Never Lose Me
Chapter Four: Confusion
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' today and it's inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^
'Light rushing past, so fast I cannot see- Please tell me what's to become of me.
My heart with you is flying, Please don't let my soul be dying- Without you I am always sighing.
Chaos is all my life is nowadays And if confusion stays - It's nothing new, complexities of sanity never mattered anyways
So let the darkness catch me and keep me in its arms, Let me always embrace its charms- And though I love you, it isn't always your smile that disarms.
So confused, emotions all mixed up Love to the point of worship- Yet darkness stirs and draws me to its lineup.
I love you but something darker pulls me near, Despite all of my deep fear- It seduces and charms with a leer.
So love me, and save me from myself Pull me of the shelf- Dust me off and keep me close to yourself.
Never let me fall to the wayside, Even though I know you've never tried- To admit your feelings for me that none would abide.
Rhane sighed as she walked to her Potions class. She didn't want to enter the room, didn't want to see Professor Snape. Rhane simply felt like curling up into a small ball and dying in a corner- it would be quicker and more painless than what she sensed would come to her. She scuttled into the classroom, head down, hair covering the bite mark that still showed on her neck beneath the ear. The brunette sat silently down at her desk and pulled out her notes from the previous day. Thankfully, she always took out her doodles each night and hid them in her trunk, which was kept locked. Otherwise, someone might have seen them, and that would have been far too much humiliation for her to bear. Hiding the bite and her affections for Snape was enough, Rhane needed no more to attempt to manage.
"Miss Jiyn. I trust you did last night's homework for this class?" When she looked puzzled, his voice hardened even more. "The essay, Miss Jiyn?"
"Oh! Of course!" Flushing brilliantly, she pulled it out and handed it to the Potions Master.
"Thank you. Now that the last of the homework is in, let's get started."
Rhane thanked whatever was protecting her from taunting and began to stir her potion. Fortunately it wasn't a terribly difficult one, though it was a long one, and she could let part of her mind wander.
Again upon exiting, Rhane was confronted by Malfoy. This time, however, he was without Crabbe or Goyle. There was such a wild, angry aura around him that for the second time, Rhane felt frightened. He grabbed her wrists roughly, pulling her closer. "I have a letter for you." Draco whispered into her ear, his normally silken voice grating oddly. Letting go of her wrists, which now bore two red hand marks around them, he thrust a green envelope in her hands, turned and stalked away with all rapidity. She stared at the envelope, then at the fast retreating back. 'Whatever does all this mean? I swear-I cannot handle this stress-And there's no one to talk to, either.' The girl sighed. Her family was a broken one, her sister a violent Muggle who really honestly hated her, her father dead, her mother an invalid who had once been a powerful Witch. She felt a tear roll down one pale cheek and off her nose to splash on the stone floor below. Shaking her head, she turned towards her next class with renewed spirit-or at least an attempt at such a thing.
Later, in her dorm, she sat all alone, as all the other girls were at a party down in the Common Room, staring at the still-sealed letter. Rhane knew she should open it. It must be opened, sooner or later. But whatever could it mean? Malfoy had been so-abusive lately, even moreseo than he was to anyone else. Even Harry Potter, Malfoy's worst enemy, didn't receive such violent treatment! It frightened and worried her, knowing what Malfoy's family was like. With trembling hands she ripped the seal and opened the letter:
Rhane- I'm sure you're wondering why you're getting this letter. Imbecilic girl. Oh, and I KNOW it scares you when I do these things. Why do you think I do them? I ENJOY the look of fear in your green eyes, reflecting like emerald flames. I know I hurt you-physically at least-but that is, again, the point. I'm TRYING to treat you harshly. Don't expect things to get any better. Oh, and don't try to avoid me, either-I still know your secret that others only suspect, and I can still verify their suspicions. My father wholeheartedly supports me in all of this little cat-and-mouse game, my dear, so don't imagine he'll stop me from it anytime soon. After all, remember, he thinks YOU would have made a good Slytherin. YOU. Moronic man.
