A/N Another sort of short chapter. I could make them longer, but then
they would be really long so I figured it would be better to break it up
into more short chapters. Anyway, I hope you like how it's progressing so
far. I'm trying to get into a habit of posting at least two times a week.
As I've said before, the whole story is already written, it's just a matter
of typing it up and sometimes finding time to do that with the baby and all
is hard. To those of you who are following, my son Collin is now 3 ½
months old and he went as a cow for Halloween. This of course necessitated
me signing "Leap of Faith" and saying "Moo with me" to him as we walked to
various friend's houses.
Special thanks to everyone who has submitted a review. Especially Sandy! It's good to know someone is still out there reading! Enjoy and please feel free to email me with any questions. I know at this point it's getting really long and it may be hard to remember some things from earlier on.
Chapter 19
Mark heard the bang on the loft door and knew from the sound it was Roger's foot kicking it.
"Trust me, it was easier this way." Roger, who had Cass in his arms, said to Mark after seeing the look on his face. "She's fine, just wasted. And it would have taken forever for her to climb the stairs. Besides, climbing stairs with cracked ribs is no fun, believe me."
He walked through the door and started to set her down. "Hey Marky." She said to him.
"Hey sweetie. How do you feel?" He was starting to laugh.
"Much, much better." She paused for a second. "I think."
"Come on Cass." Roger had her by the waist and was leading her towards the bedroom. "Why don't you go take a nap for awhile."
"I don't want to take a nap. I'm fine." But looking at her Mark wondered if she'd fall down if Roger let go of her.
"Sure you do." Roger continued. "You just told me you wanted to take a nap. Remember? So why don't you go lie down." He took her into the air- conditioned bedroom and closed the door.
After about ten minutes Roger came back out of the bedroom and sat in the armchair. "Well, she's asleep. You know, you don't realize how many steps there are in this place to get up here until you haul somebody up them." Roger laughed. He was actually in a really good mood. Mark was glad to see that. Surprised, but glad. "But such is life when you live in the penthouse!" He laughed.
"Trust me, I know all about how many steps there are in this place." It had stared as a lighthearted comment back to Roger, but as Mark spoke the words he was regretting it by the end of the sentence. He watched the smile slide off Roger's face and could feel the same happen on his own.
After a second or so Roger quietly spoke, with his eyes toward the ground, "Yeah, I guess you would, wouldn't you?"
"Roger I didn't mean, I mean, I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. Sorry for making you do that. Sorry for everything that went with it. Sorry for never ever bothering to thank you back then."
"It's okay." Mark said softly.
"No it's not. I don't know how I thought I got up here half the time. I guess I always knew it was you. Thanks Mark. For all that."
"What was I gonna do, you know? Leave you in the alley? Somebody might have done who knows what to you out there. Besides, half the time you were wearing my clothes." Mark grinned hoping to lighten the mood. It didn't work. Roger's face was still stone cold serious.
Barely above a whisper Mark heard Roger speak again. "No really. For that. And April too. I mean you must have dragged her up here too I guess. I never really thought about it before, but you did didn't you? I know you never liked her either."
"Well, that's not," Mark paused "entirely true. She was well," he stopped again. Roger knew he was lying. Mark could tell by his face. "Okay, yeah. I never liked her. I actually hated her for awhile I guess."
"Yeah me too but then I realized some stuff. Fucked up as my life is, if it hadn't been for April I never would have meet Mimi."
Mark just nodded. This was true. Mark knew it. Mark had thought this before when in the past he had let his brain have this conversation with itself. If not for everything that came before Roger had fallen in love with Mimi, there most likely never would have been a Mimi for Roger to fall in love with. And then, when things were good between Roger and Mimi and good for them, that was the happiest Mark had ever seen Roger up till then.
Mark knew all this, but at the same time he also selfishly knew he would have rather had it the other way. He would have preferred a less happy Roger who never knew Mimi around for the next sixty or seventy years. Mark knew it was selfish and he hated it. He knew Roger had loved Mimi. Hell, Mark loved Mimi as well. But at the same time, deep down, he knew what the truth in his heart was. The truth was that Mark would have preferred giving up the existence of Mimi and the love she had for Roger for Mark's own selfish want to keep his best friend around forever. Mark knew that was the truth.
So yes, life without April would have meant most likely life without Mimi and every good thing that came with Mimi. And while Mark would have preferred that, at the same time the thought of it felt as if something sort of stabbed him in the heart some.
