Never Lose Me
Chapter Eighteen: Scars
A/N: Yet again, I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain') The story's a bit twisted, to warn you-and kinda long. Or at least, it will be. I hope. lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY, k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that, k? K. ^_^ Papa Roach is very inspiring, especially the new cd..^_____^ Oh, yes, and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic. ^_^. ^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters- after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ Oh, and all poems in these stories, I wrote. (My Creative Writing teacher tells me my poetry is 'gothic'..) ^_^ ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS. O_o Whee, I love writing about characters with MPD!! ((Multiple Personality Disorder))^__________^K, omeone asked for a bit more with Snape and his mind, so here goes.
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"Whispers of promise turn into taunts and lies, So full of whys, It is myself that I most despise.
Want to feel completely numb, A part of life's rhythm, But when I wake I realize I'm being dumb.
My blood flows rich and red, As I lie here on the bed, Trying to stop it, remembering what she said.
Is it my fault that I am this way? I'm sorry you didn't want to play, But asking nicely isn't my forte.
Red blood like tears, Revealing all my darkest, most personal fears. It always seems that on this road of life I am not the one who steers.
Is it my father who inspires this way, this attitude in my blood and soul? Wretched being that I am, I go into my own mind for a stroll, And come out everything but whole.
I know who I am, unfortunate though it may be, I cannot change the darkness inside of me. Born into a life of torment and with a heart of cruelty and haughtiness, can't you see?
I will never be what you---what I---want. And this shall forever my mind haunt. I wish I had never tried an approach that began with a taunt.
But what's done is done, and I cannot prevent it from repeating. When I am hurt, I turn to you to afflict a beating. Sometimes I lie alone and know that, with each moment, you and I are dying."
************************************************************************
Severus Snape stood, stretched, and stared moodily into the scratched mirror next to his bed. He remembered making those scratches, a long time ago. 'Not that I couldn't have a new mirror, if I chose---but that one has-- -memories. Memories that sometimes I try to keep in mind when Rhane gets so close. Love is an unhealthy business, I have no wish to be participating in it this time around.' He didn't even realize as his words transferred to speech, aloud. "Is it not enough that I have loved and died for Rhane in every single life for countless years?! No, I have to have been cursed with loving and losing another in THIS life, as well. I was such a FOOL, then."
Snape shook his head and stared into the mirror with eyes dark and full of hidden mysteries and miseries. "Let Rhane and Draco bear their scars outside as well as in---mine are all on the inside, where no one can ever see, where no one can ever try their idiotic sympathy on ME. After all this time, what good would sympathy do, anyway?" His voice was almost flat and emotionless, and most would have not even thought of listening to his words---except those who knew him so well that they could discern even the tiniest quirks in his speech, as his words held now. Sighing, he pulled a comb through his thick, oily hair. Hair he hadn't bothered to seriously care for since SHE had been gone. Oh, certainly, he had washed it---about once a week, at least. SHE had loved his hair clean and soft---but she wasn't here anymore. A sudden longing to wash and scrub it until it shone came across him, to see what Rhane would say, what Rhane would do---but he shoved that urge to the side. 'Why should I let myself think of these things? I can no longer deny that I love the girl---but I have no RIGHT. If I suddenly change NOW, while she is still attending this school, I shall give myself away. I refuse to play THAT part.'
The Potions Master dressed as quickly as he could, still fastening his cloak's clasp as he turned to step through the door and was astonished when he knocked Rhane to the ground. 'How long was she there? WHAT HAS SHE HEARD? Oh, I AM a fool indeed!' To her, he spoke aloud, holding his hand outstretched for her to take in order to help her up. "What were you doing there, Miss Jiyn?" Snape's voice was soft, inquisitive, cool, with a sharp edge hidden just beneath that cushioned surface. In response, she grabbed his hand, first pressing it to her soft lips, then using it to draw herself to her feet, not releasing it. However, nor did he attempt to pull away. She pushed him back into his room, and he felt slightly overwhelmed as anxiety filled him. He had a class---as did she!---and if they both arrived late, all would not be well for them.