Until Tomorrow, Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy
Rhane stared in horror at the letter. She wanted to toss it away from her, recoil from it as if it were a snake that had bitten her, burn it- but she couldn't. It was only a letter, and it would serve to remind her of just how twisted Draco Malfoy really was. She looked at herself in the mirror. The bite mark was still there-in an ironic sort of madness, Rhane realized that a snake had bitten her- Draco was a Slytherin, whose symbol was a snake, and he had indeed bitten her. A tear rolled down her cheek. Then another, and another, and suddenly, she found herself wracked with silent sobs, holding her head in her hands, unable to stop. Confused, feeling hopelessly lost, the girl let herself fall asleep.
Another dream-would they ever leave her alone? She was a warrioress, known for her ironically peaceful nature and short temper when it came to true evil. Loved by many, hated by few, the warrioress knew a man, the master of warcrafts, who had taught her the more subtle arts of the blade. She had once had a little crush, but now, as she saw him again, for the first time in five years, felt the crush blossom into love. She was seventeen now, and believed herself old enough for a relationship-after all, several of her younger friends were married, though they were only thirteen or fourteen. Everytime she looked into his coal-like eyes, she felt her heart flare up with passion. Finally, she managed to tell him, and, to her surprise, he felt the same way and had for a long time. However, there was a new obstacle-a pale, slim, silver-haired youth of around her age who her father had engaged her to due to his family's money. The Weaponsmaster ad she began planning to run away, working triply hard when they realized that she was pregnant. A sallow-skinned, raven-haired child would be very amiss to the blonde, they knew. However, they kept being delayed, and suddenly, the warrioress found herself married to the horrible, lecherous youth. She hated him, hated him more than life itself, yet it was almost impossible to see the one she loved, the Weaponsmaster. They kept up a secret tryst, meeting wherever and whenever it was possible, but one night, a month after her baby was born, which had raised many questions, brows, and tempers, her wretched husband caught them, and in a violent rage, slaughtered Snape right then and there. Screaming, the warrioress had in turn killed her husband and ran-from the town, the law, and the pain, with her son. The swirl of darkness again ended the dream- memory and Rhane woke with a realization.
The silver-blonde was Draco. She felt chills run through her body upon this realization. "What does it mean? What?" Rhane whispered under her breath, confused and all tangled up inside.
She dressed and exited her room, only to have her wrist caught again in a vice-like grip that had become all-too-familiar. "What do you want, Draco?" She whispered, a tinge of anxiety in her voice.
"Oh, you mean you don't know?" His sneering tone made her wince. "You need a good seeing to, and you can take that whichever way you please."((ah,the joys of a British slang dictionary! Yes,that does have two meanings. Both of which could apply in this case.^_^)) He gave a rather lewd wink, and she felt, to her horror and anger, a blush spread to her ears, which caused him to laugh and clench her wrist even tighter, which she'd previously believed impossible.
Rhane tried, disgusted, to pull away, but Malfoy reached around and grabbed her by the shoulder with the other hand, spinning her around to face him. He was a lot stronger than he looked, though perhaps only she knew it, since he normally traveled around with those big cronies, as if he were a weakling. "Bugger off, Malfoy. I don't have time to play your sick little game."
"Oh, but you will, unless you want me to tell everyone of your little.devotions towards Professor Snape." In the semi-darkness of the early morning, his teeth gleamed, white and disturbing. He moved one arm to draw nails that were slightly longer than a typical male's across one cheek, making sure they cut ever so shallowly into the tender, now ashen flesh there. Draco laughed, just loud enough for her to her. As a crystalline tear leaked from her eye, he leaned over and solemnly licked the tear from the scratched cheek, tasting salt and the coppery taste of blood. "I suppose I shall rendezvous with you later, dear." Malfoy sneered the last word, and gave a little cruel chuckle as he released her from his binding grip. She touched her face and shivered, frightened out of her mind, feeling her heart beating fast with fear and confusion amidst the tattered chaos that was her life. Without realizing it, she was walking near Potions class, and suddenly, Rhane felt her body collide into someone else's, knocking her back slightly. She looked up to find none other than Professor Severus Snape staring down at her. Their eyes locked, and electricity seemed to flow in the air, sparking and crackling. Unwanted tears flowed from her eyes yet again and she wanted to turn and run, but found herself caught in his gaze.
