Never Lose Me
Chapter Seventeen: Bitter
A/N: Yet again, I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain') The story's a bit twisted, to warn you-and kinda long. Or at least, it will be. I hope. lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY, k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that, k? K. ^_^ Papa Roach is very inspiring, especially the new cd..^_____^ Oh, yes, and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic. ^_^. ^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters- after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ Oh, and all poems in these stories, I wrote. (My Creative Writing teacher tells me my poetry is 'gothic'..) ^_^ ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS. O_o Whee, I love writing about characters with MPD!! ((Multiple Personality Disorder))^__________^'
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Once I relied on logic and an emotionless void, Once I thought I could keep distanced from the world. I know you believe I have destroyed--- Destroyed everything you are and leaving your mind swirled.
I don't only exist to seduce, And yet I will not allow myself a truce. My pride holds me in check, And my heart is a wreck.
Please accept me, though I know your love is not mine, And for you I shall forever pine. Even when we are united, I know how I feel is not how you feel, But I would, for you, lie, cheat and steal.
Love is a many-splendored thing they say, Though I know that it is in truth the deepest torture that never goes away. I cannot resist the feeling, And it sends my mental state reeling.
I'm sorry I hurt you again and again, Over and over, I inflict pain. It's my nature, unable to stop, Hit you until to the floor you drop.
But---I still love you. Believe me, everything I say is true. I could never wish for another, it's you I want forever, But in showing love I am a failure.
************************************************************************
Draco stared in the mirror. He didn't remember how he had managed to make it to his Common Room, but shrugged it off as he tried to think of a story to tell when asked about the black eye he had received from his father's violent outbreak on the night after the Yule Ball. Gingerly, he touched it and felt a lance of pain shoot through his body, leaving him trembling slightly.
Of course, this was not the only bruise that he had been given. As he stared in the mirror, Draco realized that his body was livid with them, almost completely purple-blue in huge patches all over. His chest was a mass of bruised and welted ivory flesh, his back was scarred from previous beatings and covered in marks as well. Bruises and cuts trailed his arms, and, yes, his legs as well. He knew without looking that the bruises covered even his bum, and winced when he thought of sitting again. He felt so much pain that he couldn't think straight, the fever still raging and the nerves shivering with the intensity of the tortures inflicted on his pale, slim body.
"I swear---I don't know what got into Father, but he's certainly made it difficult to cover up this time." The silver-blond felt slightly disturbed at the sight of his ashen, bruised face, suddenly seeming so small, pointed and fragile in the mirror. Turning away, he dressed with the greatest of care and slowly gathered his things and headed for his first class.
************************************************************************
From the moment he sat down, Draco pulled his quill and ink out, along with his notebook, and began to write with a violent furiousness pervading his actions.
'I see what you've done to me, Is this how you care? I guess I wasn't aware, Never opened my eyes wide enough to see.
Now I understand the extent of your cruelty, of your twisted mind, And it shames me to know I possess it too, Tears me apart knowing I can't help but be like you. If only I could change what I know is upon my soul in blood signed.
But I cannot, and because you are this way so am I. It infuses my soul forever and will never go away. It will always be here to stay, Though I attempt to fight it, though I may try.
And I can't fight any of what's happening, I have no control, I'm a lost dark angel who has fallen too far to ever be reclaimed. No matter what anyone does to try and change me, your ways are imprinted on my soul, From the moment I was born and named.'
He nearly slumped to his desk, aware of the raised eyebrows at the black eye on his previously unblemished, flawless face. Draco knew what they were whispering, knew that some guessed the truth---but none of them KNEW it was the truth, and that was what mattered. Let them think what they would, they could never understand anything.
************************************************************************
Professor Snape stared at the boy, suddenly feeling strange empathy for him. 'He's your rival, you know, your sworn enemy of every single life. You have to HATE him. Completely and utterly---not PITY him. After all, think of how he treats Rhane.' 'I know---.'
His gaze turned to that girl, who haunted his every thought, his every memory and dream. It was as if he had not truly been alive in this life until she existed in it, and he knew that their love must have been strong indeed, that very first life, to create a cycle such as this.
Sighing slightly and shaking his head, he began the lesson.
************************************************************************
The second the class ended, Draco leapt to his feet and all but raced from the room, a bemused Rhane watching him go, then waiting until everyone else had left. She walked up to the Potions Master and ran a slender finger down his chest, standing on tiptoes to kiss him lightly across the mouth, just a brush of their lips, before turning and leaving with haste.
Snape, still touching his lips with his fingers, turned to look over the classroom, and noticed something interesting.