"And it wasn't like it was all April's fault you know? Yeah, she was already using a little when I met her and all, but it's not like she made me or anything."
Mark didn't say anything. He couldn't. He wouldn't let himself. Roger had no idea what April was really even like, especially in the end, but by then it was too late.
April was a greedy little smack whore in the end. Mark knew she always set them up. She always made Roger go first too. Whether it was to make sure the stuff was okay, or to make sure she got more in the end, Mark didn't know. Probably both he thought.
He also knew that when she was hurting she'd do anything to get a fix. Anything or anyone. She hit on Mark on more than one occasion. Whatever he wanted if he'd give her $20. Mark had seen her do the same to others too. Guys in Roger's band. Benny. Even Collins. He knew she even tried it on Maureen. Maureen had told him. Yes, Mark had hated April. Hated her for who she was, what she did and what she represented to Mark. But he'd never tell Roger any of that. After years of all this, Roger had comes to terms with a lot of shit. Mark wasn't gonna fuck all that up now.
"Do you ever think about her?" Roger asked without looking up.
"April? Yeah, I guess. Sometimes." Actually a lot Mark realized. "Do you?" He finally asked Roger.
"Yes. Sometimes. Sometimes a lot I guess. I don't miss her though. Not really. Not like I do Mimi. I mean, I'm sorry she's dead, but I'm not sorry she's gone."
Roger and Mark just sat there for another minute or so before Roger spoke again. "Look, I guess what I'm getting at is, if I could change stuff I would you know. A lot of stuff. I would hate to have not had Mimi. I can't even imagine that actually. But changing stuff would probably have meant that. Mimi and April."
Roger started picking at the duct tape on the arm of the chair again. "I guess I mean if I could go back, I'd change pretty much everything. Which would make pretty much everything else different too. You know what I mean?" He looked at Mark.
Mark actually understood the twisted Roger logic and nodded at him.
"Yeah, so pretty much everything." Roger's eyes went back to the duct tape. "Everything except for us. Me and you. You know? I just wanted you to know that okay?"
"Uh huh." Mark nodded. He really didn't know what to say. Mark just sat there for a second before he softly said "Thanks Roger."
"You're welcome." Roger picked up the remote control and turned on the TV. As he started to flip channels he looked at Mark and smiled. "But you still should have stole the cable from the guy on the third floor. Then we'd have porn channels!"
*****
"Yeah thanks Jason. It's just till he gets done I guess." Roger was sitting at the counter talking into the phone and holding the second ice pack to his eye when Cass opened the bedroom door and walked out.
"Uh huh. Yeah, no he said it won't be late." Roger grinned at her. "Yeah tell him Friday. I'll let him know for sure. But I gotta go. Sleeping Beauty just got up. I'll talk to you later."
Roger hung up the phone and turned on the barstool toward Cass as she sat down on the couch. "Good morning sunshine." He laughed at her. "How ya feeling?"
"Obviously not as good as I felt before." Cass stretched out on the couch. "God Roger I'm so sorry about your eye. I never meant to do that. Are you okay?"
"My eye is fine it's my reputation that's hurt. Beat up by a girl!" He laughed. "Just so you know, and anyone else that may ask, it was purely a lucky shot. Which I leaned into by the way."
"I'm sorry."
"Forget it. I told you, my eye, plus a bunch of other stuff was an accident. Okay? Just move on 'kay?" He smiled at her.
Cass nodded, but her eyes were on the couch. "What time is it?"
Roger laughed at her. "It's just after 7:00. That's pm just in case you're wondering. And it's Thursday now too just so you know."
"Thursday night! You're kidding!" She sat up all the way on the couch. "Oh my God! How many of those pills did I take? And where's Mark? I'm surprised he didn't get my stomach pumped or something."
"Relax." Roger laughed at her again. "I'm only kidding. You were only asleep about three and half-hours. It's still Wednesday."
"Oh. Only three and a half-hours? Not days? You're sure?" She cracked a grin.
"Yep." He was still laughing at her. "Just so you know for future reference, the pain killers she gave you, you're not supposed to pop those like you've been popping the Tylenol. Which by the way you're only supposed to be taking two of at a time anyway."
"Strange," she grinned at him. "I know I still don't have my glasses, but from here you look like Roger, but the words coming from your mouth makes you sound like Mark."
