A/N Thanks to everyone for all the great reviews! I told you this was one of my favorite parts of the whole story. I think it brings out a lot of the relationship between Mark and Roger. Well, keep reading!
Chapter 44
"Twenty thousand fucking cabs in New York and I can never fucking find one." Roger blew out smoke as he spoke for the first time on the twenty-five minute walk to the Iguana.
"Mark always says you can never get a cab when you're around."
"Very fucking funny Collins."
"Sorry. Are you okay?"
"I'm not planning on beating Mark's skull in anymore if that's what you mean."
"I figured, but yes, pretty much that is what I meant. You know Mark didn't mean to do any of what happened tonight, don't you? He only meant to make sure Cass was going to be okay. And you too, you big stubborn, pain in the ass."
"I know." Roger said sullenly, not looking at Collins.
"Mark's just, well passionate. And extremely intense on stuff he cares about."
"No kidding." Roger said dryly.
"Well, yeah. Intense. Passionate." He paused as he looked at Roger as they walked. "And previously burned."
They walked for a moment before Roger answered, looking straight ahead. "Yeah, I know." He said slowly as he flicked out his cigarette. They walked the rest of the way in silence till they reached the bar.
"Hey Rog! You want anything?"
"No. Where's Izzy at Dave? And Mark?" He asked the bartender.
"Izzy took him in back a little while ago. Afraid he was gonna toss his cookies I think."
"Thanks." Roger walked into the back. "Iz?" He hollered over the music being played.
"Back here Davis." Izzy called. "Now what the hell is going on?"
"Long story. I'll tell you later. Where is he?"
"He's in my office, with his head hung over the wastebasket."
"Great. What was he drinking?"
"Screwdrivers. And a few shots. Dave started feeding him orange juice and water instead of vodka after I talked to you."
"Lovely." Roger pushed open the office door. Mark was siting at Izzy's desk, his head resting on his arms.
"Hey Mark, how you feeling buddy?"
Mark looked up from the desk as Roger walked into the room. "Are you gonna beat the crap out of me now?" He slurred at Roger, taking off his glasses.
Roger grinned slightly. "No, you'll be punished enough tomorrow when you wake up." He hoisted him out of the chair and led him out of the office and down the hall. "Thanks Iz. I'll talk to you later. We'll go out the back."
"No problem. You're gonna be able to pull all your shit together to play tomorrow night right?"
"Yeah."
"Good." Izzy grinned. "You can settle up his tab then."
"Whatever." Roger shook his head. He was glad to know at least Izzy wasn't pissed at him. "We're out of here. Let's go Marky." He said as Mark slumped against him and he gave him a shove over, knocking him into Collins. "I'll be there Iz. Don't worry."
"Hey Collins." Mark slurred at him as Collins held him up some. "If Roger's gonna hit me, will you take my glasses first?"
"I think your safe Mark. He seems to be somewhat rational. For Roger at least." Collins grinned at Roger as they stepped out into the alley.
"That's good I guess." He slurred. "We okay?"
"Yeah, we're okay. Come on let's go home Marky."
"Good." Mark stopped walking for a moment. "Roger?"
"What?"
"I'm gonna puke."
"Yeah." Roger said, holding onto the back of Mark's shirt as he leaned him over and pointed him towards the wall of the Iguana. "I guess I deserve that."
**********
God TV is pathetic Maureen thought to herself, flinging the remote onto the couch. Where are they? Why aren't they back yet? They have been gone, okay only about fifteen minutes, she realized looking at her watch. Okay so TV and and Maureen Johnson are pathetic. Real good, you can't even sit by yourself for fifteen minutes before having to go and bother the poor pregnant girl who's been through hell tonight she thought as she walked towards the bedroom.
Just as she was about to open the door, the phone rang making her jump. "Hello?" She asked a little more anxious sounding then she meant.
Cass heard the phone ring and Maureen talking. She couldn't lay there any longer. She got up and went into the living room just as Maureen hung up the phone.
"Hey sweetie, how are you?"
"Was that Roger? Does he have Mark?"
