Half-Heartless
Chapter Eight
What IS friendship? No one really knows. Once I heard that it's a rainbow between two hearts. But this friendship completely lacks that, so it must not be the correct explanation. It's a connection, and if that connection is broken, it hurts. Badly. So badly that you're lost in a mass of disbelief and hatred towards yourself. For not being there to protect them.
How can this be?
I made a commitment when we became friends, that we would always be there. How could I have been so blind and stupid? I had forgotten what I was in the eyes of a new dawn. What I am. It's all my fault, I know it is. In his weakened state, he was vulnerable. And I wasn't there to protect him.
This is all a bad dream...
All I have to do is wake up...
The chorus of the song runs through my head again.
"In the face of darkness, I shall aid."
I didn't. I didn't help Storm and he was out in the open. And fate came down opon him on swift wings. Now I wait for it to come for me, too. I'll trade my own life if he could have his back.
"Wishes will grant, dreams will mend."
No wishes were granted. And dreams haven't been mended. I failed to do my job as a friend. I can't see a light inside of me, no light in the darkness. I had always been taught that there was a light in the darkness. If there is one, it has faded.
"Light did come and it has stayed."
It has? Not in me. Or maybe... maybe I'm just looking in all the wrong places.
"A helping hand it shall lend."
I'm reaching out for support, but find none. Perhaps it only works for humans. I rank lower than human beings. All Heartless do, supposedly. Heartless don't have a future. Only one of searching and loneliness. Misery.
"In the face of darkness, I shall aid.
Wishes will grant, dreams will mend.
Light did come and it has stayed.
A helping hand it should lend."
"That's a pretty song." Maria's voice penetrates my depression, full of cheer yet somehow sad. She's upset too. It's been five minutes but it seems like five hours, and I've been standing here, wading in my thoughts.
A sudden gust of ice-cold wind lowers my hood. Exposing my wettened fur from endless tears, from endless pain. "Thanks. I learned it when I was a human."
"Well," says Sora uneasily, "Uh... you guys want to leave or what...?"
I don't want to leave. But I feel I have to.
Exactly. I feel like I must submit to the Keyblade, when I don't have to. My mind is screaming that a giant key can't, and won't control my life. Sora trusts me. This could be so easy if I could work up the nerve to just... go up to him... and...
What's got into me?
More like what's inside of me. It's been here ever since I became half- Heartless, and it always will be until I retrieve a heart. And that heart doesn't have to be my own. No law states that, and even if it did, I didn't have to listen to it.
It would be so easy...
He trusts me...
He's vulnerable...
Emotional pain suddenly turns into physical pain as something in my shoulder blades begin throbbing intensely. I'm half-Heartless. I still have a half of a heart. But that doesn't have to be a good thing. I still have a half with no heart, no care for the world whatsoever. I can hate without reason. I can destroy without regret. I can lust for a living heart.
"Destiny, are you okay?" asks Maria, then she jumps back, but abruptly relaxes, "Sorry if I startled you but... I could have sworn that your eyes were red..."
"You didn't startle me at all. And I'm fine." I muse, putting the hood back over my head. Maria casts a worried glance at me before following Sora. I trudge along behind.
The throbbing has ceased and I'm back to normal. What just happened to me? When we go back outside, I start to feel really light-headed. I have to lean against a wall for a moment. Maria runs up to me, a look of concern on her face.
"Are you sure you're all right?" she asks. I look up to her, but there's three Marias... which one is which? So dizzy... the light begins to fade as I am greeted by darkness. The last thing I am conscious of is falling over and hitting hard cement.
Darkness swims around me. I can feel it grasping at me, but never getting a hold on me. Then, something else grabs me and drags me out of the darkness. There is light now, but it's still slightly dark. The light makes everything look purple. The purple extends on and on, until I see triangular islets dotting the area, and large stone columns. There is light on the horizon behind them, but it is cold and dead light.
I look around for the being that pulled me from the darkness. But then I hear a voice and stop my search. "Why, Destiny? Why do you still fight it?"
I know that voice. It's my voice, but with an icy edge to it. A cold wind sweeps across the area, sending chills down my spine as the sound of beating wings fills my ears. I shudder as a shadow passes over me, gliding on ashen wings. My dark side lands before me. She appears rather cross as the winged Bouncywild walks towards me, stopping just a few inches away. I'm too frightened and breathless to move.
