Never Lose Me
Chapter Eleven: Feathers
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own, as are the others. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' the other day, it's inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^.^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters-after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ Back to Rhane's . Oh, and all poems in these stories,I wrote.^_^ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS.
'Drifting, twisted worlds of light and dark, good and evil Swirls of brilliance and inky night across my mind squiggle. Feathers whisper as the fall down Feeling as if one could easily drown. In the deepest moonlight Skin looks a snowy white. Blood is red and jewel-like Each and every time one, like a snake, strike. Coiled and docile Until tempers flare, emotions are fragile. So easily does the human mind switch to and fro
The feeling of emptiness makes the soul feel hollow. And only you can make it whole again.'
Rhane awoke and began to dress. With a slight shock she realized---it was only---oh, a week?---until the Yule Ball. Her brow contorted as she began to ponder her situation. Wait---WHAT situation? She wanted to either go with Snape or alone, if that wasn't possible, in order to dance with him--- and ONLY him. Right? But suddenly Rhane felt her brain flash to a memory, the feeling of Draco's fevered, oh-so-warm skin against hers, the way those welts had looked. She shook her long brown hair and put one hand to her temple. NO. She WOULD dance with Snape, not ANYone else. ESPECIALLY not Draco Malfoy. Those memories flashed over and over, and she felt weak, suddenly, as if she might faint.
Draco, meanwhile, was pacing the floor of his common room, feeling the harsh side taking over. Jealousy, anger, and the fever that still remained were all bringing the personality that stayed in control almost all of the time---the hurting side. He stared in the mirror, then returned his face to the ground, to his shiny black shoes. Draco continued pacing and finally let out a yell of frustration. 'I don't know what's coming over me, but it isn't any good, I can tell that much. Not that it ever is, anyway.' He clutched his head so tightly that small red spots began to appear from his grip. Suddenly he began to hit his head against the wall, doing this at least five times before he managed to pull himself together and return to himself---the normal self, the cruelty overtaking his system. He gave a wicked little smile and excited his Common Room with a sweeping, arrogant movement.
Rhane dressed quickly and walked towards her first classroom, her thoughts a whirling tornado of emotions and whispering thoughts that told her the opposite of each other. What was going on? She didn't even know her own mind anymore. Once, she had believed she knew clearly who she loved and who she hated, but now----now she was no longer so very certain of that. Why was she questioning herself? Rhane loved SNAPE---no one else! ----- Right? OF COURSE that was right! Who else would she be falling in love with? Another voice whispered, 'What about Draco?' To which she nearly screamed inside, 'NO WAY! I could NEVER love him! Pity him, maybe, but that's ALL. Look at everything he's done to me! Look at everything he's threatened and WILL probably attempt soon! My heart could never betray me in such a way. It's out of the question. I love Snape----only Snape.' Shaking softly and still lost within the abyss that was her mind, her spirit so bemused that she felt like sinking into a despairing sleep right there in the halls. Suddenly, the face that prompted this confusion appeared right before hers, only seconds away. Rhane jumped, her eyes widening, as he shoved her back and into an empty hallway. Reaching into his bag, he pulled a coil of rope and gave a malicious little smile, one eye ever-so-slightly twitching. He threw her roughly into the wall, grabbing her wrists and binding them together as swiftly as he could. Sweating slightly, he nearly ripped his vest and shirt from his body. 'He still has a fever, then.' Rhane realized. 'Does it make him do these things?' Rhane's eyes widened when he drew the small, thin whip from the bag next.
"I suppose you've been expecting this, hmm?" His voice rasped slightly, but still felt satiny to her ears. 'Why does his voice feel so wonderful, sound so perfect, even when it's at its worst? I just don't understand--- whatever's happening to me??!' As he raised the whip, she clenched her eyes shut.
Draco gave a little smile and a soft, incredibly crazed laugh. He grabbed her by the wrists and spun her around again, her face up against the cool stone wall. Draco cracked the whip once, twice, four times. She winced each time and twice let out a little cry of pain, tears falling from her eyes. Again. Twice more. Finally, he slumped to his knees, sweat pouring off his body, holding his head as if in intense pain. Finally, he threw the whip back into the bag and stood, walking to Rhane, turning her around.
