Disclaimer: I soooo wish I owned these characters and CSI! Alas, I do not.
Ok, so the wonderful people at UTB inspired this story. It's not what they wanted but its what I wrote.
This story is totally AU (Alternate Universe). It makes no sense whatsoever, but since there are so many angst fics out there at the moment I wanted to write something a little more happy. Oh and another thing, halfway through this fic I forgot what I was writing about and pretty much changed topics, so again I reiterate: THIS DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER, IF YOU WANT DECENT PLOT GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!
Very Important note: The therapist is a G/S shipper in disguise. She was nominated by the rest of the G/S shippers to make our point, although sometimes the shipper becomes evil merely because I want to add a little evil into the story (Told you it won't make sense). The real therapist was killed by a freak accident involving several thousand tons of stale bagels falling on his head.
Now the actual story:
*Therapist enters room and sits down reading the sheets that the CSI's filled out prior to him arriving with all their problems (they did so because it is easier for me to write this little plot this way)
Therapist: (looking at Catherine): Let me get this straight, you are an ex stripper, you're now a criminalist, you have an eight year old daughter whose father was a drunk and is now dead because someone shot him. Your father figure was the famous Casino owner Sam Braun, who you later discovered was your real father when you compared his DNA to yours and inadvertently set him free from a murder rap. You also blew up the Crime Lab and nearly killed a Gregory Sanders, and injured a Sara Sidle. Is this correct?
*Catherine nods*
*The therapist turns to look at the next person, Nick*
Therapist: You were abused as a child and are currently fighting with your best friend, miss Sidle, over a promotion that no one has a friggin clue as to what it actually is other than you gain the title "Lead CSI", You also slept with a stripper/hooker (I cant remember which) who was funnily enough killed the next day and so you were for a short time a murder suspect, although you were later found innocent, is that correct?
*Nick nods*
*Therapist turns to Warrick*
Therapist: You used to have a gambling addiction, which got you in trouble when you left a crime scene where a miss Holly Gribbs, a rookie, was shot and later died in hospital, and Miss Sidle came to Vegas to do an investigation on you. Is that correct?
*Warrick nods*
*Therapist turns to Sara and looks down at her clipboard and laughs an evil laugh due to the fact he knows she is gunna enjoy this one.)
Therapist: Miss Sidle, you came to Vegas simply because a Dr. Gil Grissom asked you to. You have absolutely no back story/history other than you once knew Grissom, who you met at a seminar and then came to Vegas. You get extremely emotional over cases, rape in particular. You also managed to fall in love with your boss Gil Grissom, the Gil Grissom who brought you here, who you were once friends with, who was your mentor and who everyone thinks introduced you to crimianlistics. *Therapist laughs* Great career move. Anyway, so you asked Grissom out on a date, got shot down in flames and then started to basically slowly sink into depression. *Therapist pauses and looks at sheet* That's so sad! I'll leave you alone in a minute once you simply confirm you love Mr. Grissom.
*Sara looks at Grissom, who is just staring at the ground, she then looks over to the team who are all staring at her like she just went on fear factor and ate a bunch of gross insects, she then slowly nods her head and mutters: "Uh huh"*
*Therapist looks at sheets and then at Grissom*
Therapist: Wow, uh, just wow. Um just let skip straight to the good stuff here as your list is really, really long. So your main problem seems to be that you fell in love with Miss Sara Sidle. *Therapist pauses, Grissom looks like he is going to throw up* Ha! This is just priceless!! Literally! Do you realize how much this is going to cost the city of Las Vegas? (They are paying for the session) I mean really you people are just so hopeless!! *The Therapist realizes what she is saying and stops* so, where was I? Oh yeah, you fell in love with Sara. *Therapist totally drops professional demeanor, not that it wasn't already lost* Let me get this straight Dr. Grissom, you're pushing 50, in love with a beautiful, young intelligent CSI who is absolutely head over heals for you. I mean for crying out loud, she was basically introduced to the show just so you could fall in love with her! She asks you out and you say no. Am I missing something here? I mean how stupid can you get?
Grissom: Uh, what show?
Therapist: Never mind that, Mr. Grissom your choices are a life of living alone except for your bugs versus living with a person whom you love, and never being lonely again. It does not take a genius to figure out!!! I mean for crying out loud look at her! She has a fan club at your lab of men who practically drool every time she walks by! Can anyone say Greg and David please? *Therapist gets out of seat, picks up magazine and hits Grissom over the head with it*
Grissom: OW!!!