"Why do you stray so far from your fate?" she snarls, "You cannot hide for long. All this time you have been nurturing me with your hatred, yet you continue to ignore my existance!"
"Why do you keep bothering me?" I snap back at my dark side. The winged Bouncywild lurches backwards at my sudden exclamation, then growls.
She begins walking back towards me, hand outstretched. "Destiny, you cannot hide from what is inside you. What you are right now is just a cover up for the true you. There is no light in the darkness. But there IS darkness in the light."
"Liar." I growl, backing away. She lunges at me and grabs me, throwing me to the back of a small cave in the column behind us.
"Destiny," the dark side soothes, cornering me, "Come, now. Be reasonable. You must not allow yourself to be drawn to the Keyblade. It is your mortal enemy."
I shake my head. "Following the Keyblade is the only chance I have now. They all think I'm traitors and would kill me on the spot..."
"Maybe. But there are more benefits in giving in." the dark side snaps her fingers and we are once again surrounded by darkness.
Suddenly, the winged Bouncywild fades, her ruby red eyes still burning in the blackness. Then they, too, fade. It becomes lighter. Warmth fills my body as I begin to see Maria looking over me, worried. She backs up as I swing my feet over to the side of the small bed I'm lying on.
"You were talking in your sleep. Thank goodness no one except me heard you." Maria whispers to me. I nod. Did she hear me say all those things to my dark side?
What did my dark side mean by "there are more benefits in giving in"? Maybe there are. My shoulder blades start throbbing again, but the pain is more faint this time. I allow myself to fall back down. The pillow is so soft on my aching head... I don't want to get up. And what was the purpose of the entire dream?
We're in the empty house. Cid, Leon, Aerith, Yuffie, Sora, Goofy, and Donald are all gathered around the room, and Mel's crate is in the corner. And there's one other boy. He has narrow aquamarine eyes and chin-length silver hair, wearing a shirt that's yellow in the front and black in the back, with baggy jeans. Sora comes up to me and lifts me out of bed, setting me down carefully.
"Hey, Destiny," the Keyblade master remarks cheerily, as if I hadn't just fainted, "This is Riku. He's my friend from the Destiny Islands."
Humorously, I'm flattered to have a world named after me.
Riku doesn't smile at me. He doesn't say anything either. The boy seems kind of... isolated. That's not really the right word, I know it isn't, but it's close enough. There's a suspicous air about him. This doesn't seem right, there's a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Suddenly, the throbbing in my back hurts more and I have to lean against Sora's leg.
The Keybearer looks down at me sympathetically. He pats my head. "You feeling alright, Destiny? Maybe you should lay in bed for awhile lon-"
I shake my head violently and cling to him. Sora shrugs, then carries on a conversation with Riku. Maria, deeply concerned, pulls me away from Sora, into a corner.
"Destiny, what's wrong?" she growls. "Yeah, I'm sad about Storm too, but we have to find a way to get him back! We can't just sit around here moping!"
I give her a pleading look. "It's not... it's not that. I keep having these wierd dreams and they seem so real. They keep having my dark side in them. It's scaring me."
"I don't see why your 'dark side' or whatever would start bugging you now after so long. It's only a dream, nothing to be afraid of. None of my dreams ever came true... I mean my dreams, not my ambition-type stuff..."
"What was that?"
I jerk my head around and stare out the window. I could've sworn I just heard something out there. My Bouncywild friend raises her eyebrows at me, as if I'm going nuts or something. Maybe I am. Maybe my imagination just got carried away and made me hear that noise. I'm not even sure what the noise sounded like.
"I'm hungry. Are there any resturants here?" asks Riku. Yuffie gives him directions to the cafe, and the silver-haired boy smiles and nods. It's the first time he's smiled since I woke up.
Riku yawns as he walks out of the vacant house, his cerulean eyes glinting mysteriously in the light. I watch him. Deep inside I feel that something terrible will come of this. He shouldn't go outside on his own. It's too dangerous.