Leaning over, he whispered softly in her ear, his voice cracking slightly with some sort of internal trauma. "I'm sorry---I love you, Rhane, but---I told you I can't stop myself." Draco looked despairingly into her eyes, then slowly kissed her eyes, tasting the tears there. Then he kissed her, so delicately compared to the wounds that he'd just inflicted that Rhane felt the perplexity take over her, not really knowing how to respond, what to do, to say, to FEEL. 'What's wrong with me? I don't understand how I can even have ANY feelings of pity for this---this----monster who does this to me. It makes no SENSE!' Suddenly, she knew it never made any sense anyway. Yet the confusion was still there. She didn't understand and was almost afraid to, in fact. As he untied her, Rhane felt her body trying to slump weakly to the floor, but found herself held from the ground by Draco Malfoy. He looked concerned---CONCERNED??---and took her by the arm, sitting her down and beginning to dress himself completely again. Back on went the shirt and the vest. He pulled his robe from his bag as he put the rope away and threw it on, fastening the clasp at the top. Draco helped her up and led her to her Common Room, allowing her to say the password while covering his ears. He carefully picked her up and carried her half- unconscious body up the stairs to her dormitory, laying her gently on her bed and covering her with the sheets. Softly, he kissed her cheek, then turned, forcing himself to leave the room before the other side tried to take over. Fists clenched, he snuck from the Gryffindor Common Room and headed towards his class. He didn't understand anything he'd just done, it felt like an insane, twisted dream that he could not escape. 'Why do I do these things? Why can't I stop being the same way to her that my father is to me? No matter how I try, it WILL NOT go away!! It makes NO sense---.' Draco clutched his bag and raced towards his classroom, throwing himself into the seat, causing the Professor to raise an eyebrow. Of course, it was worse, for this was Advanced Double Potions, with Snape. And Rhane was, of course, not there. He felt the Potions Master's hard stare and tried to pretend nothing had happened, that he was innocent of anything the teacher might have conjured up.
Snape glared at Malfoy. 'What has he done to her now, to make her miss a class? I swear I'll kill the lout if he touches her one more time and I see it-----no, wait! Why am I still caring? I can't---this is impossible, I am NOT feeling anything for that foolish little girl. Rhane was such a gullible soul, though, who would protect the brunette if not he? NO---let someone else. He wasn't going to let himself---let himself---- 'Let yourself WHAT, Severus, hmmm?' 'NEVER MIND, it's nothing!' 'Afraid to admit that you love her? Afraid to realize that you have a HEART? Awww, how----- like you. But you can't run forever, you know. It will catch up to you eventually, and then you shall find yourself trapped and incapable of escape, and we shall see how you behave then, won't we?' 'I shall NOT!' He plunged his mind into the lesson, though he couldn't shake the little sound of laughter echoing throughout his mind.
Draco sat at his desk, writing not the instructions, but, rather, the newest poem in his small black notebook.
'Anger deals anger And I never felt stranger. I love so deeply, yet I want to hurt her too, Make someone else suffer like I do. I don't know why, I know it's making her cry And probably she'll never love me, and it's making me die. Love so dark and so painful, can't understand On my feet I never land. Never see any way to change any of this, Though it is my fondest---my only---real wish. I am broken and break in turn Taking pleasure in hurting she who would once spurn. Reveling in the power, which I have nowhere else in the world I feel my body in pain crinkled and curled Wanting to unravel this sick chain, But unable to refrain from inflicting pain.'
He held a hand to his forehead, feeling its warmth, and slowly began the work on the potion assigned the class, fortunate that it was a very simple concoction. His mind swirled, as if filled with feathers, falling through his thoughts, making him sneeze and grab for them, but when he opened his mental hands, they were empty.
