Shinigami's Bible: Learning the ways of Death
Chapter 6: Saving the souls not meant to die
The fire continued to crackle as both Trowa and I pressed on with the conversation. Suddenly I noticed that he lives alone and for some reason I had failed to notice that earlier. So here he was, telling me that no one can live on their own without emotional support. I can hardly see why he's still talking to me about this. Anyways it doesn't matter what he says in the end it's my decision.
"Listen Duo I understand you're an adult now and that what I say probably doesn't have much of an effect on you either way. But the decisions you make now really will affect the outcome of what happens in the future." I can't believe this man.
"You don't think I don't know that ?"
"I know you know that, you've probably had teachers telling you that since you entered school."
"Then why say it now if it's getting so damn repetitive?" some times I just like to start stuff so I can yell, but right now I don't feel like following that trait of mine.
"Because I know what it's like to make a bad decision and I know that no matter how many times I pray to God at night it's never going to change what happened."
"What was it? What happened?" I guess my curiosity will always get the better of me. It seemed as if he had been waiting to let someone hear this, like if he didn't let it out now of all times he'd burst.
"...............Many things can change how someone turns out in the end, while life is still processing the future. I did some of the most stupidest things when I was young. More or less near your age while most of this happened. I know it's a bit unprofessional to be telling you this, but maybe it could help you out a little if any. I was in high school, which to me was honestly a blur. Taking into consideration that I was so hipped up on drugs and completely into the party scene, it probably wouldn't be that much of a surprise to anyone if I had ended up a bum on the streets. One night I was at a party with a group of friends and well did what most teens did and got drunk and faded. That night I was suppose to be with a different friend for his eighteenth birthday party to go see his first rated R movie in theaters, but it didn't happen. My mother had sent me a message on my cell, I needed to get home. My friend Ralph was driving me home since he was the one to bring me there, his parents also wanted him home early for some reason, I thought my parents finally found out why my floor boards were so loose. We were in his car a Ford pickup a hand-me down car from his brother and he was driving down main during the hour it was mostly empty, but we didn't see the other car form across the street that was turning. We were driving so damn fast when we shouldn't have been and we swerved at the last minute to get out of the way only to hit something still. I remember crawling out of the truck with blood making its way down my forehead and left arm. I got out of the car and saw a body lying lifelessly on the pavement blood staining the already unclean ground on which it lied. I tuned the body over so that I could check to see if the guy was alive, but the only thing I saw was the pale face of the friend I had ditched so I could go to the party." Oh my God.
"Oh my God." I can't believe something like that actually happened to him.
"I cried knowing it was my fault that it had happened. If I had only kept my promise to him and went to the movies with him instead of that dumb party he'd still be alive. After that incident I begged my parents to move because I couldn't take going to school and looking at an empty desk where he used to sit, I didn't want to see someone else take that seat, I needed to leave."
"Did your parents agree to move?"
"Eventually yes after I had told them the circumstances of my guilt."
"You told them you........." I can't finish that sentence.
"No, they know I was involved in the accident. They also though it would be best if I changed my surroundings. When the police had gotten to the car accident I was clutching to his frail body afraid that if I let go he'd open his eyes and yell at me for letting complete strangers take off with him. I continued to hold on to him till they eventually pried his cold form from my arms and still I fought and screamed at them to leave him alone; kept telling them that he was alright and that any second now he'd wake up and be fine. He never woke up." he seems so sad right now, staring blankly at the ground beneath his feet. I couldn't believe it; this man went though something so traumatic and still finds time to listen to other peoples problems.
"Trowa, why are you in the profession that are?" why listen to other peoples sorrows?
"I figured that if I could do something to keep other people from making the same mistakes I made they wont end up hating themselves. That I could make a difference to someone and make them love life rather than loathing it and try to escape."
"Oh." the mans a freaking martyr, at least I think that's the right way to use it, martyr.
"My mother once told me that it's the ones who are dead that have it easy they don't have to deal with the rest of life's problems, that their not the ones who have to move on anymore and go on living. It's too much of a task to put on a smile and act like everything's ok while inside you're slowly dieing. Probably not every parent would tell their children, but still it helped me realize I had to move on."
"I'm sorry." I can't do anything else other than apologize.
"For what?"
"Here I am sitting in your living room because I ran away from home for the soul purpose of avoiding my mother. I'm too afraid to face my mother and what she'll think of me when she finds out why I go into a fight, over a stupid break up."
"That's why you ran away."
"I don't want my mother to hate me, this is the only family I got and I don't want to be shunned because of who and what I am." I've started crying great, I'm surprised Trowa hasn't sent me off to my home yet. I hate crying I always feel so damn weak.
For a second I thought Trowa had thrown a blanket over me when I felt something warm wrapped around my shoulders. It turns out it's Trowa hugging me I'm glad he's doing it, it's actually making me feel better. It sort of reminds me of how good it feels to cry in warm rain; knowing that no one is able to tell the tears apart from the small drops of water surrounding me. Trowa would be the warm rain and yet he's also my shelter as well protecting me from all the things that wish to hurt me. I don't know when I started to feel this way towards him, Trowa that is, I feel like our souls were meant to intertwine with one another.
"She could never hate you Duo or else why would she give birth to you?"
"Welfare?"
"Uh...........I hope not." It's nice it really is not even Heero held me like this. I mean sure he held me, but it never made me feel this good. In the end I guess I really wasn't in love with him, I was in love with the thought of being in love. But it felt good while it lasted it honestly did.
I took a deep breath and listened to the fire hiss and the rain fall against the roof of Trowa's home. Enjoying the unique rhythm it played as I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the notes float across my view; everything is so soothing I could fall asleep right now, just sitting like this till eventually I wake up and find myself still sleeping near a dumpster. So far this reality doesn't seem to be disappearing. I want to live in this moment forever.
If I could live in a dream with my despair knowing it's all an illusion, I could die happy.
A/N: So how was that, I know I'm trying to draw out the chapters more, but for some reason I'm finding it a little difficult.
This is to the Anonymous reviewer- I don't mind the criticism it's extremely helpful!! And thank you very much for taking the time to read this.