A black notebook sat atop a desk. Draco Malfoy's desk, in fact. Looking around, Snape strolled over and picked the book up, taking it to his desk. He sat down and turned to the first page---
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Hours later, at noon, Snape sought Draco out and told the boy he needed to talk to him. Draco closed his eyes, inwardly cursing himself for forgetting his notebook, knowing instantly what this was about. He followed the professor back to the Dungeons, preparing cool, collected responses for questions he imagined Snape would ask.
"You really are a troubled young man, Mister Malfoy. Speak the truth, or I may have to feed you a potion that will force you to." The Potions Master's voice was hard and almost angry, in many ways. Without waiting for any reply or smart remark, he continued. "That shiner---it isn't the only bruise you have today, is it?"
Draco held his head high, haughtily. "It really isn't your business, SIR. And that is an honest, truthful answer."
Snape glared at the boy and tried another tactic. "Your poems seem to imply that your father abuses you. Is this true?"
"That depends on your definition, SIR." The silver-blonde was holding back tears and screams, wanting to tell this moron who already had the affections of the one person Draco cared about---however he might treat her- --that he had no right to take away any of Draco's secrets, no right to know these humiliating things about him and his family life. But he said nothing, merely turned his back to the professor in a way that implied that the discussion was over.
"And they imply that you treat Rhane in a similar fashion---."
He whirled around to face the Potions Master, silvery eyes flashing with rage. "How I treat my future wife and fiancé is NO business of YOURS, Professor---remember, you are a TEACHER and should have no interests in her whatsoever, yet you do----so how DARE you try and tell ME what I can and cannot do!" He grabbed his notebook from Snape's hands, the professor too much in shock to react quickly enough. Turning sharply on his heel, the silver-blonde Slytherin stormed from the Dungeons, leaving a stunned and self-conscious Professor Severus Snape standing, hands still stretched as if holding something very much like a book.
************************************************************************
Draco curled up in a corner of the dead-end hallway, not surprised when he heard soft footsteps. He looked up to find Rhane standing over him. He leapt to his feet, suddenly unaware of the pain, and threw himself on her, trapping her between his battered, fevered body and the cool stone of the wall. She stared wide-eyed in shock, she had believed him to be too weakened in the state he was in to do anything now. Yet she found she could not break free and was afraid to hit him for fear of seriously hurting him---even killing him. 'Why should I care if he's injured or not? He deserves it!' 'No he doesn't---well, a little bruise maybe, but not to be completely swallowed by bruises, welts and cuts. You know that.' '---.' While her mind had been distracted, Draco had begun to kiss her neck, biting sharply in places and finally, he slammed his lips into hers, biting down hard and not allowing her any way to pull away whatsoever. Just when it seemed this kiss was some sort of double suicide plot and Rhane felt that she could not breathe a second longer like this, he pulled away, staring with unfocused eyes at her, face flushed and shining with a thin sheen of sweat.
"I love you, I tell you again and again, but it doesn't matter, does it? I didn't think so. But I don't care if you don't love me or not, you're mine, you hear me? MINE. Not anybody else's. Just mine. Always---mine---." He turned and stumbled slightly as he wandered away in the direction of the Slytherin Common Room.
Rhane watched him leave with muddled feelings and confused emotions. Whatever did these sensations mean? Was it fear or pity, or something else entirely? Shaking her head, the brunette felt herself sink to the ground in confusion, her mind wrecked and tired from the attempt to sort its uncharted recesses.
************************************************************************
After several hours, Rhane awoke to realize she had fallen asleep amidst the chaos of her mind. Shaking herself and mumbling irritably at a numb foot, she managed to make it to her Common Room and sink into bed to sleep another dreamless night. Ever since everyone had realized who they had been before, in past lives, Rhane had not dreamed once. It was odd, she thought, catching hold of that one idea before slumber claimed her again.
************************************************************************
Draco, however, could not sleep. The fever had him tossing and turning, which, due to the many bruises, meant that he was making muffled cries of pain most of the night. However much he tried, the day's events lay heavily upon his mind and he knew that this whole business would not end here, with that discussion betwixt he and Snape. If only he had made sure he had all of his things before leaving the class! If only he hadn't been in such a hurry to escape the scrutinous stares---. He had been fortunate- Snape had not been in the Slytherin Common Room when he had entered, and Draco had been able to sneak up to bed, though it was little comfort, considering his inability to fall into slumber's clutches. Sighing, the boy again attempted hold still long enough to fall into the dreamless sleep he had been experiencing lately.
