-A/N- One shot darkfic, with quite a bit of comic relief. in the beginning
at least. Hope you enjoy and don't hate me too much when it's all over.
I've been typing this up for several weeks, and finally finished it. I'm
quite proud, and even if you don't like it, it is one of my favorites.
*Drowning in Misery
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Hermione Granger was not your average 17 year old girl. She did like normal things, same things any teenage girl would like. Music, fashion, boys. But there was so much more to this girl. Hermione Granger was a witch, who attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was in Gryffindor, the home of the brave and loyal. Her two best friends were both male, one the savior of the modern world and the other his ever faithful sidekick. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. They had been through everything together. Hermione had the best grades in her class, higher than any wizard for centuries. She was beloved by her teachers and envied by many.
She was however an insufferable know-it-all. She couldn't resist the temptation of showing off her wide range of knowledge. Hermione was not beautiful by any standards. She was what some would term "pudgy". Her teeth were rather crooked and her hair was a mess. She had yet to discover makeup. As much as she enjoyed fashion and shopping, her taste in clothes was horrible. She was not exactly considered a catch by most of the male population. Girls would talk behind her back; no one could understand how someone so unattractive could be best friends with two of Hogwarts finest.
But that's just it; she was only friends with them. She had never been more than friends with anyone in her entire life. And this is where our story begins. Hermione Granger was facing a most difficult internal battle. You see, the houses of Hogwarts did not mix often. But Hermione's predicament was that she found herself immensely attracted to none other than her worst enemy. He was a gorgeous blonde, with eyes of steel, and abs of steel too. He was handsome and debonair, filthy rich and extremely witty. He was smart and sarcastic, what girl wouldn't want him?
Yes Draco Malfoy was, seemingly, the perfect man. The only problem was... well there were many problems. First, Hermione was a GRYFFINDOR and Draco was a SLYTHERIN. Second, Draco was a pureblood, who detested anyone of impure families. Hermione, it just so happens, was the worst kind of impure you can get. She was a "mudblood", a person of muggle parents. Third, they HATED each other. They had hated each other from the moment they met, and were constantly fighting.
But don't they say there is a thin line between love and hate?
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Hermione couldn't remember exactly when she had fallen for Draco Malfoy. But in her 5th year, whenever he would make a snide comment or call her a mudblood, she took it to heart. She would get extremely upset, crying into the dark hours of the night. She couldn't look him in the eyes if they were fighting. His eyes had a power over her. They were hypnotizing, and if she would look at them she could do nothing but stare, hoping their gaze would never be broken.
His silky voice was enough to make her melt; simply being in his presence was enough to cause a sleepless night. She wanted him like she never wanted anyone or anything before, but there was nothing she could do to act on her desires. Because if anyone ever knew... it could cause problems.
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Hermione sat, dazed and undisturbed, in potions on one groggy Monday morning. She sat between Lavender and Parvati now, since the Golden Trio seemed to cause too many problems. Hermione had no complaints about her new seating arrangement though, seeing as how she sat directly behind Draco Malfoy now. She could sometimes catch a whiff of his cologne as he sat down in a rush, his sweet smell washing over her face. On this particular day, Hermione was staring aimlessly at the board as Malfoy came rushing in, right as the bell rang. He hurried to his seat, threw down his book bag and took his seat. Hermione breathed in, and there it was. She smiled in pleasure.
Lavender caught her crazy smile and poked her with her glittery purple pencil.
"What was that all about?" She whispered. Hermione put a finger to her mouth, and shook her head. Lavender narrowed her eyes and leaned in closer to Hermione. "Have a secret you'd like to share Hermione?"
"Yes and no." Lavender didn't quite comprehend so Hermione explained a bit further. "Yes, I've got a secret, and No, I wouldn't like to share."
Draco had been eavesdropping and chose this moment to turn around.
"Got a secret do we Granger? Well out with it. Make a bad grade in Arithmancy? Broken up with Weasley finally?" Hermione stuttered. Lavender rolled her eyes, realizing what Hermione's secret was.
"Malfoy, why don't you just turn around?" Lavender asked sweetly. "Unless you like something you see back here." She added suggestively. Draco chuckled.
"I would never say that ANYTHING I see back there is attractive in any way." He hesitated, surveying the girls slowly. "Except your tits of course Granger." He raised his eyebrows and turned around in his seat.
Hermione was flabbergasted; her cheeks were hot in indignation. She opened and closed her mouth as if to say something but no sound came out. She sighed unhappily.
"So how long?" Lavender asked. Hermione looked alarmed and glanced at Draco's turned head. Lavender rolled her eyes and got a piece of paper out.
'How long have you liked Malfoy?' She scribbled.
'I don't know what you are talking about.' Hermione responded.
'Dont BS me, I saw the looks you were giving him.'
'Does anyone else know?' Hermione was defeated.
'No, but if you keep this up they will. Maybe I should play a lil matchmaker...'
'NO. It can't happen. It's just a crush.'
'Crush or not, he's going to find out sooner or later. Probably sooner.'
'Fine. I'll. I'll try to talk to him, but it won't do any good.'
'Good, are you sure you don't want help?'
'Positive.'
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"Malfoy, can I talk to you for a sec?" Hermione said as she waited outside the classroom door. Draco and his cronies had just exited the potions dungeon and were headed off to lunch. Draco turned around to see who was speaking to him and frowned in distaste as he saw Hermione.
"What exactly do you need Granger?" He glanced at his watch as Crabbe and Goyle guffawed behind him.
"I just wanted to see if we could meet up later. There's something really important I need to talk to you about."
"Whatever Granger. What's this all about?" She took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes. She was transfixed on the spot. Malfoy just stood there, waiting for a response and upon receiving none, he began to walk away.
"Draco wait!" He turned slowly. She began to speak again but closed her mouth. "Never mind I guess."
"You're a bloody nut Granger."
She sighed and under her breath whispered "No, I'm a bloody fool."
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Hermione sat alone in the library, surrounded by a mountain of books. She couldn't keep her mind off of that prat. Why, oh why had she had to fall for HIM of all people? There was no logical reasoning behind it at all. He had never done anything but be rude and hateful to her and her friends and basically every other human being on the earth. But still it was undeniable, she wanted him.
With that thought she paused. 'I want him'. This could mean the end to her problems. Well maybe not quite the end, but it was a start to explaining the unexplainable. If the fact was that she was physically attracted to him, which obviously she was, then perhaps the desire was more easily quenched.
It was all just hormones, a chemical imbalance if you will. Nothing more to it than that. She wasn't in love with Malfoy. She simply was having sexual desires about him. Although that was equally nauseating, it made a whole hell of a lot more sense. After all, she was a teenage girl, what teenager didn't think about such things? Then again, if that's all it was, then why had these thoughts persisted for nearly two years now?
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"Professor Sinistra, Professor Snape has sent me to get Hermione Granger. He wants to know if he can borrow her for the rest of class." Sinistra looked up and nodded.
"Of course Mr. Malfoy. Miss Granger, take your things with you. I'll give you the rest of your assignment next class." Hermione nodded and gathered her things. She quickly said goodbye to Lavender who gave her a sly smile as she looked toward Draco. Hermione rolled her eyes, but inside she was bracing herself.
As she exited the classroom, she did not look Malfoy in the eye. She kept her head down and walked swiftly down the flight of stairs adjacent to the classroom. She heard footsteps behind her which were undoubtedly his but she never slowed. Finally she heard a cruel laugh from behind her and she spun around to meet it.
"What is so funny?" She asked, placing a hand on her hip.
"You realize I have potions the same period as you?"
"They should have some sort of program for geniuses like you."
"I've been saying that for years. But I digress. As I said, I have potions the same time as you. So the question I pose is this: Why would Professor Snape ask me, of all people, to come fetch you, when I don't even have his class right now. Mind boggling, isn't it?"
"Get to the point Malfoy."
"There will be no need for you to go all the way down to the dungeons. I thought maybe we could continue our discussion from the other day. You know, the one where first you tell me you have something important to say, then freeze on account of my stunning good looks, and then start yammering on about what an idiot you are. I'm sure you recall."
"Unfortunately yes. But sadly, there will be no need to continue it. Now if we are quite done here, I'll head back up to my class. Since technically right now, we are both breaking numerous school rules. Now normally I would call you ferret face or bastard, but my brain is simply to in awe of your 'stunning good looks'. Goodbye Malfoy." Impressed with her own wit, she began to walk away. But he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her slowly to him.
He was smiling like a maniac, in an almost frightening way. He wouldn't release his hold on her arm and pulled her steadily closer to him, until they were only inches apart. She looked up into his eyes; they were cold and steely gray. Her breath caught in her throat. She hated to admit it, but she was terrified of him at this moment.
"So we finally agree that I'm good looking eh, mudblood?" He backed her into the wall and pinned her with his elbows. His fingers came up to her face, they were cold as ice. She shuddered at his touch.
"I knew you wanted me you filthy mudblood. I could see it in your eyes. You should really learn to disguise things like that. I've learned, and I do a damn good job of it too. For instance, I bet you didn't know this was coming." The second he finished speaking he pressed his lips solidly to hers. She brought her hands up behind his head.
"I didn't say you could touch me!" She recoiled as far as possible, but he leaned in and traced a line of kisses down her jaw. He began to whisper very close to her ear. "Even now, I have such power over you. You're scared aren't you? It's because I've found your weakness. As much as I hate to admit, it's a rather pleasant weakness for me a well. It'll be nice to bed you, huh? I bet you've got all this pent up sexual tension. We could go find out right now, if you'd like." His breath was hot against her skin.
"What are you doing Malfoy?" She asked shakily. He pressed his finger over her lips.
"I didn't say you could talk either." Her eyes were full of fear. He merely chuckled as he released her. "I suppose that's enough for now. But if you'd like, I can meet you at your dorm tonight. Head girl right? Oh brother, what would the teachers think."
