Never Lose Me
Chapter Five:Layers
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' yesterday inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^Ah,time for a little bit of what's on Snapey's mind.Whee.^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^'
'What you see is never what you get, I hope you won't regret. Loving me will not be easy or fair But then, you aren't easy to love either.
You could try a little harder to show it You could say that you know it. But you're covered up in layers of pride Even though I know it, I can't get inside.
Love, you say, means nothing to you. But I know you feel it too. If you don't save me I am lost to the pain, Feels like I'm drowning in a flood of red rain.
Save me, please I know beneath that cool layer may be twenty more like it, But know that I'm begging you on my hands and knees, In the darkness I'm lost in, keep a candle lit.
You could try a little harder to show it You could say that you know it. But you're covered up in layers of pride Even though I know it, I can't get inside.
Let me in, underneath all the layers I'm not one of those false and untruthful soothsayers. I won't say we're destined to be together, for in truth we're destined to lose But in the end, it's up to you to choose.'
Severus Snape stared moodily out of the window. It was getting late, but he had not left the classroom, not wanting to move from the deep ponderings he was engaged it. Suddenly, he realized someone stood there, all alone, staring at her shoes. Rhane. The detention. He had almost forgotten. Looking at her there, caught in a single ray of light, made his blood run cold, and he felt a bead of sweat form on his forehead, which he quickly wiped away so as not to give away his calm composure. As she raised her head, he remembered what he'd noticed earlier- the marks that were definitely the result of Malfoy. He had figured this out for certain after having a Potions class with the boy, in which he'd overheard a few tidbits of conversation which proved that like father, like son, as he had suspected earlier. The Potions Master frowned slightly.
"A-am I here late? I'm so sorry!" Rhane, taking his frown to mean displeasure towards her, frantically tried to make amends.
"Calm down, child. No, I was merely thinking of something else. I want you to scrub the floor in here. Every last miniscule bit of it. Make it shine. I expect to be able to see my face in it."
"Yes, sir." Rhane began working.
Three hours and many glances between the two and then down again later, Rhane was finished. She walked up to Snape's desk to report that she was done.
"Good. Out of curiousity-and only that-how did you get that-is that a bite mark?-and those scratches on your cheek?" He watched her reactions closely.
"These?! Oh, I had a run-in with-with---with a rapid owl!" Rhane quickly made up, off the top of her head.
"Are you sure you don't mean a sadistic and cunning boy? Those two seem to get mixed up all the time." The professor felt an ironic smile tug at one corner of his mouth.
Rhane felt a crimson flush run across her features. "O-of course NOT! It was an OWL! It was!" She felt small, insignificant and silly.
He raised one elegant, sleek eyebrow. "If you say so, Miss Jiyn, if you say so. But you really should see Madam Pomfrey-don't want to get any infections, do you?"
Darn his solemn serenity! It wasn't RIGHT that someone could so easily see through the pretense and stories! Rhane nodded mutely and turned to go.
Why did he feel like calling her back? What would he do if she stayed? Her detention was served, he knew he should let her leave now, as he would order of any other student. What was it about this insufferable girl that tugged at memories that lay buried beneath layers he had never known existed. Clutching at his head, the professor waved her onwards with one hand-or tried to. It seemed to only draw her over, filled with looks of pity-he didn't want her pity! Didn't need it! But-what DID he want? He shook his head as his mind tried to answer the question. "No-stay back!" Snape hissed softly through his teeth as she neared him.
Rhane stared at the Potions Master, pity and worry clouding her eyes. Who would see this but her? None-they were alone. It didn't matter if she stayed back or not-did it? No-it couldn't. Walking slowly, purposefully, to his side, she wrapped her arms around him in a chaste, friendly hug, attempting to soothe whatever it was that disturbed him so.
Snape felt a shiver run through his body, and the urge to hold her as she held him, to embrace her as if she were a lover, not a student-a CHILD!- but even as he tried to picture her as a child and push her away, the images of the girls from his dreams rushed at him. "NO! Stay away! Don't--- don't touch me-." Severus felt himself sink into the hug, unable to fight anymore. After a few moments a surge of willpower came to him, and he threw himself back, face flushed, panting slightly. "No. That will be-quite enough, Miss Jiyn. Please leave now."
Rhane stared in disbelief. She had felt it, KNOWN that he, too had those---dreams. KNOWN that he wanted her to stay there and never go-and now-now he was telling her to leave! The brunette felt tears running like little rivers down her cheeks, so fast she couldn't stop herself. Embarrassed and upset, Rhane turned and ran towards the door.
Suddenly, a gentle grip caught her wrist. How unlike Draco Malfoy's hand his was! So oddly warm, yet silky-smooth, with just enough force applied to keep her from moving farther, rather than hurting. She turned, eyes wide and slightly red from the crying, shimmering teardrops still resting on her cheeks.