He knew he was powerless to resist her, though, and found himself embracing her as if they had been apart for a millennium or more. It certainly felt that way sometimes. His arms wrapped around her and his lips sought hers in a passionate kiss. Finally, he pulled away, unable to allow himself to take this any farther. 'I will NOT allow things to end as they have so many times before. This cycle WILL end this time.'
"Love, I have missed you SO terribly much. Please do not pull away--- Please." Her eyes were so large and pleading, pools of emerald shining in the pale, oval face that haunted his mind every second of the day.
"We must go to class. You should arrive first, I will say I became detained from being there first thing, as I normally am, by talking to Dumbledore about important matters that do not necessarily need to be discussed with the student body. Do you understand?" His voice was slightly husky, as if he had been crying or some such thing---but Rhane knew that must be impossible. Surely Snape would not cry!
As he watched her walk away, Professor Snape suffered a memory---a beautiful raven-haired girl, eyes like silver moons. 'Why am I remembering her again? Rhane is nothing like her, and was not in ANY of our lives anything like her. She was----different in every way.' 'No---no she wasn't, and you know it. Looks, maybe, they do not share, but personality-wise, they are alike enough to have been twins. And that is why you remember HER.' '---.'
Snape began to ready himself for class, and the elaborate plan he had devised to explain his lateness.
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The moment the class was over, Draco grabbed Rhane's arm and dragged her, a surge of strength coming to his recently frail, fever-ridden body. He unceremoniously stripped to the waist, obviously overheated from even just one class. The silver-blonde Slytherin grabbed hold of her hand and pulled it to his pale, full, sneering lips. At first, his kiss to the hand seemed gentle, then he began to nibble, then finally, bit down hard, leaving little puncture wounds bleeding slightly. Fortunately, he had not hit a vein---yet. He shoved her into a wall, smiling in a crazed way with fire in his eyes, and turned to open his schoolbag, pulling out the whip. He pulled her robe and vest off, and turned her back to him, cracking the whip with abandon perhaps five or six times before dropping it and giving a hysterical little laugh at the sight of the drops of blood beading through the white cotton dress shirt. The boy turned her back around and began planting small, feather-light kisses all over her face and neck.
"Please don't be angry with me, Rhane---I just couldn't bear the thought that you and---and Professor Snape were alone together---no, don't give me that insolent story he gave earlier, that excuse---I know the truth. I don't know what you did, but it hurts me, hurts me more than any of these bruises that cover my entire body from head to foot, scars me so badly inside that I wonder if I shall ever recover. Sometimes I doubt it. I LOVE you, Rhane, and no one but you do I want. I want YOU, and it is YOU who is mine, don't you see? Mine. I do so love you---." He bit down sharply on her neck again, but drew only a tiny drop of blood, which he immediately kissed away. When he faced her again, his lips were stained red with her blood. To her shock, he leaned forward and kissed her, a kiss that perhaps felt all the more fiery because his skin was so very much on fire, while hers was rather cooled from the chilly air, though something about the kiss was warming her face with a flush.
He gripped her in a fierce hug and then reached into his bag again, causing her to shrink back. However, this time, Draco produced one long-stemmed, amazingly beautiful red rose, the richest red she'd ever imagined, with the sweetest fragrance in existence. Rhane knew her eyes were lighting up, cursing herself inwardly for such foolishness, she allowed him to place the glorious flower in her hair, twining it behind her ear with the help of the headband she was wearing.
"Beautiful----." He whispered in that silky, satin voice of his, then coughed in a very painful-sounding way. "I must go, but please remember that I care, regardless of what I do." Gently, he brushed his lips against hers, and picked up her discarded vest, pulling it over her head and handed Rhane her robe. "Don't get cold." He gave a little smirk, bowed, and left with all speed, not forgetting any of his things.