"I don't think-" He silenced her with a kiss.
"I wouldn't tell anyone about this Granger, I think you might regret it if you did."
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"You think that I go home at night, take off my clothes, turn out the lights. But I burn letters I write to you to make you love me. Yeah I'd drive naked through the park and run the stop sign in the dark, stand in the street, yell out my heart to make you love me. I am extraordinary if you'd ever get to know me, I am extraordinary." Hermione hummed along in her head. She had charmed a picture to sing her favorite song. She had discovered it through the muggle radio, and then bought the CD. Liz Phair was one of her favorite singers now. But this particular song, it had struck a chord inside her.
Why did things always have to be so difficult? Why couldn't she be with anyone she wanted, regardless of house or family descent? Why did it matter if two people loved each other? But Draco didn't love her. She wasn't so sure she really loved him, but something told her she did.
And then after their. encounter this afternoon, he had made her feel things she had never felt before. She smiled in spite of herself. He had kissed her. Her first kiss was with the guy she liked. It wasn't exactly the circumstances she would have hoped for but nevertheless.
She heard a sharp knock on the portrait outside and went downstairs. She swung the portrait open and there stood a smug looking Malfoy. She was about to slam the door in his face but he stopped it with his hand.
"Good evening Granger." He said as he walked casually inside, uninvited.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Hermione stuttered.
"I told you I'd be back for more, didn't I Granger? And a Malfoy always makes good on his word." He strode towards her, gaze never breaking.
"Why are you doing this to me!? You think it's funny to see the little mudblood squirm? Well ha ha, lets all have a laugh! But I've had enough!" Her voice escalated into a high pitched scream.
"Get a grip Granger. What makes you think I haven't simply changed my ways? What if I was genuinely interested in you?" He asked, faux sincerity present.
"Well are you?" She asked, hoping for a moment that maybe he had changed.
"Not a chance. But you can always dream." He chuckled and shook his head. "You are a piece of work Granger. Too bad you're such a filthy specimen of human. I really wouldn't mind you so much if it weren't for your incessant worship of Saint Potter."
"And I wouldn't mind you so much if you weren't such an arse! Why do you think you're so much better than everyone? It's not like you shit diamonds or something." She regretted speaking suddenly; if looks could kill she would surely be cold and rotting.
"Watch your tongue mudblood." He spat.
"Oh come off it Malfoy! At least come up with a new insult. I've been called a mudblood eight times in the last thirty seconds, the horse is dead." He sat silently for a few seconds, trying to formulate the correct words.
"I don't understand you Granger." He said finally.
"Likewise, Malfoy."
"Do shut up for once, won't you?" She grinned slightly, but kept quiet. "What I meant was. how can you be so disgusting, yet so undeniably intriguing? I find you repulsive, but I find you. desirable at the same time." He moved ever closer, until his breath could be felt upon her skin, sending shivers up her spine. "So what do you have to say about all this Granger?"
He leaned in to kiss her, but she pushed him away. "I think you should go Malfoy."
"You show some strong will there, but no worries. I'll break you down eventually; you won't be able to breathe without me. You'll wish you had given in a long time ago. I'll be seeing you Granger."
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"I can't believe this! Why today of all days? Stupid stupid alarm!" Hermione had slept through her alarm on the day of the big transfiguration test. As much as she would like to place the blame on her alarm and on her alarm alone, she was not completely blameless. She had been having an exquisite dream, and had not felt the need to wake up until it had ended.
She supposed it was due to certain events of the day before, particularly when she had been visited by a certain pale Slytherin. He had a power over her, he could make her knees weak, and he could make her feel as though she was nothing or as if she was the most incredible person in the world. Not that that happened often, it was more the former; she regularly questioned whether she was good enough, if she was too fat, too ugly. It scared her, the kind of control he had over her.
She collected her thoughts and rushed down to the transfiguration classroom. She braced herself for punishment; McGonagall was a stickler for the rules. She was beyond "fashionably late"; she was about 25 minutes late. There was less than an hour left in the class. She would have to hurry to finish her exam. She took a deep breath and walked quickly into the classroom. She walked straight to the teachers' desk.
"Ah, Miss Granger, I was wondering if you would be joining us today." She lowered her voice. "Is everything all right?" Hermione nodded.
"My alarm didn't go off professor; I got here as quickly as I could. I'm sorry it won't happen again." McGonagall pursed her lips.
"Let's hope not. I'm afraid I have to take 5 points from Gryffindor for your tardiness. Now please take a seat right." She surveyed the classroom for an empty desk. "Right next to Mr. Malfoy please. Here is your test paper."
Hermione took her paper and turned around slowly and made her way to the back of the classroom. She sat down next to Draco who gave her a small smirk as she sat down. She looked away bashfully and he knew he had her hooked. He continued with his test and was the first one to finish. He sat back down and began to write on a small piece of parchment. Hermione finished the 50 question test in a little less then 20 minutes; it was much easier than she had anticipated. She sat down and sighed in relief.
Relief was short lived because just then Malfoy slid the piece of parchment over to her. She looked nervously at him as she unfolded the paper.
'So, been dreaming about me Granger? I should have known, I am quite charming when I want to be, aren't I?' She smirked at him; she couldn't let him know what she was thinking. She had to do as he suggested and hide her feelings. She grabbed his quill gently from his hand and began to write back.
'Ah, how inflated that ego of yours is Malfoy. Not that it is ANY of your business, but I WASN'T dreaming about anything, I simply slept through my alarm. Why would I want to dream about you anyways? I suspect you're a bit too pale underneath all those robes.' She slid the paper back to him and twirled the quill between her fingers. His eyes widened momentarily before he regained his composure. No one insulted him and got away with it. He took the quill back, letting his fingers linger a few seconds upon hers.
'That's not what you seemed to think last night. I bet you wouldn't mind finding out exactly how 'pale' I am right now eh? How about a quickie after class? And stop using my quill'
He placed the quill inside his robes, in a pocket she assumed. She looked at him in mild amusement; he didn't know how much she wished to agree to leave with him right then and there. But she wouldn't give in. She just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. If she ever gave in to him she would get her heart broken. She smiled and reached over to feel inside his robes. His eyes widened and then he smiled as her hands dropped lower and lower. Finally she found the quill right about his waist-line and pulled it out brandishing it like a sword. He frowned as she began to write, missing her wandering hands.
'I'll use your quill if I want to, I don't suspect you had any objection to me. searching for it. And no, there will be no 'quickie'. I already know how pale you are, I can see your face, so there will be no need for it. And it seemed that you were more interested than I was last night, what was it you said? Oh right, that I was intriguing, and then desirable.' She tossed him the quill, which he proceeded to drop on the floor. He snatched the paper from her and began to read, becoming angrier by the second.
"You are skating on thin ice, Granger." He whispered to her. She smiled.
"Ah, but it is so worth it."
"Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy, just because you are finished does not mean that you can disrupt the rest of the class. Please do not think I will hesitate to assign you detentions because of your academic statuses."
"Yes ma'am." Draco said.
"We're sorry professor." Hermione said. McGonagall nodded and went back to working at her desk. They looked at each other and smiled discreetly, and for one second they were equal, they were enjoying each others company, they were friends. They both knew full well that this could be the start of an unholy alliance.
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Hermione was walking down the hallway, smiling to herself. He asked her to meet him in the library after classes. He said he 'had something important to discuss with her'. He was mocking her of course, but she didn't care. The fact was, the last time they 'discussed' something, they ended up kissing.
She was happy with their recent. friendliness towards each other. People kept asking her why she was so happy and all she could think of to say was that she made an A on the transfiguration test, which no one doubted for a second.
But in reality it was because she spent all of transfiguration and all of potions sitting next to the Sex God of Slytherin, the one and only Draco Malfoy. And after potions he asked her to meet him in the library. She was positively radiating joy.
She reveled in these thoughts for a moment too long and as she rounded the corner, an arm stuck out behind a statue of the Goblin Boris the Belcher (or was it Botnock the Beamer?) and pulled Hermione behind it.
She began to scream but a cold hand was placed over her mouth. She stopped struggling and smiled at her 'kidnapper'. Draco placed one finger over his lips and gently pulled her after him. They moved quickly down the hall, avoiding people behind statues and finally made it to an unlocked broom closet. They stumbled inside and closed the door behind them.
As soon as they had the reassurance of their secluded atmosphere they wasted no time with formalities and went straight into the snogging. Draco's hands entangled themselves in her hair while she played with the buttons of his shirt.
"I can't believe we're making out in a broom closet!" She giggled as she pulled his shirt off.
"I hear broom closets are the in place right now, you know, very dark, very serene." Draco said, almost amusing himself.
"Mmmhmm" Hermione said before replacing her lips onto his. He kissed back passionately, letting his tongue escape into the depths of her mouth. But after a moment he realized they were half clothed. in broom closet. He pulled away, Hermione moaning in protest.
"Maybe we shouldn't do this here." He said. She closed her eyes and smiled widely, thoroughly embarrassed.
"Probably not. But I don't care." She said laughing. "I just like to be with you."
"How sweet." He mocked, before being hit strongly in the arm. "That hurt."
"Yes well, I'm sure you'll get over it."
"Eventually, I suppose. I have heard the saying 'Love conquers all things.' Perhaps it can conquer this throbbing pain in my shoulder!" He rubbed his shoulder, pretending to be in pain. She leaned over and kissed it to 'make it feel better'.
Laughing ever harder, she leaned down to put her shoes on, but ended up with her face very near to Draco's. little friend. She nearly choked from the laughter and he had to try very hard not to laugh along with her. This was the most ridiculous situation he had been in, ever. Finally he chuckled a bit and they enjoyed the moment. Together.
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"Where are you going again, 'Mione?" Ron asked for the twelfth time in five minutes. She sighed and rolled her eyes. Ron may be tall, handsome, and a great keeper, but he was no genius.
