Chapter 46
On the walk from the subway, Roger was surprised by how cool it was getting as the sun set for only being the end of September. And last night, coming home from playing at the Iguana, he almost froze. It had to be in the 40's at two this morning. That's not good he thought. That could really mean a cold winter and the loft doesn't exactly have that much heat.
Crap! How were they going to keep a baby warm living in that dump? Especially when it seems like they were always freezing themselves? Granted it had gotten better over the years. They weren't burning things in a trashcan anymore. And they had gone from no heat to at least some heat in the loft. Not that Benny had been all that generous, but when he had to do something to the rest of the building's heat, Roger and Mark reaped some of the rewards of that.
But it was still cold up there. They were just going to have to find someplace else to live. Someplace with heat. Someplace where you can keep a baby. Someplace where he doesn't have to worry about a pregnant girlfriend. Not to mention someplace they can actually afford.
And Cass doesn't even have any winter clothes he realized. She keeps wearing his green pull over around. She doesn't have a coat either. Not that his leather jacket hadn't seen better days or was all that warm without at least his pullover under it too. And he knew Mark had been wearing the same coat since high school and it was on the verge of falling apart.
It seemed like something happened to Mark's coat the end of last winter too. Roger thought he remembered Jen having to sew it back together or something. Well, maybe they could find both Cass and Mark something over in one of the shops on St. Mark's.
Great! He ran the mental list through his head one more time. Food, always on the list. Pills, also always on the list, more so because he knew neither Mark nor Cass would let that slide. Winter clothes for Cass. Coat for Cass and for Mark. New place to live with heat. Not to mention baby stuff one of these days too, whatever that means. Maybe Izzy would give him some more shifts at the bar. Well it's a good thing they were quitting smoking he thought. It's too expensive a habit. And beer too he guessed. At least at home. Cass can't drink so he and Mark might as well give that up at home too. Save some more money. Well, he could drink for free when they played. If Mark wants a beer he'll have to come to the bar on nights when Roger's working. Not that he saw Mark wanting another drink of anything anytime soon after how he felt the other day when he finally crawled into the living room at almost three in the afternoon.
God Davis, how did you ever afford to live, smoke, eat, drink and buy smack as well as various other drugs before? You worked even less then? Granted food and everything else was much less a priority then as well he realized.
All that kept running through his brain as he walked. Roger pulled out another stick of nicotine gum. A gift from Mark, but he wasn't sure who it was really a gift for, Roger and Cass, or Mark. He knew he and Cass were cranky about giving up smoking, and driving Mark a little crazy too he figured.
The more he worried, the more he chewed. The more gum he chewed, the more he remembered why he was quitting smoking to begin with. The more he thought of that, the more he started worrying again. Lost in all of that he didn't even hear his name being called at first. When he finally heard Maureen calling him, she had caught up with him.
"God Roger, what's wrong with you? I've been trying to catch up to you for half a block. Did rock and roll stardom finally make you deaf or something?"
"Huh? Oh sorry. I was just thinking about something."
"Wonderful. Now you're getting just like Mark. That's just what we need. A punk rock Marky with a sucky attitude." She teased him. "So Marky the Second, lost in work stuff or just worrying over the fate of the world in general?"
He had to almost laugh, she was right. He did sound like Mark. In his head at least. Had anyone been able to hear what was running through his brain they probably would have thought it was Mark. Well, Cass said he and Mark shared one brain. Looks like it's finally starting to get to him.
"Fate of the world I guess. Or fate of all the current occupants of the loft at least."
"Why? What are you so all of a sudden worried about?"
"Oh," he shrugged, "the usual Mark type concerns. You know things like food. Plus heat and a place to live in to go with the heat. Of course I can't afford the shit hole with no heat we live in now, so I don't know how in the hell I can afford to move somewhere with heat." He kicked the ground with his boot out of frustration before starting to walk again. "No to mention I don't think any of us have any clue as to what baby stuff is, much less how much it coast. Or how we're ever going to pay for all of it."
Maureen started laughing again. "Well, it's finally happened."
"Come on Mo, I'm serious. This is big time stuff. What's so frigging funny? What finally happened?" He was getting annoyed and was sorry he even told her.
"I know Rog, I'm sorry." She laughed. "It's just that well, if I had closed my eyes just now, well, you could have been Mark!"
"Ha ha. Real funny Mo. I'm serious. How the hell am I gonna pay for a kid? Much less feed it and us? Plus you know perfectly well there's no way we can keep living in that dump. Not without heat. Not with Cass pregnant. Definitely not with a baby. How the hell am I gonna do that?" He almost yelled at her. What was she laughing at? This was a big deal. He was cranky from lack of nicotine and lack of sleep. Pissed at the way she found all this so funny. And, he realized, a little over whelmed and freaked out about the whole thing.
