Never Lose Me
Chapter Fourteen: Time
A/N: Yet again, I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own, as are the others. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad, even. A bit twisted, too-and kinda long. lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY, k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that, k? K. ^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!! Bought 'White Blood Cells' the other day, it's inspiring me to write. ^_^_^ Happiness o'doooooom! ^_____^ Oh, yes, and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic. ^_^. ^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters-after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ Oh, and all poems in these stories, I wrote. ^_^ ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS. O_o Whee, I love writing about characters with MPD!! ((Multiple Personality Disorder))^__________^' ARGH!! THREE TIMES this chapter was deleted because my comp froze, so if the first bits aren't as good, I'll know why. :sigh: And it was so good the first time it was being typed---( :-( Well, here goes nothing.
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'I feel the pain and desire smolder inside, Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I can't escape my mind, Afraid, so afraid of what I might find.
Worried that I shall betray myself with everything I do, Though some part of me tells me I am to one person only true. That person is not myself nor you, but I still feel so strange when you're near, Hoping and praying that this feeling is only exaggerated effects of fear.
Won't someone explain to me? Feels like time is running out and I can no longer see. My eyes burn with tears and my body feels weak, It's nearly impossible for me to speak.
Chaos swirls in my head, Want to cover my face with covers in bed. Can't understand my own thoughts, I'm being shot down by hidden enemy slingshots.'
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Rhane looked at the letter with horror, rereading it for the third time. Though it was early in the morning, she was intent on writing a response while the anger was still strong, and so began scribbling away.
*** Draco Malfoy ***
Do you HONESTLY think I will want to go with YOU to the Yule Ball simply because you sent me a pretty little trinket? Just because you are simply ROLLING in cash and can toss it around any way you please does NOT mean that I am in the slightest impressed. After all, why should I want to go ANYWHERE with YOU, after the way I've been---and still am---treated? You say that you cannot possibly change, but you still haven't given me one single, rational excuse why. BESIDES---I love Severus Snape, NOT YOU. And that's that.
*** Rhane Jiyn ***
And so the brunette Gryffindor sent the letter without delay, feeling no remorse---at first. Suddenly, Rhane felt a wave of emotion flood her-a tinge of fear, and another, nameless emotion she tried to ignore, afraid of what it might mean. Gathering her books, she left the Common Room and headed for Advance Double Potions, fearing the worst---after all, that class was with the Slytherins-and, therefore, Draco.
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Draco gazed in horror at the letter he had received just as he had been leaving for class. His hands clenched and unclenched, subconscious guiding him without his permission. One eye twitched and he began to laugh, a slow, soft sort of laugh that sounded completely and utterly insane. Finally, he got himself back under control, physically at least, and, gathering his bag with his schoolbooks inside, nearly stalked out of the room, heading towards his first class.
When he arrived, Draco made it a point to stare hungrily at Rhane in a lecherous way for several minutes before beginning work on the medium- difficulty potion Snape had assigned and intended to grade harshly.
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Rhane glanced up and caught the look Draco gave her. For some unknown reason, she felt incredibly embarrassed, especially as another wave of strange, unknown emotion washed over her, and she quickly looked down at her potion. When the girl raised her eyes again, they caught those of Professor Snape and locked there. His eyes seemed almost on fire, and she felt herself lost in the depths of inky darkness there. It sent a chill through her, and she shook herself to calm down a bit in order to finish the potion.
At the end of class, she intentionally spilled all her books and papers, slowly picking them up as everyone---even Draco, pulled off by enthusiastic 'friends'---other Slytherins whom he'd once or twice bought things for--- left the classroom.
"What do you want, Rhane?" Snape's voice sounded cracked and grating to her ears, as if he was sick---or had been missing sleep for several days and nights.
Books forgotten, Rhane walked up to the Potions Master and placed her hands against his chest, flat against the soft black robe. "I want you---but you already knew that, right, Severus?" She leaned forward, letting her head rest against him between her hands. Even this statement, which could have sounded terribly wrong from any other, sounded almost pure and innocent from her, sounded as white as fresh-falling snow. Rhane smiled and closed her eyes as she felt him tense, trying to resist and hold himself at bay from temptation.
Snape's face contorted as he wrestled with morals-and position at Hogwarts-- -and emotions strong enough to cause a reincarnation cycle that had lasted countless lifetimes. 'Why me? Why do I have to be a part of this? I cannot help but love her--- I never stood a chance, inside of me live innumerable other selves from before now that all loved her enough to die for her! What chances have I against all of them? It just isn't RIGHT, in any sense of the word!' 'But you will not fight it anymore?' 'I cannot---not as much as I'd like. Not when she is so close, so warm, so bold. I can no more defend against her nearness than I could defend against something I could not see, hear or sense!' He let himself lose control, felt his arms encircle her.