"I have to go to the library to work on an Arithmancy project with Malfoy." He looked suspiciously at her.
"Why do you have to work with ferret boy?"
"Haven't we been over this Ron? Sinistra assigned us partners, I had no choice." Ron nodded, still seeming puzzled.
"Who exactly is 'Sinistra'?" He asked in a prophetic voice. Hermione looked at him, completely dumbfounded.
"The teacher Ron. Professor Sinistra is the teacher." He nodded.
"Right. Of course." He tried to cover up. "I was simply testing you." She looked at him cynically before rolling her eyes one final time and taking her books down to the library.
She entered the library and strode calmly back to the restricted section. She looked around once and walked inside, not letting the door slam behind her. She held her breath when Madame Pince looked over in the general direction a few seconds later, but let it slowly out when she looked away. She meandered through the rows, looking for Draco.
They didn't really have a project to work on together, but it was an excellent cover story. They had been meeting secretly for over a month now, ever since that day when they got in trouble in transfiguration. Hermione wished it didn't have to be a secret, but she knew it was probably for the best. They would meet in empty classrooms, the room of requirement, the library, Hermione's dorm room, and there was that one time in a broom closet. They weren't exactly finicky about where they met.
Hermione rounded the last corner and saw him standing at the end of the row. He smiled genuinely at her and they slowly moved towards each other. He reached for her hand and pulled her closer; her heart was beating faster by the second. He encircled her waist with his free hand and leaned in gently to kiss her waiting lips.
"Hello to you too, Mr. Malfoy." He chuckled half-heartedly, but she noticed he couldn't meet her eyes. "What's wrong?"
"There's something I have to tell you."
"Nothing good ever starts out like that." She noted. He looked at her grimly.
"Hermione. I can't see you anymore." She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a cry. "Please don't cry. I have to do this. You don't deserve this." She looked like he had just stabbed her in the heart, and she felt like it too.
"Well, do what you have to do, don't let me stand in the way of your death eater dreams." She tried to walk away but seeing the look on his face made her stay in place. He looked hurt but incredibly angry at the same time. "Draco, I didn't-"
"Yes you did. Something like that doesn't just come from nowhere. Is that what you really think? Is that all I am? Well, fuck you." He stormed away, letting the door to the restricted section slam behind him. Hermione ran after him.
"Draco wait!!" He stopped, not turning around. He was waiting for her to speak. "Let's just. talk about this for a minute. I didn't mean that, when I'm upset I say things I don't mean."
Slowly he brought himself to face her. She knew no one insulted a Malfoy and got away with it. She had known from the beginning what she was getting herself into. He thought he had known what he was going into; he had thought wrong. He hadn't planned to really like her. He wanted to get her into bed, she was just a conquest. Things change.
"Things change, Hermione." He hadn't meant to say what he was thinking in his head, but he had anyway. Sometimes things don't go right. "Sometimes things just don't go right." He hadn't meant to say that either.
"I don't understand what's changed since yesterday." She tried to get closer to him but every time he backed away. He looked as though he was facing an internal battle. He wanted her there, but he needed her to go away.
"Yesterday I didn't love you! That's what's changed." He yelled.
"And today." She smiled. He loved her. He hadn't said it directly, the words 'I love you Hermione' had not been said. But it was close, and for Draco it was damn near identical.
"I didn't get into this to fall in love. That's not what you are supposed to be to me. I enjoy your company, I like to talk with you, and I really like to kiss you. But I can't do THIS. It's only going to end up destroying us both. Is it worth that?"
"Yes, it is. Love is worth everything else being screwed up. If we love each other-"
"I can't love you." He stated firmly. She closed her eyes tightly, then met his cold eyes with her warm ones.
"Yes, you can." He shook his head. "You're just unwilling to try. And I understand. I know that I'm not good enough for you. I never will be, and I can't change my blood. But I would change anything to be with you."
"That is just it. you're too good for me. I don't deserve you. I have no reason to be embarrassed, but I hide you away. It isn't right and you know it. But I would be being untrue to everything I've ever known. I can't change."
"But I can! I can change. Just let me try." She pleaded.
"No, I don't want you to change. Because then you wouldn't be the same person that I'm. That I'm in love with."
"I don't understand the problem; if you love me. no one has to know! We graduate in 6 months, then house wont matter. We'll be out of Hogwarts and- "
"House matters forever in my family. No matter how much we try, we can't hide it forever. And it will never work between us. It's best just to stop now before we get too involved." His voice became colder and more stern with each breath he took.
"So that's it? You don't want to see me anymore because of what everyone else thinks?" He took a deep breath and nodded.
"Maybe it doesn't matter to you. But I'm not that strong, I don't have that luxury. I care, and I won't do anything more to weaken myself. Being in love isn't something I can do." Hermione nearly choked on stifled sobs.
"Well then, I'll be seeing you. Goodbye Dra- Malfoy."
"Goodbye Hermione." She turned around and left as he watched her retreating back, wishing that every word he had just said was untrue.
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The first few Draco-less days were rough. Hermione mostly stayed in her dorm room, eating chocolate and venting her thoughts into her journal. She didn't have classes for the first two days; they had broken up on a Friday. If you could even call it a break up, seeing as how they had never been an official couple. They had a few snogs and would whisper sweet nothings to each other, Hermione truly believing that everything could someday change.
She saw him in potions on Monday. He looked so good, she wished she could reach out and touch him, breathe in his scent. It was so hard to sit directly behind him knowing that she would never be able to kiss his soft lips again, to feel his gentle touch.
Lavender looked at her sympathetically, she knew the whole story. She had pestered Hermione until she spilled everything, and she had been kept informed of the secret relationship through the same method of pestering. She told Hermione to move on, go on a few dates, whatever it took.
Hermione knew no one else could ever measure up to Draco. She knew that no matter how many guys she ever went out with, she would always compare them to him. Their kisses would undoubtedly be sloppy compared to his exquisite kiss. Every other man would seem like a blundering idiot compared to Draco's deft movements and quick wit. No one else was quite like him.
Plus, Hermione thought, she didn't exactly have a lot going for her. Even if there was some other guy that liked her. she would never know. She wasn't outgoing, or beautiful by any means. She was plain, studious, but not vivacious. She was a different person around Draco. She was happy around Draco.
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At first he wanted to deny his feelings for her. He had never been in love before, so how could he be sure this was the real thing? He didn't trust his own judgment. When he finally figured it out, it was too late to tell her. He had already decided what he had to do, and telling her that he loved her wouldn't be fair. He wanted to her to believe that he didn't need her. It would make letting her go so much easier if she didn't love him back.
'Hurt her. Hurt her to save her.' He kept telling himself over and over in his head. He acted as though he was unaffected by her presence, had a cool air about him, all Malfoys were taught to be that way from birth. Inside, however, he was completely torn up. Seeing her, looking towards him bitterly, was almost too much.
He wanted to be with her, there was no doubt about that. He hadn't lied though, at first she was only a conquest. He wanted to bed her, just to say that he had done it. But after he talked to her and spent time with her. it didn't seem right to think of her as a prize to be had. She was an incredible person who cared and loved with all her heart. He had taken her heart gladly only to have to hand it back, shattered, on a silver platter.
He hadn't meant to hurt her, but it was the only way. Nothing could ever develop between them simply because he was a Malfoy, and she was. not of pure descent. He couldn't even think of her as a 'mudblood' anymore, it tarnished something that was too wonderful to be treated like such filth.
He sighed deeply as he reminisced about their rushed kisses. They were quick and full of deep passion, fun because they were always scared of being caught. The adrenaline pumping through their veins made their hearts race. Leaving each other was always hard, but they knew that they would soon meet up again; knew that there would be more of those treasured kisses, and dreams of each other to survive the night.
But now they were encountering their third week without each other and Draco's body was beginning to ache for her touch, and he lived for the few moments he could catch a glimpse of her across the Great Hall. His heart needed Hermione.
*******************************
"Herm, are you thinking about him again?" Lavender asked quietly. Hermione closed her eyes; she could feel the tears showing through. She really wished Lavender would stop bringing him up. Of course she was thinking about him, but she didn't have to rub it in her face.
Instead of telling her friend this she nodded her head slowly, opening her eyes to let the tears flood down her cheeks. She tried to wipe them away so it wasn't painfully obvious that she was crying.
"He's not worth all this suffering. He treated you badly, and he said it himself, he wanted to hide you away. That's no way to treat the girl you're 'in love with'"
"I know, OK? I just... I don't want to talk about it." Hermione said sharply.
"I'm sorry; I don't mean to keep bringing it up. But Hermione, you're making yourself sick over him! If he really loved you then don't you think he would care? Think about it OK? Maybe it's simply better without him." Lavender said.
'Like that was supposed to be comforting!?' Thought Hermione. 'Nice job, way to make me feel A-OK Lav, so caring.'
"Look it's late, let's just go to bed, and try to stop thinking about this. You'll feel better once you do." Lavender tried to help Hermione up, but she stayed in place.
"I think I'm going to go to the prefect's bath and have a nice bubble bath before that actually. Maybe I can relax down there. I'll see you in the morning, hmm?" Lavender nodded and trodded silently up the stairs alone.
*******************************
Halfway to the bathroom Hermione had a breakdown. Save the few tears just recently shed in the common room with Lavender, Hermione hadn't cried once since Draco. since her parting with Draco. She shuddered from the cold and her insides felt like they were being eaten away by acid. She was scared; she couldn't catch her breath because of the way her shoulders wracked with every heaving sob. She pictured his face and slammed her fist against the wall.
No one had ever treated her this badly, yet she never loved anyone more in her entire life. She hated him with every fiber of her being for what he did, but she wanted him with the same intensity. She wanted to be near him, she wanted the pain and suffering to end. She wanted to run away. She could barely breathe but used every muscle to move herself faster and faster down the hallway.
