The Past Never Forgotten

"I can't forget you,
I've got these memories of you.
I can't forget you,
I'll always be loving you.

Once we were happy,
We were so carefree and gay.
Then something happened,
And you went away."

***

            Back in her cabin Sophia stripped down, threw on her nightclothes, and crawled into bed.  She had absolutely no intentions of returning to work that day and didn't care who didn't like it.  Staring blankly at the wall that her bed stood against, she retraced the events of the past months, wondering how she got herself in this position.  Mulling it over was extremely frustrating.  How did she let this happen to herself, she Sophia Barrister, who had spent the last 13 years surviving on her own, making something of herself.  In a way, she felt as though she was now right back where she started in the beginning, living a life dependant on Jack Sparrow.  And what was worse, the stony exterior that had formed over her heart out of hatred for him, was slowly chipping away with each passing day despite her best efforts to keep it from happening. 

            With a groan, she rolled over onto her stomach and buried her face in her pillow.  Opening her eyes, her gaze fell upon her right arm, which was extended across the pillow in front of her.  Examining it critically, her eyes traced and retraced the familiar black lines that formed the bird flying on the horizon.  Another groan, she just could not wipe away a past determined to not be forgotten.  With a sigh she shoved her arm under the pillow and out of sight, and allowed herself to drift into unconsciousness.  Before she could fall asleep however, a knock came on the door tearing her from her rest.

            "What", she yelled at whoever it was.

            "Can I come in luv?"

            "No", she yelled silently in her head, but it was not the answer she gave.  "It's unlocked."

            "Just wanted to make sure ye were alright?"

            "I'm fine", she answered in irritation.  "It was nothing, I've been in worse situations than that before."

            "Umm, right", he stammered, fumbling for the words he wanted to say next and silently cursing himself for allowing her to have this effect on him.  "Well, perhaps you ought to have that arm looked at.  I know its only a scratch", he was quick to add for fear of insulting her, "but still, the blade was prolly not clean and ye don't want it to get infected."

            She considered his words.  "Yeah alright, I'll see to it", she replied, her face still shoved out of sight.

            "I can do it now if ye like", he offered tentatively.

            No answer.  Why can't you just be the asshole I want you to be, she wondered as she pulled herself up and stuck out her arm without a word.  Stepping forward, Jack got down on one knee in front of her and placed the contents he had been holding on the ground.  Taking a clean cloth, he opened the bottle of rum and poured some on it. 

            "Ready", he asked taking her by the arm.  

            She nodded then squeezed her eyes shut tight as he pressed the cloth to her cut, causing it to sear with burning pain.  She made no indication that it hurt and upon removing the cloth Jack quickly wrapped her arm with a bandage.  When he was finished, he gathered up his things and stood up. 

            "We'll be pulling into port this afternoon.  When we arrive, yer free to go."

            It took a minute to register what he had said.  "Where will we be stopping", she asked quickly.  

            "Tortuga", he answered over his shoulder before shutting the door behind him. 

            Still in bed, Sophia's eyes widened at what she had just heard.  Tortuga, the worst place in the world as far as she was concerned.  She had not been back there since the day she had taken her son and left.  She supposed Jack probably did not know this, but she still wondered about his reasoning for going there.

***

            And there it was.  Three hours later looming on the horizon.  Tortuga.  The only real hell on earth, where every child was fatherless, every woman a whore, and every man a filthy scoundrel.  Some considered it a pirate's dream, a haven for the lawless, but to Sophia it was hell, and always would be.  She stood alone on the foredeck, at the very bow of the ship, her hands resting on the railing as she took in the sight in front of her.  The breeze caused her blonde hair to whip viciously behind her, and her eyes to water against its harsh dryness.  Or were they tears?

            As the Pearl moved closer and closer to the bereft little island, Sophia's grip on the railing tightened.  When Jack called for everyone to fall in and get them ready to dock, she was slightly relieved at being presented with something else to focus her attention on.  Unfortunately though, docking did not take long, and before she knew it the Pearl was at a standstill and the crew was anxious to unboard.  They ran for the shore like a pack of animals after prey, and Sophia watched them go, unable to move herself from where she stood.  She was so absorbed in herself at the moment that she did not even hear Lee come up beside her. 

            "Ye coming", he asked, having noticed her obvious discomfort.

            "Oh, um yeah, eventually."

            "Ye want me to wait?"

            "No, no.  Ye go ahead, I'll be along then", she answered, hoping he would just give up and get going.

            "Alright", he replied slightly disappointed.  "I'll be at the Bride if ye do decide to join me."

            She nodded then watched him go as well.  With a sigh she left the deck for her cabin to grab some things.  Inside she found Anamaria getting ready to make her way out.            

            "You still 'ere?  I figured ye'd be off this ship as fast as possible."