"I don't know why I am doing this." Snape whispered in her ear. "It makes no sense at all, I don't suppose anything does anymore."
Rhane nodded, sending sensations throughout him, a chill stronger than anything he'd felt before. He leaned down as she looked up, and kissed her. A long, passionate sort of kiss, yet still chaste and almost innocent- --if he had only been a student, it would have been romantic, sweet. As it was, it could lose him his job and everything worth anything in his life. It could lose her from him as well, he knew. Relationships didn't foster well when one was in Azkaban.
Finally, he pulled away, taking her by the shoulders and gently removing her from touching him. "You MUST go to your next class. NOW." Snape watched her grab her bag and leave, a sad look in his eyes, then shook his head. 'I had to send her away again---it's for her as well as I.'
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As Rhane left the classroom, she was not terribly surprised to find Draco Malfoy waiting for her. He grabbed her arm and half-dragged her as far from anyone's view as he possible could. This time, she saw that, again, there was real anger, real, sincere, genuine hurt in his eyes. The girl felt a twinge of something inside. What WAS this odd feeling? Shaking it off mentally, she began to give him a cool stare but was unprepared for what he did immediately as she began.
Grabbing her by the shoulders, he shook her several times, and began whispering---the sort of whisper that is far, far worse than any yelling.
"Why? Why do you have to do this? Make me so angry that this side always wins? Hurt me so deeply that it feels as if you've sunk a knife into my very heart, my soul? I---I don't understand!" He slapped her hard across the cheek, then leaned forward to stare right into her face, trapping her between his arms, hands pressed to the stone wall. A shiver ran down her spine, and Rhane tried to look away, but found it impossible.
"I LOVE you, Rhane, isn't that ENOUGH? Do you have to take my mind as well as steal my heart? When will it be enough? You do this to me EVERY single LIFE, and still I cannot stop it, cannot prevent it! WHY??" Was that a tear- --In DRACO's eye?? Rhane stared, transfixed, her face flushed. He was breathing hard, and his voice was small, cracked with emotion, his face flushed as well, and sweating.
He leaned over and snogged her aggressively, wrapping his arms around her and letting his sharp nails run down her back, across some of the already- created welts, which made her try to cry out, though this was prevented by his mouth covering hers. He held the kiss, every so often nibbling or biting at a part of her lip until it bled, licking away the blood without moving his mouth from hers. When Draco finally drew back, he stared directly into her green eyes again, and spoke softly, menacingly, with conviction.
"You WILL be attending the Yule Ball with me. You haven't any choice, you KNOW I will have no regrets of forcing you into your clothes. Until later, then, Rhane, until later." He turned and walked away with a half- confident, half-defeated air that puzzled for Rhane. For several minutes, she simply stayed against the wall, panting slightly and in complete shock. Again a wave of mixed-up, twisted emotions hit her, and she tried to erase them by heading to her next class.
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Draco sat in his next class, unable to focus, and took out his notebook again. He had to take the feelings out somewhere, and the notebook was a good place to take some of it to.
'Darkest lights of inky black, Moon blotted from the sky, Can't see anything in this darkest of dark forevers, Lost and confused, isn't anything good in this life? Don't understand why I'm here, why this is all happening, Can't seem to escape a single step of my fate. I sit and watch the darkness until I spot a tiny silvery light. Wait, little light! Please don't leave me all alone here in despair! But, no, the light is gone, And I, like the stars, Am blotted out completely.'
He closed the book after the frantic writing and tried to focus on his class. HER face kept appearing. Why did she have to haunt him so, create such a strong emotional attachment, such an obsession? Why did she have to always be the same, lifetime after lifetime, fueling that lasting feeling of anger and rage mixed with love that kept the cycle going on in eternity? It made no sense, and as he thought of this, he held his hands to his head, feeling weighed down by everything. It was as if a nightmare had taken over his life---forever.
One day until the Yule Ball.
Author's Note: Hello everyone. This chapter took forever to get done, cause it kept being deleted and all, hope it turned out alright.^_^' Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!^______________^I was going to write the next chapter, but because of the evilness of my computer tonight, I was unable to.^_^' Sorry!!