Snape looked the girl over closely. She was so like the ones who invaded his normally solemn, studious mind each night-why? His attention was drawn away from this by the notice of a bite mark on her neck, beneath the ear, and fresh scratch marks on her cheek, as well as obviously recent still-red hand marks on her wrist. Who had done this to her? Surely not a student? But-this looked familiar. Who had treated the girls like this? Suddenly, he remembered. Lucius. Lucius Malfoy. So had his son done this? Draco? And why did it make anger blaze up deep within? Why should HE, Severus Snape, Potions Master, care what the silly little boy chose to do in his time? What victims he chose? Instinctively, Snape knew if it had been any other girl, he would have not payed it any more mind. Why was she so important? Shaking his head, the professor nodded curtly to Rhane and stepped back within his classroom.
Rhane stared after him, her confusion and pain for a moment banished by happiness. Sighing, she continued to her next class, not even thinking or caring what the other students might say about the marks Draco had left on her. After all, what did it matter what they thought? She knew who she loved and who she hated, and that was all there was to know. The most disturbing thought that came to her mind was that, had it been Severus Snape leaving these marks on her, she would have bore them proudly. That worried her far more than the thought of her classmates foolish assumptions.
Author's Note: Ah,the dark disturbingness.^_^ Hope you all are enjoying as the story spirals as planned into the slightly depraved realms of obsession.^_^ That's a bit what this story's all about,really. ^_^One of the major themes, at least.^_^ Have fun! Please review!^______^
Chapter Four: Confusion
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' today and it's inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^
'Light rushing past, so fast I cannot see- Please tell me what's to become of me.
My heart with you is flying, Please don't let my soul be dying- Without you I am always sighing.
Chaos is all my life is nowadays And if confusion stays - It's nothing new, complexities of sanity never mattered anyways
So let the darkness catch me and keep me in its arms, Let me always embrace its charms- And though I love you, it isn't always your smile that disarms.
So confused, emotions all mixed up Love to the point of worship- Yet darkness stirs and draws me to its lineup.
I love you but something darker pulls me near, Despite all of my deep fear- It seduces and charms with a leer.
So love me, and save me from myself Pull me of the shelf- Dust me off and keep me close to yourself.
Never let me fall to the wayside, Even though I know you've never tried- To admit your feelings for me that none would abide.
Rhane sighed as she walked to her Potions class. She didn't want to enter the room, didn't want to see Professor Snape. Rhane simply felt like curling up into a small ball and dying in a corner- it would be quicker and more painless than what she sensed would come to her. She scuttled into the classroom, head down, hair covering the bite mark that still showed on her neck beneath the ear. The brunette sat silently down at her desk and pulled out her notes from the previous day. Thankfully, she always took out her doodles each night and hid them in her trunk, which was kept locked. Otherwise, someone might have seen them, and that would have been far too much humiliation for her to bear. Hiding the bite and her affections for Snape was enough, Rhane needed no more to attempt to manage.
"Miss Jiyn. I trust you did last night's homework for this class?" When she looked puzzled, his voice hardened even more. "The essay, Miss Jiyn?"
"Oh! Of course!" Flushing brilliantly, she pulled it out and handed it to the Potions Master.
"Thank you. Now that the last of the homework is in, let's get started."
Rhane thanked whatever was protecting her from taunting and began to stir her potion. Fortunately it wasn't a terribly difficult one, though it was a long one, and she could let part of her mind wander.
