationship with Jack remained strained.  She avoided conversation with him at all costs, obeying his commands and always referring to him as captain.  Occasionally she still made it a point to give him a hard time, to remind both him and the others how she felt about him. 

            After about a month and a half or so of sailing aimlessly around, raiding a few merchant ships here and there just for sport, a day came when Sophia was not herself.  The crew noticed immediately that she was not talkative or joking around as was her usual light hearted manner.  Several times during the day when there wasn't much to do, they found her leaning against the rail looking solemnly out over the water.  Jack was especially concerned, though he was unsure of how to approach the situation. 

            At first he sent Ana to find out what was plaguing her.  In their time as crewmates and bunkmates the two had grown very close.  But even she had still been unable to unravel that mystery that surrounded Sophia and Jack's past, and in light of this strange behavior her efforts were also unsuccessful.  As night fell after a long day of wondering on the part of the whole crew, the Pearl came to a rest for the evening and everyone went their separate ways, either to dinner or socialize with one another.  Still Sophia remained silent at the rail. 

            Finally Jack could take no more and sent Lee, a young man whom he noticed Sophia got along with irritatingly well, to ask for her.  Coming up quietly beside her, Lee joined in looking out over the water without speaking a word. Sophia appreciated his understanding that something was not right and that he didn't push it. 

            "Ello luv", she said to him at last.

            "You alright?"

            "Aye.  I'll be fine.  Just one o' those days ye know", she answered.

            "Yeah I know", he replied as they both turned back to the scene in front of them.  After a few more moments of silence Lee regretfully had to go through with his mission.  "I hate to be the bearer of bad news", he began. 

            "But?"

            "But the captain would like to see you", he finished giving her a knowing look.  Before she could reply he went on.  "I'm sorry, but orders is orders."

            She nodded in understanding then went back to staring as though she hadn't even heard.  Lee began to wonder if she would listen, he knew she was not happy with the order but did not want to find himself as the target of his captain's wrath, which was known to be terrible under the right circumstances.  He already worried about his standing with Jack, as the older man seemed not to take to him too kindly in recent weeks.  He supposed it had something to do with his attraction to the newest addition to the crew, and though he tried his damnedest to suppress his feelings, he could not help the way he felt.  He would have loved to have the beautiful, older woman as a bed partner, hell as even more than a bed partner, but he knew better than to infringe upon anything Jack Sparrow called his own, even if he didn't do so aloud. 

            He was torn from his thoughts as Sophia took a deep breath to prepare herself for whatever Jack wanted.  She was surprised he wanted to talk to her at all, though she guessed the nature of his request.  Since their talk that first day as an official crew member, Jack had backed off considerably and mostly left her alone save whatever conversation was necessary.  They had had a few awkward moments, most of which had been easily averted however.  This time it seemed, there would be no aversion.

            "Well, suppose I ought to go see what the captain wants", Sophia said finally. 

            Lee nodded, "good luck."

            She gave him an appreciative smile then headed for Jack's quarters.  Knocking lightly on the door, she waited to hear his "come in", before proceeding.

            "You wanted to see me Cap'n", she greeted him as she stepped inside where she found Jack seated at his desk, rummaging through a mess of papers. 

            He looked up when she spoke and motioned for her to sit down across from him.  Once she did, he spent the next few minutes examining her.

            "Well?" she prodded.

            "What's wrong with you today", he asked suddenly.

            "What?"

            "I've asked you 'ere to find out what's been bothering you all day.  Everyone's noticed so don't pretend like I've lost it."

            "I'm sorry Cap'n, but I really don't think this inquiry really falls within the realm of typical captain-crewmen relations."

            "On the contrary, it absolutely does on the Black Pearl.  In case ye haven't noticed I always take a significant interest in ensuring the well being of my crew", he answered matter-of-factly.

            "I see, well then.  Tis nothing.  As I said to Lee when you sent him to fetch me, it's just one o' those days", she replied. 

