Never Lose Me
Chapter Seven: Hearts
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own, as are the others. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' the other day, it's inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^Let's take a trip into Draco's mind and life, shall we? No? Sorry, too late, we are anyway.^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' This chapter I hope shall be a bit lighter than the previous one as we return to Rhane's viewpoint. ^_^ Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for that last chapter-after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. ^_^In this chapter we learn a bit more about the precise feelings of the characters.^_^' Just a tad.^_^
THANK YOU :
The-m-chick: You have really re-inspired me! Thanks for reading and encouraging me!^________^ Keep up work on your wonderfully sweet story!^_____^
Lady Juleya: Thanks for being one of my first reviewers!^_^
Aelis: You, too!^__________^
Marvin: thanks!!!^_______^
Clara: THANK YOU!!^_^
Helena Darjeeling: THANKS!^__^
HEN: Encouragement much appreciated!^___^
Sabby: Yay! Glad you liked it!^______^
Little One: THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT!!!!
************************************************************************
Try not to be so emotional I say to myself as I walk down the hall Try to keep from being silly and tearful But I keep running into an invisible wall.
I can't help myself from loving you So elegant and so refined My heart to you alone is true, You make me realize that love is indeed blind.
Love knows not age nor station, Hearts fall without knowledge or cares And feel no discrimination. For you I'd bear all their hateful stares.
Hearts can be dark and strive for love they can never truly possess, And though I hope my feelings for you aren't thus Someone else means to win me by duress. Though their actions are completely shameless.
Rhane stared out the window, still disturbed by the events of the day before. Her back still ached, and she wondered what Madame Pomfrey would say if she tried to go in for treatment? Sighing, Rhane wished she knew what to do. Finally, the brunette decided to take a walk-it might soothe her mind, if not her body. She almost didn't notice where she was walking until it was too late. The Dungeons. Severus Snape's domain. Rhane knew she should turn and go, but something more than curiosity drew her. Again, she was someone else, someone who could not resist the lure of a lone Severus, especially when she knew no one else was awake yet. But Snape was- how she knew, Rhane couldn't tell.
"And a bit of dragon's blood---yes, there it is---and---let's see--- ." He appeared to be mumbling to himself. Rhane watched from the doorway, silent as death. Her eyes took him in almost hungrily, when, suddenly, she stumbled for no apparent reason and knocked a small metal orb over. As it clanged against the stone, Rhane feared to look up, knowing her eyes would meet the piercing glare of Snape.
'What was she doing here? Something seemed---to be drawing him to speak, and before he could think twice, his mouth was opening and words were spilling out.' "Why are you here?" He tried to make the tone sound reproachful and disapproving.
"I-I don't know. I---." She looked away, fidgeting.
'NOT again. No. Stop. THINK. You are NOT any of those fools in those freakish past memories. You can change things this time and not fall. NOT fall, you hear me?' But the other side, that side from the past, whispered, 'And leave her at the mercies of Draco Malfoy? You've seen his father's work and the beginnings of his. And it'll only get worse. Worse still if you abandon her to him, you know that.' 'I cannot---cannot---it is against all moral propriety! I will not.' During this mental battle, The professor had not payed attention to his actions and when he returned his mind to the present, he realized he stood in front of Rhane, one hand resting consolingly on her arm, which was slightly tensed as she looked up at him apprehensively with big green eyes.
"I---What am I doing?" He whispered, more to himself than any other. Slowly, he shut the door behind her, almost without intention.
Rhane felt her heartbeat speed up. 'What IS he doing? Is he, too, controlled by some long-dead souls that still live within his being, as I am? As perhaps Draco, twisted and obsessed as he is, also is? What emotion now shines within those smoldering eyes?' She reached out and slid her fingers into his, slowly sliding his arm down hers until they were holding hands. He looked shocked, and it almost made her laugh. Imagine, this man, this dark and reclusive Potions Master, being shocked at the mere feeling of fingers intertwined with his own!