Maureen stopped laughing when she realized how serious he actually was. Serious, and almost scared. "Sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you weren't kidding around. It'll be okay Roger. Don't worry."
"Don't worry? Maureen have you listened to a word I've said? How the hell am I gonna ever afford all that?"
Maureen just looked at him for a second. She was confused.
They rounded the corner onto 11th Street. Roger's mood suddenly improved. Even from the corner, he recognized he green fleece, along with all the long brown hair pulled into a lose ponytail, falling down her back. Cass was sitting on the steps, reading a book. The dog was sitting by her feet looking out at the people and cars as they passed.
He couldn't believe it. Cass had gone outside. Alone. She had to have been. Mark wasn't even due home from his shoot for at least another hour. They had left her alone a few times, and she was okay with that. But, with the exception of the twenty-five minutes in the park a week ago, it was always inside the loft. And she always made sure the door was locked when they left.
But there she was, sitting outside, all alone. Maybe it's the dog. Maybe she feels safe with the dog. What that noisy little ten-pound bag of fluff could ever do to protect her he wasn't sure. But maybe it is the dog. He really hoped it wasn't the dog. Roger really didn't want to get a dog, but if it was the dog, and she wanted one, he'd get her a dog. Right now he didn't care.
He was so excited he didn't even care about Maureen anymore. He heard her start to say something. "Never mind Mo. Just drop it. Look," he pointed, "Cass is outside."
Maureen still didn't understand what was going on. One minute he's yelling at her, then next he's grinning like an idiot because Cass took Benny's stupid dog out. Big deal. She couldn't figure out what he was so worked up over. What was the big problem? Something about that whole conversation confused her, but something about it bothered her too. She just couldn't figure out what it was.
Cass stood up and stepped down to the sidewalk when she saw them coming.
"Hey Baby." Roger said, wrapping his arms around her as he pulled her in close and kissed her. "You're outside. By yourself. You okay?"
"Uh huh." She nodded as she reached her arm around her neck, kissing him back. "I couldn't take sitting up there any longer. And you guys kept telling me I had to go out at some point by myself. And Georgio needed out." She grinned. "Besides, it was either me or that stupid computer, one of us was gonna end up out her on the sidewalk." She kissed him again. "I took the stairs down. If it ended up being the computer, it would have come down by way of the window."
"That's right baby," he kissed her again, harder this time. "You show that computer who's boss. Or at least which one of you can open the window." He grinned as he started running his hands up and down her back, under the fleece jacket. "So you feel better Baby?"
"Uh huh. Much better." She said, into his eyes as she started playing with his hair.
"Oh for god sake." Maureen exclaimed. She had been patiently standing to the side, waiting for this whole little scene to play out. "Will you just get a room already? Or use the one you currently have? It's not like you didn't just see each other a few hours ago! Or like you haven't spent almost every waking as well as sleeping moment together since she got here. And it's not like one of you two are taking off for Washington DC again. For a week or so. Again. Geeze!"
"Sorry Mo." He told her sitting down on the steps and pulling Cass down to the step below him, between his knees. "I'm guessing Joanne went back to Washington?"
The look Maureen gave them was confirmation enough. "You want to have dinner with us Mo? I'm cooking." Cass asked as Roger's arms went around her and he was kissing at her neck as she spoke.
"Um," be polite Maureen. She's trying to be sweet. "Tempting as that offer sounds, I'm going to the Life and then shopping with Jen. But, uh, thanks anyway Cass."
"Chicken!" Roger teased her before turning back to Cass. "You're cooking huh? So that means we're having what? Cereal? Toast?" He asked raising an eyebrow and nipping at her neck. "Microwave popcorn? Peanut butter and jelly?" He teased as he tickled her. "Maybe Chinese takeout?" He added hopefully.
"You are horrible!" She swatted at his leg. "No I'm cooking spaghetti!"
Roger grinned and pulled out his phone, holding it to his ear, pretending to make a call. "Hello 911? Can we reserve a fire truck and an ambulance? It will either be a kitchen fire or food poisoning." He laughed at his own joke.
"You are terrible Roger Davis!" Cass turned towards him on the step and poked him in the ribs. She couldn't help but laugh at him though. When he grabbed her to kiss her again she didn't fight it.
"Oh I'm going up to Jen's!" Maureen started up the steps, shaking her head.
"Hey Mo," Roger called after her, "save us two seats at the Life. We'll probably be there eventually." He kept laughing even after Cass hit him in the leg again with her cast.
"Are you done giving me a hard time?" She asked him after Maureen left. "Or will you pick on me like this always?"