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Rhane stood there, hands brushing her lips and sometimes timidly touching the rose. Almost spontaneously , she slumped to her knees, and felt the tears begin to rain from her eyes. "Why? What are these feelings I feel? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" All of a sudden, she heard a fluttering, and looked up in time to see a midnight-black owl leaving the hall. Looking down, she saw a letter---the envelope was the inkiest black she'd ever seen, the lettering bone white. She opened it and began to read in confusion.
*** Dearest Rhane,
I wonder if you see me? Do you know I am here? I want you too. I watch you all the time, and wish for just one word, even a smile. I know you would like me, if only you knew me. Please, do not delay in searching for me. I await you.
Sincerely, Your truest love, though you may yet be unawares. Rhane's eyes narrowed in puzzlement. 'Not ANOTHER boy to deal with---I love SNAPE! But---I feel oddly about Draco, I don't even WANT to understand THOSE feelings, and now, here's this mystery person who sounds to be a stalker and probably a nutcase! Can my life GET any worse?! No---wait. I'm sure it can---Murphy's Law. ((Note-Murphy's Law is that anything that can go wrong, WILL.)) Whatever shall I do? I need to know who this person is, so that I can avoid them---but how shall I know? What, I search for everyone who writes in white on ink-black paper?!' Sighing, the Gryffindor suddenly felt completely drained of energy, completely tired out and wanted merely to sleep. Yet, there were still the rest of her classes, so she pulled herself up and stumbled on to her next class, the mystery left unsolved.
Author's Note:OOOOH,intruige.^_^teehee.^_^lala.Hope you enjoyed this chapter!^_^
Chapter Eighteen: Scars
A/N: Yet again, I do not own J.K. Rowling's marvelous story and characters. The only character I own is Rhane (pronounced 'Rain') The story's a bit twisted, to warn you-and kinda long. Or at least, it will be. I hope. lol^_^ Please review, and if you must criticize, do it CONSTRUCTIVELY, k? Nothing like, 'oh, Snape's ICKY, no girl would ever go after him.' Or anything like that, k? K. ^_^ Papa Roach is very inspiring, especially the new cd..^_____^ Oh, yes, and in this fic, Draco isn't exactly EVIL, per say.just very, very disturbed, twisted, obsessed and sadistic. ^_^. ^_^'^_^YES it's disturbing, and YES it'll probably get worse.^_^' Please don't review and tell me I'm sick or anything for any of these chapters- after all, it would seem quite silly to have Draco be sadistic and all and not try anything like that on Rhane, you know. Besides, if you've gotten this far, you must not really mind disturbingness. ^_^ Oh, and all poems in these stories, I wrote. (My Creative Writing teacher tells me my poetry is 'gothic'..) ^_^ ALSO----IT IS ACTUALLY DECEMBER IN THESE LAST FEW CHAPTERS. O_o Whee, I love writing about characters with MPD!! ((Multiple Personality Disorder))^__________^K, omeone asked for a bit more with Snape and his mind, so here goes.
************************************************************************
"Whispers of promise turn into taunts and lies, So full of whys, It is myself that I most despise.
Want to feel completely numb, A part of life's rhythm, But when I wake I realize I'm being dumb.
My blood flows rich and red, As I lie here on the bed, Trying to stop it, remembering what she said.
Is it my fault that I am this way? I'm sorry you didn't want to play, But asking nicely isn't my forte.
Red blood like tears, Revealing all my darkest, most personal fears. It always seems that on this road of life I am not the one who steers.
Is it my father who inspires this way, this attitude in my blood and soul? Wretched being that I am, I go into my own mind for a stroll, And come out everything but whole.
I know who I am, unfortunate though it may be, I cannot change the darkness inside of me. Born into a life of torment and with a heart of cruelty and haughtiness, can't you see?
I will never be what you---what I---want. And this shall forever my mind haunt. I wish I had never tried an approach that began with a taunt.