"All I'm saying is maybe you need to be a little more careful."
"Don't start with me Davis, just because you and Mark share one brain and every time you get it back it suddenly has a social conscience is not my fault."
Roger was cracking up at her at this point.
"Speaking of which, where is your Siamese twin?"
"Well, after giving me a hard time about my portion of the grocery list, he went to the store. About a half hour ago."
"Why, what did you put on it? I told you he'd want more than food and beer." She laughed at him this time.
"It did say more." He grinned and she could see a shallow dimple in his left cheek. "It said food, beer, cereal, Twinkies, Oreo's and Doritos."
"Yum, healthy. You planning on getting the munchies or something?"
"Ha ha, very funny. Do you want a beer?"
"Where did we get beer from?"
"Where else, grocery store of Jen." He laughed as he got up and took two beers from the fridge and walked over and sat on the other end of the couch.
"She let you take her last two beers? She wouldn't even give those to Jason last night."
"Well, you know, wounded in battle and all." He twisted off the cap and handed her a beer. "I told Jen the doctor said I would need something cold for my eye." Roger got a cheesy grin on his face and took a sip then held up his beer. "See, something cold. And I feel much better already."
"You're insane Davis."
"Yeah I know. But seriously, how do you feel?"
"My arm's a little sore. And it already itches again. Other than that, just kinda hung over." She shrugged. "I guess I took a few too many pills."
"Yeah, I guess." Roger looked down at the couch for a minute before looking up at her. He slid closer to her on the couch. "Cass? Listen, about this morning. You know I'm real sorry. About all of it. Especially yelling at you and stuff. And especially about freaking you out and all."
"It's okay Roger." She said softly as she pulled her knees up towards her chin and wrapped her left arm around her legs.
"No it's not." He said. "You don't know all of it. We, I mean I did it on purpose. Yelling at your and all." He couldn't look her in the face at this point. "We figured you'd try and get out of going to the doctor's, so we, I, decided if I picked a fight with you, you'd fight back. We were afraid it would be the only way to get you out. I'm real sorry Cass." He took a sip of his beer.
"I never meant to scare you Cass. Really. I wasn't thinking. It was really stupid of me. I'm so sorry. Really."
Cass stared at her beer bottle for a minute before she finally looked up at him. When she did, she had tears in her eyes. Roger met her eyes. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault. And you were right. I didn't have any intention of going to the doctor's this morning. I probably didn't have any intention of ever walking out the front door again to be honest." The tears started flowing down her cheeks. "I'm not mad at you."
He was glad about that. He was afraid once she had time to reflect back on this morning, she would hate him. But she didn't. He just watched her as the tears kept slowly falling off her face. He leaned in and wrapped an arm around her. He felt her let him pull her close. They sat there on the couch for the next few minutes. Not talking. Not moving. Just sitting.
Finally she took a deep, sob wracked breath. Cass stretched her legs out, leaning against. In a hoarse whisper she finally spoke to him. "I'm never going back there, you know. Not LA or France. Ever."
"I figured that. You can stay here as long as you want. You know that right? Or at least as long as you can stand living in this crappy hell hole. And stand living with me and Mark."
"Carlton had to of known all that stuff was going on with him back then didn't he? All the time stuff was happening. He knew and he never did anything. My own father. Nothing. Carlton used to send me to locations with him you know."
"Ya well," Roger said as he interlocked his fingers with hers on her left hand. "I decided a long time ago that whole having a father around thing isn't all that it's cracked up to be most of the time."
"I don't care if I never even see him again."
"Yeah I know Cass."
"Fucking bastard." She sobbed softly. "He fucking kills my mother and then does this crap. He made her get on that plane. He killed her and then he lets that bastard get away with all this crap he did to me over the years. He never stopped him. That fucking bastard." She was crying hard now. And she was mad. So mad her whole body was starting to shake.
Roger just held her as she spoke. "That fucking bastard." She continued. "Both of them. All of them. If he would have done something, none of this would have happened. Fucking bastard."
"I know Cass." Roger whispered to her. "I know." He pulled her back down on the couch. They just laid there. Not talking. Not moving. Roger just laid there on the couch with his arms around her. She rested her head on his chest and could hear his heart beating.
"Fucking bastards." She said softly, one last time.
Roger knew she had to talk to someone. Someone other than him and Mark. Someone that knew what to say beyond "uh huh" and "I know," because truthfully they didn't know. They didn't know the slightest fucking thing about any of this. Any of it except that she needed to talk to somebody more than just them.