Tenderly, he brushed them away. "Please don't cry." 'What am I doing? I'm betraying everything! I shall lose my job for this-this foolish dream-following! It's as if-as if I'm not myself-as if I'm someone else. And so is she. What's HAPPENING to me?!' He felt completely out of control, as if he could not make himself stop. It was as if he was outside of his body, watching incredulously his own actions. Snape saw himself lean forward and felt his mental eyes widen in surprise. Surely he wouldn't-
But apparently, he would. Rhane leaned forward as well, and their lips met in a soft brush, as two pairs of eyes closed tightly. Memories seemed to flood between them, not complete ones, but bits and pieces, all mixed up. Suddenly, they heard the door creak and jumped apart from one another as the present-day Severus Snape repossessed his body. 'Whatever have I done?' He turned to meet the flaming gaze of Draco Malfoy.
The silvery-haired boy sauntered up and grabbed Rhane by the wrist. Snape saw the boy's fingernails cut into the tender skin, and winced slightly. Why did Malfoy treat her this way? And how much had he seen?
"Come along, Rhane. After all-your detention is over, ISN'T it?" He spoke with such venom and confidence that all Snape could do was nod as the pompous youth dragged Rhane, still staring with those big green eyes, away from him.
"Severus, you FOOL! What have you DONE? What HAVE you done?" He cursed himself for letting even a moments weakness allow him to do something like that, something that so clearly overstepped the bounds of teacher-student relationships. "NEVER AGAIN-never." With new determination, the professor continued to research the books he'd taken out of the library, hoping to discover whatever these strange memories, hidden so deep within, might mean.
"You little imbecile!" Draco let a ringing slap fall across the unscratched cheek. "How could you?!" His voice sounded so accusing and- what else? Angry? But why would he care? He certainly didn't treat her as if he cared.
Draco glared straight into her face, then violently shoved her into the wall and pinned her there by gripping her wrists so tightly that she heard herself cry out slightly at the sudden pain. Without warning, he slammed his lips into hers, so hard that she knew they'd be bruised later. He continued snogging her, knowing she could not escape. After several minutes, her eyes widened as she felt his teeth pierce her lip and a slow trickle of blood flowed from the wound. As he pulled away, she looked straight into his eyes-and what she saw there frightened her so badly she nearly screamed.
"If you must know-Rhane---My father---he betrothed us a long time ago, and once I fought it. But then-then I saw you, and I realized it could be----fun. For me, certainly. Maybe not for you." He paused with a cruel little grin and slowly licked his lips, tasting her blood there. "I suppose I'm a bit like my father-I've been told he, too, enjoyed being--- aggressive with girls. Ah, well. It's enjoyable-for me. Your father, you know, was a Slytherin, your mother a Ravenclaw. No one really knows WHY you're a Gryffindor, and once I'm through with you, you'll be one in name only, my dear." Draco gave a little laugh that sent chills through her then released her wrists and walked swiftly away, leaving Rhane staring in sheer horror, unable to move, shaking with fear and shock. How could her parents have allowed her to be engaged to such a-a---SADIST? Surely they wouldn't--- but she knew, somehow, that they would, and had. Her father had been 'great friends' with Lucius Malfoy, she remembered, and had probably loved the idea. Suddenly, something clicked in her mind-this was the same as before-again, the repetitive cycle was upon her. Trembling fingers had, without her knowledge, reached up to touch the cut on her bottom lip, and now she absently licked her fingers. This had all happened before.
"I will NOT let this happen to me AGAIN!" She yelled, not caring who heard or who wondered, though she knew they probably thought her insane. It didn't matter. What mattered was preventing history from repeating itself yet again at her expense.
Snape's head snapped up as he heard the cry. What had Malfoy, in his jealousy and anger, done to her now? He wanted to run out, hold her tight to him, comfort her with his arms and love. Love? NO. He didn't love that silly schoolgirl, he DIDN'T want to comfort her. She could sort her own problems out. But he knew he was lying to himself, deep within, as a voice told him what an idiot he was. 'Whatever happened to the stoic, emotionless Severus that once was here? In his place, we have love-struck, worried Severus-the-sod, don't we? Fool.' He sighed and clenched at his forehead, knowing he could not stop THIS headache, no matter what he might do. Rhane had begun to peel away the layers of his mind, and he felt them unraveling completely and burning away, remembering more than he wished, knowing he had living through-suffered through-all of this countless times before, over and over, in each lifetime he'd lived. Ever since Salazar Slytherin- and---what was her name then?-Rithia. Rithia Alger, Gryffindor's first choice for student. And then on and on, different names, each of them, but the same twisted situation. And there was nothing he could do to prevent any of it.