"No. That was only Jen. But I'm sure they'll be back soon." I hope.
"Oh." Cass dropped onto the couch. "Mo are they really gonna be okay?"
"What?" Maureen went over and sat next to her on the couch. "Oh honey those two idiots will be fine. Roger already calmed down, in record time no less. And Mark, well give him a day or two to get over yelling at you guys and he'll be fine too. Then they do that stupid macho guy thing, 'Yo dude we cool? Yeah dude, no problem.' Then they punch each other in the arm." She laughed.
"I guess you're right."
Maureen thought Cass was about to start crying. She put an arm around her. "Sweetie it's gonna be okay. Really."
"How? How is it going to be okay? Mark has to hate me." She started crying. "I never knew he knew any of that stuff. Really I didn't Maureen. I tried to forget all that stuff. You guys must think I'm horrible." She buried her face in her hands.
"Oh Cass, we never thought that and nobody ever would. I mean look around at the people we hang around with. Our friends really don't have a whole lot of room to be judging people. Besides, for the most part we are all most of us has got. It wouldn't do any of us any good to be alienating the only real family most of us have."
"But Mark and Roger…"
"Please! Mark and Roger will always be Mark and Roger. Some stupid argument will never change that."
"Maureen what am I going to do?"
"As far as those two idiots? Get over it and move on. As far as the baby? I don't know what to tell you Cass. That's your call. All I know is whatever you did before and why you did it is no big deal today, especially to any of us. And if you decided you didn't want to have this one either, that would be no big deal to any of us either. Now if you planned on taking the same approach today, that you did before, that would be a slightly different story. Mainly because Mark wouldn't be able to sit back and watch you. And that's because he cares about you, and worries about you. I mean it's Mark. He worries about everybody. Especially his friends. Especially you and that other idiot. You understand?"
Cass nodded, her hands still covering her face. Georgio came over and hopped up on the couch, climbing into her lap. "Maureen, but what am I going to do? I can't have an abortion. I just can't."
"Well that's okay sweetie." Maureen gave her a hug. "That takes you from three choices down to only two choices then. That means you either have it and give it up, or have it and keep it. It's gonna be okay. Really."
Maureen wasn't sure who she was trying to convince more. Cass or herself. She knew that was what she was supposed to tell Cass. That it was going to be okay. She knew that was the right thing to say, that it should help to make her feel better. The problem was, Maureen agreed with Cass. How was it ever going to be okay?
Maureen didn't know what else to tell her. For a change she decided to basically just keep her mouth shut. If she couldn't make things better, maybe at least she could keep from making things worse. They just sat there on the couch for awhile. Cass lay down when Maureen got up to get her more tissues. Maureen sat on the floor next to her until she finally cried herself to sleep.
**********
Maureen heard them outside in the hall and hopped up off the floor to let them in. "Shhh. Cass is asleep on the couch." She told them, opening the door. She took one look at Mark and shook her head. "You're not going to be happy tomorrow Marky."
"Tell me about it." Roger whispered, dragging Mark into his room and dropping him onto his bed. "He puked three times on the way home. I don't know why he thinks he can drink vodka."
"Because you do." Maureen said sarcastically under her breath, but not really caring if Roger heard her or not.
Roger didn't say anything, but the look he gave Maureen let her know he heard her. "How's Cass?"
She knew Roger really didn't do anything. All he really did was try and protect Cass. Granted, it was only from Mark screaming at her, but still. She just needed to be mad at one of them right now. She felt horrible for Cass, and she knew Mark meant well. All that left was Roger, so he was it. He was the one that was going to hear it for this. This and probably some of the brut of her problems with Joanne at the moment. "Upset, scared, asleep and exhausted. What did you expect?"
"Yeah, I guess." He was trying really hard to be nice, but she wasn't making it easy for him.
"Where's Collins?" Maureen snapped at him.
Roger clenched his jaw trying hard not to make things worse. "He went home."
"Oh great! Now I have to walk home alone!"
"I'll take you home Maureen. Just give me a couple of minutes. Okay? I gotta take the dog out anyway."
"Fine. I'm going to go check on Mark." She turned and went back into Mark's room.