Collins said all he had to do was get her there. Get her there and introduce her to Elizabeth. Think of it like a cover he said. Just get her there. It didn't matter to them how he got her there as long as he did.
Jason said tell her you wanted her to go with you. You want her there. You need her there. Just tell her that and she'll go. Tell her whatever it took was what they were saying. But Roger couldn't do that. He couldn't lie to her. Not him too. Not after it sounded like just about every other guy she's ever known has basically done that to her.
No, Roger knew he couldn't lie to her. And he didn't want her to go to Life Support because of him. He didn't want to go there because of him. He certainly didn't want her having to go there for that reason. But she had to talk to someone. And Roger had met Elizabeth. He liked her. But he couldn't lie to Cass.
Jason said tell Cass you needed her there. Cass needed to see Elizabeth. But Elizabeth was there at Life Support. He wanted Cass to be okay, but the last thing he wanted was Cass going there, especially because he lied to her to get her there. Yeah, he wanted Cass to be okay. He needed Cass to be okay. But for Cass to be okay she had to go there to see Elizabeth. So unfortunately he did need her to go there. But he knew he couldn't lie to her to get her there. He couldn't do that to her.
"Cass?" Roger said softly. "Cass I gotta ask you to do something. I need you to do something for me. You gotta go talk to someone Cass. Somebody other than me and Mark. Somebody who knows hot to help you. Cause we don't. We don't know Cass. You need somebody better than us." He was stroking her hair as he talked.
"We know this girl you see. Her name's Elizabeth. She's real nice Cass. I've met her once. And Collins and Jason know her too. I met her one night, with Mimi. You trusted Mimi right? Well Mimi liked her too.
"The only thing is see, Elizabeth works at Life Support. She's a counselor there. I mean she's a regular counselor there, but she's also a rape counselor there too. I need you to go talk to her. Will you do that for me Cass? Please? Will you go talk to her? For me? And for Mark? Please? Will you go talk to her for me?"
She just lay there letting Roger play with her hair. Listening to his heart beat. After what seemed like an eternity to Roger, but was really only a few minutes, she quietly started to answer him. "Will you go with me?"
"Yes. Anything you want. I'll go with you."
"Okay. I'll go if you go with me. No fights this time though. Okay? I'll go, I promise. Just no fights this time."
"No fights." He told her. "No fights. I promise."
"I promise too." She said softly
Special thanks to everyone who has submitted a review. Especially Sandy! It's good to know someone is still out there reading! Enjoy and please feel free to email me with any questions. I know at this point it's getting really long and it may be hard to remember some things from earlier on.
Chapter 19
Mark heard the bang on the loft door and knew from the sound it was Roger's foot kicking it.
"Trust me, it was easier this way." Roger, who had Cass in his arms, said to Mark after seeing the look on his face. "She's fine, just wasted. And it would have taken forever for her to climb the stairs. Besides, climbing stairs with cracked ribs is no fun, believe me."
He walked through the door and started to set her down. "Hey Marky." She said to him.
"Hey sweetie. How do you feel?" He was starting to laugh.
"Much, much better." She paused for a second. "I think."
"Come on Cass." Roger had her by the waist and was leading her towards the bedroom. "Why don't you go take a nap for awhile."
"I don't want to take a nap. I'm fine." But looking at her Mark wondered if she'd fall down if Roger let go of her.
"Sure you do." Roger continued. "You just told me you wanted to take a nap. Remember? So why don't you go lie down." He took her into the air- conditioned bedroom and closed the door.
After about ten minutes Roger came back out of the bedroom and sat in the armchair. "Well, she's asleep. You know, you don't realize how many steps there are in this place to get up here until you haul somebody up them." Roger laughed. He was actually in a really good mood. Mark was glad to see that. Surprised, but glad. "But such is life when you live in the penthouse!" He laughed.
"Trust me, I know all about how many steps there are in this place." It had stared as a lighthearted comment back to Roger, but as Mark spoke the words he was regretting it by the end of the sentence. He watched the smile slide off Roger's face and could feel the same happen on his own.
After a second or so Roger quietly spoke, with his eyes toward the ground, "Yeah, I guess you would, wouldn't you?"
"Roger I didn't mean, I mean, I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. Sorry for making you do that. Sorry for everything that went with it. Sorry for never ever bothering to thank you back then."