"I---I wrote you a poem, Prof---Severus." Rhane whispered, daring to call him by his first name. She wanted to erase some of the pain Draco had inflicted, and this seemed a good way. Not giving him time to react, she began. " Hearts filled with the past, Filled with regrets. Never knowing that behind each regret lies a world without threats. Never realizing love is love is love and can only be that which it is, be it dark or light. Hearts know when they are right. Pain or Pleasure all depends on the response of the other. Must be careful not to smother. Darkness, Lightness, pulls me to pieces. Cannot see through all the wishes. Must follow the heart no matter what anyone else says to stop me. Still, I fell as if I will never be allowed to just be." When she finished, slightly breathless, she looked up at him. His face seemed glazed, as if remembering something else, something once said, who knows how long ago. Snape leaned forward slowly and they embraced, as if in a dream, their lips meeting softly, sweetly. Suddenly, his hands touched the welts on her back and she let out a muffled scream.
"What's wrong?" He whispered, all concern, the once cold exterior drowned for the moment by a softer, gentler Snape of a past life, another life.
"I-it's nothing. Don't worry." She tried to give a charming smile, but it rang false.
At that moment, they were interrupted by the sound of noise, far away. Snape felt himself snap back to the present and the sudden senses that hit him sent his mind reeling. Had he really done and said all those things? Yes---he had. 'And enjoyed it, too.' One side of his mind taunted. 'Perhaps. But---it's wrong.' Gruffly, he spoke to Rhane, unable to look at her.
"It appears, Rh---Miss Jiyn, that it is time for Breakfast in the Great Hall. You should head there immediately." He risked a glance at the girl and instantly had to turn away, fear of embarrassment----or worse--- EMOTIONS----not allowing him to look up.
"I---I suppose you're right, Sev---Professor Snape. Wouldn't want anyone to see us together, after all." Her voice trembled slightly, with a tint of bitterness that even Snape could pick up on. With that, she turned and walked swiftly from the Dungeons towards the Great Hall.
Draco sat in his seat-at the Slytherin table, of course, where else?-- -and attempted to retain a look of contemptuous, calm arrogance. However, Crabbe and Goyle had both seen him tear and pick at the corners of a small piece of paper, obviously a letter, though from whom to whom they couldn't guess.
'She's late---she better not have been with Snape. I swear---I don't know what's coming over me--." He clutched at his head, suddenly drew himself up and took off.
"Where's he going so fast?" Crabbe asked Goyle, confused. Goyle shrugged. "Bathroom, I guess-he was holding his head. Headache, probably." He continued eating as much as possible, and with a shrug, Crabbe joined him. Draco was indeed in the bathroom. He was scrutinizing his face in the mirror, as if trying to see through himself into his own mind. Slightly longish silvery-blonde hair surrounded an oval face that was such a pale shade of ivory it looked as if he'd never seen the sun before. Smoky silverfish eyes stared, haunted, from his face. "What is it? WHAT?" Draco screamed at himself, feeling a breakdown coming. And indeed, he fell to his knees, allowing the tears to fall freely, confused and angry all at once. What was this feeling of fate, this thread drawing him into what seemed to be a never-ending cycle? He realized that, for all his sadistic obsessions with Rhane, he did love her---in a twisted way, yes, but love was love, be it healthy or no. And this love was anything but healthy, he knew---after all, it was HIM, Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy. It couldn't be healthy, just sadistic and disconcerting. He felt himself wracked with worries, insecurities, fears, and suddenly realized that no matter what, Rhane and Snape would NOT be together---ever---in THIS life. They had won for long enough to beget a child, to really consummate their relationship in each and every other lifetime---usually before he killed Snape or helped others do so---before he ever had a chance. Then, she would always die or escape him, leaving him spurned and embittered, unable to ever love anyone or anything until his death, when the cycle began again. She would NOT be Snape's this time. She would be HIS---his---and ONLY his. He smiled-an insane little grin---and stood. Draco could face the world again. Slowly, he opened the letter his father had sent him.
*** Draco ***
Hmmm, that does seem a bit odd, but---it's probably just your overzealous, youthful energies. Just keep on being you, and win the girl--- through truth or treachery, it doesn't matter, as long as you get what you want, right? Right. Besides, she'll be your wife in a few years, so it really doesn't matter, anyway.
