Never Lose Me
Chapter Ten: Consciousness
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own, as are the others. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' the other day, it's inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^.^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters-after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ K, did the confusion of the last chapter entertain you? Good. Now we go to Draco's unconscious/semi-unconscious mind. Oh, and all poems in these stories,I wrote.^_^ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS.
Never ever expected Never ever wanted Don't understand why you leave me all bruised and welted. Maybe that's why I'm so tainted.
Don't understand, I've told you not to do this But I know that wouldn't matter to me. I draw back in pain when something touches the wounds, with a hiss. I know you don't care, even when you see.
Draco felt himself slipping in and out of consciousness, only vaguely knew when Rhane led him to the Hospital Wing. Memories swirled in the veil of his mind, of what exactly had prompted this state---and felt the pain in his back, on his sides, his legs. He winced and let out a muffled cry in his sleep. His father had come to Hogwarts to see him, yes, but not to talk. Lucius Malfoy, dangerously angry for some reason---probably involving some argument with the Ministry of Magic or some such thing---had decided to take it out on his son, and had paid a visit to Draco which had left his body covered in welts and his health trampled and turned into a raging fever. Perhaps it would be gone soon, even the wounds would heal--- OUTWARDLY, at least. Inside, he always knew what was happening, always remembered, always realized the next outbreak of rage could be any second, at any time. He trembled slightly at this thought and suddenly threw himself into a seating position, yelling that he absolutely MUST return to his Common Room. No one must know! No one should see, should be allowed to guess! It worried him that this could be happening. Suddenly, he heard a familiar and slowly becoming hated voice, that of Professor Snape. He clenched the sheets and stared as the Potions Master entered through the curtain he was behind.
"Hello, Draco. Madame Pomfrey seems to believe something may be wrong in your family. Am I to believe her? Basically, Draco---has your father been abusing you?"
Draco looked sharply at the Head of his House and lied through his teeth. "Of course not."
"Then where did those marks come from? Madame Pomfrey tells me they're covering you." Snape kept a patient voice, though inside, he was seething. 'The little monster---his father abuses him, yet he insists on treating Rhane the same way!'
"I fell into a patch of attacking bramblebushes. Honestly, I'll be fine. In fact, I should return to the Common Room right away, Professor." The silvery haired boy raised himself from the bed, wincing, and, giving a curt nod to Snape, limped slowly from the room, eyes clenching every few steps, making his way to the Slytherin Common Room as quickly as he could. 'Why? Why the questions---I'll not have them! This is something I can never tell anyone---not anyone. NO ONE needs to know---they wouldn't UNDERSTAND. It's my secret----my secret.' He flung himself into his bed, letting another muffled cry of pain at the sudden pressure on so many of his welts, and forcing himself to slip completely out of consciousness once again.
Draco woke up, still sore all over. He stood up and took off his pajama bottoms, reaching for his clothes. Suddenly, he caught sight of himself in the full-length mirror and winced at the sight. His legs were bruised, cut and welted, his back---he turned slightly---yes, his back was crisscrossed with welts, far worse than those he'd given Rhane that one time. On one ribcage, there was a short, fat welt. Draco stared and shuddered, quickly dressing as if trying to hide the pain and memories even from himself, though inside, he knew he would never escape the trauma that haunted the depths of his mind. He knew there was no escape, no way of running---ever. He was never going to get away from this sort of pain---if he wasn't receiving, he was dealing, without any other options in between. Draco gathered his books and slowly walked from the room towards his first classroom. He tried to clear his mind of all thoughts of his father, and attempted to return them to his normal, cynical, sarcastic self. But the pain kept cutting through right when he got a good sneer going, causing him to clench his teeth and eyes, which gained him odd looks from not only other house students, but also the other Slytherins. Draco shook his silvery hair and pulled out a notebook and began to write.
'Hurt me like I hurt everyone else, cover me with scars, bruises or welts. Do I matter to you? I imagine not. Like everything else, I outlive my usefulness and then I might as well die and rot. I don't understand why and once I asked But now I see the truth, completely unmasked. You never loved me, never cared And of a real family I despaired.'