She hated him! Why did he do this to her? Why didn't he love her! She was so caught up in these thoughts, running faster with every step, blinded by tears. She tripped on a loose floorboard and crashed into the floor. She didn't move, only lay there crying silently.
"Why don't you love me Draco?" She sobbed quietly to herself. "Why don't you love me?"
She didn't know how long she was there, how long she cried those never- ceasing tears for him. But when she finally stopped, her head ached and she wanted to sleep and never remember this horrible night. She just wanted to forget.
*******************************
"Malfoy!" She shouted. He turned around, eyes sunken and spirits low. It was a female, but it most definitely was not her. it would never be Hermione calling after him again.
"What do you want Brown?" Lavender rolled her eyes.
"Quit with the mean and surly act, if anyone should be miserable it should be Hermione and trust me, she most definitely is doing enough moping for the both of you." At the mention of Hermione's name Draco looked quickly around to make sure no one was listening to their conversation.
"What are you talking about?"
"I know everything OK? Hermione told me. No one else knows. She didn't WANT to tell me, but I did a little persuading." He nodded his head, waiting for her to continue. "Now, I have no idea why, but she still loves you. She came into the dorm last night at 4 in the morning; apparently she had been in the 6th floor corridor crying on the goddamn floor. I don't know why you suddenly decided that she wasn't good enough for you, but I do know that she would do anything to get you back. And if she can't. I'm afraid of what she will do. She doesn't believe you never loved her. It's making her crazy. I keep telling her, 'He doesn't love you, move on, it's for the best.' She doesn't want anyone but you. Why did you use her like that?" Lavender took out some of her pent up rage on him, just because she could.
"I do love her!" He shouted. A single tear slid down his cheek. He instantly wiped it away. Malfoy's don't cry. "I love her more than she'll ever know."
"You can't tell her. If she knew that after all this you were still in love with her but are just too afraid of your father that would kill her. Not right away, no. but slowly and painfully. I won't let you put her through that." Lavender said with firm conviction.
"I don't want to hurt her anymore."
"Then tell her to move on. And while you're at it, maybe you should too."
*******************************
Hermione was reading her favorite muggle book of all times, The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold. It was about a girl who was killed before she ever really got to experience life. She watched her whole family grow up without her. She watched the one boy she loved, she longed for him, but she could never be with him. She was stuck in a time-warp. As everyone she knew got older and changed, she stayed exactly the same. Lately that's how Hermione had been feeling.
She was excluded from everything she used to enjoy, watching pathetically from the sidelines, too scared to make the jump. The girl in the book did, she made one final jump and got the thing she wished for the most; she got to be with Ray. Hermione wished she could be with Draco. one last time.
As fate would have it, there was just then a knock on the door. Hermione uncurled herself from her reading chair and walked to the portrait hole of her Head girl dormitory. She opened the portrait and outside stood the one and only Draco Malfoy. Her breath hitched in her throat upon seeing him at her door. But then she regained her senses and went into defensive mode.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" She asked bitingly.
"I spoke to Lavender today. She thought it best that I come talk to you. So. here I am. I thought we could-"
"So you can abide by Lavender's every wish now? Well I guess that proves it, I'm just the filthy little mudblood, and I always will be."
"It's not like that and you know it." Draco said sharply. He drew in a breath and continued, softer. "This is not how I wanted things to go with us Hermione. I only wanted to keep you safe."
"I can take care of myself Draco."
"I know you can." Their eyes locked, but Draco shook his head. "I won't let this happen again! You have to know one thing though. I love you. I will never love anyone more than I love you at this very moment, but we have to let it go. There are some things that even love can't survive."
"Love conquers all things." With that statement, he stopped short. He took a deep breath and moved slowly towards her, brushing the hair out of her face. He kissed her chastely, savoring the taste of her lips.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" But he was silenced with another slow, passionate kiss from Hermione. He didn't break away, neither ever wanted to stop, because if they stopped it would all be over. The moment would be lost. But he had to end it. He pulled away and Hermione looked at him with dead eyes, they had lost their sparkle, he had taken it from them.
"We could never be, and you know that Hermione." Draco said sadly.
"You can't do this to me." She whispered, barely audible.
"As happens sometimes, a moment settled, and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone..." She looked at him, confused. "It's a quote from. someone. I don't know. I don't know anything."
"Draco."
"You have to move on Hermione. You don't love me. If you do, you shouldn't, I don't do anything but cause you heartbreak. Please, don't love me anymore." He pleaded with her, he needed to get away.
"I'll always love you. But you won't have to worry about me anymore."
"I'll always love you. Never forget that. It will torment me, every single day for the rest of my life. But that's the least I deserve for causing you such heartbreak. You deserve someone better." She couldn't respond, the knot in her stomach had escalated to her throat, preventing any speaking.
"Goodbye Hermione. Goodbye." He could not hold back the tears, it was hopeless.
"Goodbye Draco." She whispered as the door closed behind him. *******************************
It was time to end all the suffering; she had no doubt that today had been her last day.
"Keeping up appearances Keeping up with the Jones' Fooling my selfish heart Going through the motions But I'm fooling myself I'm fooling myself"
She packed up her trunk with everything she owned. She took one final look in the mirror. "Goodbye Hermione." he had said. It really was their last goodbye.
"Cuz you say you love me And then do it again Do it again You say your sorry's And then do it again You do it again"
She walked into the bathroom, a sadistic smile on her face. He didn't need to worry about her anymore. He hurt her so much. She would have given everything for him. She was about to give everything to him right now.
"Everybody thinks you're well Everybody thinks I'm ill Watching me fall apart Falling under your spell But you're fooling yourself You're fooling yourself"
"This is for you Draco Malfoy." She said quietly. Her hand was shaking as she brought her wand to her stomach. "I love you."
"Cuz you say you love me And then do it again Do it again You say your sorry's And then do it again You do it again"
She drew in a deep breath, the last she would ever take. She screamed as loud as she could "AVADA KEDAVRA!" A blinding green light enveloped her and then there was blackness.
*******************************
"As many of you may already know, one of our own students took their life last night." Albus Dumbledore begun solemnly. "Miss Hermione Granger was a very promising young student, bright in every sense. She was this year's head girl, a prefect since her 5th year here at Hogwarts. Many of you may be asking yourselves the same question I have been asking myself these past hours. Why would Miss Granger want to kill herself? Boys and girls, I didn't know the answer to that question until only a few minutes ago. To most people, there were no obvious reasons to make Hermione want to take such drastic measures against herself. But upon sorting through her belongings, we have found the answer." He wiped a tear from his eye.
"You see students; Miss Granger liked to have the answer to everything. She wasn't satisfied until she knew everything she possibly could. But recently, Miss Granger stumbled upon something that she could not find the answers to. It was enough to make her insane, enough to change who she was. Miss Granger was in love." There were some gasps, and Ron and Harry exchanged confused glances.
"She, uh, left something that she wanted me to read to all of you." He cleared his throat and began. "Dear Hogwarts Students and Staff: Firstly, I wish to thank each and every one of you that made the last 7 years of my life so worthwhile. I know that many of you may have fancied me strong, I certainly did. But the truth is I was very weak all along." He sniffled a bit, trying not to cry as he delivered the last words Hermione had ever written.
"I only recently discovered the extent of my weaknesses, however. I fell in love. And as many of you know, that can be one of the best feelings in the world. I won't tell you who I was in love with. It wouldn't be right. We ended it a few days ago, but not for any normal reasons. We were still very much in love with each other, but for extenuating circumstances, we could no longer be together. I tried to live without him. I tried to move on, but it just didn't work. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? To." Dumbledore stopped. He took a deep breath, willing himself to keep reading for a few more minutes.
"To kill yourself over a boy? Sure, I know it's childish. And trust me, that's not the only thing that made me decide to do this. I've found that I am so very unwilling to change. I'm stuck in the ways of the past, and the future is nye. Everyone around me matured, became better people, as I stayed the same. Maybe you don't understand. That's OK; no one has to know but me. You'll all be fine without me, just consider my life. a moment in time. The man I was in love with once said this to me. 'As happens sometimes, a moment settled, and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone...' My moment is gone, so keep moving with yours."
"Harry and Ron, don't let this deter you, if you've got something to do, and you can do it without me. You've got it in you. Lavender and Ginny, thank you for being such good friends to me. And to. to well, he knows who he is. I love you. This isn't your fault. You gave me something great, and you will be something great when your time comes."
"And to the rest of the students, the few pieces of advice I leave to you are this: 1) Don't fret over petty house differences; they will only destroy you in the end. 2) Learn everything you possibly can. But also know, books cannot teach you everything. 3) And finally. a quote I want to share with you. 'The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.' Goodbye to everyone. Love, Hermione Granger."
There was not a dry eye in the whole of the Great Hall, save for several of the cold-hearted Slytherins. After all she was only a mudblood. But to one blonde Slytherin, she was so much more than that. He wiped away a tear, and silently left the Great Hall, bracing himself for his life after Hermione. Who knew one brown-eyed, curly-haired Gryffindor could have such a profound effect on him? But deep down inside, he had known all along.
fin.
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-A/N- THE END! Ah, hope you liked it, and if not, I apologize. Flame if you want, I really don't care. Uhh a few things I must add so no one SUES ME:
-The 'MOMENT' recurring quote is from One Tree Hill. I actually don't know who said it before they used it on there.
-The SONG is called "Re-Offender" by the group Travis. It's an AWESOME song (though I used it in a rather sad way.) so download it if you can or hey, just go buy the CD!
-And of course, the BIG KAHUNA, all HP CHARACTERS are owned and copyrighted by JK Rowling. So don't sue JK, you've got WAY more money than I do.