Author's Note: ^_^ Hope you liked that chapter, too!^_^ I'll keep writing as long as people keep liking it----^_^
Chapter Seventeen: Bitter
A/N: Yet again, I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain') The story's a bit twisted, to warn you-and kinda long. Or at least, it will be. I hope. lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY, k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that, k? K. ^_^ Papa Roach is very inspiring, especially the new cd..^_____^ Oh, yes, and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic. ^_^. ^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters- after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ Oh, and all poems in these stories, I wrote. (My Creative Writing teacher tells me my poetry is 'gothic'..) ^_^ ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS. O_o Whee, I love writing about characters with MPD!! ((Multiple Personality Disorder))^__________^'
************************************************************************
Once I relied on logic and an emotionless void, Once I thought I could keep distanced from the world. I know you believe I have destroyed--- Destroyed everything you are and leaving your mind swirled.
I don't only exist to seduce, And yet I will not allow myself a truce. My pride holds me in check, And my heart is a wreck.
Please accept me, though I know your love is not mine, And for you I shall forever pine. Even when we are united, I know how I feel is not how you feel, But I would, for you, lie, cheat and steal.
Love is a many-splendored thing they say, Though I know that it is in truth the deepest torture that never goes away. I cannot resist the feeling, And it sends my mental state reeling.
I'm sorry I hurt you again and again, Over and over, I inflict pain. It's my nature, unable to stop, Hit you until to the floor you drop.
But---I still love you. Believe me, everything I say is true. I could never wish for another, it's you I want forever, But in showing love I am a failure.
************************************************************************
Draco stared in the mirror. He didn't remember how he had managed to make it to his Common Room, but shrugged it off as he tried to think of a story to tell when asked about the black eye he had received from his father's violent outbreak on the night after the Yule Ball. Gingerly, he touched it and felt a lance of pain shoot through his body, leaving him trembling slightly.
Of course, this was not the only bruise that he had been given. As he stared in the mirror, Draco realized that his body was livid with them, almost completely purple-blue in huge patches all over. His chest was a mass of bruised and welted ivory flesh, his back was scarred from previous beatings and covered in marks as well. Bruises and cuts trailed his arms, and, yes, his legs as well. He knew without looking that the bruises covered even his bum, and winced when he thought of sitting again. He felt so much pain that he couldn't think straight, the fever still raging and the nerves shivering with the intensity of the tortures inflicted on his pale, slim body.
"I swear---I don't know what got into Father, but he's certainly made it difficult to cover up this time." The silver-blond felt slightly disturbed at the sight of his ashen, bruised face, suddenly seeming so small, pointed and fragile in the mirror. Turning away, he dressed with the greatest of care and slowly gathered his things and headed for his first class.
************************************************************************
From the moment he sat down, Draco pulled his quill and ink out, along with his notebook, and began to write with a violent furiousness pervading his actions.
'I see what you've done to me, Is this how you care? I guess I wasn't aware, Never opened my eyes wide enough to see.
Now I understand the extent of your cruelty, of your twisted mind, And it shames me to know I possess it too, Tears me apart knowing I can't help but be like you. If only I could change what I know is upon my soul in blood signed.
But I cannot, and because you are this way so am I. It infuses my soul forever and will never go away. It will always be here to stay, Though I attempt to fight it, though I may try.
And I can't fight any of what's happening, I have no control, I'm a lost dark angel who has fallen too far to ever be reclaimed. No matter what anyone does to try and change me, your ways are imprinted on my soul, From the moment I was born and named.'
He nearly slumped to his desk, aware of the raised eyebrows at the black eye on his previously unblemished, flawless face. Draco knew what they were whispering, knew that some guessed the truth---but none of them KNEW it was the truth, and that was what mattered. Let them think what they would, they could never understand anything.
************************************************************************
Professor Snape stared at the boy, suddenly feeling strange empathy for him. 'He's your rival, you know, your sworn enemy of every single life. You have to HATE him. Completely and utterly---not PITY him. After all, think of how he treats Rhane.' 'I know---.'
His gaze turned to that girl, who haunted his every thought, his every memory and dream. It was as if he had not truly been alive in this life until she existed in it, and he knew that their love must have been strong indeed, that very first life, to create a cycle such as this.
Sighing slightly and shaking his head, he began the lesson.
************************************************************************
The second the class ended, Draco leapt to his feet and all but raced from the room, a bemused Rhane watching him go, then waiting until everyone else had left. She walked up to the Potions Master and ran a slender finger down his chest, standing on tiptoes to kiss him lightly across the mouth, just a brush of their lips, before turning and leaving with haste.
Snape, still touching his lips with his fingers, turned to look over the classroom, and noticed something interesting.