"Considering your cooking gives me so much opportunity, probably always."
"I see." She leaned back against his chest as the dog came up the steps and stood with his front two feet on Roger's leg. Reaching up with his nose at Roger.
"Ahhh, get down." He told the dog. "How much longer is he gonna be here?"
"Allison called today. She's going to pick him up tomorrow afternoon around four."
"Four?" He sounded somewhat alarmed. "I gotta leave for practice at two. Will Mark be home by then?"
"Um, I don't know. Probably not I guess. Why?"
"Un huh. No way are you staying by yourself with that asshole around." He said standing up. "If Mark's not gonna, no never mind that, I'm skipping practice. I'll call Iz right now." He started to walk up the steps, pulling her behind him.
"Roger wait." She yanked on his arm to stop him but he kept going up the stairs.
"No. Forget it." He was getting pissed. He was dragging her and the dog along. Roger knew it wasn't fair, but right then he was pissed at Mark. How could he be such an idiot, agreeing to do Benny a favor? Putting Cass in that kind of position.
"No, you forget it!" She snapped at him as she stopped walking all together. "First of all, I can, to some extent, take care of myself. Secondly, I know perfectly well you had and have issues with Benny. Some of them had a lot to do with Mimi. Well, in case you have forgotten," she glared at him as she said it, "I am not Mimi!"
"Cass I didn't--"
"So you either trust me or you don't!" She cut him off.
"That wasn't what I--"
"And thirdly, did I say anything at all about him? No! Had you been listening, or at least bothered to ask before raising holy hell, you would have found out that Allison is coming to get Georgio. By herself. Alone. Then going back to wherever she's been. Benny came home yesterday and is working, trying to catch the two of them up on everything at their office from last week." She said she may not even see him tomorrow." With that she picked up the dog and started walking up the steps.
"Oh." He said quietly as she walked past him. Real frigging smooth Roger. Totally piss her off. Make her think you don't trust her around that asshole. Even better, make her think you're comparing her to Mimi. Just perfect. Just fucking perfect.
He opened the door for her and she went in and sat on the couch with the dog. Roger walked over and sat down next to her. "I'm sorry." He said softly, reaching for her hand, hoping she would let him take it. She did and he gave a silent sigh of relief. "It's not that I don't trust you. I trust you completely. It's Benny I don't trust. I mean I don't even like leaving Mark alone with him."
Georgio climbed into his lap and put his front paws up against Roger's chest, trying to lick at his chin. Roger pushed him down but kept petting him. "He's just so…" He started. "I mean he makes me so…" Roger sighed. "I'm really sorry Cass. For yelling at you. For getting upset. All of it. I tend to be a real jackass where Benny's concerned. I'm really sorry. Forgive me? Please?" He said sincerely, but giving her his best puppy dog eyes.
"I suppose." She said, giving him a sideways look. "But God you are a crank today!" She gave him a sly grin. "Probably lack of nicotine."
"Yeah, I've been a little bitchie I guess."
"Well, maybe, just to help keep world peace and all, maybe we ought to have a cigarette. Just for everybody's personal safety."
He grinned, knowing what she was trying to pull. "Yeah, I could really use a cigarette. I might be easier to deal with for the rest of the night."
"Up, we better have one. For Mark's sake."
"For Mark's sake?" That's pathetic Cass. "We huh?"
"Well you don't want me biting your head off all night do you?"
"No, not really." He grinned at her.
"And if you get one, I get one."
"I suppose." He said slowly grinning at her as he reached into his pocket. "Have you seen my lighter?"
"I'll get it." She almost leapt off the couch and into their room. She was back so fast he had to laugh. "Here you go." She told him, obviously excited.
"Oh, thanks. Okay, one cigarette." He told her as he handed her a piece of the gum and popped one into his mouth. The look on her face was priceless. Roger was holding his sides, trying not to laugh as hard as he wanted to.
"But… I thought… damn it! I want a cigarette! If you weren't going to smoke a real one what did you have me get your lighter for?" She was mad, but she knew he had set her up and it was a little funny.
"I didn't tell you to go get it." He was rolling at this point. "I just asked if you knew where it was. Besides, you aren't even supposed to be chewing that gum. So if you don't want it, give it back." He held out his hand to her, still laughing.
"Forget it!" She popped it into her mouth and started chewing hard.
*******
Around the time Roger realized his nicotine gum had gotten hard and completely lost any flavor it may have had, he realized Cass had fallen asleep snuggled against him. He started flipping TV channels, trying not to wake her up. He couldn't blame her for being tired. She had still been up when he got home last night from playing at the bar.