So no its 12:51 in da AM, and this is perspectives, I'm your host.. Whoo just kidding, SNL moment there. I'm so tired. So you better like it since I stayed up to finish it. ok enough freakin rambling! GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY, I'LL BE HERE TILL THURSDAY! Bud um bum CH! *DiM
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Hermione Granger was not your average 17 year old girl. She did like normal things, same things any teenage girl would like. Music, fashion, boys. But there was so much more to this girl. Hermione Granger was a witch, who attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was in Gryffindor, the home of the brave and loyal. Her two best friends were both male, one the savior of the modern world and the other his ever faithful sidekick. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. They had been through everything together. Hermione had the best grades in her class, higher than any wizard for centuries. She was beloved by her teachers and envied by many.
She was however an insufferable know-it-all. She couldn't resist the temptation of showing off her wide range of knowledge. Hermione was not beautiful by any standards. She was what some would term "pudgy". Her teeth were rather crooked and her hair was a mess. She had yet to discover makeup. As much as she enjoyed fashion and shopping, her taste in clothes was horrible. She was not exactly considered a catch by most of the male population. Girls would talk behind her back; no one could understand how someone so unattractive could be best friends with two of Hogwarts finest.
But that's just it; she was only friends with them. She had never been more than friends with anyone in her entire life. And this is where our story begins. Hermione Granger was facing a most difficult internal battle. You see, the houses of Hogwarts did not mix often. But Hermione's predicament was that she found herself immensely attracted to none other than her worst enemy. He was a gorgeous blonde, with eyes of steel, and abs of steel too. He was handsome and debonair, filthy rich and extremely witty. He was smart and sarcastic, what girl wouldn't want him?
Yes Draco Malfoy was, seemingly, the perfect man. The only problem was... well there were many problems. First, Hermione was a GRYFFINDOR and Draco was a SLYTHERIN. Second, Draco was a pureblood, who detested anyone of impure families. Hermione, it just so happens, was the worst kind of impure you can get. She was a "mudblood", a person of muggle parents. Third, they HATED each other. They had hated each other from the moment they met, and were constantly fighting.
But don't they say there is a thin line between love and hate?
*******************************
Hermione couldn't remember exactly when she had fallen for Draco Malfoy. But in her 5th year, whenever he would make a snide comment or call her a mudblood, she took it to heart. She would get extremely upset, crying into the dark hours of the night. She couldn't look him in the eyes if they were fighting. His eyes had a power over her. They were hypnotizing, and if she would look at them she could do nothing but stare, hoping their gaze would never be broken.
His silky voice was enough to make her melt; simply being in his presence was enough to cause a sleepless night. She wanted him like she never wanted anyone or anything before, but there was nothing she could do to act on her desires. Because if anyone ever knew... it could cause problems.
*******************************
Hermione sat, dazed and undisturbed, in potions on one groggy Monday morning. She sat between Lavender and Parvati now, since the Golden Trio seemed to cause too many problems. Hermione had no complaints about her new seating arrangement though, seeing as how she sat directly behind Draco Malfoy now. She could sometimes catch a whiff of his cologne as he sat down in a rush, his sweet smell washing over her face. On this particular day, Hermione was staring aimlessly at the board as Malfoy came rushing in, right as the bell rang. He hurried to his seat, threw down his book bag and took his seat. Hermione breathed in, and there it was. She smiled in pleasure.
Lavender caught her crazy smile and poked her with her glittery purple pencil.
"What was that all about?" She whispered. Hermione put a finger to her mouth, and shook her head. Lavender narrowed her eyes and leaned in closer to Hermione. "Have a secret you'd like to share Hermione?"
"Yes and no." Lavender didn't quite comprehend so Hermione explained a bit further. "Yes, I've got a secret, and No, I wouldn't like to share."
Draco had been eavesdropping and chose this moment to turn around.
"Got a secret do we Granger? Well out with it. Make a bad grade in Arithmancy? Broken up with Weasley finally?" Hermione stuttered. Lavender rolled her eyes, realizing what Hermione's secret was.
"Malfoy, why don't you just turn around?" Lavender asked sweetly. "Unless you like something you see back here." She added suggestively. Draco chuckled.
"I would never say that ANYTHING I see back there is attractive in any way." He hesitated, surveying the girls slowly. "Except your tits of course Granger." He raised his eyebrows and turned around in his seat.
Hermione was flabbergasted; her cheeks were hot in indignation. She opened and closed her mouth as if to say something but no sound came out. She sighed unhappily.
"So how long?" Lavender asked. Hermione looked alarmed and glanced at Draco's turned head. Lavender rolled her eyes and got a piece of paper out.
'How long have you liked Malfoy?' She scribbled.
'I don't know what you are talking about.' Hermione responded.
'Dont BS me, I saw the looks you were giving him.'
'Does anyone else know?' Hermione was defeated.
'No, but if you keep this up they will. Maybe I should play a lil matchmaker...'
'NO. It can't happen. It's just a crush.'
'Crush or not, he's going to find out sooner or later. Probably sooner.'
'Fine. I'll. I'll try to talk to him, but it won't do any good.'
'Good, are you sure you don't want help?'
'Positive.'
*******************************
"Malfoy, can I talk to you for a sec?" Hermione said as she waited outside the classroom door. Draco and his cronies had just exited the potions dungeon and were headed off to lunch. Draco turned around to see who was speaking to him and frowned in distaste as he saw Hermione.
"What exactly do you need Granger?" He glanced at his watch as Crabbe and Goyle guffawed behind him.
"I just wanted to see if we could meet up later. There's something really important I need to talk to you about."
"Whatever Granger. What's this all about?" She took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes. She was transfixed on the spot. Malfoy just stood there, waiting for a response and upon receiving none, he began to walk away.
"Draco wait!" He turned slowly. She began to speak again but closed her mouth. "Never mind I guess."
"You're a bloody nut Granger."
She sighed and under her breath whispered "No, I'm a bloody fool."
*******************************
Hermione sat alone in the library, surrounded by a mountain of books. She couldn't keep her mind off of that prat. Why, oh why had she had to fall for HIM of all people? There was no logical reasoning behind it at all. He had never done anything but be rude and hateful to her and her friends and basically every other human being on the earth. But still it was undeniable, she wanted him.
With that thought she paused. 'I want him'. This could mean the end to her problems. Well maybe not quite the end, but it was a start to explaining the unexplainable. If the fact was that she was physically attracted to him, which obviously she was, then perhaps the desire was more easily quenched.
It was all just hormones, a chemical imbalance if you will. Nothing more to it than that. She wasn't in love with Malfoy. She simply was having sexual desires about him. Although that was equally nauseating, it made a whole hell of a lot more sense. After all, she was a teenage girl, what teenager didn't think about such things? Then again, if that's all it was, then why had these thoughts persisted for nearly two years now?
*******************************
"Professor Sinistra, Professor Snape has sent me to get Hermione Granger. He wants to know if he can borrow her for the rest of class." Sinistra looked up and nodded.
"Of course Mr. Malfoy. Miss Granger, take your things with you. I'll give you the rest of your assignment next class." Hermione nodded and gathered her things. She quickly said goodbye to Lavender who gave her a sly smile as she looked toward Draco. Hermione rolled her eyes, but inside she was bracing herself.
As she exited the classroom, she did not look Malfoy in the eye. She kept her head down and walked swiftly down the flight of stairs adjacent to the classroom. She heard footsteps behind her which were undoubtedly his but she never slowed. Finally she heard a cruel laugh from behind her and she spun around to meet it.
"What is so funny?" She asked, placing a hand on her hip.
"You realize I have potions the same period as you?"
"They should have some sort of program for geniuses like you."
"I've been saying that for years. But I digress. As I said, I have potions the same time as you. So the question I pose is this: Why would Professor Snape ask me, of all people, to come fetch you, when I don't even have his class right now. Mind boggling, isn't it?"
"Get to the point Malfoy."
"There will be no need for you to go all the way down to the dungeons. I thought maybe we could continue our discussion from the other day. You know, the one where first you tell me you have something important to say, then freeze on account of my stunning good looks, and then start yammering on about what an idiot you are. I'm sure you recall."
"Unfortunately yes. But sadly, there will be no need to continue it. Now if we are quite done here, I'll head back up to my class. Since technically right now, we are both breaking numerous school rules. Now normally I would call you ferret face or bastard, but my brain is simply to in awe of your 'stunning good looks'. Goodbye Malfoy." Impressed with her own wit, she began to walk away. But he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her slowly to him.
He was smiling like a maniac, in an almost frightening way. He wouldn't release his hold on her arm and pulled her steadily closer to him, until they were only inches apart. She looked up into his eyes; they were cold and steely gray. Her breath caught in her throat. She hated to admit it, but she was terrified of him at this moment.
"So we finally agree that I'm good looking eh, mudblood?" He backed her into the wall and pinned her with his elbows. His fingers came up to her face, they were cold as ice. She shuddered at his touch.
"I knew you wanted me you filthy mudblood. I could see it in your eyes. You should really learn to disguise things like that. I've learned, and I do a damn good job of it too. For instance, I bet you didn't know this was coming." The second he finished speaking he pressed his lips solidly to hers. She brought her hands up behind his head.
"I didn't say you could touch me!" She recoiled as far as possible, but he leaned in and traced a line of kisses down her jaw. He began to whisper very close to her ear. "Even now, I have such power over you. You're scared aren't you? It's because I've found your weakness. As much as I hate to admit, it's a rather pleasant weakness for me a well. It'll be nice to bed you, huh? I bet you've got all this pent up sexual tension. We could go find out right now, if you'd like." His breath was hot against her skin.
"What are you doing Malfoy?" She asked shakily. He pressed his finger over her lips.
"I didn't say you could talk either." Her eyes were full of fear. He merely chuckled as he released her. "I suppose that's enough for now. But if you'd like, I can meet you at your dorm tonight. Head girl right? Oh brother, what would the teachers think."
"I don't think-" He silenced her with a kiss.
"I wouldn't tell anyone about this Granger, I think you might regret it if you did."
