Chapter II
It was a somber company that walked back to the Stargate, their camp was still set up but SG-1, the remainder of SG-1 left everything. Another team could come back later on or the next day to gather everything up, it didn't really matter to them when they would get their things back. The team had other things on their mind. In order to reach the Gate they had to cross the 'corn field' again and when they emerged on the other side O'Neill had a golden hue to his skin, shiny looking. It made him seem alive and glowing. Teal'c and Daniel had gathered up one of the large thermal blankets and laid him upon that, they were carrying him that way. No one had spoken for a long while, it was as though they were gathering their thoughts together, and planning how they were going to break the news to General Hammond and the rest of the SGC.
"I'll dial" Carter was the first one to break the silence. She hadn't needed to speak but she just felt the need to say something, anything. Both teammates just nodded solemnly and waited for the code to be sent so they could continue onwards.
When they arrived on the other end General Hammond was, as always, waiting for them on the other side. He took one look at their faces and shouted an order "get a med team down here!" the General looked to each of them, waiting for them to tell him what had happened "How bad is he?" he asked with a concerned expression on his face. From where he was standing he could not see that Colonel O'Neill was beyond any medical aid, Teal'c was blocking his line of sight.
Sam looked up to General Hammond; she forced herself to remain composed for now at least. "It's bad Sir." She paused and swallowed I can't say it but Carter had to "Colonel O'Neill is dead" the Major spoke so fast that she wasn't sure General Hammond had heard her as he did not reply for what seemed to be the longest time. Carter watched as a medical team rushed in, prepared to help Jack "he's already gone…" she told them quietly and they looked at her with questioning gazes.
The whole room had gone so quiet, and she couldn't stand it, everybody was watching them and she hated it. Sam took one last look around the Gateroom before she left hurriedly, looking away from everybody and ignoring any questions that were thrown her way. She ran along the corridor and didn't stop until she reached the safety of her lab, once there Carter closed the door and sank down on the floor.
*
When Sam next looked up, her eyes clear of any more tears, she noticed an hour had gone by. She stared at the clock, just watching as the seconds ticked by as though in a daze. It was a knock at her door that finally stole her attention and Carter stood and composed herself before opening the door "General Hammond requests our presence" Teal'c informed her. His face was as stoic as ever but it was his eyes that betrayed him, they showed how much he was hurting, grieving for his friend and comrade on the inside. It was one type of pain that Junior couldn't heal.
Carter nodded and he led the way along the corridor until they reached the briefing room, General Hammond was already sat down at his usual spot, head of the table. Daniel was there already to, he was just putting his glasses back on and when Carter and Teal'c looked at him both saw the red eyes. At least Daniel has the guts to show what he's feeling, I just hide behind the Military façade as always but deep down Carter knew that wasn't true, she had left her guard down too. Once Teal'c and Carter were seated everyone's eyes unconsciously drifted to the seat that Jack usually occupied, General Hammond coughed, momentarily breaking the tension and the silence "I need to know what happened on that planet." They had all been waiting for that, its what SG-1 had been thinking about on their return trip to the Stargate, and so they began their tale…
***
"Carter? Hey Carter?" Sam felt a hand on her arm, and she blinked a few times. That was the deepest daze she had ever gone into before, she turned and looked at the man who was sitting in front of her. A surprised expression evident on her face "you spaced out there for…the entire debriefing" Colonel Jack O'Neill stood. "I thought that was what I was supposed to do" he joked, well usually he got some kind of reaction from Carter but this time…nothing "must have been some daydream."
Sam stood, not taking her eyes off him "yeah, yeah it was…" she trailed off. The room was empty but for her and O'Neill, she hadn't even heard anybody getting up and leaving.
He looked at his 2IC, a little concerned now "are you okay?" he began walking to the door and waited for her to come to.
She nodded; she was tired and needed sleep, that's all it was. She was starting to forget what her dream had been about anyway, Carter felt a deep and indescribable sense of pain…loss though and the Major didn't know why "I'm fine Sir, just need a little sleep." O'Neill nodded; hey she was going to be getting some sleep instead of working in her lab for the rest of the night? Who was he to tell her no?