Like I don't have enough shit to deal with today he thought. Drama Queen Super Bitch has to help me out. Just be nice to her Davis that's all you gotta do. She's just pissed at the world right now and you're most convenient. Just be nice and don't start back at her.
He knelt down next the couch and gently put his hand on Cass' shoulder. "Cass, Baby wake up."
She slowly opened her eyes and just looked at him for a second. Suddenly the events of tonight came rushing back at her. "Did you get Mark? Is he okay? Is he mad? Does he hate me? Is he speaking to you? Is he okay? What did he say? Is he still mad?"
Roger had to almost laugh at the barrage of questions she threw at him. "Yes I got Mark. He's in his room. We didn't really talk too much on the way home. He's okay. At least he will be."
"What do you mean he will be?"
"Let's just say tomorrow won't be one of the best days of his life. But don't worry about it. Why don't you go to bed? I have to take the dog out and take Maureen home. Will you be okay for like twenty five minutes?"
Cass nodded as she got up off the couch. Roger got the leash and picked up the dog. Maureen came out of Mark's room and told Cass goodbye. As they got out onto the sidewalk, Roger put down the dog and lit a cigarette. He realized then he was hungry and they hadn't eaten in almost twelve hours. "Did Cass ever eat anything?" He asked Maureen.
"No. She was too upset I'm sure." Attitude dripping off every word.
"Look Mo, it's been a really long, stressful day. I don't want to fight with you too. Okay? Please? I mean I'm sorry." Roger couldn't take it anymore. He just started yelling at her as they walked. "I'm sorry Mark got upset. I'm sorry he's pissed at me. I'm sorry he's pissed at Cass. I'm sorry I yelled at him. I'm sorry he worries about the crap he has to worry about. I'm sorry you got upset and caught up in the middle of it all. And I'm sure as hell sorry any of this happened to Cass! Okay! I'm sorry! And you know what? Being sorry about all that doesn't change one damn thing! It doesn't change it or make any of it any fucking better!"
Maureen just looked at him. She hated it, but she knew he was right. No matter how sorry, or pissed any of them were, it wouldn't change anything. "Um," she said softly, "can I have a cigarette?"
Roger gave her a sideways look as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it for her. He almost grinned. He knew he'd never get an apology, but this was at least a truce. "Did she say anything?" He finally asked her, looking straight ahead.
"Some." She said, never looking at him. "She's worried about you and Mark."
"Yeah I know. I told her not to worry about that."
"Well she'll get over that, as soon as she sees you guys are okay. You are okay right?"
"Yeah we're okay. At least we will be. Don't worry. She tell you anything else?"
"I don't think she could take having an abortion Roger. Especially not now."
"Yeah, I know." He said, blowing out smoke.
"All I'm saying is, don't push anything, alright?"
"I won't. I mean I wouldn't anyway, but especially now."
"Good." Maureen said, flicking out the cigarette. "Roger?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you heard her talk about any friends? I mean other than that girl Gia she worked with?"
He thought for a moment. "I guess not. I mean I knew she dated that Paul guy. And that they had a party crowd they hung out with, but I guess not. Come to think of it, the only people she's talked about are Giavanna. And Mark I guess. Why?"
"I just don't think she's ever had any real friends. Or ever even saw anybody who did." She saw the confused look on his face. "She was really kind of afraid of what all of us would think of her, now, after hearing all that. You know?"
"What did you tell her?" He asked cautiously.
"To look around at the pathetic group of people she's talking about. Most of who don't have any real family, career, life or anything else to speak of. Anything except for the rest of the pathetic group of people they hang out with."
They walked for a few seconds before Roger flicked out his cigarette. He put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a hug as they walked. Roger gave her a kiss on top of her head. "Thanks Mo."
**********
Cass was dozing in bed when Roger sat down on the bed, followed by the dog. "Is Mark okay?"
"Yeah he's okay." He told her, wrapping his arms around her. "Are you okay Baby?"
"I don't know. I'm better than I was, but I don't know. I just don't know Roger."
