A/N: This is a play on ABBA's "When I Kissed the Teacher". If you don't know the song, you should. *g*. I realize that Hermione would probably not allow herself to get as worked up as that… but I needed something to fly with. Read, review, give me inspiration!
Everybody Screamed
The week was dragging on forever, bringing forth more and more bad luck and news. Hermione was sick of it. Every time she looked at someone, they seemed to blurt out that something terrible had happened. She was beginning to wonder if someone had cursed her.
Smirking to herself, she realized that this was very unlikely. Who would curse her? Malfoy or Parkinson? Certainly nobody from her own house, or even Ravenclaw would be stupid enough to do such a thing.
It could have been two of the Hufflepuff third years she caught stirring up trouble with a first year Ravenclaw. They had cornered the poor kid and were right about to give him a rat tail when Hermione had charged forth and yanked the wands right from their hands. They had screamed their little heads off at her, vowing to get revenge. She just handed them over to their respective heads of house.
"Whoever said that the Hufflepuffs were docile, stupid students must not have had many confrontations with them." Hermione had thought. "They may not be as haughty and rude as the typical Slytherins, or as concise and mature as the typical Ravenclaws, but they were their own brand of vicious."
Her week had gotten progressively worse. Crookshanks was obviously sick. He refused to curl up with her anymore, and hid under her bed all throughout the night, jumping at the slightest movement Hermione made above him. Her only choice was to bring him to Hagrid during the weekend to see if he could help Crookshanks at all.
Pansy Parkinson had managed to torture the entire week. She wouldn't let up about Krum, Harry and Ron. She would constantly remark to her second-hand girls that it was strange how Hermione seemed to have three of the more popular available wizards after her. Pansy never seemed to forget to mention Hermione's adept charm and potions skills. Then they would go on about her unruly hair and her previously bucked teeth.
Harry and Ron were no help in dispelling the rumours. They hung on Hermione every chance they got, pestering her for help with their Astronomy and Transfiguration papers. To everybody else, it would seem like she had a hold on them. To Hermione, it was simply frustrating.
That wasn't all. She managed to land her first detention from Professor Snape. It had been her luck that Neville would step on her foot, causing her to launch her potion in the direction of the Slytherins. After much howling laughter from the Gryffindors and at least 100 points deducted, Snape had furiously assigned her a detention with Filch. Everyone was amazed that she managed to keep a straight face and not burst in to tears. After all, she had run away bawling for less.
Each day seemed to bring more and more. On Friday, not only did she end up waking up late, she missed breakfast. Ginny had the good will to sneak off with a few pieces of bacon for her friend. She managed to make it to her first class on time, but was promptly reminded that she'd left her papers in her room.
Friday wasn't looking too good either. So much was being said about the way her hair puffed out even more than normal, more speculation on how she'd managed to capture the hearts of the three young wizards, and even a new rumour about her and an addiction to Dreamless Sleep potions.
Every time someone spoke to Hermione, she felt close to snapping. By the time she reached her final class, Potions, she was seething. It didn't help that she was late and nearly managed to trip on her way to her seat next to Neville. A deduction of 10 points later, Hermione was set to explode.
Her mind swam with the hexes and curses she knew. Which could she use to hurt the next person to talk to her, who most likely put her over the edge? After she decided on a string of correlated hexes, she realized she hadn't been paying attention to Professor Snape's short lecture on their Headache Solutions. Her eyes widened in fear as she racked her brain for what she knew on them. She let a gasp of horror off inside herself and started ruffling through papers like a maniac. Several people turned to look at her, including Snape.
"Miss Granger!" he called out. She ignored him, continuing to ruffle through everything. Where had her organization gone? "Miss Granger, do you find yourself so knowledgeable about Headache Solutions that you feel you must disrupt my class, so eager to show off and teach it to them instead?" his voice oozed with disdain.
Hermione's attention snapped to the Professor's cold, cruel stare. She swallowed hard and narrowed her eyes slightly, blocking out the lights that would surely cause her eyes to tear up.
"Then tell me, Miss Granger, what is it you were planning on doing?" Snape stopped and a realizing look crossed his face. "Sabotaging Longbottom's solution so you can be the one to fish him out of it, winning your viewers over as you do it?"
Hermione narrowed her eyes to slits. Her face went red. Snape was standing inches in front of her. Her mind raced with the possibilities of what she could do. She could get up and run, no doubt causing herself another detention and more poor treatment from Pansy and Draco's minions. She could whip out her wand and hope to finish her string of hexes before Snape could react. Or, she could simply sit and take it, mumble something and have more points deducted. Or, she could…
"It seems to me that you have a problem, Miss Granger." Every time Snape said her name, Hermione's lip twitched. His voice was so cool and calm, as if he dealt with students like this every day. She realized a moment later that he did. "It seems to me that you crave attention more than dear Mr. Potter here. Always making herself seem like the smart one, the good one. You're nothing more than the little know-it-all sidekick to Potter's mighty trio of - "
Snape never got to finish his string of insults. In one swift movement, Hermione reached up and grabbed Snape's collar, yanking him downward. She tightened her grip as she placed her lips on his, forcing them together like a circle and square peg. Her eyes were wide with fear. With her brief lapse of judgment, she forgot to think of what she was going to do after she let go of him.
Everybody in the class screamed. Well, it seemed that way. Pansy, Draco and Ron stared, wide eyed and open mouthed. Harry was rolling around in his chair, laughing so hard that tears wet the skin beneath his glasses. Neville, on the other hand, had jumped back out of his chair to avoid any contact with Snape. Everybody else screamed.
It could be said that Snape's face turned a most unrealistic shade of red. Whether it was from anger, embarrassment or lack of air was yet to be told.
Hermione was still racking her brain, amazed that the Professor was weak enough to let her grip stay firm. His lips were dry and chapped. She had avoided his eyes until that moment. They were burning. With what, she couldn't figure out. She didn't exactly want to find out.
The class was going wild. Draco, Pansy and Ron had recovered from their shock and were screaming at Hermione and Snape along with the rest of their class. Harry had recovered and was now watching, wide-eyed, wondering what was going to happen next.
Finally, Hermione had a thought. She'd just sit and take it, no matter what. Taking a deep breath inside and readying herself for anything, she released Snape and shoved him away from her.
The class fell silent.
Snape stared at her, unable to form a conscious thought in his mind. His cheeks were flushed – nobody could tell from what yet. Hermione licked her lips, a blank expression on her face. Snape simply blinked at her, his eyes still wide and burning, his mouth slightly parted as if he was going to say something but couldn't.
And the last thing anyone expected happened. Severus Snape, the cruel, dark, batlike man whom everyone but the Slytherins despised, the same man who despised everyone but the Slytherins back, the same man who never spoke without dripping sarcasm from each syllable … He smiled. It may have been a twisted smile, but he smiled.
After what seemed like hours, he finally spoke. "Interesting diversionary tactics, Miss Granger." He stopped, his voice oily. "Ten points from Gryffindor for interrupting my class, ten points off for assaulting another human being, ten points off for behaviour most unbecoming of a young lady, and twenty points off for being the biggest know-it-all this school has ever been home to!"
Hermione smirked. It had been worth it to see the expression on his face. Pansy shot her a confused, and disturbed look. Draco shot her a look of awe and fright. Neville sat down next to her cautiously and looked at the front of the room.
Hermione's week had just come to the most amusing end she could think of.
It could be said that every class after that, Professer Snape thought up ways to tick off Hermione. It never seemed to work.