He walks out the door and everyone goes back to discussing plans, as I sit in the corner, deep in thought. Maria shakes me a few times, but I am oblivious to them and continue thinking. My shoulder blades begin to ache again. I moan, rubbing my temples. What's happening to me?
[Everything my dark side tells me is wrong.] I think to myself. [I won't give in, no matter how much pain she puts me through, and how much she tortures me by way of dreams.]
My life would be so much easier if I was 'Dreamless' instead of 'Heartless'.
"What do you mean you haven't seen any silver-haired boys around here?" objects Sora when we journey to the cafe. Riku was nowhere to be found. Sora had asked the nearest waiter about him.
The waiter sticks his nose up in a snooty way. "I mean we haven't seen any young men that fit your description of this friend of yours. Keep looking. Farewell."
I feel my body shake in frustration and hatred towards this stuck-up waiter. He's so... so... persnickety! It will not mean a thing to me if I claw him until he's bloody and dead. I rub my temples again. I must be going off the deep end. For a split second, the pain in my back tears through me, bursts at my seams, intensely blasts my body with surges of immense power. And then I cool off again, back to normal.
[What was that all about?] I ask myself. There is still a faint hint of anger bulging within the depths of my soul, building. I'll have to keep my emotions under more control.
"I guess," sighes Maria, "That we'll have to let Mel go sooner or late. Shall we go back to the second district?"
After some agreement and scribbling on paper, we set off, once again, for the second district. As we climb the stairs, I catch something out of the corner of my eye. I turn to see what it is. But it's... gone. Glancing about, I run to catch up with the others.
[Author's Note]
Maji: I wasn't really good at doing this chappie 'cause I'm really jittery and happy and joyful and stuff... Anyway everything was a little rushed and I WANT MORE SUGAR!
Gypsy: Vivi has it all.
Maji: *tackles Vivi*
Vivi: *holds the candy out of Maji's reach* No! Mine!
[Disclaimer]
I don't own any stuff in here that appeared in the game. And right now I have to try and beat Ansem the 2nd time for the kazillionth time... Yep, that's right. I've never beat Kingdom Hearts before. Got a problem? *stuffs her mouth with soraoathkeeper's candy*
Chapter Eight
What IS friendship? No one really knows. Once I heard that it's a rainbow between two hearts. But this friendship completely lacks that, so it must not be the correct explanation. It's a connection, and if that connection is broken, it hurts. Badly. So badly that you're lost in a mass of disbelief and hatred towards yourself. For not being there to protect them.
How can this be?
I made a commitment when we became friends, that we would always be there. How could I have been so blind and stupid? I had forgotten what I was in the eyes of a new dawn. What I am. It's all my fault, I know it is. In his weakened state, he was vulnerable. And I wasn't there to protect him.
This is all a bad dream...
All I have to do is wake up...
The chorus of the song runs through my head again.
"In the face of darkness, I shall aid."
I didn't. I didn't help Storm and he was out in the open. And fate came down opon him on swift wings. Now I wait for it to come for me, too. I'll trade my own life if he could have his back.
"Wishes will grant, dreams will mend."
No wishes were granted. And dreams haven't been mended. I failed to do my job as a friend. I can't see a light inside of me, no light in the darkness. I had always been taught that there was a light in the darkness. If there is one, it has faded.
"Light did come and it has stayed."
It has? Not in me. Or maybe... maybe I'm just looking in all the wrong places.
"A helping hand it shall lend."
I'm reaching out for support, but find none. Perhaps it only works for humans. I rank lower than human beings. All Heartless do, supposedly. Heartless don't have a future. Only one of searching and loneliness. Misery.
"In the face of darkness, I shall aid.
Wishes will grant, dreams will mend.
Light did come and it has stayed.
A helping hand it should lend."
"That's a pretty song." Maria's voice penetrates my depression, full of cheer yet somehow sad. She's upset too. It's been five minutes but it seems like five hours, and I've been standing here, wading in my thoughts.
A sudden gust of ice-cold wind lowers my hood. Exposing my wettened fur from endless tears, from endless pain. "Thanks. I learned it when I was a human."
"Well," says Sora uneasily, "Uh... you guys want to leave or what...?"
I don't want to leave. But I feel I have to.