            "Yer lying."

            "Prove it", she retorted quickly, standing up to leave.

            "I didn't dismiss ye luv", Jack told her as she began towards the door.

            "I don't care", she shot back without stopping. 

            "DAMNIT SOPHIA", Jack shouted as he jumped up and pounded his fist on the desk.  It was enough to make her stop dead in her tracks and turn back to him. 

            "Can't you just forget the past for one minute and be honest with me for once", he pleaded angrily as he walked towards the door and blocked her passage out. 

            Unsure of what to say she just looked at him.  Maybe he was right.  Maybe she should share with him what was gnawing at her that day.  After all, it was partly his fault and it might do him good to give him a taste of his own medicine. 

            "Did ye know ye had a son?" she asked him suddenly. 

            "What?" he asked, caught totally off guard.

            "Yeah, a little boy.  Looked just like you and everything", she added without emotion.

            "How?  When?"

            "The last time you came home", she paused, a glimmer of pain flashing across her face.  Then she turned on him, the fleeting emotion fading only to be replaced by anger.  An anger which grew with every step she took towards him.  "Do you know what it was like?  I was alone, for nine months, I was all alone carrying yer child.  And I waited, oh God how I waited for ye to come home, to be there when he was born.  To be there for me.  AND YE WEREN'T.  I delivered that bloody child ALONE.  Nearly killed me, it did.  For three days yer mother took care o' him while I laid in bed somewhere between consciousness and death.  AND WHERE WERE YOU", she screamed grabbing him and pushing him hard. 

            Staring at him with a pure and unadulterated hatred, her harshness began to crack and tears formed in the corner of her eyes.  Releasing him, she turned quickly away so that he would not see.  "And that's when I gave up hopin.  I stayed in Tortuga just long enough so our boy could grow big enough to manage on a ship.  Another good seven months during which ye still didn't come home, I might add.  And I raised him by meself because you were to damned selfish to be around."

            "Where is he now", Jack cut her off before she could continue.

            "Oh he's gone now", she answered without a second thought or hint of regret.  "Dead, long dead."

            "How?"

            "He was murdered Jack.  Murdered, as a punishment for me, on this very day naught but 11 years ago.  Maybe it was for the betta though.  It was awfully hard comin up with answers when he asked where his daddy was, or if he loved him.  Ye remember that feeling Jack?  Wonderin who or where yer daddy was when ye were naught but a tiny boy?  Least you had someone to fill in for ye, he didn't."

            "I don't understand.  He was murdered to punish you", Jack asked in confusion.        

            "Yeah.  By my employer at the time.  Because I refused to give my son the childhood I had, his father had.  You don't know what I went through to avoid my mother's fate", she stopped suddenly.  These were details she did not care to share with him.  Details he did not deserve to hear from the person he abandoned.  "Ye know Jack", she began again turning back to him, her tone drastically indifferent.  "I could see if I 'ad been a prostitute.  Just another whore ye fucked without ever knowing she'd had a child that might or might not have been yers.  But I wasn't.  You promised me the world Jack, you were my everything from the time I was old enough to understand what that meant.  You were the only reason I didn't just end it all by killing myself so many times when that seemed the only likely answer.  You promised me the world Jack, but all you delivered was hell, and that was something I already had."

            With those final words Sophia could no longer meet his gaze.  Looking away, she turned from him and headed for the door.  The captain had still not given her permission to leave but she didn't care and he would not stop her.  Where he still stood, Jack tried to process everything he had just learned.  Guilt overwhelmed him but before she slipped out of his view his head shot up and he called to her.  "What was his name?"

            "What", she asked in irritation as she stopped to look at him.    

            "His name, what was it?"

            Cocking her head to one side, a strange expression spread across her face.  "It was Jack.  Jackson Allen Sparrow II", she said through an eerie smirk before stepping onto the deck and closing the door behind her softly.