*******************************
"You think that I go home at night, take off my clothes, turn out the lights. But I burn letters I write to you to make you love me. Yeah I'd drive naked through the park and run the stop sign in the dark, stand in the street, yell out my heart to make you love me. I am extraordinary if you'd ever get to know me, I am extraordinary." Hermione hummed along in her head. She had charmed a picture to sing her favorite song. She had discovered it through the muggle radio, and then bought the CD. Liz Phair was one of her favorite singers now. But this particular song, it had struck a chord inside her.
Why did things always have to be so difficult? Why couldn't she be with anyone she wanted, regardless of house or family descent? Why did it matter if two people loved each other? But Draco didn't love her. She wasn't so sure she really loved him, but something told her she did.
And then after their. encounter this afternoon, he had made her feel things she had never felt before. She smiled in spite of herself. He had kissed her. Her first kiss was with the guy she liked. It wasn't exactly the circumstances she would have hoped for but nevertheless.
She heard a sharp knock on the portrait outside and went downstairs. She swung the portrait open and there stood a smug looking Malfoy. She was about to slam the door in his face but he stopped it with his hand.
"Good evening Granger." He said as he walked casually inside, uninvited.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Hermione stuttered.
"I told you I'd be back for more, didn't I Granger? And a Malfoy always makes good on his word." He strode towards her, gaze never breaking.
"Why are you doing this to me!? You think it's funny to see the little mudblood squirm? Well ha ha, lets all have a laugh! But I've had enough!" Her voice escalated into a high pitched scream.
"Get a grip Granger. What makes you think I haven't simply changed my ways? What if I was genuinely interested in you?" He asked, faux sincerity present.
"Well are you?" She asked, hoping for a moment that maybe he had changed.
"Not a chance. But you can always dream." He chuckled and shook his head. "You are a piece of work Granger. Too bad you're such a filthy specimen of human. I really wouldn't mind you so much if it weren't for your incessant worship of Saint Potter."
"And I wouldn't mind you so much if you weren't such an arse! Why do you think you're so much better than everyone? It's not like you shit diamonds or something." She regretted speaking suddenly; if looks could kill she would surely be cold and rotting.
"Watch your tongue mudblood." He spat.
"Oh come off it Malfoy! At least come up with a new insult. I've been called a mudblood eight times in the last thirty seconds, the horse is dead." He sat silently for a few seconds, trying to formulate the correct words.
"I don't understand you Granger." He said finally.
"Likewise, Malfoy."
"Do shut up for once, won't you?" She grinned slightly, but kept quiet. "What I meant was. how can you be so disgusting, yet so undeniably intriguing? I find you repulsive, but I find you. desirable at the same time." He moved ever closer, until his breath could be felt upon her skin, sending shivers up her spine. "So what do you have to say about all this Granger?"
He leaned in to kiss her, but she pushed him away. "I think you should go Malfoy."
"You show some strong will there, but no worries. I'll break you down eventually; you won't be able to breathe without me. You'll wish you had given in a long time ago. I'll be seeing you Granger."
*******************************
"I can't believe this! Why today of all days? Stupid stupid alarm!" Hermione had slept through her alarm on the day of the big transfiguration test. As much as she would like to place the blame on her alarm and on her alarm alone, she was not completely blameless. She had been having an exquisite dream, and had not felt the need to wake up until it had ended.
She supposed it was due to certain events of the day before, particularly when she had been visited by a certain pale Slytherin. He had a power over her, he could make her knees weak, and he could make her feel as though she was nothing or as if she was the most incredible person in the world. Not that that happened often, it was more the former; she regularly questioned whether she was good enough, if she was too fat, too ugly. It scared her, the kind of control he had over her.
She collected her thoughts and rushed down to the transfiguration classroom. She braced herself for punishment; McGonagall was a stickler for the rules. She was beyond "fashionably late"; she was about 25 minutes late. There was less than an hour left in the class. She would have to hurry to finish her exam. She took a deep breath and walked quickly into the classroom. She walked straight to the teachers' desk.
"Ah, Miss Granger, I was wondering if you would be joining us today." She lowered her voice. "Is everything all right?" Hermione nodded.
"My alarm didn't go off professor; I got here as quickly as I could. I'm sorry it won't happen again." McGonagall pursed her lips.
"Let's hope not. I'm afraid I have to take 5 points from Gryffindor for your tardiness. Now please take a seat right." She surveyed the classroom for an empty desk. "Right next to Mr. Malfoy please. Here is your test paper."
Hermione took her paper and turned around slowly and made her way to the back of the classroom. She sat down next to Draco who gave her a small smirk as she sat down. She looked away bashfully and he knew he had her hooked. He continued with his test and was the first one to finish. He sat back down and began to write on a small piece of parchment. Hermione finished the 50 question test in a little less then 20 minutes; it was much easier than she had anticipated. She sat down and sighed in relief.
Relief was short lived because just then Malfoy slid the piece of parchment over to her. She looked nervously at him as she unfolded the paper.
'So, been dreaming about me Granger? I should have known, I am quite charming when I want to be, aren't I?' She smirked at him; she couldn't let him know what she was thinking. She had to do as he suggested and hide her feelings. She grabbed his quill gently from his hand and began to write back.
'Ah, how inflated that ego of yours is Malfoy. Not that it is ANY of your business, but I WASN'T dreaming about anything, I simply slept through my alarm. Why would I want to dream about you anyways? I suspect you're a bit too pale underneath all those robes.' She slid the paper back to him and twirled the quill between her fingers. His eyes widened momentarily before he regained his composure. No one insulted him and got away with it. He took the quill back, letting his fingers linger a few seconds upon hers.
'That's not what you seemed to think last night. I bet you wouldn't mind finding out exactly how 'pale' I am right now eh? How about a quickie after class? And stop using my quill'
He placed the quill inside his robes, in a pocket she assumed. She looked at him in mild amusement; he didn't know how much she wished to agree to leave with him right then and there. But she wouldn't give in. She just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. If she ever gave in to him she would get her heart broken. She smiled and reached over to feel inside his robes. His eyes widened and then he smiled as her hands dropped lower and lower. Finally she found the quill right about his waist-line and pulled it out brandishing it like a sword. He frowned as she began to write, missing her wandering hands.
'I'll use your quill if I want to, I don't suspect you had any objection to me. searching for it. And no, there will be no 'quickie'. I already know how pale you are, I can see your face, so there will be no need for it. And it seemed that you were more interested than I was last night, what was it you said? Oh right, that I was intriguing, and then desirable.' She tossed him the quill, which he proceeded to drop on the floor. He snatched the paper from her and began to read, becoming angrier by the second.
"You are skating on thin ice, Granger." He whispered to her. She smiled.
"Ah, but it is so worth it."
"Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy, just because you are finished does not mean that you can disrupt the rest of the class. Please do not think I will hesitate to assign you detentions because of your academic statuses."
"Yes ma'am." Draco said.
"We're sorry professor." Hermione said. McGonagall nodded and went back to working at her desk. They looked at each other and smiled discreetly, and for one second they were equal, they were enjoying each others company, they were friends. They both knew full well that this could be the start of an unholy alliance.
*******************************
Hermione was walking down the hallway, smiling to herself. He asked her to meet him in the library after classes. He said he 'had something important to discuss with her'. He was mocking her of course, but she didn't care. The fact was, the last time they 'discussed' something, they ended up kissing.
She was happy with their recent. friendliness towards each other. People kept asking her why she was so happy and all she could think of to say was that she made an A on the transfiguration test, which no one doubted for a second.
But in reality it was because she spent all of transfiguration and all of potions sitting next to the Sex God of Slytherin, the one and only Draco Malfoy. And after potions he asked her to meet him in the library. She was positively radiating joy.
She reveled in these thoughts for a moment too long and as she rounded the corner, an arm stuck out behind a statue of the Goblin Boris the Belcher (or was it Botnock the Beamer?) and pulled Hermione behind it.
She began to scream but a cold hand was placed over her mouth. She stopped struggling and smiled at her 'kidnapper'. Draco placed one finger over his lips and gently pulled her after him. They moved quickly down the hall, avoiding people behind statues and finally made it to an unlocked broom closet. They stumbled inside and closed the door behind them.
As soon as they had the reassurance of their secluded atmosphere they wasted no time with formalities and went straight into the snogging. Draco's hands entangled themselves in her hair while she played with the buttons of his shirt.
"I can't believe we're making out in a broom closet!" She giggled as she pulled his shirt off.
"I hear broom closets are the in place right now, you know, very dark, very serene." Draco said, almost amusing himself.
"Mmmhmm" Hermione said before replacing her lips onto his. He kissed back passionately, letting his tongue escape into the depths of her mouth. But after a moment he realized they were half clothed. in broom closet. He pulled away, Hermione moaning in protest.
"Maybe we shouldn't do this here." He said. She closed her eyes and smiled widely, thoroughly embarrassed.
"Probably not. But I don't care." She said laughing. "I just like to be with you."
"How sweet." He mocked, before being hit strongly in the arm. "That hurt."
"Yes well, I'm sure you'll get over it."
"Eventually, I suppose. I have heard the saying 'Love conquers all things.' Perhaps it can conquer this throbbing pain in my shoulder!" He rubbed his shoulder, pretending to be in pain. She leaned over and kissed it to 'make it feel better'.
Laughing ever harder, she leaned down to put her shoes on, but ended up with her face very near to Draco's. little friend. She nearly choked from the laughter and he had to try very hard not to laugh along with her. This was the most ridiculous situation he had been in, ever. Finally he chuckled a bit and they enjoyed the moment. Together.
*******************************
"Where are you going again, 'Mione?" Ron asked for the twelfth time in five minutes. She sighed and rolled her eyes. Ron may be tall, handsome, and a great keeper, but he was no genius.
"I have to go to the library to work on an Arithmancy project with Malfoy." He looked suspiciously at her.
"Why do you have to work with ferret boy?"
