The Adventures of the Pied Pietts
Chapter 5
"What do you mean I'm not a Jedi?" objected Piett.
"Well, simply put, you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No, you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No, you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No. You. Are. Not."
"I just proved it, didn't I?"
"One would think so, wouldn't one?" said Lilem in a high-and-mighty voice.
"Yes. One would. So would two, or even four. But that's beside the point. The point is, I am a Jedi, because I have Jedi powers."
"Listen up," said Lilem, turning around to face Piett. She was now considerably taller, and Piett noticed she was wearing platform shoes for the effect. "You are not a Jedi. You work with Darth Vader. Darth Vader does not like Jedis, and being a Jedi himself, can identify other Jedi. Therefore, if you were a Jedi, Darth Vader would have killed you upon seeing you."
Piett stared at Lilem and started to laugh. "You silly girl! Darth Vader would have liked to have a Jedi who didn't know he was Jedi, because that way Darth Vader could have the Jedi under his control!"
"So you want to be someone's weak little pet?"
"Um," considered Piett.
"I didn't think so." She turned back to what she was doing.
"What are you doing?" asked Piett, trying to look over he shoulder. Lilem turned back and started to say something, but stopped and pointed excitedly.
"Mara Jade!" she squeaked. Piett turned and whistled.
"Lilem, I didn't think you were into such things!"
Lilem did a double take. It was Mara Jade, but in her underwear and wearing the cap of an Imperial uniform. Mara turned at Piett's whistle and glared.
"Something wrong, Admiral?" asked Mara in a stern and commanding voice.
"She called me by name," whispered Piett to Lilem.
"Don't be an idiot. For one thing, Admiral is your rank, not your name, and for another thing, she was talking to me."
"Wha--" Piett started to say, but Lilem shushed him and addresses Mara.
"My sincerest apologies, Gentlelady Jade. The male counterpart of our species is severely lacking in a number of ways. I was wondering if you knew how to return to our regular universe?"
Mara considered, looking negatively at Piett and positively at Lilem. "I like what you say, Admiral," she replied, "but I don't like him. Nevertheless, being your companion, he must have some value. Simply walk down that way and use the door. You'll be returned to our universe." Mara pointed down the hallway leading off the stage.
"Many thanks," said Lilem, bowing and dragging Piett by the arm. Mara continued on her way, Piett openmouthed in disbelief and pointing at himself as if he were trying to speak.
Once Lilem had dragged Piett into the hallway, she paused to scrape some babies off her feet. Piett did the same, but glared at Lilem. "Since when are you an admiral?" he demanded, throwing a baby offscreen.
"Since my uniform says so," she retorted, thrusting her chest out to emphasize the rank emblem. Piett was not arou--amused.
"You don't have any military background," he grumbled as they made their way to the door. Lilem didn't even honor him with a response. Instead, she pushed open the door.
Much to their surprise, the door led not to the Executor, but to the Imperial Palace on Coruscant. Only it wasn't occupied by the Emperor.
"Uh oh," gulped Lilem as she studied the woman before her.
"Who are you?" the woman asked, confused.
"Er, we're just on our way out, so don't mind us," replied Lilem, bowing and dragging Piett in the opposite direction of the woman.
"Wait!" the woman ordered, raising her hand. "Guards!"
"No!" yelled Lilem, clutching Piett.
"What? What?" stuttered Piett, surprised and confused.
"Piett, you idiot, that's Leia Organa Solo!"
"Organa Solo? Since when did she get married? And she looked a heck of a lot younger when I saw her picture. And much more beautiful. This can't be Leia Organa."
Leia was not amused. "Older?"
"Uh oh," gulped Lilem again. They were now surrounded by guards.
"Guards, take them away!"
Leia stomped off, and the guards ushered Piett and Lilem down the hall, taking Piett's blaster in the process.
"Lilem, do something!" whispered Piett, but was silenced by a "no talking" from one of the armed guards. Lilem took a chance.
"I don't have control anymore!" she whispered back. "But I can still do something."
"What?" Piett hissed, but was prodded in the back by a guard.
"I'M BEING RAPED!" yelled Lilem as loud as she could.
"Quit making a disturbance!" ordered a guard. Lilem shrugged at Piett, who glowered.
They were led down the hallway, down very far, to the dungeons.
"I didn't know the Palace had dungeons," mumbled Piett.
"Shut up," ordered a guard.
THE END
Next time: What on earth (or Coruscant) is going on here? Where's the comedy gone? Are Piett and Lilem doomed? Will they be able to escape? Who has control of the story now? Where would Piett and Lilem go if they managed to escape? What if they just rotted to death? How does the New Republic treat its prisoners? Who else will show up!?