Exactly. I feel like I must submit to the Keyblade, when I don't have to. My mind is screaming that a giant key can't, and won't control my life. Sora trusts me. This could be so easy if I could work up the nerve to just... go up to him... and...
What's got into me?
More like what's inside of me. It's been here ever since I became half- Heartless, and it always will be until I retrieve a heart. And that heart doesn't have to be my own. No law states that, and even if it did, I didn't have to listen to it.
It would be so easy...
He trusts me...
He's vulnerable...
Emotional pain suddenly turns into physical pain as something in my shoulder blades begin throbbing intensely. I'm half-Heartless. I still have a half of a heart. But that doesn't have to be a good thing. I still have a half with no heart, no care for the world whatsoever. I can hate without reason. I can destroy without regret. I can lust for a living heart.
"Destiny, are you okay?" asks Maria, then she jumps back, but abruptly relaxes, "Sorry if I startled you but... I could have sworn that your eyes were red..."
"You didn't startle me at all. And I'm fine." I muse, putting the hood back over my head. Maria casts a worried glance at me before following Sora. I trudge along behind.
The throbbing has ceased and I'm back to normal. What just happened to me? When we go back outside, I start to feel really light-headed. I have to lean against a wall for a moment. Maria runs up to me, a look of concern on her face.
"Are you sure you're all right?" she asks. I look up to her, but there's three Marias... which one is which? So dizzy... the light begins to fade as I am greeted by darkness. The last thing I am conscious of is falling over and hitting hard cement.
Darkness swims around me. I can feel it grasping at me, but never getting a hold on me. Then, something else grabs me and drags me out of the darkness. There is light now, but it's still slightly dark. The light makes everything look purple. The purple extends on and on, until I see triangular islets dotting the area, and large stone columns. There is light on the horizon behind them, but it is cold and dead light.
I look around for the being that pulled me from the darkness. But then I hear a voice and stop my search. "Why, Destiny? Why do you still fight it?"
I know that voice. It's my voice, but with an icy edge to it. A cold wind sweeps across the area, sending chills down my spine as the sound of beating wings fills my ears. I shudder as a shadow passes over me, gliding on ashen wings. My dark side lands before me. She appears rather cross as the winged Bouncywild walks towards me, stopping just a few inches away. I'm too frightened and breathless to move.
"Why do you stray so far from your fate?" she snarls, "You cannot hide for long. All this time you have been nurturing me with your hatred, yet you continue to ignore my existance!"
"Why do you keep bothering me?" I snap back at my dark side. The winged Bouncywild lurches backwards at my sudden exclamation, then growls.
She begins walking back towards me, hand outstretched. "Destiny, you cannot hide from what is inside you. What you are right now is just a cover up for the true you. There is no light in the darkness. But there IS darkness in the light."
"Liar." I growl, backing away. She lunges at me and grabs me, throwing me to the back of a small cave in the column behind us.
"Destiny," the dark side soothes, cornering me, "Come, now. Be reasonable. You must not allow yourself to be drawn to the Keyblade. It is your mortal enemy."
I shake my head. "Following the Keyblade is the only chance I have now. They all think I'm traitors and would kill me on the spot..."
"Maybe. But there are more benefits in giving in." the dark side snaps her fingers and we are once again surrounded by darkness.
Suddenly, the winged Bouncywild fades, her ruby red eyes still burning in the blackness. Then they, too, fade. It becomes lighter. Warmth fills my body as I begin to see Maria looking over me, worried. She backs up as I swing my feet over to the side of the small bed I'm lying on.
"You were talking in your sleep. Thank goodness no one except me heard you." Maria whispers to me. I nod. Did she hear me say all those things to my dark side?
What did my dark side mean by "there are more benefits in giving in"? Maybe there are. My shoulder blades start throbbing again, but the pain is more faint this time. I allow myself to fall back down. The pillow is so soft on my aching head... I don't want to get up. And what was the purpose of the entire dream?
We're in the empty house. Cid, Leon, Aerith, Yuffie, Sora, Goofy, and Donald are all gathered around the room, and Mel's crate is in the corner. And there's one other boy. He has narrow aquamarine eyes and chin-length silver hair, wearing a shirt that's yellow in the front and black in the back, with baggy jeans. Sora comes up to me and lifts me out of bed, setting me down carefully.