Again upon exiting, Rhane was confronted by Malfoy. This time, however, he was without Crabbe or Goyle. There was such a wild, angry aura around him that for the second time, Rhane felt frightened. He grabbed her wrists roughly, pulling her closer. "I have a letter for you." Draco whispered into her ear, his normally silken voice grating oddly. Letting go of her wrists, which now bore two red hand marks around them, he thrust a green envelope in her hands, turned and stalked away with all rapidity. She stared at the envelope, then at the fast retreating back. 'Whatever does all this mean? I swear-I cannot handle this stress-And there's no one to talk to, either.' The girl sighed. Her family was a broken one, her sister a violent Muggle who really honestly hated her, her father dead, her mother an invalid who had once been a powerful Witch. She felt a tear roll down one pale cheek and off her nose to splash on the stone floor below. Shaking her head, she turned towards her next class with renewed spirit-or at least an attempt at such a thing.
Later, in her dorm, she sat all alone, as all the other girls were at a party down in the Common Room, staring at the still-sealed letter. Rhane knew she should open it. It must be opened, sooner or later. But whatever could it mean? Malfoy had been so-abusive lately, even moreseo than he was to anyone else. Even Harry Potter, Malfoy's worst enemy, didn't receive such violent treatment! It frightened and worried her, knowing what Malfoy's family was like. With trembling hands she ripped the seal and opened the letter:
Rhane- I'm sure you're wondering why you're getting this letter. Imbecilic girl. Oh, and I KNOW it scares you when I do these things. Why do you think I do them? I ENJOY the look of fear in your green eyes, reflecting like emerald flames. I know I hurt you-physically at least-but that is, again, the point. I'm TRYING to treat you harshly. Don't expect things to get any better. Oh, and don't try to avoid me, either-I still know your secret that others only suspect, and I can still verify their suspicions. My father wholeheartedly supports me in all of this little cat-and-mouse game, my dear, so don't imagine he'll stop me from it anytime soon. After all, remember, he thinks YOU would have made a good Slytherin. YOU. Moronic man.
Until Tomorrow, Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy
Rhane stared in horror at the letter. She wanted to toss it away from her, recoil from it as if it were a snake that had bitten her, burn it- but she couldn't. It was only a letter, and it would serve to remind her of just how twisted Draco Malfoy really was. She looked at herself in the mirror. The bite mark was still there-in an ironic sort of madness, Rhane realized that a snake had bitten her- Draco was a Slytherin, whose symbol was a snake, and he had indeed bitten her. A tear rolled down her cheek. Then another, and another, and suddenly, she found herself wracked with silent sobs, holding her head in her hands, unable to stop. Confused, feeling hopelessly lost, the girl let herself fall asleep.
Another dream-would they ever leave her alone? She was a warrioress, known for her ironically peaceful nature and short temper when it came to true evil. Loved by many, hated by few, the warrioress knew a man, the master of warcrafts, who had taught her the more subtle arts of the blade. She had once had a little crush, but now, as she saw him again, for the first time in five years, felt the crush blossom into love. She was seventeen now, and believed herself old enough for a relationship-after all, several of her younger friends were married, though they were only thirteen or fourteen. Everytime she looked into his coal-like eyes, she felt her heart flare up with passion. Finally, she managed to tell him, and, to her surprise, he felt the same way and had for a long time. However, there was a new obstacle-a pale, slim, silver-haired youth of around her age who her father had engaged her to due to his family's money. The Weaponsmaster ad she began planning to run away, working triply hard when they realized that she was pregnant. A sallow-skinned, raven-haired child would be very amiss to the blonde, they knew. However, they kept being delayed, and suddenly, the warrioress found herself married to the horrible, lecherous youth. She hated him, hated him more than life itself, yet it was almost impossible to see the one she loved, the Weaponsmaster. They kept up a secret tryst, meeting wherever and whenever it was possible, but one night, a month after her baby was born, which had raised many questions, brows, and tempers, her wretched husband caught them, and in a violent rage, slaughtered Snape right then and there. Screaming, the warrioress had in turn killed her husband and ran-from the town, the law, and the pain, with her son. The swirl of darkness again ended the dream- memory and Rhane woke with a realization.