Chapter 5
"What do you mean I'm not a Jedi?" objected Piett.
"Well, simply put, you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No, you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No, you're not."
"Yes I am."
"No. You. Are. Not."
"I just proved it, didn't I?"
"One would think so, wouldn't one?" said Lilem in a high-and-mighty voice.
"Yes. One would. So would two, or even four. But that's beside the point. The point is, I am a Jedi, because I have Jedi powers."
"Listen up," said Lilem, turning around to face Piett. She was now considerably taller, and Piett noticed she was wearing platform shoes for the effect. "You are not a Jedi. You work with Darth Vader. Darth Vader does not like Jedis, and being a Jedi himself, can identify other Jedi. Therefore, if you were a Jedi, Darth Vader would have killed you upon seeing you."
Piett stared at Lilem and started to laugh. "You silly girl! Darth Vader would have liked to have a Jedi who didn't know he was Jedi, because that way Darth Vader could have the Jedi under his control!"
"So you want to be someone's weak little pet?"
"Um," considered Piett.
"I didn't think so." She turned back to what she was doing.
"What are you doing?" asked Piett, trying to look over he shoulder. Lilem turned back and started to say something, but stopped and pointed excitedly.
"Mara Jade!" she squeaked. Piett turned and whistled.
"Lilem, I didn't think you were into such things!"
Lilem did a double take. It was Mara Jade, but in her underwear and wearing the cap of an Imperial uniform. Mara turned at Piett's whistle and glared.
"Something wrong, Admiral?" asked Mara in a stern and commanding voice.
"She called me by name," whispered Piett to Lilem.
"Don't be an idiot. For one thing, Admiral is your rank, not your name, and for another thing, she was talking to me."
"Wha--" Piett started to say, but Lilem shushed him and addresses Mara.
"My sincerest apologies, Gentlelady Jade. The male counterpart of our species is severely lacking in a number of ways. I was wondering if you knew how to return to our regular universe?"
Mara considered, looking negatively at Piett and positively at Lilem. "I like what you say, Admiral," she replied, "but I don't like him. Nevertheless, being your companion, he must have some value. Simply walk down that way and use the door. You'll be returned to our universe." Mara pointed down the hallway leading off the stage.
"Many thanks," said Lilem, bowing and dragging Piett by the arm. Mara continued on her way, Piett openmouthed in disbelief and pointing at himself as if he were trying to speak.
Once Lilem had dragged Piett into the hallway, she paused to scrape some babies off her feet. Piett did the same, but glared at Lilem. "Since when are you an admiral?" he demanded, throwing a baby offscreen.
"Since my uniform says so," she retorted, thrusting her chest out to emphasize the rank emblem. Piett was not arou--amused.
"You don't have any military background," he grumbled as they made their way to the door. Lilem didn't even honor him with a response. Instead, she pushed open the door.
Much to their surprise, the door led not to the Executor, but to the Imperial Palace on Coruscant. Only it wasn't occupied by the Emperor.
"Uh oh," gulped Lilem as she studied the woman before her.
"Who are you?" the woman asked, confused.
"Er, we're just on our way out, so don't mind us," replied Lilem, bowing and dragging Piett in the opposite direction of the woman.
"Wait!" the woman ordered, raising her hand. "Guards!"
"No!" yelled Lilem, clutching Piett.
"What? What?" stuttered Piett, surprised and confused.
"Piett, you idiot, that's Leia Organa Solo!"
"Organa Solo? Since when did she get married? And she looked a heck of a lot younger when I saw her picture. And much more beautiful. This can't be Leia Organa."
Leia was not amused. "Older?"
"Uh oh," gulped Lilem again. They were now surrounded by guards.
"Guards, take them away!"
Leia stomped off, and the guards ushered Piett and Lilem down the hall, taking Piett's blaster in the process.
"Lilem, do something!" whispered Piett, but was silenced by a "no talking" from one of the armed guards. Lilem took a chance.
"I don't have control anymore!" she whispered back. "But I can still do something."
"What?" Piett hissed, but was prodded in the back by a guard.
"I'M BEING RAPED!" yelled Lilem as loud as she could.
"Quit making a disturbance!" ordered a guard. Lilem shrugged at Piett, who glowered.
They were led down the hallway, down very far, to the dungeons.
"I didn't know the Palace had dungeons," mumbled Piett.
"Shut up," ordered a guard.
THE END
Next time: What on earth (or Coruscant) is going on here? Where's the comedy gone? Are Piett and Lilem doomed? Will they be able to escape? Who has control of the story now? Where would Piett and Lilem go if they managed to escape? What if they just rotted to death? How does the New Republic treat its prisoners? Who else will show up!?