He couldn't see her face but he knew she was crying again. "Come on Baby, don't cry. It's gonna be okay. I promise. It's gonna get better." Roger meant it, he really meant it. But he was saying it so often, he was starting to wonder if it sounded as hollow to her as it was beginning to sound to him.
"How? That's what Maureen kept saying. How is it going to be okay? How is it going to get better Roger? How?"
"I don't know Baby. I just know it is. Or it will. If I could make it all go away you know I would, right? If I could make it better for you, I'd do it in a heartbeat." He whispered into her hair. "All I know is, it's gonna get better." He pushed her hair behind her ear. "And even if I'm wrong, even if it doesn't get better, I'll still be here with you Baby. I'll still love you, no matter what."
"I can't get an abortion Roger. I just can't. I know it's stupid, and I don't even go to church anymore, but I can't!"
"Shhhh Baby don't cry. Please. It's okay. Nobody said you had to or even should have one. So all that means is your going to have to have it."
"Great!" She started crying hard again. "Maureen said that narrows it down to just two choices. Some choices! Have Anton's kid, keep it and live with the fact of who and what it's father is. That's just great. Oh by the way kid, your bastard father's a no good rapist. Or, option two, have Anton's kid, give it up, and live with the fact that not only does it have a total bastard for a father, but it got abandoned by it's mother too."
As she sobbed, alarms and whistles started going off in Roger's brain. He rolled her onto her back so she was looking at him. "Cass," he said softly, "you know this is different right? It's not the same thing. It's not the same as your father. It's not the same thing as your mom either. She didn't abandon you Cass. It sounded like she really loved you, you know? And if you give it up, that's not abandoning it either. It's just somebody else taking care of it. Somebody that decided and chose to want to do that. Not somebody who ended up having to deal with all this."
"I know. I mean I guess I know that. My brain should know that. It's just, it's just…"
"It's just what Baby?"
"It's still Anton's baby. Even if I give it up, what if it comes looking for me someday? Wanting to know who it's father is? And if I keep it, then it's still going to want to know who it's father is."
He laid down on his side right next to her, leaning on his elbow. Roger hadn't really thought of that. He had thought about how he felt and how Mark probably felt, and tried to imagine what Cass was thinking and feeling about the whole thing. But it never occurred to him that someday Cass' baby might want to know that.
He thought back to the conversation he had with Collins. Roger knew he would have been happier never knowing his own father. He knew a lot of people like that. And Larry, his mom's husband had been more like a father to him than Jack Davis ever was. Too bad Roger was too busy getting messed up, screwing around and attempting to defy authority back then to appreciate it.
"So don't tell it." He as surprised at how serious and bluntly the words came out of his mouth. "Don't tell it about Anton. Tell them it was somebody else. Tell them it was me. Or Mark or Jason or somebody or even make somebody up. Just don't tell it about Anton."
She just stared at him for a moment. "You mean lie to it for it's whole life? Would you want to have been lied to your whole life?"
"Well, no, I guess not. But at the same time, I wish I would have never known my father either though." He could tell she was contemplating all this.
"But even if I did that, everyone else knows the truth."
"Everybody who? Me and Mark? Collins? Maureen and Jason and Jen? Don't worry about that. If you say that somebody else is the father, they'll except that and move on from there. No questions asked. Trust me." He knew his friends. Even if she said the tooth fairy was the father, they would go with that. Forever.
"Yes. I guess you're right." She yawned. "That might work. And it does have to be better than knowing the truth. At least about Anton."
"Uh huh." He laid his head down next to her. He couldn't believe how tired he was. God it had been a really long day. He still had one arm across her and was drawing little circles on her skin with his fingers. He heard her yawn again and realized how tired she had sounded when she spoke. "Go to sleep Baby. We'll figure it out tomorrow. Just don't worry. Okay? We'll figure it out." He gave her a soft, gently kiss. "It'll work out, because I love you Cass."
She pulled him close to her so his head was resting on her shoulder. "Good. Because I never would have made it through all this without you Roger." Cass wouldn't have thought it possible tonight, but she did finally fall asleep in his arms.
**********