The silver-blonde was Draco. She felt chills run through her body upon this realization. "What does it mean? What?" Rhane whispered under her breath, confused and all tangled up inside.
She dressed and exited her room, only to have her wrist caught again in a vice-like grip that had become all-too-familiar. "What do you want, Draco?" She whispered, a tinge of anxiety in her voice.
"Oh, you mean you don't know?" His sneering tone made her wince. "You need a good seeing to, and you can take that whichever way you please."((ah,the joys of a British slang dictionary! Yes,that does have two meanings. Both of which could apply in this case.^_^)) He gave a rather lewd wink, and she felt, to her horror and anger, a blush spread to her ears, which caused him to laugh and clench her wrist even tighter, which she'd previously believed impossible.
Rhane tried, disgusted, to pull away, but Malfoy reached around and grabbed her by the shoulder with the other hand, spinning her around to face him. He was a lot stronger than he looked, though perhaps only she knew it, since he normally traveled around with those big cronies, as if he were a weakling. "Bugger off, Malfoy. I don't have time to play your sick little game."
"Oh, but you will, unless you want me to tell everyone of your little.devotions towards Professor Snape." In the semi-darkness of the early morning, his teeth gleamed, white and disturbing. He moved one arm to draw nails that were slightly longer than a typical male's across one cheek, making sure they cut ever so shallowly into the tender, now ashen flesh there. Draco laughed, just loud enough for her to her. As a crystalline tear leaked from her eye, he leaned over and solemnly licked the tear from the scratched cheek, tasting salt and the coppery taste of blood. "I suppose I shall rendezvous with you later, dear." Malfoy sneered the last word, and gave a little cruel chuckle as he released her from his binding grip. She touched her face and shivered, frightened out of her mind, feeling her heart beating fast with fear and confusion amidst the tattered chaos that was her life. Without realizing it, she was walking near Potions class, and suddenly, Rhane felt her body collide into someone else's, knocking her back slightly. She looked up to find none other than Professor Severus Snape staring down at her. Their eyes locked, and electricity seemed to flow in the air, sparking and crackling. Unwanted tears flowed from her eyes yet again and she wanted to turn and run, but found herself caught in his gaze.
Snape looked the girl over closely. She was so like the ones who invaded his normally solemn, studious mind each night-why? His attention was drawn away from this by the notice of a bite mark on her neck, beneath the ear, and fresh scratch marks on her cheek, as well as obviously recent still-red hand marks on her wrist. Who had done this to her? Surely not a student? But-this looked familiar. Who had treated the girls like this? Suddenly, he remembered. Lucius. Lucius Malfoy. So had his son done this? Draco? And why did it make anger blaze up deep within? Why should HE, Severus Snape, Potions Master, care what the silly little boy chose to do in his time? What victims he chose? Instinctively, Snape knew if it had been any other girl, he would have not payed it any more mind. Why was she so important? Shaking his head, the professor nodded curtly to Rhane and stepped back within his classroom.
Rhane stared after him, her confusion and pain for a moment banished by happiness. Sighing, she continued to her next class, not even thinking or caring what the other students might say about the marks Draco had left on her. After all, what did it matter what they thought? She knew who she loved and who she hated, and that was all there was to know. The most disturbing thought that came to her mind was that, had it been Severus Snape leaving these marks on her, she would have bore them proudly. That worried her far more than the thought of her classmates foolish assumptions.
Author's Note: Ah,the dark disturbingness.^_^ Hope you all are enjoying as the story spirals as planned into the slightly depraved realms of obsession.^_^ That's a bit what this story's all about,really. ^_^One of the major themes, at least.^_^ Have fun! Please review!^______^