Therapist : Well, someone needed to knock some sense into you! Get up and kiss her now before it really is to late, I mean she told you it would be and simply for the sake of my argument when this hour ends it will be to late, kiss her!!!
Grissom: Hey, how do you know she said that?
Therapist: For crying out loud! Stop trying to change the dam subject; you do that WAY to often! Kiss her or I will make the ratings for CSI drop off the face of the earth, I can do it to!
Grissom: What are ratings? Ugh I have a headache!
Therapist: Kiss her! Or I will sick thousands of fans on you!! There will be nowhere you can hide where we won't find you!!!
Grissom: What fans?
*The therapist walks over to the magical door behind her that just randomly appeared and opens it. It reveals hundreds of thousands of people standing there waving GEEKLOVE RULES banners and wearing the official UTB t-shirt. There are refreshment stands in the back serving fresh hot bagels and a donation booth where people can donate money to start the shipper bar. When the door opens and the fans can see in the room they all scream and run up and start chanting, "Kiss her! Kiss her"*
*Grissom walks up to the balcony, followed by Sara, and looks out at the fans. *
Grissom: What the hell?
Sara: Wow
*Catherine walks out to the balcony and shoves Sara aside * (I don't hate Catherine -I swear- Its just I needed another character at this point, and I needed her to be mean-I sincerely apologize to all the Catherine fans out there)
Catherine: Hello my loyal fans! Lets see, what can I do to impress you now? I know! I'll actually strip and do a pole dance right in front of you! After all that's all that's left to be done now right?
* The fans start to boo and throw the bagels (which have miraculously turned stale) that they were holding at her. Catherine gets hit on the head with one and falls backwards directly into Warrick/Nick's (whoever you prefer) arms and starts making out with him. The therapist pushes Sara back outside, shuts the balcony door and locks them out there standing in front of lots of eager fans who are completely silent and look up at Grissom and Sara in anticipation. Grissom and Sara look at each other. *
Grissom: What are we supposed to do?
Sara: I'm fairly sure you're supposed to kiss me, that is unless you can't due to the fact that you're a friggin coward.
Grissom: What!? I am not a coward!
Sara: "I couldn't" seems like something a coward would say.
*Grissom swallows and just stares at Sara for a second *
Grissom: You, uh, you heard that?
*Sara doesn't even get a chance to answer*
Disgruntled fan: Oh for crying out loud, let me make this easier for you. You confessed you love her. Sara was behind the glass and heard you. She didn't know what to do so she kept her mouth shut. In short, she's scared, you're scared. You love her, she loves you. Kiss already before we throw bagels at you as well!
Grissom: Uh ok then.
*Grissom grabs Sara and pulls her into the most lip-smacking kiss anyone has ever seen on television. Thousands of fans cheer and suddenly Warrick comes outside and shows us all his DJ skills by first playing "Woo Hoo" by Blur, then "White flag" by Dido, and to be shortly followed by all the Grissom and Sara CD mixes that have been created. Confetti and balloons fall from the sky. Grisom and Sara kiss through the renditions of "White flag" being sung by all the shippers. Nick and Greg do a funky dance and Catherine sits on the floor pouting that no one cares about her at the moment. *
Grissom (totally oblivious to the surroundings): Wow.
Sara: Yeah, you are a great kisser!
Grissom: You to, (suddenly realizing thousands of people are around him) uh listen you um want to take this somewhere more private?
Sara: Sure
*A giant helicopter that has been flying around since ATS (After the Show) comes down and picks up Grissom and Sara and flies them into the sunset *
*The greatest party ever held then happens right there in the HUGE parking lot of the fake therapist. They make enough noise to wake the rest of the planet, the other shippers convert, and everyone lives happily ever after. Even Catherine who, proceeds to make out with (insert character here). *
A/N: I warned you!!! I told you it wouldn't make sense and it didn't, did it? NO. If you didn't like the fic blame the monkey sitting on my shoulder whispering into my ear for me to write these things. –Not crazy— Well anyway this was my random bit of nothingness on paper/hyperspace (is that what you call internet space, I can't remember). If you would like to review click that little button to the bottom left-hand side of your screen that says "submit review".—I know you can see the button.-- Hope you enjoyed reading something other than complete angst, even if it was random.