"It's okay." Mark said softly.
"No it's not. I don't know how I thought I got up here half the time. I guess I always knew it was you. Thanks Mark. For all that."
"What was I gonna do, you know? Leave you in the alley? Somebody might have done who knows what to you out there. Besides, half the time you were wearing my clothes." Mark grinned hoping to lighten the mood. It didn't work. Roger's face was still stone cold serious.
Barely above a whisper Mark heard Roger speak again. "No really. For that. And April too. I mean you must have dragged her up here too I guess. I never really thought about it before, but you did didn't you? I know you never liked her either."
"Well, that's not," Mark paused "entirely true. She was well," he stopped again. Roger knew he was lying. Mark could tell by his face. "Okay, yeah. I never liked her. I actually hated her for awhile I guess."
"Yeah me too but then I realized some stuff. Fucked up as my life is, if it hadn't been for April I never would have meet Mimi."
Mark just nodded. This was true. Mark knew it. Mark had thought this before when in the past he had let his brain have this conversation with itself. If not for everything that came before Roger had fallen in love with Mimi, there most likely never would have been a Mimi for Roger to fall in love with. And then, when things were good between Roger and Mimi and good for them, that was the happiest Mark had ever seen Roger up till then.
Mark knew all this, but at the same time he also selfishly knew he would have rather had it the other way. He would have preferred a less happy Roger who never knew Mimi around for the next sixty or seventy years. Mark knew it was selfish and he hated it. He knew Roger had loved Mimi. Hell, Mark loved Mimi as well. But at the same time, deep down, he knew what the truth in his heart was. The truth was that Mark would have preferred giving up the existence of Mimi and the love she had for Roger for Mark's own selfish want to keep his best friend around forever. Mark knew that was the truth.
So yes, life without April would have meant most likely life without Mimi and every good thing that came with Mimi. And while Mark would have preferred that, at the same time the thought of it felt as if something sort of stabbed him in the heart some.
"And it wasn't like it was all April's fault you know? Yeah, she was already using a little when I met her and all, but it's not like she made me or anything."
Mark didn't say anything. He couldn't. He wouldn't let himself. Roger had no idea what April was really even like, especially in the end, but by then it was too late.
April was a greedy little smack whore in the end. Mark knew she always set them up. She always made Roger go first too. Whether it was to make sure the stuff was okay, or to make sure she got more in the end, Mark didn't know. Probably both he thought.
He also knew that when she was hurting she'd do anything to get a fix. Anything or anyone. She hit on Mark on more than one occasion. Whatever he wanted if he'd give her $20. Mark had seen her do the same to others too. Guys in Roger's band. Benny. Even Collins. He knew she even tried it on Maureen. Maureen had told him. Yes, Mark had hated April. Hated her for who she was, what she did and what she represented to Mark. But he'd never tell Roger any of that. After years of all this, Roger had comes to terms with a lot of shit. Mark wasn't gonna fuck all that up now.
"Do you ever think about her?" Roger asked without looking up.
"April? Yeah, I guess. Sometimes." Actually a lot Mark realized. "Do you?" He finally asked Roger.
"Yes. Sometimes. Sometimes a lot I guess. I don't miss her though. Not really. Not like I do Mimi. I mean, I'm sorry she's dead, but I'm not sorry she's gone."
Roger and Mark just sat there for another minute or so before Roger spoke again. "Look, I guess what I'm getting at is, if I could change stuff I would you know. A lot of stuff. I would hate to have not had Mimi. I can't even imagine that actually. But changing stuff would probably have meant that. Mimi and April."
Roger started picking at the duct tape on the arm of the chair again. "I guess I mean if I could go back, I'd change pretty much everything. Which would make pretty much everything else different too. You know what I mean?" He looked at Mark.
Mark actually understood the twisted Roger logic and nodded at him.
"Yeah, so pretty much everything." Roger's eyes went back to the duct tape. "Everything except for us. Me and you. You know? I just wanted you to know that okay?"
"Uh huh." Mark nodded. He really didn't know what to say. Mark just sat there for a second before he softly said "Thanks Roger."
"You're welcome." Roger picked up the remote control and turned on the TV. As he started to flip channels he looked at Mark and smiled. "But you still should have stole the cable from the guy on the third floor. Then we'd have porn channels!"