Chapter Fourteen: Time
A/N: Yet again, I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain'). BTW, this story opens as a student with a crush that is more than it seems, and the chapters will eventually lead to a 20-something woman with one.^___^ This song is also my own, as are the others. I wrote it. ^_^ It's a slow song, as all the ones for this story are, and pauses a lot.very melodramatic and moody and possibly sad, even. A bit twisted, too-and kinda long. lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY, k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that, k? K. ^_^ Yay for the White Stripes!! Bought 'White Blood Cells' the other day, it's inspiring me to write. ^_^_^ Happiness o'doooooom! ^_____^ Oh, yes, and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic. ^_^. ^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters-after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ Oh, and all poems in these stories, I wrote. ^_^ ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS. O_o Whee, I love writing about characters with MPD!! ((Multiple Personality Disorder))^__________^' ARGH!! THREE TIMES this chapter was deleted because my comp froze, so if the first bits aren't as good, I'll know why. :sigh: And it was so good the first time it was being typed---( :-( Well, here goes nothing.
************************************************************************
'I feel the pain and desire smolder inside, Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I can't escape my mind, Afraid, so afraid of what I might find.
Worried that I shall betray myself with everything I do, Though some part of me tells me I am to one person only true. That person is not myself nor you, but I still feel so strange when you're near, Hoping and praying that this feeling is only exaggerated effects of fear.
Won't someone explain to me? Feels like time is running out and I can no longer see. My eyes burn with tears and my body feels weak, It's nearly impossible for me to speak.
Chaos swirls in my head, Want to cover my face with covers in bed. Can't understand my own thoughts, I'm being shot down by hidden enemy slingshots.'
************************************************************************
Rhane looked at the letter with horror, rereading it for the third time. Though it was early in the morning, she was intent on writing a response while the anger was still strong, and so began scribbling away.
*** Draco Malfoy ***
Do you HONESTLY think I will want to go with YOU to the Yule Ball simply because you sent me a pretty little trinket? Just because you are simply ROLLING in cash and can toss it around any way you please does NOT mean that I am in the slightest impressed. After all, why should I want to go ANYWHERE with YOU, after the way I've been---and still am---treated? You say that you cannot possibly change, but you still haven't given me one single, rational excuse why. BESIDES---I love Severus Snape, NOT YOU. And that's that.
*** Rhane Jiyn ***
And so the brunette Gryffindor sent the letter without delay, feeling no remorse---at first. Suddenly, Rhane felt a wave of emotion flood her-a tinge of fear, and another, nameless emotion she tried to ignore, afraid of what it might mean. Gathering her books, she left the Common Room and headed for Advance Double Potions, fearing the worst---after all, that class was with the Slytherins-and, therefore, Draco.
************************************************************************
Draco gazed in horror at the letter he had received just as he had been leaving for class. His hands clenched and unclenched, subconscious guiding him without his permission. One eye twitched and he began to laugh, a slow, soft sort of laugh that sounded completely and utterly insane. Finally, he got himself back under control, physically at least, and, gathering his bag with his schoolbooks inside, nearly stalked out of the room, heading towards his first class.
When he arrived, Draco made it a point to stare hungrily at Rhane in a lecherous way for several minutes before beginning work on the medium- difficulty potion Snape had assigned and intended to grade harshly.
************************************************************************
Rhane glanced up and caught the look Draco gave her. For some unknown reason, she felt incredibly embarrassed, especially as another wave of strange, unknown emotion washed over her, and she quickly looked down at her potion. When the girl raised her eyes again, they caught those of Professor Snape and locked there. His eyes seemed almost on fire, and she felt herself lost in the depths of inky darkness there. It sent a chill through her, and she shook herself to calm down a bit in order to finish the potion.
At the end of class, she intentionally spilled all her books and papers, slowly picking them up as everyone---even Draco, pulled off by enthusiastic 'friends'---other Slytherins whom he'd once or twice bought things for--- left the classroom.
"What do you want, Rhane?" Snape's voice sounded cracked and grating to her ears, as if he was sick---or had been missing sleep for several days and nights.
Books forgotten, Rhane walked up to the Potions Master and placed her hands against his chest, flat against the soft black robe. "I want you---but you already knew that, right, Severus?" She leaned forward, letting her head rest against him between her hands. Even this statement, which could have sounded terribly wrong from any other, sounded almost pure and innocent from her, sounded as white as fresh-falling snow. Rhane smiled and closed her eyes as she felt him tense, trying to resist and hold himself at bay from temptation.