Author's Note: Wow---that was very interesting, yes? Draco has multiple personalities, yes, he does. :nods emphatically: Hope you're enjoying each twist and turn. ^_^'
Chapter Eleven: Feathers
A/N: Yet again,I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own, as are the others. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad,even. A bit twisted,too-and kinda long.lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY,k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that,k? K.^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!!Bought 'White Blood Cells' the other day, it's inspiring me to write.^_^_^Happiness o'doooooom!^_____^Oh,yes,and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic.^_^.^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters-after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ Back to Rhane's . Oh, and all poems in these stories,I wrote.^_^ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS.
'Drifting, twisted worlds of light and dark, good and evil Swirls of brilliance and inky night across my mind squiggle. Feathers whisper as the fall down Feeling as if one could easily drown. In the deepest moonlight Skin looks a snowy white. Blood is red and jewel-like Each and every time one, like a snake, strike. Coiled and docile Until tempers flare, emotions are fragile. So easily does the human mind switch to and fro
The feeling of emptiness makes the soul feel hollow. And only you can make it whole again.'
Rhane awoke and began to dress. With a slight shock she realized---it was only---oh, a week?---until the Yule Ball. Her brow contorted as she began to ponder her situation. Wait---WHAT situation? She wanted to either go with Snape or alone, if that wasn't possible, in order to dance with him--- and ONLY him. Right? But suddenly Rhane felt her brain flash to a memory, the feeling of Draco's fevered, oh-so-warm skin against hers, the way those welts had looked. She shook her long brown hair and put one hand to her temple. NO. She WOULD dance with Snape, not ANYone else. ESPECIALLY not Draco Malfoy. Those memories flashed over and over, and she felt weak, suddenly, as if she might faint.
Draco, meanwhile, was pacing the floor of his common room, feeling the harsh side taking over. Jealousy, anger, and the fever that still remained were all bringing the personality that stayed in control almost all of the time---the hurting side. He stared in the mirror, then returned his face to the ground, to his shiny black shoes. Draco continued pacing and finally let out a yell of frustration. 'I don't know what's coming over me, but it isn't any good, I can tell that much. Not that it ever is, anyway.' He clutched his head so tightly that small red spots began to appear from his grip. Suddenly he began to hit his head against the wall, doing this at least five times before he managed to pull himself together and return to himself---the normal self, the cruelty overtaking his system. He gave a wicked little smile and excited his Common Room with a sweeping, arrogant movement.
Rhane dressed quickly and walked towards her first classroom, her thoughts a whirling tornado of emotions and whispering thoughts that told her the opposite of each other. What was going on? She didn't even know her own mind anymore. Once, she had believed she knew clearly who she loved and who she hated, but now----now she was no longer so very certain of that. Why was she questioning herself? Rhane loved SNAPE---no one else! ----- Right? OF COURSE that was right! Who else would she be falling in love with? Another voice whispered, 'What about Draco?' To which she nearly screamed inside, 'NO WAY! I could NEVER love him! Pity him, maybe, but that's ALL. Look at everything he's done to me! Look at everything he's threatened and WILL probably attempt soon! My heart could never betray me in such a way. It's out of the question. I love Snape----only Snape.' Shaking softly and still lost within the abyss that was her mind, her spirit so bemused that she felt like sinking into a despairing sleep right there in the halls. Suddenly, the face that prompted this confusion appeared right before hers, only seconds away. Rhane jumped, her eyes widening, as he shoved her back and into an empty hallway. Reaching into his bag, he pulled a coil of rope and gave a malicious little smile, one eye ever-so-slightly twitching. He threw her roughly into the wall, grabbing her wrists and binding them together as swiftly as he could. Sweating slightly, he nearly ripped his vest and shirt from his body. 'He still has a fever, then.' Rhane realized. 'Does it make him do these things?' Rhane's eyes widened when he drew the small, thin whip from the bag next.
"I suppose you've been expecting this, hmm?" His voice rasped slightly, but still felt satiny to her ears. 'Why does his voice feel so wonderful, sound so perfect, even when it's at its worst? I just don't understand--- whatever's happening to me??!' As he raised the whip, she clenched her eyes shut.
Draco gave a little smile and a soft, incredibly crazed laugh. He grabbed her by the wrists and spun her around again, her face up against the cool stone wall. Draco cracked the whip once, twice, four times. She winced each time and twice let out a little cry of pain, tears falling from her eyes. Again. Twice more. Finally, he slumped to his knees, sweat pouring off his body, holding his head as if in intense pain. Finally, he threw the whip back into the bag and stood, walking to Rhane, turning her around.