*****
"Yeah thanks Jason. It's just till he gets done I guess." Roger was sitting at the counter talking into the phone and holding the second ice pack to his eye when Cass opened the bedroom door and walked out.
"Uh huh. Yeah, no he said it won't be late." Roger grinned at her. "Yeah tell him Friday. I'll let him know for sure. But I gotta go. Sleeping Beauty just got up. I'll talk to you later."
Roger hung up the phone and turned on the barstool toward Cass as she sat down on the couch. "Good morning sunshine." He laughed at her. "How ya feeling?"
"Obviously not as good as I felt before." Cass stretched out on the couch. "God Roger I'm so sorry about your eye. I never meant to do that. Are you okay?"
"My eye is fine it's my reputation that's hurt. Beat up by a girl!" He laughed. "Just so you know, and anyone else that may ask, it was purely a lucky shot. Which I leaned into by the way."
"I'm sorry."
"Forget it. I told you, my eye, plus a bunch of other stuff was an accident. Okay? Just move on 'kay?" He smiled at her.
Cass nodded, but her eyes were on the couch. "What time is it?"
Roger laughed at her. "It's just after 7:00. That's pm just in case you're wondering. And it's Thursday now too just so you know."
"Thursday night! You're kidding!" She sat up all the way on the couch. "Oh my God! How many of those pills did I take? And where's Mark? I'm surprised he didn't get my stomach pumped or something."
"Relax." Roger laughed at her again. "I'm only kidding. You were only asleep about three and half-hours. It's still Wednesday."
"Oh. Only three and a half-hours? Not days? You're sure?" She cracked a grin.
"Yep." He was still laughing at her. "Just so you know for future reference, the pain killers she gave you, you're not supposed to pop those like you've been popping the Tylenol. Which by the way you're only supposed to be taking two of at a time anyway."
"Strange," she grinned at him. "I know I still don't have my glasses, but from here you look like Roger, but the words coming from your mouth makes you sound like Mark."
"All I'm saying is maybe you need to be a little more careful."
"Don't start with me Davis, just because you and Mark share one brain and every time you get it back it suddenly has a social conscience is not my fault."
Roger was cracking up at her at this point.
"Speaking of which, where is your Siamese twin?"
"Well, after giving me a hard time about my portion of the grocery list, he went to the store. About a half hour ago."
"Why, what did you put on it? I told you he'd want more than food and beer." She laughed at him this time.
"It did say more." He grinned and she could see a shallow dimple in his left cheek. "It said food, beer, cereal, Twinkies, Oreo's and Doritos."
"Yum, healthy. You planning on getting the munchies or something?"
"Ha ha, very funny. Do you want a beer?"
"Where did we get beer from?"
"Where else, grocery store of Jen." He laughed as he got up and took two beers from the fridge and walked over and sat on the other end of the couch.
"She let you take her last two beers? She wouldn't even give those to Jason last night."
"Well, you know, wounded in battle and all." He twisted off the cap and handed her a beer. "I told Jen the doctor said I would need something cold for my eye." Roger got a cheesy grin on his face and took a sip then held up his beer. "See, something cold. And I feel much better already."
"You're insane Davis."
"Yeah I know. But seriously, how do you feel?"
"My arm's a little sore. And it already itches again. Other than that, just kinda hung over." She shrugged. "I guess I took a few too many pills."
"Yeah, I guess." Roger looked down at the couch for a minute before looking up at her. He slid closer to her on the couch. "Cass? Listen, about this morning. You know I'm real sorry. About all of it. Especially yelling at you and stuff. And especially about freaking you out and all."
"It's okay Roger." She said softly as she pulled her knees up towards her chin and wrapped her left arm around her legs.
"No it's not." He said. "You don't know all of it. We, I mean I did it on purpose. Yelling at your and all." He couldn't look her in the face at this point. "We figured you'd try and get out of going to the doctor's, so we, I, decided if I picked a fight with you, you'd fight back. We were afraid it would be the only way to get you out. I'm real sorry Cass." He took a sip of his beer.
"I never meant to scare you Cass. Really. I wasn't thinking. It was really stupid of me. I'm so sorry. Really."
Cass stared at her beer bottle for a minute before she finally looked up at him. When she did, she had tears in her eyes. Roger met her eyes. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault. And you were right. I didn't have any intention of going to the doctor's this morning. I probably didn't have any intention of ever walking out the front door again to be honest." The tears started flowing down her cheeks. "I'm not mad at you."