Chapter Five:Layers
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' yesterday inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^Ah,time for a little bit of what's on Snapey's mind.Whee.^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^'
'What you see is never what you get, I hope you won't regret. Loving me will not be easy or fair But then, you aren't easy to love either.
You could try a little harder to show it You could say that you know it. But you're covered up in layers of pride Even though I know it, I can't get inside.
Love, you say, means nothing to you. But I know you feel it too. If you don't save me I am lost to the pain, Feels like I'm drowning in a flood of red rain.
Save me, please I know beneath that cool layer may be twenty more like it, But know that I'm begging you on my hands and knees, In the darkness I'm lost in, keep a candle lit.
You could try a little harder to show it You could say that you know it. But you're covered up in layers of pride Even though I know it, I can't get inside.
Let me in, underneath all the layers I'm not one of those false and untruthful soothsayers. I won't say we're destined to be together, for in truth we're destined to lose But in the end, it's up to you to choose.'
Severus Snape stared moodily out of the window. It was getting late, but he had not left the classroom, not wanting to move from the deep ponderings he was engaged it. Suddenly, he realized someone stood there, all alone, staring at her shoes. Rhane. The detention. He had almost forgotten. Looking at her there, caught in a single ray of light, made his blood run cold, and he felt a bead of sweat form on his forehead, which he quickly wiped away so as not to give away his calm composure. As she raised her head, he remembered what he'd noticed earlier- the marks that were definitely the result of Malfoy. He had figured this out for certain after having a Potions class with the boy, in which he'd overheard a few tidbits of conversation which proved that like father, like son, as he had suspected earlier. The Potions Master frowned slightly.
"A-am I here late? I'm so sorry!" Rhane, taking his frown to mean displeasure towards her, frantically tried to make amends.
"Calm down, child. No, I was merely thinking of something else. I want you to scrub the floor in here. Every last miniscule bit of it. Make it shine. I expect to be able to see my face in it."
"Yes, sir." Rhane began working.
Three hours and many glances between the two and then down again later, Rhane was finished. She walked up to Snape's desk to report that she was done.
"Good. Out of curiousity-and only that-how did you get that-is that a bite mark?-and those scratches on your cheek?" He watched her reactions closely.
"These?! Oh, I had a run-in with-with---with a rapid owl!" Rhane quickly made up, off the top of her head.
"Are you sure you don't mean a sadistic and cunning boy? Those two seem to get mixed up all the time." The professor felt an ironic smile tug at one corner of his mouth.
Rhane felt a crimson flush run across her features. "O-of course NOT! It was an OWL! It was!" She felt small, insignificant and silly.
He raised one elegant, sleek eyebrow. "If you say so, Miss Jiyn, if you say so. But you really should see Madam Pomfrey-don't want to get any infections, do you?"
Darn his solemn serenity! It wasn't RIGHT that someone could so easily see through the pretense and stories! Rhane nodded mutely and turned to go.
Why did he feel like calling her back? What would he do if she stayed? Her detention was served, he knew he should let her leave now, as he would order of any other student. What was it about this insufferable girl that tugged at memories that lay buried beneath layers he had never known existed. Clutching at his head, the professor waved her onwards with one hand-or tried to. It seemed to only draw her over, filled with looks of pity-he didn't want her pity! Didn't need it! But-what DID he want? He shook his head as his mind tried to answer the question. "No-stay back!" Snape hissed softly through his teeth as she neared him.
Rhane stared at the Potions Master, pity and worry clouding her eyes. Who would see this but her? None-they were alone. It didn't matter if she stayed back or not-did it? No-it couldn't. Walking slowly, purposefully, to his side, she wrapped her arms around him in a chaste, friendly hug, attempting to soothe whatever it was that disturbed him so.
Snape felt a shiver run through his body, and the urge to hold her as she held him, to embrace her as if she were a lover, not a student-a CHILD!- but even as he tried to picture her as a child and push her away, the images of the girls from his dreams rushed at him. "NO! Stay away! Don't--- don't touch me-." Severus felt himself sink into the hug, unable to fight anymore. After a few moments a surge of willpower came to him, and he threw himself back, face flushed, panting slightly. "No. That will be-quite enough, Miss Jiyn. Please leave now."
Rhane stared in disbelief. She had felt it, KNOWN that he, too had those---dreams. KNOWN that he wanted her to stay there and never go-and now-now he was telling her to leave! The brunette felt tears running like little rivers down her cheeks, so fast she couldn't stop herself. Embarrassed and upset, Rhane turned and ran towards the door.
Suddenly, a gentle grip caught her wrist. How unlike Draco Malfoy's hand his was! So oddly warm, yet silky-smooth, with just enough force applied to keep her from moving farther, rather than hurting. She turned, eyes wide and slightly red from the crying, shimmering teardrops still resting on her cheeks.
