Shinigami's Bible: Learning the ways of Death
Chapter 4: Vanishing without a trace
There's a moment in time when winter seems to last all year. And the pain seems to consume those who spend it alone. I think it's because that sheet of white, which covers the ground. Somehow it reminds everyone how truly empty they are inside. Until eventually the longing consumes them and they end up doing drastic things to ease or at least dull the pain. This in its self is hard to do when you don't have money to afford the things you need to do so. I can see the frost at the edges of my boots, which I would wipe off, but I can barely feel my hands and don't want to risk them going completely numb. If I could see my lips I know they would be a color to match my eyes, much like my fingers that have now gone cold as I pull the hood of my sweater over my head. I'm talking about winter because it's snowing in the early December weather, that unforgettable cold that seems lingers till late after spring has past.
This is supposed to be one of happiest days of my life. The supposed highlight of the days before Christmas. I suppose only nine people in my life know the reason why. And about only eight are wiling to celebrate it with me, my birthday. The only thing wrong with that is I'm not at home, I left. I couldn't take being there anymore you see my mother made a habit out of asking me if I was ok and constantly checked up on me while I was in my room. Hell she even went as far as to knock on the bathroom door every five minutes while I was in the shower. She was always telling me how much she loves me and how much my brothers and sisters love me. That once our dad comes back from where ever he went years ago everything will be ok and how it was meant to be, but I think she's just trying to fool herself. I don't blame her though she's just keeping hope alive for the sake of keeping it alive, her love for Dad. Obvious to say she was worried I would pull another stupid stunt. No offense to my mother, but she's just trying too hard and everything she does ends up annoying me.
Right now I'm sitting on a doorstep off in an alleyway next to an abandoned house, I tried to find a way in, but everything was blocked off so well. The would be rain if it were summer is snow and now falling freely again; I noticed it seems to fall in somewhat sort of five minute interval. I left my home during the second week of November, I've been gone for about a month now and no one seems to be looking for me. I would be upset, but I learned never to expect people to care. Why put your trust in someone who barely has any faith and trust in themselves. It's all pointless, life, loving, feeling, touching, breathing, it's all useless. With no one to hold you in their arms and tell you their dreams of the future why even seek love in the first place? I've had a lot of time to myself to think about everyone in my life and why that person is important. My mother gave birth to me I'll remember to thank her for that later, my brothers and sisters make me realize that life doesn't always have the same effect as it does to someone else. Wufei and Meilan in my life represent tradition and respect and serve as a great deal of support when I'm willing to lean. Heero was my love, he was the only person I thought I could run to when I needed to be held and told I mattered. Heero is no longer in my life because I couldn't be open, honest, and confident in myself. At this point in time I've cut out everything and all the people I knew, all I have left is me and I was never that sturdy to begin with.
Everyone's subject to change I'm no different, no matter how hard I try to stay the same.
A/N: Yes this chpt was a bit short I seem to be stuck on shot chpts, but I like how they turn out besides I'm less likely to make more mistakes.
Iruka: I know I didn't mention Heero in chpt one I didn't even mention Wufei till chpt 2 I just figured that usually when you make decisions in that sort of state you tend to have a one track mind.
And yes Neri I am only putting on so many chpts at a time to torture you all. (insert evil laugh)
Well that's all for now expect chpt 5 & 6 within the next week, I've got essays do and I like to double check my chpts for this fic before I post them so ya life is cruel and soon I'll have to get a job. TT Now please go review!!