Kendra Mason sat in Ms. Kwan's English class, unable to fully concentrate on her teacher's interpretation of teenage romance and tragedy. Its not like it was difficult for her to understand, Kendra was becoming more and more aware of what Romeo and Juliet meant. The more she thought about what she almost did at lunch that day, the more relieved she was that she hadn't gone through with it. She would have made a fool out of herself for a guy, a guy who couldn't take five minutes out of his 'busy' schedule to just listen to her. Maybe it was a sign that she had been right along, that thinking with your heart lead to nothing but pain. If only she could convince her heart what her brain realized so easily.
When the final bell rang, Kendra was more than happy to exit Ms. Kwan's classroom. She planned to go home and zone out in front of the TV. She would probably call Nadia to tell her about the mistake that she almost made. Kendra opened her locker to get her stuff together for her walk home. While standing there she felt a tap on her left shoulder.
"Hi."
"Oh, hi Toby." Kendra replied.
"You said you wanted to tell me something important at lunch." He reminded her.
"Yeah…..it wasn't that important after all, I figured it out on my own." Kendra answered.
Toby hardly gave her response a second thought. He began telling her about what had transpired between him and J.T. at lunch that day. Kendra wasn't in the mood to hear about whatever J.T. had done this time.
"Look Toby, I really don't want to hear about the latest chapter in your book, Why Doesn't J.T. Yorke Like Me Today." Kendra insulted.
She didn't mean for it to come out that way, she just couldn't take how her relationship with Toby felt like a one-way street now. Lately all he wanted to do was complain about how things between he and J.T. were changing. Didn't he realize things between him and his girlfriend had changed also?
"Geez, you don't have to bite my head off." Toby said as he raised his voice, "I guess I won't bother you with my problems. I thought a girlfriend was supposed to support you when you had a bad day."
Was Toby serious or had he completely lost his mind? Supportive. Girlfriend. Did he even know what either of those words meant? Kendra, who usually kept her emotions behind a tough facade, couldn't hold back anymore.
"Well since you brought up the subject of being supportive, let's see how supportive you've been. First you claim you are so crazy in love with me that you want to schedule every second of my life, so that I can spend every waking moment with you. Then when I don't want to be controlled like some puppet, you manipulate me with your guilt trip about knowing that I don't really love you."
"But..…" Toby tried to interject, but Kendra continued unabated.
"Next you and Mr. Popular think it would be a good idea to buy condoms and see if good ol' Kendra will be stupid enough to sleep with you. When I told you where you and your sick fantasies could stick your 'protection', you started acting like I didn't exist anymore."
"That's what I don't get about you Kendra, its like I can't win." Toby finally responded, "First I try to show you how much I love you, but you act like I'm suffocating you. When I try to slow things down, you still get pissed off. Tell me, what do you want me to do?"
"For starters, you can stop going from one extreme to another. You either treat me like some object you have to obsess over or you totally ignore me. Maybe you should treat me like you would one of your friends, like an actual person."
"You have totally lost me." Toby replied.
"What I'm saying is that you don't care about what's going on in my life." Kendra asserted.
"I always ask you how you're doing. Its not my fault you don't want to talk about your feelings."
"The last time I tried to open up to you, it felt like I was talking to myself." Kendra confessed, "You may say you want to know about me, but deep down you really don't."
"You're just being overly dramatic, besides I would've noticed if something was really wrong with you." Toby told her.
Kendra could feel a storm brewing inside of her. She could count the number of times anyone had ever seen her cry on one hand. With a brother like Spinner, she didn't have any choice. She felt her face getting hot and flushed and tears were starting to form in her eyes. Then she let out everything she had been holding in for far too long.
"You don't know a damn thing about what my life has been like lately! How could you, all of your free time is spent with J.T. goofing off."
At this point Kendra was screaming at Toby and she couldn't control it. Months of bottling her emotions up had finally come to the surface. All of the students that were still within earshot stopped what they were doing to witness yet another Degrassi couple fight in the hallway.
Toby had never seen Kendra act like this before. "Kendra you need to calm down. Whatever it is, I'm sure things are going to get better."
"Whatever it is." Kendra said with a sarcastic ring, "That shows how much you know about what's going on outside of your own little world. You weren't there when I needed you, when I was trying to find about my biological parents this summer. You weren't there when all I got were dead-ends."
"That's not my fault. You know my parents sent me to summer camp."
"Yeah, and I also know your summer camp had computers where you could get e-mail. I must've sent you a dozen messages telling you I missed you and that I really needed to talk to you when you got back. Do you know what I got back? One message from you saying hi, telling me how beautiful the trees were up there. Even when I was sure you were back from camp, you still didn't call and let me know you were home. I called your house only to find out from Ashley that you were at J.T.'s house, or gone to the movies with J.T., or a million other things you'd rather do with him than be bothered by me." By this point Kendra was trembling.