A black notebook sat atop a desk. Draco Malfoy's desk, in fact. Looking around, Snape strolled over and picked the book up, taking it to his desk. He sat down and turned to the first page---
************************************************************************
Hours later, at noon, Snape sought Draco out and told the boy he needed to talk to him. Draco closed his eyes, inwardly cursing himself for forgetting his notebook, knowing instantly what this was about. He followed the professor back to the Dungeons, preparing cool, collected responses for questions he imagined Snape would ask.
"You really are a troubled young man, Mister Malfoy. Speak the truth, or I may have to feed you a potion that will force you to." The Potions Master's voice was hard and almost angry, in many ways. Without waiting for any reply or smart remark, he continued. "That shiner---it isn't the only bruise you have today, is it?"
Draco held his head high, haughtily. "It really isn't your business, SIR. And that is an honest, truthful answer."
Snape glared at the boy and tried another tactic. "Your poems seem to imply that your father abuses you. Is this true?"
"That depends on your definition, SIR." The silver-blonde was holding back tears and screams, wanting to tell this moron who already had the affections of the one person Draco cared about---however he might treat her- --that he had no right to take away any of Draco's secrets, no right to know these humiliating things about him and his family life. But he said nothing, merely turned his back to the professor in a way that implied that the discussion was over.
"And they imply that you treat Rhane in a similar fashion---."
He whirled around to face the Potions Master, silvery eyes flashing with rage. "How I treat my future wife and fiancé is NO business of YOURS, Professor---remember, you are a TEACHER and should have no interests in her whatsoever, yet you do----so how DARE you try and tell ME what I can and cannot do!" He grabbed his notebook from Snape's hands, the professor too much in shock to react quickly enough. Turning sharply on his heel, the silver-blonde Slytherin stormed from the Dungeons, leaving a stunned and self-conscious Professor Severus Snape standing, hands still stretched as if holding something very much like a book.
************************************************************************
Draco curled up in a corner of the dead-end hallway, not surprised when he heard soft footsteps. He looked up to find Rhane standing over him. He leapt to his feet, suddenly unaware of the pain, and threw himself on her, trapping her between his battered, fevered body and the cool stone of the wall. She stared wide-eyed in shock, she had believed him to be too weakened in the state he was in to do anything now. Yet she found she could not break free and was afraid to hit him for fear of seriously hurting him---even killing him. 'Why should I care if he's injured or not? He deserves it!' 'No he doesn't---well, a little bruise maybe, but not to be completely swallowed by bruises, welts and cuts. You know that.' '---.' While her mind had been distracted, Draco had begun to kiss her neck, biting sharply in places and finally, he slammed his lips into hers, biting down hard and not allowing her any way to pull away whatsoever. Just when it seemed this kiss was some sort of double suicide plot and Rhane felt that she could not breathe a second longer like this, he pulled away, staring with unfocused eyes at her, face flushed and shining with a thin sheen of sweat.
"I love you, I tell you again and again, but it doesn't matter, does it? I didn't think so. But I don't care if you don't love me or not, you're mine, you hear me? MINE. Not anybody else's. Just mine. Always---mine---." He turned and stumbled slightly as he wandered away in the direction of the Slytherin Common Room.
Rhane watched him leave with muddled feelings and confused emotions. Whatever did these sensations mean? Was it fear or pity, or something else entirely? Shaking her head, the brunette felt herself sink to the ground in confusion, her mind wrecked and tired from the attempt to sort its uncharted recesses.
************************************************************************
After several hours, Rhane awoke to realize she had fallen asleep amidst the chaos of her mind. Shaking herself and mumbling irritably at a numb foot, she managed to make it to her Common Room and sink into bed to sleep another dreamless night. Ever since everyone had realized who they had been before, in past lives, Rhane had not dreamed once. It was odd, she thought, catching hold of that one idea before slumber claimed her again.
************************************************************************
Draco, however, could not sleep. The fever had him tossing and turning, which, due to the many bruises, meant that he was making muffled cries of pain most of the night. However much he tried, the day's events lay heavily upon his mind and he knew that this whole business would not end here, with that discussion betwixt he and Snape. If only he had made sure he had all of his things before leaving the class! If only he hadn't been in such a hurry to escape the scrutinous stares---. He had been fortunate- Snape had not been in the Slytherin Common Room when he had entered, and Draco had been able to sneak up to bed, though it was little comfort, considering his inability to fall into slumber's clutches. Sighing, the boy again attempted hold still long enough to fall into the dreamless sleep he had been experiencing lately.
Author's Note: ^_^ Hope you liked that chapter, too!^_^ I'll keep writing as long as people keep liking it----^_^