He scribbled quickly, the ink running slightly. Still, no tears ran---he wouldn't permit them. His hand shook as he wrote, and finally he threw the notebook back in his bag with his other school things and sighed. He felt a chill come to him, and the next second, his skin felt on fire. As he left the classroom, he saw Rhane and felt that personality take over, the one that screamed---'Be hurt and hurt in turn!' Speeding up, Draco caught her wrist and pulled her to him. He wrapped one arm around her waist and trailed the nails of the other hand down her face to her neck, leaving tiny scratches as he went. He leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Hello, DARling." He smiled into her yet-again tearful eyes, then felt his brow furrow as he saw a hint of another emotion---pity? She MUST NOT pity him! NO ONE should! Panicking, Draco shoved her into a shadowy hall and against a wall again. His skin was still uncomfortably warm to Rhane, and she whispered. "You didn't stay long enough under Madame Pomfrey's care, did you?" Boldly, she reached out and poked the rib with the welt, watching with compassion clear in her large green eyes. "NO!" He yelled, seeing the expression on her face. Draco slammed himself into her, pressing his body completely against hers, and slammed his lips on hers again, as if attempting to devour her. He bit down on her lower lip, drew back and then threw his face forward again, this time biting her upper lip slightly. Both lips were bleeding slightly and her eyes were half-closed, tears forming in the corners. Draco laughed softly, then leaned over to whisper in her ear, pressing his body even closer. Her eyes widened slightly, and she suddenly understood a few of the things from Anatomy. Draco was definitely male---not that she'd ever doubted THAT. "Maybe it's a split personality I have. Maybe not, maybe I'm really this way and the other is all in your mind---either way, I DO hope you know exactly what's coming to you eventually." He laughed and kissed her neck in a way that made her shiver from fear of possible biting. Then he pulled away and strode off--- but he knew that if she looked too closely, she would notice the slight limp and the wincing. He prayed she wasn't looking, prayed she didn't see the outward signs of weakness.
Draco sat moodily in the Slytherin Common Room, tapping a hand on one armrest, the other resting one finger on his pointed chin. He suddenly stood and began removing his clothing. Again, he stared at the welts and bruises---then moved closer. Now he could see the old lines, the scars from the previous rages, and he traced them slowly across his bare chest. Shaking slightly, he pulled on the pajama bottoms and turned to examine his back---yes, the marks, large and definitely going to scar---were there. He shook silently with anger, confusion and pain, then fell into his bed and buried himself deep in the covers, as if trying to hide within the layers of his mind, as he did the blankets. Draco stared at the ceiling long before he finally managed to drift into sleep.
As Draco awoke again, he wondered how his day was to go. He realized with a start that it was almost time for the Yule Ball! His face contorted as two sides seemed to be fighting for precedence---ASK Rhane, politely, for her escort, or simply force her to go? She'd want to dance with Snape, he knew, and could probably get away with it, as well---after all, it was a Yule Ball. He seethed at the thought, and the far more cruel side began winning. Draco shook his silver-whiteblonde head and gripped his head with both hands. Finally, he straightened up and headed to the showers---perhaps he could take his mind off his worries for at least a short time, and he always tried to bathe at least twice a day, if at all possible.
As he exited the showers, dressed in his Hogwarts uniform and feeling better, though all the welts stung slightly and were still sore, Draco gave a little smirk and gathered his books and notebook. He set off for his classroom with a bit less of a limp and a lingering slight fever. He began another poem, scribbling in between moments of intense frustration.
'Light slices through the dark, In the world good and evil's differences aren't so stark. Life shimmers, short and quick Sometimes at our scars we continue to pick, Until the wounds reopen and the dams break Our souls, minds and lives at stake. You could care less what I happen to think But as your son, at each attack, I feel my spirit sink. Lost in despair, little light in this life Always full of despair and strife. Feelings of fear mingled with rage All acted out on a simple stage. Take out the pain on someone else instead Till both inside cry tears of red.'
Author's Note: Wheeeeeee!!!!FUN!!!!!!^_______^^_^_^_^' Lalala. Enjoyment. Doom? Enjoyment OF doom!!! Thanks for reading and reviewing!!!!! The chapters'll keep coming that way!!