"It sounds like you're jealous of my friendship with J.T., I've never treated your friendship with Nadia like that." Toby pointed out.
"I've never totally ignored you when you had something important to tell me, just so I could go find Nadia." She responded.
"So this is about lunch, what was so important that you have to embarrass the both of us in front of the entire school?" Toby questioned.
"I already told you, it was nothing."
"No, I want to know what it is." Toby was upset by this time also. His best friend had ditched him, and now his girlfriend was making a fool of him in public. It felt good to actually push back.
"I don't want to talk about it!" Kendra insisted.
"You couldn't wait to tell me earlier and now that you've already told everybody here about our relationship problems, go ahead. Whatever it is will just be icing on the cake." Toby goaded.
Kendra hadn't realized that during her rant, a good-sized crowd had gathered outside of the various classrooms and lockers in the hallway. All she wanted to do now was disappear.
"Well, Kendra, I'm waiting." Toby said as he stepped closer to her.
"Fine, you're right, everyone might as well hear it anyways. I was going to tell you that I still cared about you, that maybe I even loved you." Kendra had finally told him. Normally she wouldn't let her deepest feelings out, especially in front of a crowd of strangers. But she just didn't care anymore and it actually felt good to open up.
Toby was still stinging from her earlier insults. Just now she had told him the words that he had waited so long to hear, that she loved him. But he spoke his next sentence without first thinking. "Well, you have a funny way of showing it. Acting like a psycho in the middle of the hallway." Toby said, trying to hurt her feelings.
That was the last straw for Kendra. If that's how he wanted to be, then fine, two could play that game. "I've also figured out something else," she said, "nobody could love a self-centered dick like you. Well except for J.T., but it seems like he's moving on too."
Kendra regretted her words as soon as they left her mouth, but there was no taking them back now. She could see how much they hurt Toby. He quickly grabbed his book bag off of the floor and took off down the opposite corridor. Part of her wanted to chase after him and apologize, but she didn't. She just gathered her things, closed her locker, and ran towards the front of the school. She could hear the whispers behind her but she didn't even try to decipher what the other students were saying. It just didn't matter to her anymore.
The next day Kendra didn't go to school. She told her parents that she was sick. She couldn't help but wonder what everybody at school would say when they heard that little Kendra Mason flipped out on her boyfriend yesterday. She knew her brother was going to find out and have a field day with it.
She spent most of the day in her room watching TV. One of her favorite non-anime shows, Buffy-the Vampire Slayer, was on. (A/N: I don't own Buffy either). She loved that show, especially the first few seasons. One line she had heard a dozen times before, now took on a new meaning.
"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both....."
--Spike(James Marsters)
Kendra thought about those words and then about her and Toby. She thought to herself, "God, I hope not."
Later in the day Kendra heard a knock at her bedroom door. "Who is it?"
"It's me Kendra." Spinner replied.
She knew he was there to rub in what had happened. "Go away, I don't feel like putting up with your crap right now."
"Great, because I don't have time to give it. I have a job interview to get to, but I just wanted to let you know that you had a guest here." Spinner informed her.
Just great, she thought to herself. "I hope it's not Toby. Anybody but him." She lamented silently.
"Can I come in for a minute?"
Kendra was relieved to hear Ashley's voice at the door. "Sure." Kendra answered.
Ashley came into her room and waited for Spinner to disappear back down the stairs. "How are you doing? Ellie told me about what happened after school yesterday. She was coming out of her history class and saw everything. I should've known something major had happened when Toby refused to come out of his room last night."
"I'm feeling okay, just slightly embarrassed and stupid is all." Kendra said with a slight smile.
"It'll pass, trust me." Ashley reassured her.
Outside of Nadia, Brandy, or Allie, Ashley was the only other person Kendra felt comfortable talking about her love life to.
"I guess, it's just that I feel like I've blown things for good with Toby. Part of me is kind of glad that it's over, but the other part feels like I might be missing out on something great. Oh well, it doesn't matter anyway. Toby will probably never speak to me again, let alone actually want to go out on a date with me." Kendra confessed.
"I don't know, sometimes with love you should remember 'never say never'." Ashley replied.
The two girls talked for a little while longer before Ashley remembered that she was supposed to be meeting Craig that afternoon. Ashley gave Kendra a hug and told her she would talk to her again soon. Kendra felt better for those few minutes, but soon reality crept in as she realized tomorrow she would have to deal with everything.
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Next chapter: What has Nadia been up to? (No, I haven't forgotten about her.)
Credit for Buffy quote should be attributed to the following: http:vyra.net,
Written by: Dan Vebber; Transcribed by: AleXander Thompson. Full transcript at:
http:www.studiesinwords.de/42loverswalk.html