            "Oh, it's not so bad here", Sophia answered, receiving raised eyebrows from the other woman.

            "Well, someone's tune certainly has changed since they first came aboard."

            Sophia shrugged. 

            "The Cap'n tells me ye won't be returning", Ana pressed on.

            "What?  He said that?"

            "Maybe not exactly.  But he did say he told ye that ye could leave if ye wanted, and I guess I just assumed you would be going."

            Sophia gave no response, pondering over what Ana had said. 

            "So?"

            "I haven't decided yet.  I might be back, I might not", she shrugged.

            "Well ye already know what I think, even if it does mean permanently losing me own cabin."  With a smile, she grabbed her hat and a small pouch of gold, and headed out the door leaving Sophia alone again.

            Gathering her own things, she stepped back out onto the deck and scanned the waterfront once again.  "Well, here goes nothing", she encouraged herself as she made her way to the plank.  With one last pause, she took a deep breath and stepped off of the Black Pearl.  Little did she know, back from the door the his quarters, Jack watched her go and silently hoped it would not be the last time he saw her. 

            Walking down the dock, Sophia wondered what to do with herself. Deciding on the most likely choice, she ended up making her way for the tavern, where she found, most of the crew had already assembled themselves. 

            "SOPHIA", a voice shouted out to her, and she looked over to see Lee waving her towards the table he sat at. 

            With a silent groan and an eye roll, she began making her way towards them when her progress was interrupted by another greeting.  "Hey there Sophia", Gibbs said as she passed by the table he was sitting at, that she had not seen earlier.  "Care to join us for a drink", he asked, seeing that she was not to excited to join Lee at his table.

            "Love one", she answered taking a seat next to Anamaria.  At this, Cotton raised his hand to motion one of the bar wenches over, and immediately a full mug was placed in front of her.  The four veterans sat together for a few hours, and eventually were joined by Jack.  Surprisingly, when he took a seat at the table right next to Sophia, she did not cringe or become reserved.  In his mind Gibbs credited this to the several mugs of rum she had consumed, but Ana knew better. 

            They laughed and talked together, the five of them, for another few hours; intoxication settling in, causing words to slur and sloppiness to ensue.  As night fell, and the tavern began to fill up with the town's 'professional' women looking for business prospects, Sophia did her best to mask the uneasiness that grew out of their overwhelming interest in Jack.  When she could take no more and had finally sobered up a bit, she excused herself from the group and headed back out onto the street. 

            Wandering aimlessly, she tried to concentrate on tedious matters like where to stay for the night, in an effort to block out what was really plaguing her.  Not paying an ounce of attention to where she was going, she soon found herself walking down a familiar street.  The street she used to live on.  She supposed that despite her attempts to forget, her subconscious would not leave her peace.  Coming to a stop in front of the old house, she looked up at its looming figure in the dark.  It had clearly been abandoned, and she wondered if any miscreants had made their home inside.  Gripping her the hilt of her cutlass tightly, she climbed the broken down stairs up to the front door and opened it a crack. 

            There was no one inside, and after a few more moments of hesitation she gathered her courage and entered the house.  Dust covered everything and the place stunk horribly of rats, by Sophia ignored these discomforts and made for the stairs.  They too were broken in and looked rather unsafe, but steadying herself along the wall, she began her ascent to the third floor.  She made it up successfully, only falling through the rotted floorboards once or twice.  Coming to a standstill in front of the heavy wooden door that separated her from a past long forgotten, she took a calming breath, swallowed hard, and pushed the door open.

            Inside, she was shocked to find everything exactly as she left it.  Every piece of furniture it its place, as well as each rug and adornment.  She wondered how this could be.  The place had once been beautiful, surely the landlord would have had an easy time renting it out.  Puzzling over this, she walked the length of the living room, running her fingers gently across the familiar surfaces that filled the room.  Moving through the apartment, tears began to well up in her eyes at the sight. 

            Making her way to the bedroom room, she came to a standstill at one spot in particular.  There, sitting on the dresser, was a small wooden box, hand-carved with a design of the sun on top.  It was the first thing Jack had ever given her.  He had made it himself and it had taken him several painstaking weeks.  There had been a purpose for his work as well.  Gently picking it up, she carefully opened the lid.  Inside was a collection of jewelry that Jack had gotten her over the years.  Dumping it onto the dresser, she turned the box back over and pulled at the small trap door in the bottom, revealing a single gold chain with a gold 'S' hanging on the end. 

            That was the last of Sophia's composure.  Gripping the chain in one hand and the box in the other, she took a step backwards and sat onto the bed.  The tears flowed feely now, spilling down her face as the sound of sobbing filled the room. 

            "I neva meant to hurt you, ye know", a voice ripped her from her despair. 

            Turning around, she found Jack standing in the doorway, nervously wringing his hands together.