But what's done is done, and I cannot prevent it from repeating. When I am hurt, I turn to you to afflict a beating. Sometimes I lie alone and know that, with each moment, you and I are dying."
************************************************************************
Severus Snape stood, stretched, and stared moodily into the scratched mirror next to his bed. He remembered making those scratches, a long time ago. 'Not that I couldn't have a new mirror, if I chose---but that one has-- -memories. Memories that sometimes I try to keep in mind when Rhane gets so close. Love is an unhealthy business, I have no wish to be participating in it this time around.' He didn't even realize as his words transferred to speech, aloud. "Is it not enough that I have loved and died for Rhane in every single life for countless years?! No, I have to have been cursed with loving and losing another in THIS life, as well. I was such a FOOL, then."
Snape shook his head and stared into the mirror with eyes dark and full of hidden mysteries and miseries. "Let Rhane and Draco bear their scars outside as well as in---mine are all on the inside, where no one can ever see, where no one can ever try their idiotic sympathy on ME. After all this time, what good would sympathy do, anyway?" His voice was almost flat and emotionless, and most would have not even thought of listening to his words---except those who knew him so well that they could discern even the tiniest quirks in his speech, as his words held now. Sighing, he pulled a comb through his thick, oily hair. Hair he hadn't bothered to seriously care for since SHE had been gone. Oh, certainly, he had washed it---about once a week, at least. SHE had loved his hair clean and soft---but she wasn't here anymore. A sudden longing to wash and scrub it until it shone came across him, to see what Rhane would say, what Rhane would do---but he shoved that urge to the side. 'Why should I let myself think of these things? I can no longer deny that I love the girl---but I have no RIGHT. If I suddenly change NOW, while she is still attending this school, I shall give myself away. I refuse to play THAT part.'
The Potions Master dressed as quickly as he could, still fastening his cloak's clasp as he turned to step through the door and was astonished when he knocked Rhane to the ground. 'How long was she there? WHAT HAS SHE HEARD? Oh, I AM a fool indeed!' To her, he spoke aloud, holding his hand outstretched for her to take in order to help her up. "What were you doing there, Miss Jiyn?" Snape's voice was soft, inquisitive, cool, with a sharp edge hidden just beneath that cushioned surface. In response, she grabbed his hand, first pressing it to her soft lips, then using it to draw herself to her feet, not releasing it. However, nor did he attempt to pull away. She pushed him back into his room, and he felt slightly overwhelmed as anxiety filled him. He had a class---as did she!---and if they both arrived late, all would not be well for them.
He knew he was powerless to resist her, though, and found himself embracing her as if they had been apart for a millennium or more. It certainly felt that way sometimes. His arms wrapped around her and his lips sought hers in a passionate kiss. Finally, he pulled away, unable to allow himself to take this any farther. 'I will NOT allow things to end as they have so many times before. This cycle WILL end this time.'
"Love, I have missed you SO terribly much. Please do not pull away--- Please." Her eyes were so large and pleading, pools of emerald shining in the pale, oval face that haunted his mind every second of the day.
"We must go to class. You should arrive first, I will say I became detained from being there first thing, as I normally am, by talking to Dumbledore about important matters that do not necessarily need to be discussed with the student body. Do you understand?" His voice was slightly husky, as if he had been crying or some such thing---but Rhane knew that must be impossible. Surely Snape would not cry!
As he watched her walk away, Professor Snape suffered a memory---a beautiful raven-haired girl, eyes like silver moons. 'Why am I remembering her again? Rhane is nothing like her, and was not in ANY of our lives anything like her. She was----different in every way.' 'No---no she wasn't, and you know it. Looks, maybe, they do not share, but personality-wise, they are alike enough to have been twins. And that is why you remember HER.' '---.'
Snape began to ready himself for class, and the elaborate plan he had devised to explain his lateness.