"Hey, Destiny," the Keyblade master remarks cheerily, as if I hadn't just fainted, "This is Riku. He's my friend from the Destiny Islands."
Humorously, I'm flattered to have a world named after me.
Riku doesn't smile at me. He doesn't say anything either. The boy seems kind of... isolated. That's not really the right word, I know it isn't, but it's close enough. There's a suspicous air about him. This doesn't seem right, there's a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Suddenly, the throbbing in my back hurts more and I have to lean against Sora's leg.
The Keybearer looks down at me sympathetically. He pats my head. "You feeling alright, Destiny? Maybe you should lay in bed for awhile lon-"
I shake my head violently and cling to him. Sora shrugs, then carries on a conversation with Riku. Maria, deeply concerned, pulls me away from Sora, into a corner.
"Destiny, what's wrong?" she growls. "Yeah, I'm sad about Storm too, but we have to find a way to get him back! We can't just sit around here moping!"
I give her a pleading look. "It's not... it's not that. I keep having these wierd dreams and they seem so real. They keep having my dark side in them. It's scaring me."
"I don't see why your 'dark side' or whatever would start bugging you now after so long. It's only a dream, nothing to be afraid of. None of my dreams ever came true... I mean my dreams, not my ambition-type stuff..."
"What was that?"
I jerk my head around and stare out the window. I could've sworn I just heard something out there. My Bouncywild friend raises her eyebrows at me, as if I'm going nuts or something. Maybe I am. Maybe my imagination just got carried away and made me hear that noise. I'm not even sure what the noise sounded like.
"I'm hungry. Are there any resturants here?" asks Riku. Yuffie gives him directions to the cafe, and the silver-haired boy smiles and nods. It's the first time he's smiled since I woke up.
Riku yawns as he walks out of the vacant house, his cerulean eyes glinting mysteriously in the light. I watch him. Deep inside I feel that something terrible will come of this. He shouldn't go outside on his own. It's too dangerous.
He walks out the door and everyone goes back to discussing plans, as I sit in the corner, deep in thought. Maria shakes me a few times, but I am oblivious to them and continue thinking. My shoulder blades begin to ache again. I moan, rubbing my temples. What's happening to me?
[Everything my dark side tells me is wrong.] I think to myself. [I won't give in, no matter how much pain she puts me through, and how much she tortures me by way of dreams.]
My life would be so much easier if I was 'Dreamless' instead of 'Heartless'.
"What do you mean you haven't seen any silver-haired boys around here?" objects Sora when we journey to the cafe. Riku was nowhere to be found. Sora had asked the nearest waiter about him.
The waiter sticks his nose up in a snooty way. "I mean we haven't seen any young men that fit your description of this friend of yours. Keep looking. Farewell."
I feel my body shake in frustration and hatred towards this stuck-up waiter. He's so... so... persnickety! It will not mean a thing to me if I claw him until he's bloody and dead. I rub my temples again. I must be going off the deep end. For a split second, the pain in my back tears through me, bursts at my seams, intensely blasts my body with surges of immense power. And then I cool off again, back to normal.
[What was that all about?] I ask myself. There is still a faint hint of anger bulging within the depths of my soul, building. I'll have to keep my emotions under more control.
"I guess," sighes Maria, "That we'll have to let Mel go sooner or late. Shall we go back to the second district?"
After some agreement and scribbling on paper, we set off, once again, for the second district. As we climb the stairs, I catch something out of the corner of my eye. I turn to see what it is. But it's... gone. Glancing about, I run to catch up with the others.
[Author's Note]
Maji: I wasn't really good at doing this chappie 'cause I'm really jittery and happy and joyful and stuff... Anyway everything was a little rushed and I WANT MORE SUGAR!
Gypsy: Vivi has it all.
Maji: *tackles Vivi*
Vivi: *holds the candy out of Maji's reach* No! Mine!
[Disclaimer]
I don't own any stuff in here that appeared in the game. And right now I have to try and beat Ansem the 2nd time for the kazillionth time... Yep, that's right. I've never beat Kingdom Hearts before. Got a problem? *stuffs her mouth with soraoathkeeper's candy*