"Haven't we been over this Ron? Sinistra assigned us partners, I had no choice." Ron nodded, still seeming puzzled.
"Who exactly is 'Sinistra'?" He asked in a prophetic voice. Hermione looked at him, completely dumbfounded.
"The teacher Ron. Professor Sinistra is the teacher." He nodded.
"Right. Of course." He tried to cover up. "I was simply testing you." She looked at him cynically before rolling her eyes one final time and taking her books down to the library.
She entered the library and strode calmly back to the restricted section. She looked around once and walked inside, not letting the door slam behind her. She held her breath when Madame Pince looked over in the general direction a few seconds later, but let it slowly out when she looked away. She meandered through the rows, looking for Draco.
They didn't really have a project to work on together, but it was an excellent cover story. They had been meeting secretly for over a month now, ever since that day when they got in trouble in transfiguration. Hermione wished it didn't have to be a secret, but she knew it was probably for the best. They would meet in empty classrooms, the room of requirement, the library, Hermione's dorm room, and there was that one time in a broom closet. They weren't exactly finicky about where they met.
Hermione rounded the last corner and saw him standing at the end of the row. He smiled genuinely at her and they slowly moved towards each other. He reached for her hand and pulled her closer; her heart was beating faster by the second. He encircled her waist with his free hand and leaned in gently to kiss her waiting lips.
"Hello to you too, Mr. Malfoy." He chuckled half-heartedly, but she noticed he couldn't meet her eyes. "What's wrong?"
"There's something I have to tell you."
"Nothing good ever starts out like that." She noted. He looked at her grimly.
"Hermione. I can't see you anymore." She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a cry. "Please don't cry. I have to do this. You don't deserve this." She looked like he had just stabbed her in the heart, and she felt like it too.
"Well, do what you have to do, don't let me stand in the way of your death eater dreams." She tried to walk away but seeing the look on his face made her stay in place. He looked hurt but incredibly angry at the same time. "Draco, I didn't-"
"Yes you did. Something like that doesn't just come from nowhere. Is that what you really think? Is that all I am? Well, fuck you." He stormed away, letting the door to the restricted section slam behind him. Hermione ran after him.
"Draco wait!!" He stopped, not turning around. He was waiting for her to speak. "Let's just. talk about this for a minute. I didn't mean that, when I'm upset I say things I don't mean."
Slowly he brought himself to face her. She knew no one insulted a Malfoy and got away with it. She had known from the beginning what she was getting herself into. He thought he had known what he was going into; he had thought wrong. He hadn't planned to really like her. He wanted to get her into bed, she was just a conquest. Things change.
"Things change, Hermione." He hadn't meant to say what he was thinking in his head, but he had anyway. Sometimes things don't go right. "Sometimes things just don't go right." He hadn't meant to say that either.
"I don't understand what's changed since yesterday." She tried to get closer to him but every time he backed away. He looked as though he was facing an internal battle. He wanted her there, but he needed her to go away.
"Yesterday I didn't love you! That's what's changed." He yelled.
"And today." She smiled. He loved her. He hadn't said it directly, the words 'I love you Hermione' had not been said. But it was close, and for Draco it was damn near identical.
"I didn't get into this to fall in love. That's not what you are supposed to be to me. I enjoy your company, I like to talk with you, and I really like to kiss you. But I can't do THIS. It's only going to end up destroying us both. Is it worth that?"
"Yes, it is. Love is worth everything else being screwed up. If we love each other-"
"I can't love you." He stated firmly. She closed her eyes tightly, then met his cold eyes with her warm ones.
"Yes, you can." He shook his head. "You're just unwilling to try. And I understand. I know that I'm not good enough for you. I never will be, and I can't change my blood. But I would change anything to be with you."
"That is just it. you're too good for me. I don't deserve you. I have no reason to be embarrassed, but I hide you away. It isn't right and you know it. But I would be being untrue to everything I've ever known. I can't change."
"But I can! I can change. Just let me try." She pleaded.
"No, I don't want you to change. Because then you wouldn't be the same person that I'm. That I'm in love with."
"I don't understand the problem; if you love me. no one has to know! We graduate in 6 months, then house wont matter. We'll be out of Hogwarts and- "
"House matters forever in my family. No matter how much we try, we can't hide it forever. And it will never work between us. It's best just to stop now before we get too involved." His voice became colder and more stern with each breath he took.
"So that's it? You don't want to see me anymore because of what everyone else thinks?" He took a deep breath and nodded.
"Maybe it doesn't matter to you. But I'm not that strong, I don't have that luxury. I care, and I won't do anything more to weaken myself. Being in love isn't something I can do." Hermione nearly choked on stifled sobs.
"Well then, I'll be seeing you. Goodbye Dra- Malfoy."
"Goodbye Hermione." She turned around and left as he watched her retreating back, wishing that every word he had just said was untrue.
*******************************
The first few Draco-less days were rough. Hermione mostly stayed in her dorm room, eating chocolate and venting her thoughts into her journal. She didn't have classes for the first two days; they had broken up on a Friday. If you could even call it a break up, seeing as how they had never been an official couple. They had a few snogs and would whisper sweet nothings to each other, Hermione truly believing that everything could someday change.
She saw him in potions on Monday. He looked so good, she wished she could reach out and touch him, breathe in his scent. It was so hard to sit directly behind him knowing that she would never be able to kiss his soft lips again, to feel his gentle touch.
Lavender looked at her sympathetically, she knew the whole story. She had pestered Hermione until she spilled everything, and she had been kept informed of the secret relationship through the same method of pestering. She told Hermione to move on, go on a few dates, whatever it took.
Hermione knew no one else could ever measure up to Draco. She knew that no matter how many guys she ever went out with, she would always compare them to him. Their kisses would undoubtedly be sloppy compared to his exquisite kiss. Every other man would seem like a blundering idiot compared to Draco's deft movements and quick wit. No one else was quite like him.
Plus, Hermione thought, she didn't exactly have a lot going for her. Even if there was some other guy that liked her. she would never know. She wasn't outgoing, or beautiful by any means. She was plain, studious, but not vivacious. She was a different person around Draco. She was happy around Draco.
*******************************
At first he wanted to deny his feelings for her. He had never been in love before, so how could he be sure this was the real thing? He didn't trust his own judgment. When he finally figured it out, it was too late to tell her. He had already decided what he had to do, and telling her that he loved her wouldn't be fair. He wanted to her to believe that he didn't need her. It would make letting her go so much easier if she didn't love him back.
'Hurt her. Hurt her to save her.' He kept telling himself over and over in his head. He acted as though he was unaffected by her presence, had a cool air about him, all Malfoys were taught to be that way from birth. Inside, however, he was completely torn up. Seeing her, looking towards him bitterly, was almost too much.
He wanted to be with her, there was no doubt about that. He hadn't lied though, at first she was only a conquest. He wanted to bed her, just to say that he had done it. But after he talked to her and spent time with her. it didn't seem right to think of her as a prize to be had. She was an incredible person who cared and loved with all her heart. He had taken her heart gladly only to have to hand it back, shattered, on a silver platter.
He hadn't meant to hurt her, but it was the only way. Nothing could ever develop between them simply because he was a Malfoy, and she was. not of pure descent. He couldn't even think of her as a 'mudblood' anymore, it tarnished something that was too wonderful to be treated like such filth.
He sighed deeply as he reminisced about their rushed kisses. They were quick and full of deep passion, fun because they were always scared of being caught. The adrenaline pumping through their veins made their hearts race. Leaving each other was always hard, but they knew that they would soon meet up again; knew that there would be more of those treasured kisses, and dreams of each other to survive the night.
But now they were encountering their third week without each other and Draco's body was beginning to ache for her touch, and he lived for the few moments he could catch a glimpse of her across the Great Hall. His heart needed Hermione.
*******************************
"Herm, are you thinking about him again?" Lavender asked quietly. Hermione closed her eyes; she could feel the tears showing through. She really wished Lavender would stop bringing him up. Of course she was thinking about him, but she didn't have to rub it in her face.
Instead of telling her friend this she nodded her head slowly, opening her eyes to let the tears flood down her cheeks. She tried to wipe them away so it wasn't painfully obvious that she was crying.
"He's not worth all this suffering. He treated you badly, and he said it himself, he wanted to hide you away. That's no way to treat the girl you're 'in love with'"
"I know, OK? I just... I don't want to talk about it." Hermione said sharply.
"I'm sorry; I don't mean to keep bringing it up. But Hermione, you're making yourself sick over him! If he really loved you then don't you think he would care? Think about it OK? Maybe it's simply better without him." Lavender said.
'Like that was supposed to be comforting!?' Thought Hermione. 'Nice job, way to make me feel A-OK Lav, so caring.'
"Look it's late, let's just go to bed, and try to stop thinking about this. You'll feel better once you do." Lavender tried to help Hermione up, but she stayed in place.
"I think I'm going to go to the prefect's bath and have a nice bubble bath before that actually. Maybe I can relax down there. I'll see you in the morning, hmm?" Lavender nodded and trodded silently up the stairs alone.
*******************************
Halfway to the bathroom Hermione had a breakdown. Save the few tears just recently shed in the common room with Lavender, Hermione hadn't cried once since Draco. since her parting with Draco. She shuddered from the cold and her insides felt like they were being eaten away by acid. She was scared; she couldn't catch her breath because of the way her shoulders wracked with every heaving sob. She pictured his face and slammed her fist against the wall.
No one had ever treated her this badly, yet she never loved anyone more in her entire life. She hated him with every fiber of her being for what he did, but she wanted him with the same intensity. She wanted to be near him, she wanted the pain and suffering to end. She wanted to run away. She could barely breathe but used every muscle to move herself faster and faster down the hallway.
She hated him! Why did he do this to her? Why didn't he love her! She was so caught up in these thoughts, running faster with every step, blinded by tears. She tripped on a loose floorboard and crashed into the floor. She didn't move, only lay there crying silently.