************************************************************************
The moment the class was over, Draco grabbed Rhane's arm and dragged her, a surge of strength coming to his recently frail, fever-ridden body. He unceremoniously stripped to the waist, obviously overheated from even just one class. The silver-blonde Slytherin grabbed hold of her hand and pulled it to his pale, full, sneering lips. At first, his kiss to the hand seemed gentle, then he began to nibble, then finally, bit down hard, leaving little puncture wounds bleeding slightly. Fortunately, he had not hit a vein---yet. He shoved her into a wall, smiling in a crazed way with fire in his eyes, and turned to open his schoolbag, pulling out the whip. He pulled her robe and vest off, and turned her back to him, cracking the whip with abandon perhaps five or six times before dropping it and giving a hysterical little laugh at the sight of the drops of blood beading through the white cotton dress shirt. The boy turned her back around and began planting small, feather-light kisses all over her face and neck.
"Please don't be angry with me, Rhane---I just couldn't bear the thought that you and---and Professor Snape were alone together---no, don't give me that insolent story he gave earlier, that excuse---I know the truth. I don't know what you did, but it hurts me, hurts me more than any of these bruises that cover my entire body from head to foot, scars me so badly inside that I wonder if I shall ever recover. Sometimes I doubt it. I LOVE you, Rhane, and no one but you do I want. I want YOU, and it is YOU who is mine, don't you see? Mine. I do so love you---." He bit down sharply on her neck again, but drew only a tiny drop of blood, which he immediately kissed away. When he faced her again, his lips were stained red with her blood. To her shock, he leaned forward and kissed her, a kiss that perhaps felt all the more fiery because his skin was so very much on fire, while hers was rather cooled from the chilly air, though something about the kiss was warming her face with a flush.
He gripped her in a fierce hug and then reached into his bag again, causing her to shrink back. However, this time, Draco produced one long-stemmed, amazingly beautiful red rose, the richest red she'd ever imagined, with the sweetest fragrance in existence. Rhane knew her eyes were lighting up, cursing herself inwardly for such foolishness, she allowed him to place the glorious flower in her hair, twining it behind her ear with the help of the headband she was wearing.
"Beautiful----." He whispered in that silky, satin voice of his, then coughed in a very painful-sounding way. "I must go, but please remember that I care, regardless of what I do." Gently, he brushed his lips against hers, and picked up her discarded vest, pulling it over her head and handed Rhane her robe. "Don't get cold." He gave a little smirk, bowed, and left with all speed, not forgetting any of his things.
************************************************************************
Rhane stood there, hands brushing her lips and sometimes timidly touching the rose. Almost spontaneously , she slumped to her knees, and felt the tears begin to rain from her eyes. "Why? What are these feelings I feel? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" All of a sudden, she heard a fluttering, and looked up in time to see a midnight-black owl leaving the hall. Looking down, she saw a letter---the envelope was the inkiest black she'd ever seen, the lettering bone white. She opened it and began to read in confusion.
*** Dearest Rhane,
I wonder if you see me? Do you know I am here? I want you too. I watch you all the time, and wish for just one word, even a smile. I know you would like me, if only you knew me. Please, do not delay in searching for me. I await you.
Sincerely, Your truest love, though you may yet be unawares. Rhane's eyes narrowed in puzzlement. 'Not ANOTHER boy to deal with---I love SNAPE! But---I feel oddly about Draco, I don't even WANT to understand THOSE feelings, and now, here's this mystery person who sounds to be a stalker and probably a nutcase! Can my life GET any worse?! No---wait. I'm sure it can---Murphy's Law. ((Note-Murphy's Law is that anything that can go wrong, WILL.)) Whatever shall I do? I need to know who this person is, so that I can avoid them---but how shall I know? What, I search for everyone who writes in white on ink-black paper?!' Sighing, the Gryffindor suddenly felt completely drained of energy, completely tired out and wanted merely to sleep. Yet, there were still the rest of her classes, so she pulled herself up and stumbled on to her next class, the mystery left unsolved.
Author's Note:OOOOH,intruige.^_^teehee.^_^lala.Hope you enjoyed this chapter!^_^