Shinigami's Bible: Learning the ways of Death

Chapter 8: Stealing the angels

We stared at each other for a minute I felt that she was trying to figure out who I was. I hadn't been gone that long, long enough for her to forget me. She just kept staring with this blank expression and it never occurred to me that she might take my running away as abandoning the family. I never would do that, but in a way I already had.

"Duo....I've been waiting for you to come back." she let me into the house.

"I'm sorry I took off." we stood in the living room and I noticed my brothers and sisters were asleep on the floor with blankets thrown over them.

"I need you to take your stuff, all of it and leave." I wasn't about to put up a fight, so I just bended to her will.

I walked past all my little brothers and sisters still lying fast asleep on the floor even through all of our talking and wished I was still that young. If I was still a child and not considered an adult I could be sleeping peacefully on the carpet without a worry about the world around me. They won't have to worry about where their next meal is going to come from. I don't know how I'm going to keep myself clean and clothed and I don't know where I'm going to lay my head at night any more. As we stepped into my small room - which to be honest is the size of a small walk in closet- I saw that what little things I had were packed. In my mind all I can think is.....it's so sad knowing that my whole life can fit into one bag, and once I step out that door I'm alone. In a way I feel as if my mother doesn't truly care about what happens to me anymore.

"So does this mean I can't stop by every once in a while?"

"Duo of course you can stop by I'm not banishing you from this house forever." I sat down next to the bag on my bed.

"What am I going to do?" my mother sat down next to me placing that slim arm of hers around on and across my shoulders.

"I know it's sudden of me to be kicking you out and all, but I think it's best this way. I mean you'll get a chance to make a living on your own."

"Not to sound rude Mother but in all honesty where the hell do I have a place to go home to now!?"

"Don't yell you'll wake your brothers and sisters." I hate how she never raises her voice, like somehow she has a better grasp on life and she won't let anyone else touch it because she's too greedy.

"It's not my fault damn it." I can't start crying now, I can't, not in front of Mother.

"Duo, I have complete confidence that you can survive on your own, your still alive now are you not?" barely.

"Mom you have no idea of what I had to do to stay alive for so long." I did the only thing I could do. I picked up my bag and walked out of my room past my younger siblings and out the front door.

It was only then that I crouched down on the porch and started crying. I know my mother and she is not the kind of person who would run after someone. That's why I let myself crumble in front of the place I was first built. After a few good minutes of crying my ears finally picked up on a clinking sound near the road. I lifted my head and saw Trowa still parked out front I could tell he wasn't waiting for me. Actually it looked like he was trying to figure out what was wrong with his car, because he had the hood open, it was the only guess I could make. Getting up slowly I picked up my bag and walked toward Trowa's car, which seems to have died on him.

"Umm.....h-hey Trowa." I can't believe it stupid, stupid me. I didn't even wait for my voice to stop hitching and if my red face didn't give away that I was just crying my voice did.

"Duo what's wrong and why do you have a bag full of clothes?" I guess I should just tell him.

"Since my mother can't afford to feed so many mouths I'm going to live on my own from now on." Trowa looked at me with a look of worry and concern on his face and I couldn't blame him. I'd be giving me the same expressions too.

"Duo you haven't even graduated from high school yet what are you thinking?"

"That I can get by on my good looks?"

"Bad joke."

"I know." I couldn't even laugh right now, even if I put up that horrible mask of mine.

"Live with me."

"What?" I can't believe it, I don't want to.

"Come live with me."

"You've only got one bed!" why am I arguing?

"I'll seep on the couch."

"I couldn't do that to you."

"Do what?" impose damn it, impose!

"It wouldn't be right." I want share a bed with you again, but I don't think I could handle you rejecting my touch every morning.

"I don't see why, you need a place to stay I have a room.......I'm offering just say yes." he closes the hood to his car and sits in the drivers seat, turns the key in the ignition and the car starts.

"Ok I will, but only if we share your bed." this is going to end badly I just know it.

"Great, now that that's settled lets go home." home I like that.

Once again we were in his car, driving home it still feels a bit awkward to me. Seriously how many people can say they live with their therapist? Not many, I don't think I made the best decision and I know Trowa has to have a life so he won't always be home. I just need to learn to be on my own and not fuck my life up at the same time. Lets see first thing to do on my get back on track list is to call Wufei and apologize for being a complete retard. Second on that list is to get in contact with Heero and try to work things through. I need something to unlatch me from Trowa, I can't continue to go crushing on a guy who only thinks of me as......I'm not sure.

"Duo?"

"Yes."

"Nothing, never mind." I wonder what that was about.

A sudden uneasy feeling just started to rise in the pit of my stomach. It just occurred to me that he hasn't said a word to me about what I did earlier. So, he's going to let me share his bed with him pretend I didn't kiss him earlier and do......what? I honestly should have listened to Wufei when he told me I should learn to think before I act. Definitely need to talk to Wufei once we get to the house.

"Duo we're here." I watched as he got out of the car and shut the door he had this odd look on his face. Maybe that's what he was going to ask me about why I kissed him, but I don't think I should tell him. Hopefully he'll pretend like it didn't happen, I think I like how that sounds. Pretend it didn't happen and be ok with the world, for now.

"Is it ok if I use the phone?" I asked the second he got the front door open.

"Sure it's bye the lamp." this is going to be weird. I dialed the number that had been etched into my memory since I was eight years old. Listening to the ring of the phone was a bit comforting I would be happy even if he didn't answer his phone.

"Hello Chang residents Meilan speaking."

"Hey Meilan it's me Duo." I heard her take in a sharp breath.

"Oh my God Duo are you ok, where have you been, have you talked to your mother?" a million questions at once and I can only answer one.

"I'm fine, is Wufei around I really need to talk to him?" she pauses for a second maybe she's looking to see if he's in the house.

"One second he's in the bathroom." uhh.....she couldn't have said he was busy at the moment.

"Um....ok too much information." it really is.

"It's the truth oh one second he's coming out right now." I can hear his voice on the other line in the back-round. "Here he is"

"Hey Wufei." please don't be mad at me.

"Duo where are you right now?" I guess I should tell him.

"You remember my therapist right?" I forgot I never told Wufei about Trowa.

When reality hits you like a ton of bricks flung off the top of a twelve story building everything seems too overwhelming to handle on your own. I need Wufei, I need Trowa, I need Heero, I need them all like I need my guilt to keep me going every morning. Interpret that how ever you want. I regret all the bad and stupid things I did in my life, when I had a family I had nothing. My guilt is the only thing I cherish.

A soul like mine is too tainted to obtain wings

A/N: Sorry that this took so long to get up it's the beginning of finals week at my school and I was preoccupied with a play I was co-directing with three other people, but hey it was a great success we had about 79 people showed up and considering that this was a class production it went great. (I'm never working the box-office again)

Thanks for reading

Sev-chan out