"Why don't you love me Draco?" She sobbed quietly to herself. "Why don't you love me?"
She didn't know how long she was there, how long she cried those never- ceasing tears for him. But when she finally stopped, her head ached and she wanted to sleep and never remember this horrible night. She just wanted to forget.
*******************************
"Malfoy!" She shouted. He turned around, eyes sunken and spirits low. It was a female, but it most definitely was not her. it would never be Hermione calling after him again.
"What do you want Brown?" Lavender rolled her eyes.
"Quit with the mean and surly act, if anyone should be miserable it should be Hermione and trust me, she most definitely is doing enough moping for the both of you." At the mention of Hermione's name Draco looked quickly around to make sure no one was listening to their conversation.
"What are you talking about?"
"I know everything OK? Hermione told me. No one else knows. She didn't WANT to tell me, but I did a little persuading." He nodded his head, waiting for her to continue. "Now, I have no idea why, but she still loves you. She came into the dorm last night at 4 in the morning; apparently she had been in the 6th floor corridor crying on the goddamn floor. I don't know why you suddenly decided that she wasn't good enough for you, but I do know that she would do anything to get you back. And if she can't. I'm afraid of what she will do. She doesn't believe you never loved her. It's making her crazy. I keep telling her, 'He doesn't love you, move on, it's for the best.' She doesn't want anyone but you. Why did you use her like that?" Lavender took out some of her pent up rage on him, just because she could.
"I do love her!" He shouted. A single tear slid down his cheek. He instantly wiped it away. Malfoy's don't cry. "I love her more than she'll ever know."
"You can't tell her. If she knew that after all this you were still in love with her but are just too afraid of your father that would kill her. Not right away, no. but slowly and painfully. I won't let you put her through that." Lavender said with firm conviction.
"I don't want to hurt her anymore."
"Then tell her to move on. And while you're at it, maybe you should too."
*******************************
Hermione was reading her favorite muggle book of all times, The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold. It was about a girl who was killed before she ever really got to experience life. She watched her whole family grow up without her. She watched the one boy she loved, she longed for him, but she could never be with him. She was stuck in a time-warp. As everyone she knew got older and changed, she stayed exactly the same. Lately that's how Hermione had been feeling.
She was excluded from everything she used to enjoy, watching pathetically from the sidelines, too scared to make the jump. The girl in the book did, she made one final jump and got the thing she wished for the most; she got to be with Ray. Hermione wished she could be with Draco. one last time.
As fate would have it, there was just then a knock on the door. Hermione uncurled herself from her reading chair and walked to the portrait hole of her Head girl dormitory. She opened the portrait and outside stood the one and only Draco Malfoy. Her breath hitched in her throat upon seeing him at her door. But then she regained her senses and went into defensive mode.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" She asked bitingly.
"I spoke to Lavender today. She thought it best that I come talk to you. So. here I am. I thought we could-"
"So you can abide by Lavender's every wish now? Well I guess that proves it, I'm just the filthy little mudblood, and I always will be."
"It's not like that and you know it." Draco said sharply. He drew in a breath and continued, softer. "This is not how I wanted things to go with us Hermione. I only wanted to keep you safe."
"I can take care of myself Draco."
"I know you can." Their eyes locked, but Draco shook his head. "I won't let this happen again! You have to know one thing though. I love you. I will never love anyone more than I love you at this very moment, but we have to let it go. There are some things that even love can't survive."
"Love conquers all things." With that statement, he stopped short. He took a deep breath and moved slowly towards her, brushing the hair out of her face. He kissed her chastely, savoring the taste of her lips.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" But he was silenced with another slow, passionate kiss from Hermione. He didn't break away, neither ever wanted to stop, because if they stopped it would all be over. The moment would be lost. But he had to end it. He pulled away and Hermione looked at him with dead eyes, they had lost their sparkle, he had taken it from them.
"We could never be, and you know that Hermione." Draco said sadly.
"You can't do this to me." She whispered, barely audible.
"As happens sometimes, a moment settled, and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone..." She looked at him, confused. "It's a quote from. someone. I don't know. I don't know anything."
"Draco."
"You have to move on Hermione. You don't love me. If you do, you shouldn't, I don't do anything but cause you heartbreak. Please, don't love me anymore." He pleaded with her, he needed to get away.
"I'll always love you. But you won't have to worry about me anymore."
"I'll always love you. Never forget that. It will torment me, every single day for the rest of my life. But that's the least I deserve for causing you such heartbreak. You deserve someone better." She couldn't respond, the knot in her stomach had escalated to her throat, preventing any speaking.
"Goodbye Hermione. Goodbye." He could not hold back the tears, it was hopeless.
"Goodbye Draco." She whispered as the door closed behind him. *******************************
It was time to end all the suffering; she had no doubt that today had been her last day.
"Keeping up appearances Keeping up with the Jones' Fooling my selfish heart Going through the motions But I'm fooling myself I'm fooling myself"
She packed up her trunk with everything she owned. She took one final look in the mirror. "Goodbye Hermione." he had said. It really was their last goodbye.
"Cuz you say you love me And then do it again Do it again You say your sorry's And then do it again You do it again"
She walked into the bathroom, a sadistic smile on her face. He didn't need to worry about her anymore. He hurt her so much. She would have given everything for him. She was about to give everything to him right now.
"Everybody thinks you're well Everybody thinks I'm ill Watching me fall apart Falling under your spell But you're fooling yourself You're fooling yourself"
"This is for you Draco Malfoy." She said quietly. Her hand was shaking as she brought her wand to her stomach. "I love you."
"Cuz you say you love me And then do it again Do it again You say your sorry's And then do it again You do it again"
She drew in a deep breath, the last she would ever take. She screamed as loud as she could "AVADA KEDAVRA!" A blinding green light enveloped her and then there was blackness.
*******************************
"As many of you may already know, one of our own students took their life last night." Albus Dumbledore begun solemnly. "Miss Hermione Granger was a very promising young student, bright in every sense. She was this year's head girl, a prefect since her 5th year here at Hogwarts. Many of you may be asking yourselves the same question I have been asking myself these past hours. Why would Miss Granger want to kill herself? Boys and girls, I didn't know the answer to that question until only a few minutes ago. To most people, there were no obvious reasons to make Hermione want to take such drastic measures against herself. But upon sorting through her belongings, we have found the answer." He wiped a tear from his eye.
"You see students; Miss Granger liked to have the answer to everything. She wasn't satisfied until she knew everything she possibly could. But recently, Miss Granger stumbled upon something that she could not find the answers to. It was enough to make her insane, enough to change who she was. Miss Granger was in love." There were some gasps, and Ron and Harry exchanged confused glances.
"She, uh, left something that she wanted me to read to all of you." He cleared his throat and began. "Dear Hogwarts Students and Staff: Firstly, I wish to thank each and every one of you that made the last 7 years of my life so worthwhile. I know that many of you may have fancied me strong, I certainly did. But the truth is I was very weak all along." He sniffled a bit, trying not to cry as he delivered the last words Hermione had ever written.
"I only recently discovered the extent of my weaknesses, however. I fell in love. And as many of you know, that can be one of the best feelings in the world. I won't tell you who I was in love with. It wouldn't be right. We ended it a few days ago, but not for any normal reasons. We were still very much in love with each other, but for extenuating circumstances, we could no longer be together. I tried to live without him. I tried to move on, but it just didn't work. Sounds stupid, doesn't it? To." Dumbledore stopped. He took a deep breath, willing himself to keep reading for a few more minutes.
"To kill yourself over a boy? Sure, I know it's childish. And trust me, that's not the only thing that made me decide to do this. I've found that I am so very unwilling to change. I'm stuck in the ways of the past, and the future is nye. Everyone around me matured, became better people, as I stayed the same. Maybe you don't understand. That's OK; no one has to know but me. You'll all be fine without me, just consider my life. a moment in time. The man I was in love with once said this to me. 'As happens sometimes, a moment settled, and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone...' My moment is gone, so keep moving with yours."
"Harry and Ron, don't let this deter you, if you've got something to do, and you can do it without me. You've got it in you. Lavender and Ginny, thank you for being such good friends to me. And to. to well, he knows who he is. I love you. This isn't your fault. You gave me something great, and you will be something great when your time comes."
"And to the rest of the students, the few pieces of advice I leave to you are this: 1) Don't fret over petty house differences; they will only destroy you in the end. 2) Learn everything you possibly can. But also know, books cannot teach you everything. 3) And finally. a quote I want to share with you. 'The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.' Goodbye to everyone. Love, Hermione Granger."
There was not a dry eye in the whole of the Great Hall, save for several of the cold-hearted Slytherins. After all she was only a mudblood. But to one blonde Slytherin, she was so much more than that. He wiped away a tear, and silently left the Great Hall, bracing himself for his life after Hermione. Who knew one brown-eyed, curly-haired Gryffindor could have such a profound effect on him? But deep down inside, he had known all along.
fin.
*******************************
-A/N- THE END! Ah, hope you liked it, and if not, I apologize. Flame if you want, I really don't care. Uhh a few things I must add so no one SUES ME:
-The 'MOMENT' recurring quote is from One Tree Hill. I actually don't know who said it before they used it on there.
-The SONG is called "Re-Offender" by the group Travis. It's an AWESOME song (though I used it in a rather sad way.) so download it if you can or hey, just go buy the CD!
-And of course, the BIG KAHUNA, all HP CHARACTERS are owned and copyrighted by JK Rowling. So don't sue JK, you've got WAY more money than I do.
So no its 12:51 in da AM, and this is perspectives, I'm your host.. Whoo just kidding, SNL moment there. I'm so tired. So you better like it since I stayed up to finish it. ok enough freakin rambling! GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY, I'LL BE HERE TILL THURSDAY! Bud um bum CH! *DiM