Chapter Ten: Consciousness
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own, as are the others. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' the other day, it's inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^.^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters-after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ K, did the confusion of the last chapter entertain you? Good. Now we go to Draco's unconscious/semi-unconscious mind. Oh, and all poems in these stories,I wrote.^_^ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS.
Never ever expected Never ever wanted Don't understand why you leave me all bruised and welted. Maybe that's why I'm so tainted.
Don't understand, I've told you not to do this But I know that wouldn't matter to me. I draw back in pain when something touches the wounds, with a hiss. I know you don't care, even when you see.
Draco felt himself slipping in and out of consciousness, only vaguely knew when Rhane led him to the Hospital Wing. Memories swirled in the veil of his mind, of what exactly had prompted this state---and felt the pain in his back, on his sides, his legs. He winced and let out a muffled cry in his sleep. His father had come to Hogwarts to see him, yes, but not to talk. Lucius Malfoy, dangerously angry for some reason---probably involving some argument with the Ministry of Magic or some such thing---had decided to take it out on his son, and had paid a visit to Draco which had left his body covered in welts and his health trampled and turned into a raging fever. Perhaps it would be gone soon, even the wounds would heal--- OUTWARDLY, at least. Inside, he always knew what was happening, always remembered, always realized the next outbreak of rage could be any second, at any time. He trembled slightly at this thought and suddenly threw himself into a seating position, yelling that he absolutely MUST return to his Common Room. No one must know! No one should see, should be allowed to guess! It worried him that this could be happening. Suddenly, he heard a familiar and slowly becoming hated voice, that of Professor Snape. He clenched the sheets and stared as the Potions Master entered through the curtain he was behind.
"Hello, Draco. Madame Pomfrey seems to believe something may be wrong in your family. Am I to believe her? Basically, Draco---has your father been abusing you?"
Draco looked sharply at the Head of his House and lied through his teeth. "Of course not."
"Then where did those marks come from? Madame Pomfrey tells me they're covering you." Snape kept a patient voice, though inside, he was seething. 'The little monster---his father abuses him, yet he insists on treating Rhane the same way!'
"I fell into a patch of attacking bramblebushes. Honestly, I'll be fine. In fact, I should return to the Common Room right away, Professor." The silvery haired boy raised himself from the bed, wincing, and, giving a curt nod to Snape, limped slowly from the room, eyes clenching every few steps, making his way to the Slytherin Common Room as quickly as he could. 'Why? Why the questions---I'll not have them! This is something I can never tell anyone---not anyone. NO ONE needs to know---they wouldn't UNDERSTAND. It's my secret----my secret.' He flung himself into his bed, letting another muffled cry of pain at the sudden pressure on so many of his welts, and forcing himself to slip completely out of consciousness once again.
Draco woke up, still sore all over. He stood up and took off his pajama bottoms, reaching for his clothes. Suddenly, he caught sight of himself in the full-length mirror and winced at the sight. His legs were bruised, cut and welted, his back---he turned slightly---yes, his back was crisscrossed with welts, far worse than those he'd given Rhane that one time. On one ribcage, there was a short, fat welt. Draco stared and shuddered, quickly dressing as if trying to hide the pain and memories even from himself, though inside, he knew he would never escape the trauma that haunted the depths of his mind. He knew there was no escape, no way of running---ever. He was never going to get away from this sort of pain---if he wasn't receiving, he was dealing, without any other options in between. Draco gathered his books and slowly walked from the room towards his first classroom. He tried to clear his mind of all thoughts of his father, and attempted to return them to his normal, cynical, sarcastic self. But the pain kept cutting through right when he got a good sneer going, causing him to clench his teeth and eyes, which gained him odd looks from not only other house students, but also the other Slytherins. Draco shook his silvery hair and pulled out a notebook and began to write.
'Hurt me like I hurt everyone else, cover me with scars, bruises or welts. Do I matter to you? I imagine not. Like everything else, I outlive my usefulness and then I might as well die and rot. I don't understand why and once I asked But now I see the truth, completely unmasked. You never loved me, never cared And of a real family I despaired.'