He was glad about that. He was afraid once she had time to reflect back on this morning, she would hate him. But she didn't. He just watched her as the tears kept slowly falling off her face. He leaned in and wrapped an arm around her. He felt her let him pull her close. They sat there on the couch for the next few minutes. Not talking. Not moving. Just sitting.
Finally she took a deep, sob wracked breath. Cass stretched her legs out, leaning against. In a hoarse whisper she finally spoke to him. "I'm never going back there, you know. Not LA or France. Ever."
"I figured that. You can stay here as long as you want. You know that right? Or at least as long as you can stand living in this crappy hell hole. And stand living with me and Mark."
"Carlton had to of known all that stuff was going on with him back then didn't he? All the time stuff was happening. He knew and he never did anything. My own father. Nothing. Carlton used to send me to locations with him you know."
"Ya well," Roger said as he interlocked his fingers with hers on her left hand. "I decided a long time ago that whole having a father around thing isn't all that it's cracked up to be most of the time."
"I don't care if I never even see him again."
"Yeah I know Cass."
"Fucking bastard." She sobbed softly. "He fucking kills my mother and then does this crap. He made her get on that plane. He killed her and then he lets that bastard get away with all this crap he did to me over the years. He never stopped him. That fucking bastard." She was crying hard now. And she was mad. So mad her whole body was starting to shake.
Roger just held her as she spoke. "That fucking bastard." She continued. "Both of them. All of them. If he would have done something, none of this would have happened. Fucking bastard."
"I know Cass." Roger whispered to her. "I know." He pulled her back down on the couch. They just laid there. Not talking. Not moving. Roger just laid there on the couch with his arms around her. She rested her head on his chest and could hear his heart beating.
"Fucking bastards." She said softly, one last time.
Roger knew she had to talk to someone. Someone other than him and Mark. Someone that knew what to say beyond "uh huh" and "I know," because truthfully they didn't know. They didn't know the slightest fucking thing about any of this. Any of it except that she needed to talk to somebody more than just them.
Collins said all he had to do was get her there. Get her there and introduce her to Elizabeth. Think of it like a cover he said. Just get her there. It didn't matter to them how he got her there as long as he did.
Jason said tell her you wanted her to go with you. You want her there. You need her there. Just tell her that and she'll go. Tell her whatever it took was what they were saying. But Roger couldn't do that. He couldn't lie to her. Not him too. Not after it sounded like just about every other guy she's ever known has basically done that to her.
No, Roger knew he couldn't lie to her. And he didn't want her to go to Life Support because of him. He didn't want to go there because of him. He certainly didn't want her having to go there for that reason. But she had to talk to someone. And Roger had met Elizabeth. He liked her. But he couldn't lie to Cass.
Jason said tell Cass you needed her there. Cass needed to see Elizabeth. But Elizabeth was there at Life Support. He wanted Cass to be okay, but the last thing he wanted was Cass going there, especially because he lied to her to get her there. Yeah, he wanted Cass to be okay. He needed Cass to be okay. But for Cass to be okay she had to go there to see Elizabeth. So unfortunately he did need her to go there. But he knew he couldn't lie to her to get her there. He couldn't do that to her.
"Cass?" Roger said softly. "Cass I gotta ask you to do something. I need you to do something for me. You gotta go talk to someone Cass. Somebody other than me and Mark. Somebody who knows hot to help you. Cause we don't. We don't know Cass. You need somebody better than us." He was stroking her hair as he talked.
"We know this girl you see. Her name's Elizabeth. She's real nice Cass. I've met her once. And Collins and Jason know her too. I met her one night, with Mimi. You trusted Mimi right? Well Mimi liked her too.
"The only thing is see, Elizabeth works at Life Support. She's a counselor there. I mean she's a regular counselor there, but she's also a rape counselor there too. I need you to go talk to her. Will you do that for me Cass? Please? Will you go talk to her? For me? And for Mark? Please? Will you go talk to her for me?"
She just lay there letting Roger play with her hair. Listening to his heart beat. After what seemed like an eternity to Roger, but was really only a few minutes, she quietly started to answer him. "Will you go with me?"
"Yes. Anything you want. I'll go with you."
"Okay. I'll go if you go with me. No fights this time though. Okay? I'll go, I promise. Just no fights this time."
"No fights." He told her. "No fights. I promise."
"I promise too." She said softly