Tenderly, he brushed them away. "Please don't cry." 'What am I doing? I'm betraying everything! I shall lose my job for this-this foolish dream-following! It's as if-as if I'm not myself-as if I'm someone else. And so is she. What's HAPPENING to me?!' He felt completely out of control, as if he could not make himself stop. It was as if he was outside of his body, watching incredulously his own actions. Snape saw himself lean forward and felt his mental eyes widen in surprise. Surely he wouldn't-
But apparently, he would. Rhane leaned forward as well, and their lips met in a soft brush, as two pairs of eyes closed tightly. Memories seemed to flood between them, not complete ones, but bits and pieces, all mixed up. Suddenly, they heard the door creak and jumped apart from one another as the present-day Severus Snape repossessed his body. 'Whatever have I done?' He turned to meet the flaming gaze of Draco Malfoy.
The silvery-haired boy sauntered up and grabbed Rhane by the wrist. Snape saw the boy's fingernails cut into the tender skin, and winced slightly. Why did Malfoy treat her this way? And how much had he seen?
"Come along, Rhane. After all-your detention is over, ISN'T it?" He spoke with such venom and confidence that all Snape could do was nod as the pompous youth dragged Rhane, still staring with those big green eyes, away from him.
"Severus, you FOOL! What have you DONE? What HAVE you done?" He cursed himself for letting even a moments weakness allow him to do something like that, something that so clearly overstepped the bounds of teacher-student relationships. "NEVER AGAIN-never." With new determination, the professor continued to research the books he'd taken out of the library, hoping to discover whatever these strange memories, hidden so deep within, might mean.
"You little imbecile!" Draco let a ringing slap fall across the unscratched cheek. "How could you?!" His voice sounded so accusing and- what else? Angry? But why would he care? He certainly didn't treat her as if he cared.
Draco glared straight into her face, then violently shoved her into the wall and pinned her there by gripping her wrists so tightly that she heard herself cry out slightly at the sudden pain. Without warning, he slammed his lips into hers, so hard that she knew they'd be bruised later. He continued snogging her, knowing she could not escape. After several minutes, her eyes widened as she felt his teeth pierce her lip and a slow trickle of blood flowed from the wound. As he pulled away, she looked straight into his eyes-and what she saw there frightened her so badly she nearly screamed.
"If you must know-Rhane---My father---he betrothed us a long time ago, and once I fought it. But then-then I saw you, and I realized it could be----fun. For me, certainly. Maybe not for you." He paused with a cruel little grin and slowly licked his lips, tasting her blood there. "I suppose I'm a bit like my father-I've been told he, too, enjoyed being--- aggressive with girls. Ah, well. It's enjoyable-for me. Your father, you know, was a Slytherin, your mother a Ravenclaw. No one really knows WHY you're a Gryffindor, and once I'm through with you, you'll be one in name only, my dear." Draco gave a little laugh that sent chills through her then released her wrists and walked swiftly away, leaving Rhane staring in sheer horror, unable to move, shaking with fear and shock. How could her parents have allowed her to be engaged to such a-a---SADIST? Surely they wouldn't--- but she knew, somehow, that they would, and had. Her father had been 'great friends' with Lucius Malfoy, she remembered, and had probably loved the idea. Suddenly, something clicked in her mind-this was the same as before-again, the repetitive cycle was upon her. Trembling fingers had, without her knowledge, reached up to touch the cut on her bottom lip, and now she absently licked her fingers. This had all happened before.
"I will NOT let this happen to me AGAIN!" She yelled, not caring who heard or who wondered, though she knew they probably thought her insane. It didn't matter. What mattered was preventing history from repeating itself yet again at her expense.
Snape's head snapped up as he heard the cry. What had Malfoy, in his jealousy and anger, done to her now? He wanted to run out, hold her tight to him, comfort her with his arms and love. Love? NO. He didn't love that silly schoolgirl, he DIDN'T want to comfort her. She could sort her own problems out. But he knew he was lying to himself, deep within, as a voice told him what an idiot he was. 'Whatever happened to the stoic, emotionless Severus that once was here? In his place, we have love-struck, worried Severus-the-sod, don't we? Fool.' He sighed and clenched at his forehead, knowing he could not stop THIS headache, no matter what he might do. Rhane had begun to peel away the layers of his mind, and he felt them unraveling completely and burning away, remembering more than he wished, knowing he had living through-suffered through-all of this countless times before, over and over, in each lifetime he'd lived. Ever since Salazar Slytherin- and---what was her name then?-Rithia. Rithia Alger, Gryffindor's first choice for student. And then on and on, different names, each of them, but the same twisted situation. And there was nothing he could do to prevent any of it.