*** Lucius Malfoy ***
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Glad everyone's enjoying this fic!^___^Thanks so much!^_____^
Chapter Seven: Hearts
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own, as are the others. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' the other day, it's inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^Let's take a trip into Draco's mind and life, shall we? No? Sorry, too late, we are anyway.^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' This chapter I hope shall be a bit lighter than the previous one as we return to Rhane's viewpoint. ^_^ Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for that last chapter-after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. ^_^In this chapter we learn a bit more about the precise feelings of the characters.^_^' Just a tad.^_^
THANK YOU :
The-m-chick: You have really re-inspired me! Thanks for reading and encouraging me!^________^ Keep up work on your wonderfully sweet story!^_____^
Lady Juleya: Thanks for being one of my first reviewers!^_^
Aelis: You, too!^__________^
Marvin: thanks!!!^_______^
Clara: THANK YOU!!^_^
Helena Darjeeling: THANKS!^__^
HEN: Encouragement much appreciated!^___^
Sabby: Yay! Glad you liked it!^______^
Little One: THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT!!!!
************************************************************************
Try not to be so emotional I say to myself as I walk down the hall Try to keep from being silly and tearful But I keep running into an invisible wall.
I can't help myself from loving you So elegant and so refined My heart to you alone is true, You make me realize that love is indeed blind.
Love knows not age nor station, Hearts fall without knowledge or cares And feel no discrimination. For you I'd bear all their hateful stares.
Hearts can be dark and strive for love they can never truly possess, And though I hope my feelings for you aren't thus Someone else means to win me by duress. Though their actions are completely shameless.
Rhane stared out the window, still disturbed by the events of the day before. Her back still ached, and she wondered what Madame Pomfrey would say if she tried to go in for treatment? Sighing, Rhane wished she knew what to do. Finally, the brunette decided to take a walk-it might soothe her mind, if not her body. She almost didn't notice where she was walking until it was too late. The Dungeons. Severus Snape's domain. Rhane knew she should turn and go, but something more than curiosity drew her. Again, she was someone else, someone who could not resist the lure of a lone Severus, especially when she knew no one else was awake yet. But Snape was- how she knew, Rhane couldn't tell.
"And a bit of dragon's blood---yes, there it is---and---let's see--- ." He appeared to be mumbling to himself. Rhane watched from the doorway, silent as death. Her eyes took him in almost hungrily, when, suddenly, she stumbled for no apparent reason and knocked a small metal orb over. As it clanged against the stone, Rhane feared to look up, knowing her eyes would meet the piercing glare of Snape.
'What was she doing here? Something seemed---to be drawing him to speak, and before he could think twice, his mouth was opening and words were spilling out.' "Why are you here?" He tried to make the tone sound reproachful and disapproving.
"I-I don't know. I---." She looked away, fidgeting.
'NOT again. No. Stop. THINK. You are NOT any of those fools in those freakish past memories. You can change things this time and not fall. NOT fall, you hear me?' But the other side, that side from the past, whispered, 'And leave her at the mercies of Draco Malfoy? You've seen his father's work and the beginnings of his. And it'll only get worse. Worse still if you abandon her to him, you know that.' 'I cannot---cannot---it is against all moral propriety! I will not.' During this mental battle, The professor had not payed attention to his actions and when he returned his mind to the present, he realized he stood in front of Rhane, one hand resting consolingly on her arm, which was slightly tensed as she looked up at him apprehensively with big green eyes.
"I---What am I doing?" He whispered, more to himself than any other. Slowly, he shut the door behind her, almost without intention.
Rhane felt her heartbeat speed up. 'What IS he doing? Is he, too, controlled by some long-dead souls that still live within his being, as I am? As perhaps Draco, twisted and obsessed as he is, also is? What emotion now shines within those smoldering eyes?' She reached out and slid her fingers into his, slowly sliding his arm down hers until they were holding hands. He looked shocked, and it almost made her laugh. Imagine, this man, this dark and reclusive Potions Master, being shocked at the mere feeling of fingers intertwined with his own!