He scribbled quickly, the ink running slightly. Still, no tears ran---he wouldn't permit them. His hand shook as he wrote, and finally he threw the notebook back in his bag with his other school things and sighed. He felt a chill come to him, and the next second, his skin felt on fire. As he left the classroom, he saw Rhane and felt that personality take over, the one that screamed---'Be hurt and hurt in turn!' Speeding up, Draco caught her wrist and pulled her to him. He wrapped one arm around her waist and trailed the nails of the other hand down her face to her neck, leaving tiny scratches as he went. He leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Hello, DARling." He smiled into her yet-again tearful eyes, then felt his brow furrow as he saw a hint of another emotion---pity? She MUST NOT pity him! NO ONE should! Panicking, Draco shoved her into a shadowy hall and against a wall again. His skin was still uncomfortably warm to Rhane, and she whispered. "You didn't stay long enough under Madame Pomfrey's care, did you?" Boldly, she reached out and poked the rib with the welt, watching with compassion clear in her large green eyes. "NO!" He yelled, seeing the expression on her face. Draco slammed himself into her, pressing his body completely against hers, and slammed his lips on hers again, as if attempting to devour her. He bit down on her lower lip, drew back and then threw his face forward again, this time biting her upper lip slightly. Both lips were bleeding slightly and her eyes were half-closed, tears forming in the corners. Draco laughed softly, then leaned over to whisper in her ear, pressing his body even closer. Her eyes widened slightly, and she suddenly understood a few of the things from Anatomy. Draco was definitely male---not that she'd ever doubted THAT. "Maybe it's a split personality I have. Maybe not, maybe I'm really this way and the other is all in your mind---either way, I DO hope you know exactly what's coming to you eventually." He laughed and kissed her neck in a way that made her shiver from fear of possible biting. Then he pulled away and strode off--- but he knew that if she looked too closely, she would notice the slight limp and the wincing. He prayed she wasn't looking, prayed she didn't see the outward signs of weakness.
Draco sat moodily in the Slytherin Common Room, tapping a hand on one armrest, the other resting one finger on his pointed chin. He suddenly stood and began removing his clothing. Again, he stared at the welts and bruises---then moved closer. Now he could see the old lines, the scars from the previous rages, and he traced them slowly across his bare chest. Shaking slightly, he pulled on the pajama bottoms and turned to examine his back---yes, the marks, large and definitely going to scar---were there. He shook silently with anger, confusion and pain, then fell into his bed and buried himself deep in the covers, as if trying to hide within the layers of his mind, as he did the blankets. Draco stared at the ceiling long before he finally managed to drift into sleep.
As Draco awoke again, he wondered how his day was to go. He realized with a start that it was almost time for the Yule Ball! His face contorted as two sides seemed to be fighting for precedence---ASK Rhane, politely, for her escort, or simply force her to go? She'd want to dance with Snape, he knew, and could probably get away with it, as well---after all, it was a Yule Ball. He seethed at the thought, and the far more cruel side began winning. Draco shook his silver-whiteblonde head and gripped his head with both hands. Finally, he straightened up and headed to the showers---perhaps he could take his mind off his worries for at least a short time, and he always tried to bathe at least twice a day, if at all possible.
As he exited the showers, dressed in his Hogwarts uniform and feeling better, though all the welts stung slightly and were still sore, Draco gave a little smirk and gathered his books and notebook. He set off for his classroom with a bit less of a limp and a lingering slight fever. He began another poem, scribbling in between moments of intense frustration.
'Light slices through the dark, In the world good and evil's differences aren't so stark. Life shimmers, short and quick Sometimes at our scars we continue to pick, Until the wounds reopen and the dams break Our souls, minds and lives at stake. You could care less what I happen to think But as your son, at each attack, I feel my spirit sink. Lost in despair, little light in this life Always full of despair and strife. Feelings of fear mingled with rage All acted out on a simple stage. Take out the pain on someone else instead Till both inside cry tears of red.'
Author's Note: Wheeeeeee!!!!FUN!!!!!!^_______^^_^_^_^' Lalala. Enjoyment. Doom? Enjoyment OF doom!!! Thanks for reading and reviewing!!!!! The chapters'll keep coming that way!!