Snape's face contorted as he wrestled with morals-and position at Hogwarts-- -and emotions strong enough to cause a reincarnation cycle that had lasted countless lifetimes. 'Why me? Why do I have to be a part of this? I cannot help but love her--- I never stood a chance, inside of me live innumerable other selves from before now that all loved her enough to die for her! What chances have I against all of them? It just isn't RIGHT, in any sense of the word!' 'But you will not fight it anymore?' 'I cannot---not as much as I'd like. Not when she is so close, so warm, so bold. I can no more defend against her nearness than I could defend against something I could not see, hear or sense!' He let himself lose control, felt his arms encircle her.
"I don't know why I am doing this." Snape whispered in her ear. "It makes no sense at all, I don't suppose anything does anymore."
Rhane nodded, sending sensations throughout him, a chill stronger than anything he'd felt before. He leaned down as she looked up, and kissed her. A long, passionate sort of kiss, yet still chaste and almost innocent- --if he had only been a student, it would have been romantic, sweet. As it was, it could lose him his job and everything worth anything in his life. It could lose her from him as well, he knew. Relationships didn't foster well when one was in Azkaban.
Finally, he pulled away, taking her by the shoulders and gently removing her from touching him. "You MUST go to your next class. NOW." Snape watched her grab her bag and leave, a sad look in his eyes, then shook his head. 'I had to send her away again---it's for her as well as I.'
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As Rhane left the classroom, she was not terribly surprised to find Draco Malfoy waiting for her. He grabbed her arm and half-dragged her as far from anyone's view as he possible could. This time, she saw that, again, there was real anger, real, sincere, genuine hurt in his eyes. The girl felt a twinge of something inside. What WAS this odd feeling? Shaking it off mentally, she began to give him a cool stare but was unprepared for what he did immediately as she began.
Grabbing her by the shoulders, he shook her several times, and began whispering---the sort of whisper that is far, far worse than any yelling.
"Why? Why do you have to do this? Make me so angry that this side always wins? Hurt me so deeply that it feels as if you've sunk a knife into my very heart, my soul? I---I don't understand!" He slapped her hard across the cheek, then leaned forward to stare right into her face, trapping her between his arms, hands pressed to the stone wall. A shiver ran down her spine, and Rhane tried to look away, but found it impossible.
"I LOVE you, Rhane, isn't that ENOUGH? Do you have to take my mind as well as steal my heart? When will it be enough? You do this to me EVERY single LIFE, and still I cannot stop it, cannot prevent it! WHY??" Was that a tear- --In DRACO's eye?? Rhane stared, transfixed, her face flushed. He was breathing hard, and his voice was small, cracked with emotion, his face flushed as well, and sweating.
He leaned over and snogged her aggressively, wrapping his arms around her and letting his sharp nails run down her back, across some of the already- created welts, which made her try to cry out, though this was prevented by his mouth covering hers. He held the kiss, every so often nibbling or biting at a part of her lip until it bled, licking away the blood without moving his mouth from hers. When Draco finally drew back, he stared directly into her green eyes again, and spoke softly, menacingly, with conviction.
"You WILL be attending the Yule Ball with me. You haven't any choice, you KNOW I will have no regrets of forcing you into your clothes. Until later, then, Rhane, until later." He turned and walked away with a half- confident, half-defeated air that puzzled for Rhane. For several minutes, she simply stayed against the wall, panting slightly and in complete shock. Again a wave of mixed-up, twisted emotions hit her, and she tried to erase them by heading to her next class.
************************************************************************
Draco sat in his next class, unable to focus, and took out his notebook again. He had to take the feelings out somewhere, and the notebook was a good place to take some of it to.
'Darkest lights of inky black, Moon blotted from the sky, Can't see anything in this darkest of dark forevers, Lost and confused, isn't anything good in this life? Don't understand why I'm here, why this is all happening, Can't seem to escape a single step of my fate. I sit and watch the darkness until I spot a tiny silvery light. Wait, little light! Please don't leave me all alone here in despair! But, no, the light is gone, And I, like the stars, Am blotted out completely.'
He closed the book after the frantic writing and tried to focus on his class. HER face kept appearing. Why did she have to haunt him so, create such a strong emotional attachment, such an obsession? Why did she have to always be the same, lifetime after lifetime, fueling that lasting feeling of anger and rage mixed with love that kept the cycle going on in eternity? It made no sense, and as he thought of this, he held his hands to his head, feeling weighed down by everything. It was as if a nightmare had taken over his life---forever.
One day until the Yule Ball.
Author's Note: Hello everyone. This chapter took forever to get done, cause it kept being deleted and all, hope it turned out alright.^_^' Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!^______________^I was going to write the next chapter, but because of the evilness of my computer tonight, I was unable to.^_^' Sorry!!