"G'night Carter" O'Neill bid her farewell with a yawn of own "Down lay awake dreaming of all that work you're missing out on, will you?" he grinned.
Major Carter followed him out, she replied to his question with a shake of her head "I won't Sir, good night" they walked alongside each other until they went their separate ways. Instead of going straight to her room or driving home she went to the Infirmary, they had already had their checkup before the debriefing but Carter guessed she should probably tell Janet about the 'daze'.
Janet was getting ready to head out when the Major knocked on the door and entered the otherwise empty room "I can come back tomorrow…" she turned around to head on out again when Janet stopped her.
"That's okay, what is?" Janet sat down in her chair and waited for her friend to speak.
Carter walked over to one of the bed and sat down on it, looking around thoughtfully before she spoke "it's probably nothing, I don't know. I don't remember anything about the debriefing, it must have been some deep daze or trance or something" she tried to describe what it was.
"You think that was nothing?" Janet replied, concerned. She stood and began to check Carter over "that sounds more like a blackout Sam" she shone the penlight in her eyes "have you been eating properly?" the Doc waited patiently for a reply "Sam…?"
***
"Do you want to talk about it?" Carter looked up at Janet, a blank expression on her face and blue eyes empty and unfocussed. The Major shook her head wordlessly, actually she hadn't said much at all during the whole post mission check up. The Doc told her that she was good to leave when she spoke again "this isn't something you want to keep bottled up Sam" Janet warned her.
"I already talked about it with General Hammond during the debriefing" Sam replied, her voice a little monotonous. She was so tired and just wanted to rest, to try and forget the tragedy for a few hours at least.
Her friend crossed her arms and looked at her firmly, this time it was the Doctor that spoke "it isn't enough to just say what happened in a debriefing, you need to talk about what you're feeling. If you don't this will eat up at you inside, Daniel has already agreed to it and I'm going to speak to Teal'c first thing in the morning."
More
tears threatened to spill but Carter held them back, she nodded "I just
can't…not yet."
Janet nodded, a least partly satisfied with her answer "okay, now you can go. I'm sorry Sam…"
"Me too" was Sam Carters short reply before she left the room, the door swung to a silent close behind her.
*
Daniel and Teal'c sat side by side in the dim room; the archaeologist was heading back to his own room when he just felt the urge to talk. He'd be spilling everything the next day when he spoke to Mackenzie but at that moment he needed to see a friend, someone who understood "I saw him die again and again at Baal's hand but I never felt like this then." Daniel began "and those were…bad, really bad."
Teal'c nodded once "perhaps it was because at that time you were an ascended being, or because you knew O'Neill would return again due to the aid of a sarcophagus."
"Yeah…and this time that isn't going to happen. Jack is dead" it was the first time Daniel had said that out loud and he couldn't believe he had said it then, even though it was the truth "I keep expecting him to walk into my office when I'm working and try and get me to do something fun."
"Many times O'Neill has come to my door and interrupted my Kel'no'reem" the Jaffa replied "I too expect him to do so now, even though I know he will not."
Jackson looked to the left so he could see he friend "thanks for listening…I just needed to talk."
Teal'c nodded in understanding "I also grieve for our friend, Daniel Jackson" he stared straight ahead, seemingly focused on a small mark on the grey wall in front of him.
"Good night" Daniel stood and opened the door, the light from the corridor flooding in.
"Good night Daniel Jackson" the Jaffa answered. The door closed behind the archaeologist and Teal'c stood once alone in the room, he felt like punching something. O'Neill was no longer there to spar with so the punch bag would have to do.
***
Janet waved her hand in front of Sam's eyes after receiving no response from her call, when Carter finally snapped out of her 'daze' Janet spoke "it happened again, didn't it?"
Sam nodded and looked up at the Doc "yeah…he was dead Janet" she was so confused now, what was real?
Janet shook her head, not understanding Carter's comment "who was dead?" she asked gently.
"The Colonel…I think I killed him…"