"I---I wrote you a poem, Prof---Severus." Rhane whispered, daring to call him by his first name. She wanted to erase some of the pain Draco had inflicted, and this seemed a good way. Not giving him time to react, she began. " Hearts filled with the past, Filled with regrets. Never knowing that behind each regret lies a world without threats. Never realizing love is love is love and can only be that which it is, be it dark or light. Hearts know when they are right. Pain or Pleasure all depends on the response of the other. Must be careful not to smother. Darkness, Lightness, pulls me to pieces. Cannot see through all the wishes. Must follow the heart no matter what anyone else says to stop me. Still, I fell as if I will never be allowed to just be." When she finished, slightly breathless, she looked up at him. His face seemed glazed, as if remembering something else, something once said, who knows how long ago. Snape leaned forward slowly and they embraced, as if in a dream, their lips meeting softly, sweetly. Suddenly, his hands touched the welts on her back and she let out a muffled scream.
"What's wrong?" He whispered, all concern, the once cold exterior drowned for the moment by a softer, gentler Snape of a past life, another life.
"I-it's nothing. Don't worry." She tried to give a charming smile, but it rang false.
At that moment, they were interrupted by the sound of noise, far away. Snape felt himself snap back to the present and the sudden senses that hit him sent his mind reeling. Had he really done and said all those things? Yes---he had. 'And enjoyed it, too.' One side of his mind taunted. 'Perhaps. But---it's wrong.' Gruffly, he spoke to Rhane, unable to look at her.
"It appears, Rh---Miss Jiyn, that it is time for Breakfast in the Great Hall. You should head there immediately." He risked a glance at the girl and instantly had to turn away, fear of embarrassment----or worse--- EMOTIONS----not allowing him to look up.
"I---I suppose you're right, Sev---Professor Snape. Wouldn't want anyone to see us together, after all." Her voice trembled slightly, with a tint of bitterness that even Snape could pick up on. With that, she turned and walked swiftly from the Dungeons towards the Great Hall.
Draco sat in his seat-at the Slytherin table, of course, where else?-- -and attempted to retain a look of contemptuous, calm arrogance. However, Crabbe and Goyle had both seen him tear and pick at the corners of a small piece of paper, obviously a letter, though from whom to whom they couldn't guess.
'She's late---she better not have been with Snape. I swear---I don't know what's coming over me--." He clutched at his head, suddenly drew himself up and took off.
"Where's he going so fast?" Crabbe asked Goyle, confused. Goyle shrugged. "Bathroom, I guess-he was holding his head. Headache, probably." He continued eating as much as possible, and with a shrug, Crabbe joined him. Draco was indeed in the bathroom. He was scrutinizing his face in the mirror, as if trying to see through himself into his own mind. Slightly longish silvery-blonde hair surrounded an oval face that was such a pale shade of ivory it looked as if he'd never seen the sun before. Smoky silverfish eyes stared, haunted, from his face. "What is it? WHAT?" Draco screamed at himself, feeling a breakdown coming. And indeed, he fell to his knees, allowing the tears to fall freely, confused and angry all at once. What was this feeling of fate, this thread drawing him into what seemed to be a never-ending cycle? He realized that, for all his sadistic obsessions with Rhane, he did love her---in a twisted way, yes, but love was love, be it healthy or no. And this love was anything but healthy, he knew---after all, it was HIM, Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius Malfoy. It couldn't be healthy, just sadistic and disconcerting. He felt himself wracked with worries, insecurities, fears, and suddenly realized that no matter what, Rhane and Snape would NOT be together---ever---in THIS life. They had won for long enough to beget a child, to really consummate their relationship in each and every other lifetime---usually before he killed Snape or helped others do so---before he ever had a chance. Then, she would always die or escape him, leaving him spurned and embittered, unable to ever love anyone or anything until his death, when the cycle began again. She would NOT be Snape's this time. She would be HIS---his---and ONLY his. He smiled-an insane little grin---and stood. Draco could face the world again. Slowly, he opened the letter his father had sent him.
*** Draco ***
Hmmm, that does seem a bit odd, but---it's probably just your overzealous, youthful energies. Just keep on being you, and win the girl--- through truth or treachery, it doesn't matter, as long as you get what you want, right? Right. Besides, she'll be your wife in a few years, so it really doesn't matter, anyway.
*** Lucius Malfoy ***
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Glad everyone's enjoying this fic!^___^Thanks so much!^_____^