Chapter IIII

O'Neill took Carter's hand "does this feel unreal to you?  If this was your imagination wouldn't you be going straight thorough me?  Like a mirage or something?" he looked up at his friend.  She looked so lost right now "I promise you that this is real."

Sam forced a smile, if only to let them believe she thought everything would be fine "that may be true Sir…but if I was imagining this and I was controlling what's going on now in my head then, wouldn't I make it so you said that?" she pulled her hand away and stood up "I have to finish work, there's things I have to do before we head out tomorrow."

"Carter…you think way too much" O'Neill told her.  Though this time there was no sarcastic edge to his voice, he was deeply serious "you're going to give yourself a headache with all this deep thinking" he looked across to Janet for help and she nodded in agreement.  "Are you going to be alright going off world tomorrow?" he was unsure, it wasn't safe for the Major to go if she was going to have black outs.

Sam was about to reply when Janet cut her off, it was what she had been dreading.  "I can't allow you to go tomorrow, it's too risky," the Doc said gently, she knew that Carter was going to hate that.  Carter didn't speak, she just sighed in defeat and walked out of the Infirmary.  Janet might be able to stop her from going off world but there was no way Sam would let the Doc stop her from working in her Lab.  It was the only thing that stopped her from thinking about what was happening.

*

An hour into working on a report Carter was interrupted by a knocking on her door, she didn't answer, as she knew if it was one of her friends they would just walk in.  If it was somebody needing her help then they could wait for a while, as it turned out it was Daniel.  He didn't say anything to her, he just took a seat "what do you want Daniel?" she pause in her work, he fingers motionless above the keys.

"I came to see how you're doing," he answered before taking off his jacket and putting it across the back of the chair.

The forced smile appeared again "well, I'm not imagining anything if that's what you mean" she announced before starting to type once again.

"So you haven't…?" Carter looked at his expectantly "you know, started to imagine Jack is dead again…" Daniel asked, guessing it might be a bit of a touchy subject with her at the moment.

"Daniel!  I am perfectly fine," she snapped.

***

"Call me crazy Sam but I don't think you're fine at all…I was there when you were talking to Mackenzie, I haven't seen you get so annoyed with him…with many people before actually" Daniel took off his glasses and wiped them, they were stained slightly from coffee had spilled over the in the Commissary earlier that morning.

Carter leaned back in her chair with a coffee and sighed "I just don't want to talk to him at the moment…its too soon."

"I think its too soon for all of us at the moment, Janet won't let him push you to talk…" he was about to say more when he saw that Sam wanted to tell him something, she stopped however before she got a word out and seemed to withdraw again.  "What is it?" he questioned.

"I've been having these blackouts…but when I 'wake up' again, I'm somewhere else" Carter saw Daniel regard her with an enquiring stare, concerned for her.  "I'm here at the SGC but it's different…"

Daniel put his glasses back on "different how?"  Oh he hoped she wasn't going…crazy or something because of what had happened don't let Sam be the next to go.

Carter shook her head, she could barely understand this herself and she was supposed to be genius or at least that's what Jack used to say she thought before going on to answer the Archaeologists question.  "In a lot of ways it's mirroring what's happening now except, the Colonel isn't dead.  I never killed him, and I wish it was true," Carter added softly as she buried her face behind her hands.  "What's happening to me?" she didn't expect Daniel to answer.

"You think they're delusions?  That you're making this up in you head to ease the pain of Jack's death?"  Her watched Sam as she nodded, she was so worried that she was starting to loose her mind.  "Well we can talk to Janet, now, and maybe she can give you something?  Sam you're upset that you lost him, everybody is.  But I promise you that Janet will find out what's happening."  Carter looked up at him solemnly "what?"

"But Daniel I want this delusion, or whatever it is to be true!" she stood and pushed her chair back, suddenly needing to get some fresh air.

Jackson rose from his own chair and leaving his coat he walked to the door and opened it, he paused before proceeding into the corridor "I'll get Janet, okay?  And we will both be right back" at Carters shaky nod he closed the door before running through the halls of the SGC to get Janet.

*

Once inside the Infirmary he quickly, and slightly worriedly explained what Sam had told him "this isn't completely unusual, she is traumatized by this.  Sam just shot her friend, true it was in self defense but she is never going to stop blaming herself for what happened."

"Yes but Janet she wants this other reality that she has set up for herself to be real…what if that happens?  Will she be alright, what?" Daniel was understandably deeply concerned for Carter.

They were both walking back to Sam's Lab now as they spoke in hushed tones, they didn't want something like this to get out.  If it did it the news of what was happening would steadily change as it continued on along the SGC's grapevine, it would sound worse and worse.  Like their version of Chinese whispers "if she withdraws deeply enough inside herself then we may loose her Daniel…"

"She's already refusing to speak to Mackenzie about this.  All this is just building up inside of her" Janet stopped him before he could continue.

"I am going to help her Doctor Jackson, but she is going to need all of her help.  We can't let her keep on believing that Colonel O'Neill is still alive otherwise we will have lost her and we might never get her back."