Leaning over, he whispered softly in her ear, his voice cracking slightly with some sort of internal trauma. "I'm sorry---I love you, Rhane, but---I told you I can't stop myself." Draco looked despairingly into her eyes, then slowly kissed her eyes, tasting the tears there. Then he kissed her, so delicately compared to the wounds that he'd just inflicted that Rhane felt the perplexity take over her, not really knowing how to respond, what to do, to say, to FEEL. 'What's wrong with me? I don't understand how I can even have ANY feelings of pity for this---this----monster who does this to me. It makes no SENSE!' Suddenly, she knew it never made any sense anyway. Yet the confusion was still there. She didn't understand and was almost afraid to, in fact. As he untied her, Rhane felt her body trying to slump weakly to the floor, but found herself held from the ground by Draco Malfoy. He looked concerned---CONCERNED??---and took her by the arm, sitting her down and beginning to dress himself completely again. Back on went the shirt and the vest. He pulled his robe from his bag as he put the rope away and threw it on, fastening the clasp at the top. Draco helped her up and led her to her Common Room, allowing her to say the password while covering his ears. He carefully picked her up and carried her half- unconscious body up the stairs to her dormitory, laying her gently on her bed and covering her with the sheets. Softly, he kissed her cheek, then turned, forcing himself to leave the room before the other side tried to take over. Fists clenched, he snuck from the Gryffindor Common Room and headed towards his class. He didn't understand anything he'd just done, it felt like an insane, twisted dream that he could not escape. 'Why do I do these things? Why can't I stop being the same way to her that my father is to me? No matter how I try, it WILL NOT go away!! It makes NO sense---.' Draco clutched his bag and raced towards his classroom, throwing himself into the seat, causing the Professor to raise an eyebrow. Of course, it was worse, for this was Advanced Double Potions, with Snape. And Rhane was, of course, not there. He felt the Potions Master's hard stare and tried to pretend nothing had happened, that he was innocent of anything the teacher might have conjured up.
Snape glared at Malfoy. 'What has he done to her now, to make her miss a class? I swear I'll kill the lout if he touches her one more time and I see it-----no, wait! Why am I still caring? I can't---this is impossible, I am NOT feeling anything for that foolish little girl. Rhane was such a gullible soul, though, who would protect the brunette if not he? NO---let someone else. He wasn't going to let himself---let himself---- 'Let yourself WHAT, Severus, hmmm?' 'NEVER MIND, it's nothing!' 'Afraid to admit that you love her? Afraid to realize that you have a HEART? Awww, how----- like you. But you can't run forever, you know. It will catch up to you eventually, and then you shall find yourself trapped and incapable of escape, and we shall see how you behave then, won't we?' 'I shall NOT!' He plunged his mind into the lesson, though he couldn't shake the little sound of laughter echoing throughout his mind.
Draco sat at his desk, writing not the instructions, but, rather, the newest poem in his small black notebook.
'Anger deals anger And I never felt stranger. I love so deeply, yet I want to hurt her too, Make someone else suffer like I do. I don't know why, I know it's making her cry And probably she'll never love me, and it's making me die. Love so dark and so painful, can't understand On my feet I never land. Never see any way to change any of this, Though it is my fondest---my only---real wish. I am broken and break in turn Taking pleasure in hurting she who would once spurn. Reveling in the power, which I have nowhere else in the world I feel my body in pain crinkled and curled Wanting to unravel this sick chain, But unable to refrain from inflicting pain.'
He held a hand to his forehead, feeling its warmth, and slowly began the work on the potion assigned the class, fortunate that it was a very simple concoction. His mind swirled, as if filled with feathers, falling through his thoughts, making him sneeze and grab for them, but when he opened his mental hands, they were empty.
Author's Note: Wow---that was very interesting, yes? Draco has multiple personalities, yes, he does. :nods emphatically: Hope you're enjoying each twist and turn. ^_^'