--**Short memories, look here**--
Disclaimer: Er ... no own-ee of Harry Potter ... Er ... Ee.
Title: The Unpleasantries of Life
Rating: R - 'cause it just has that R feel. (That made somebody laugh ... Te he!)
Chapter Two:
The Very Vicious Number Two
I'm late. And not in the work sense. Well, actually I am late in the work sense. Very late. An hour late. This, to me, is call-in-to-work-and-say-you're-sick late. Because I do feel sick. I think Draco has impregnated me with his spawn. In other words, I believe I'm pregnant.
I jinxed it. I must have, saying that you're not pregnant inevitably means that you are. I may just have to call the kid Draco. In spite, of course.
God. What if I am pregnant, I have a girl and being the spiteful person that I am bestow the name Draco upon her. I can see it now, news bulletin: "Former book-worm gets knocked up by Death Eater's son ... Baby girl born today under the name, Draco Hermione Malfoy-Granger ... Ha, hate to be that kid ... and in other news, Weasley invents something smart."
Oh God. Oh God. That's what it is. I've been knocked up by a Death Eater's son. By Draco. I hate him. And Trojan.
But I don't know for sure. I should make sure. Pregnancy test. But I'll make Son of Devil get it. That'll be a laugh.
I pick up the phone. I need to make two calls. One to office telling them I am sick (cough, cough) and one to S.O.D. telling him I am sick and possibly pregnant. Right. To the office.
Ring. Ring. This is possibly the most boring sound ever. Ring. Ring. "Hello?"
Cough. "Hello, it's Hermione ..." Cough. " ... Granger. I'm ..." Cough. " ... wondering if I can speak to ..." Cough. " ... Mr. Ratwood?"
"Oh, Hermione, is that you? Are you sick?" Amanda, the receptionist. She's blonder than Blondie.
"No, I just cough occassionally for no real reason. Mostly to get the flem from the back of my throat to come spewing out of my mouth."
"What?"
"Nothing." Cough.
"Hold on, I'll get Mr. Ratwood ... and Hermione?"
"Yes?" Cough.
"Spewing out your problems isn't always the answer. Trust me."
"I'll ..." Cough. " ... take note." Cough.
I think that performance deserves an Oscar. Or two. "Hermione, what is it? I'm very busy."
"Mr ..." Cough. " ... Ratwood. I can't ..." Cough. " ... come into work ..." Cough. " ... today." Cough.
"Well, I figured as much as you are an hour late."
"Yes ..." Cough. "Sorry about that." Cough.
"Goodbye Hermione."
"Good ..." He hung up. Bastard.
Right. Now, onto S.O.D. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Pick up the good damn phone. Pick up the good damn phone. Such a wonderful song this is. "Hello, Draco speaking."
What a ponce. "Oh, hello, this is Betty Potts of Potts and Knobs."
"Hermione?" He sounds surprised.
"Draco?" I sound equally as surprised. Such a wonderful actress.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"What are you doing?" I reply.
"Picking up my phone and answering it." Smart arse.
"Well, don't," I say.
"Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"Who's Betty Potts?"
"I made her up," I reply. God, I think this just well be the longest conversation ever ... For me anyway.
"Very creative." Long pause. "What do you want?"
"I think I might be pregnant." Well, that's very nice. I'm sure he'll appreciate that on a Monday morning. Doesn't he have a job?
Choking sound from other end of phone. Well, that's also very nice. "Actually," I add for effect, "I know I am pregnant." More choking sounds. He sounds like he's having something or other. A fancy-smancy doctor term or something. Well, that's also very, very nice.
"Draco?"
Wheeze. "What?"
"I'm kidding."
Subsided wheezes. "About which part?"
"What?"
"Which part? First or second?"
"Er ... second."
"Shit."
"First is better."
"I know, but geez, Hermione."
"Get me a pregnancy test."
"What?"
"Go down to the pharmacists and get me a pregnancy test. Look, if you do this and I'm pregnant you don't have to be in the baby's life, okay?"
"But, Hermione, I'd like to be in the baby's life."
"Oh."
Sweet moment.
"Get me a pregnancy test."
"Fine."
He he. Sucker.
[Not particularly long but the kind of cliffhanger thing I have going is sure to get you guys saying, "Nooooo!" And then you'll say it some more and then you'll go, "Hey, great chapter." Right. So, go do that. Goodbye--
barbieQUE]
Disclaimer: Er ... no own-ee of Harry Potter ... Er ... Ee.
