Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I owned HikaGo, Hikaru and Akira would snog nonstop.
This will be AkiHika/HikaAki. Boy/Boy love. Lime-ish at times, with a possibility of alternate lemon chapters in another location so that I'm in compliance with the FF.net guidelines. Don't like, don't read.
Uh, spoilers. I started writing this not long after watching episode 65. After the events of episode 63, it sort of wanders off into AU-land, but read at your own risk!
If you would like to share constructive comments and/or criticism, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I ignore flames, so don't waste your time.
Thoughts are in italics. Flashbacks will be labeled as such. Japanese terms are also in italics.
Thanks to my beta, Sakurayuki, for doing such a great job!
Chapter One - I Always Thought The Way You Talked Was Neat
*pa-chi*
*pa-chi*
*pa-chi*
He knelt before the goban, mindlessly recreating one of Shuusaku's games. Normally, the familiar feel of the stones sliding against his fingers as he dipped them into the go ke was reassuring. The pattern of black and white would seem senseless to anyone who did not study the age-old game of strategy, but as of late, it had been even more meaningful. Hikaru had discovered that he could feel Sai's presence in his go. His initial elation had faded, however, when Hikaru realized that while he could feel the gentle warmth of the spirit's presence, he could not converse with his old friend, or confide in him as he occasionally had.
True, Sai had been obsessed with go.
True, Hikaru wasn't much of an in-touch-with-one's-emotions type of guy.
True, most of their dialogue had pertained to the game that had consumed them both.
Nevertheless, Hikaru, for all his rapid growth as a go player, was still a growing teenage boy. And Sai, for all that he was an incorporeal being held back from the heavens by pure love of the game, was still the one who had dwelt in the corner of his mind. It was natural to confide in Sai. He could trust the spirit, not just because Hikaru was the only one with whom Sai could communicate, but because, despite their squabbles, they trusted each other.
Go brought Sai back to Hikaru to a limited extent, but it did not return his confidante.
His knuckles whitened as he gripped his knees, fingers clenching with suppressed emotion. The entire game was laid out before him, every stone meticulously and perfectly placed in the right position as dictated by the kifu Hikaru had memorized the night before. For a moment, he stared dully at the stones, remembering the sound of Sai's voice explaining the purpose of a particular move and how it tested the strength of an opponent.
"Hikaru! Come downstairs for dinner!"
The next morning arrived, rain-soaked and dreary. In the background, Hikaru's mother fussed over his lack of breakfast as he slung his bag over his shoulder and pulled up the hood of his jacket, making a bee-line for the door. The sidewalk was slippery with moisture, but he ran anyway, desperate to avoid being late for his match. The young pro's string of losses by default was going to come to an end.
The inside of the Institute was warm, and a gust of air puffed gently against Hikaru's face as he pushed through the door, flinging the sopping fabric of his hood away from his hair in a careless gesture. The blond bangs were plastered to his forehead, and he shook his head like a dog, ignoring the dirty look from the older man who was carefully placing his umbrella in the receptacle. Moments later, his shoes had been placed in the cubby and Hikaru was settled in front of the goban staring across at the two-dan he would be playing in this match. Across the room, Waya glanced over surreptitiously, flashing a quick grin at his younger friend.
He responded with a half-smile, his attention already focused on the grid in front of him. The match may not have started, but his fingers were itching for the feel of the stones, and his mind was already running through a half-dozen possible opening moves. The buzzer sounded, signaling the start of the match.
I have to win this match...
Hikaru reached into the go ke, drawing out a black stone and shifting it in his fingers without conscious thought before laying it on the board firmly.
Yes, I'll win.
The two-dan sent one last bemused look at the wet and bedraggled boy in front of him before responding, and for awhile, there was nothing but the familiar sound of stones against wood.
"I resign."
Hikaru thanked his opponent and began clearing his stones, ignoring the odd looks the other man was sending his way. He was used to being underestimated. When the last stone had been removed from the board and each container was neatly replaced on top, he rose, looking around the room for a familiar dark green head.
I haven't seen Touya since that day he came to school, looking for me. He was so mad...he'd better not forget that I'm his eternal rival!
But it was entirely possible that the other boy had given up on him during his absence from the go world. A string of losses like that...to someone like Touya Akira, it must have been incomprehensible.
I guess he's already gone.
"Shindou! You're here!"
Waya grinned, punching the smaller boy on the shoulder before dragging him out of the match room towards the vending machine.
"You won today?"
"Yeah. You?"
"Yeah."
An awkward silence seemed to hang between them, and Hikaru scuffed his slipper-clad feet against the shiny floor tiles.
"So, are you gonna to come back to Sensei's study sessions?"
"I dunno...you said he was seriously pissed. Maybe he doesn't want me to come back..."
The redhead threw one arm behind his back and drained his can of coffee.
"Yeah, he was pretty mad. But you could come back and apologize, you know? I think he'd let you come back. He liked you being there."
"Maybe."
"Listen, Shindou...I don't know why you quit. But you're back, and we're friends, right? So let's go get some lunch."
Hikaru nodded, following along with Waya. You didn't have to be exceptionally perceptive (which he was not) to tell that the other boy was trying to "get back to old times". The trouble was that those times were over, in Hikaru's mind. He needed something to get out of this rut...something to spur him on and energize him. In the past, he had always turned to his rivalry with Touya, but that rivalry would always be tainted with the fear that Akira was really chasing Sai, not Hikaru.
And more than anything else, Hikaru wanted to be acknowledged for himself, not for Sai.
He was my friend...but he wasn't me. Isn't me. I want someone to want me for me.
...tbc...
So, opinions?
Lyrics for your reading pleasure:
I Want To Touch You, by Catherine Wheel
I always thought the way you talked was neat
And I dreamed that when you speak, you speak to me
But you're always out of reach
And I can't control my speech
And I'm scared that when we meet, I'll want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
You're the only soul inside that makes me shake
And the crazy senseless things you make me take
It would really make my day
If you'd only move away
'Cause I'm scared that if you stay, I'll want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
But you're always out of reach
And I can't control my speech
And I'm scared that when we meet
I'm fermenting, can't you see
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
I want to touch you
Touch you, touch you, touch you, touch you, touch you