Title: The Unpleasantries of Life
Rating: R - 'cause it just has that R feel. (That made somebody laugh ... Te he!)
Chapter Two:
The Very Vicious Number Two
I'm late. And not in the work sense. Well, actually I am late in the work sense. Very late. An hour late. This, to me, is call-in-to-work-and-say-you're-sick late. Because I do feel sick. I think Draco has impregnated me with his spawn. In other words, I believe I'm pregnant.
I jinxed it. I must have, saying that you're not pregnant inevitably means that you are. I may just have to call the kid Draco. In spite, of course.
God. What if I am pregnant, I have a girl and being the spiteful person that I am bestow the name Draco upon her. I can see it now, news bulletin: "Former book-worm gets knocked up by Death Eater's son ... Baby girl born today under the name, Draco Hermione Malfoy-Granger ... Ha, hate to be that kid ... and in other news, Weasley invents something smart."
Oh God. Oh God. That's what it is. I've been knocked up by a Death Eater's son. By Draco. I hate him. And Trojan.
But I don't know for sure. I should make sure. Pregnancy test. But I'll make Son of Devil get it. That'll be a laugh.
I pick up the phone. I need to make two calls. One to office telling them I am sick (cough, cough) and one to S.O.D. telling him I am sick and possibly pregnant. Right. To the office.
Ring. Ring. This is possibly the most boring sound ever. Ring. Ring. "Hello?"
Cough. "Hello, it's Hermione ..." Cough. " ... Granger. I'm ..." Cough. " ... wondering if I can speak to ..." Cough. " ... Mr. Ratwood?"
"Oh, Hermione, is that you? Are you sick?" Amanda, the receptionist. She's blonder than Blondie.
"No, I just cough occassionally for no real reason. Mostly to get the flem from the back of my throat to come spewing out of my mouth."
"What?"
"Nothing." Cough.
"Hold on, I'll get Mr. Ratwood ... and Hermione?"
"Yes?" Cough.
"Spewing out your problems isn't always the answer. Trust me."
"I'll ..." Cough. " ... take note." Cough.
I think that performance deserves an Oscar. Or two. "Hermione, what is it? I'm very busy."
"Mr ..." Cough. " ... Ratwood. I can't ..." Cough. " ... come into work ..." Cough. " ... today." Cough.
"Well, I figured as much as you are an hour late."
"Yes ..." Cough. "Sorry about that." Cough.
"Goodbye Hermione."
"Good ..." He hung up. Bastard.
Right. Now, onto S.O.D. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Pick up the good damn phone. Pick up the good damn phone. Such a wonderful song this is. "Hello, Draco speaking."
What a ponce. "Oh, hello, this is Betty Potts of Potts and Knobs."
"Hermione?" He sounds surprised.
"Draco?" I sound equally as surprised. Such a wonderful actress.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"What are you doing?" I reply.
"Picking up my phone and answering it." Smart arse.
"Well, don't," I say.
"Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"Who's Betty Potts?"
"I made her up," I reply. God, I think this just well be the longest conversation ever ... For me anyway.
"Very creative." Long pause. "What do you want?"
"I think I might be pregnant." Well, that's very nice. I'm sure he'll appreciate that on a Monday morning. Doesn't he have a job?
Choking sound from other end of phone. Well, that's also very nice. "Actually," I add for effect, "I know I am pregnant." More choking sounds. He sounds like he's having something or other. A fancy-smancy doctor term or something. Well, that's also very, very nice.
"Draco?"
Wheeze. "What?"
"I'm kidding."
Subsided wheezes. "About which part?"
"What?"
"Which part? First or second?"
"Er ... second."
"Shit."
"First is better."
"I know, but geez, Hermione."
"Get me a pregnancy test."
"What?"
"Go down to the pharmacists and get me a pregnancy test. Look, if you do this and I'm pregnant you don't have to be in the baby's life, okay?"
"But, Hermione, I'd like to be in the baby's life."
"Oh."
Sweet moment.
"Get me a pregnancy test."
"Fine."
He he. Sucker.
[Not particularly long but the kind of cliffhanger thing I have going is sure to get you guys saying, "Nooooo!" And then you'll say it some more and then you'll go, "Hey, great chapter." Right. So, go do that. Goodbye--
barbieQUE]