He didn't think she had been waiting up for him this time though. It was more like she was just working and completely lost track of the time. She seemed genuinely surprised to see him last night when he walked in. Wondering what he was doing home so early from the Iguana. He had to laugh at the look on her face when he told it was 2:30 already.
Roger really didn't understand what Cass actually did. All he knew was, she got real intense in front of the computer. When she worked there was a lot of numbers and pages of information she was always flipping through. He liked to watch her though. She got these funny looks on her face while she was reading. She'd chew on her lip and make little pouty faces. Sometimes she'd get really into something and her mouth would fall open.
And she did different stuff depending on whether she was reading computer stuff or stuff on paper. When it was on paper, she'd end up tilting her head way over to the left, almost holding her paper sideways to read it. When she was just reading on the computer, it was her feet. She'd have them propped up on the desk. Or on top of the computer tower, under the desk. One time he found her, sound asleep, in the chair with her feet up against the edge of the desk, her chin almost on her knees. She was wrapped up in a blanket with her hand still on the mouse.
The best was to listen to her though. She would talk to the computer like it was a real person. Sometimes in English, sometimes in French. Roger didn't really remember any of his high school French when he was in high school, much less now, but he could always tell when she was getting pissed at the computer. He did remember the curse words though. Not what each one meant, but he knew when she was cursing at the computer in French. That was funny. Whether it was for what it was telling her or for what it was or wasn't doing he never really knew.
She caught him watching her the other day. He was sitting on the couch, with his guitar on his lap, supposedly working on a song. He blew it off when she busted him, saying he was trying to think up another line and just happened to be looking that way. She had been right though, he had been watching her.
The idea of her being pregnant had pretty much sunk in by then. Sunk in, but still a foreign and strange concept. A little less now, since they went to the doctor this morning, but still strange. Cass was going to have a baby. And she wanted him around for it. They were going to have a baby. Together. It was still a freaky concept, but he liked it. He actually really liked it. Roger didn't know how they were going to pay for it, but he liked it.
He had started worrying about all that again. Looking around the loft, he knew they would have to move. He put another piece of gum in his mouth. He couldn't help but think how much he really wanted a cigarette. Cass stirred a little and snuggled up closer to him on the couch. He stroked her hair as he looked at her. She was actually having a baby. They were actually having a baby. Cass and Roger were having a baby.
He snapped out of his thoughts as he heard the keys in the lock. And Mark he thought. Cass and Roger and Mark were going to have a baby. That made Roger feel somewhat better. No matter what happened, even if he got sick tomorrow, he knew Mark would never desert Cass. He would always be there for her and the baby.
"Shhh." Roger said as Mark came in the door followed by Ginny. "She's asleep." He whispered to them.
"No I'm not." Cass sort of mumbled out as she sat up.
"Well then you been doing a pretty good impression of somebody who was asleep for the past half hour." He laughed at her.
"Hey Marky. Hi Ginny." She said snuggling back up against Roger and pulling her arms inside of his green pullover she was wearing. "I wasn't sleeping, it was just cold in here."
Crap! That whole heat issue again. He and Mark were going to have to talk about that tonight. That and the other stuff. Try and figure out some kind of plan.
Mark set his camera and bag down on the counter. "I got the best shot today! This thing is actually going really good. Tony really likes what we got so far."
"Cool." Roger was really glad for Mark. He had spent so many years working on stuff to be told by the people who actually pay money that it was crap. Granted this was some sort of thing for this guy's company, but still, the guy seemed to really like Mark and what he did. Mark deserved that. Mark needed that.
Mark had spent so many years working like crazy. Working on films that got rejected and never got paid for. Working crappy jobs he barely got paid for so they could eat and stuff. It always seemed like when he was working he'd find stuff he could have filmed and when he would be filming something he'd have to stop to work at he record store or whatever. Then he'd get fired because he'd get caught up in film work and be late or totally miss work at the crappy paying job.
Mark had been doing all that and making himself crazy. While Roger had locked himself in the loft for six months after April died. Mark had supported him almost completely then. The sad thing was, it wasn't until Mimi pointed out how well his then band was doing, compared to Mark's career that Roger even realized it.
That was when he told Mark to quit the deli job and just do film work for awhile. That it was Roger's turn to support them. That was how he had ended up hooking back up with Izzy. He started bartending one night a week for him for the extra cash. It was a good thing too. Probably what saved him from himself this time he figured.
When Mimi got sick, the band fell apart. Izzy let him bartend when he could and understood when he couldn't make it in because of Mimi. Izzy had already started the house band. Getting Roger to come play just to get him out.
After Mimi died, Izzy never quit on him either. He didn't really give him the chance to revert to total recluse like before either. Izzy still expected him to show up for work, practice and play. He even came and picked him up sometimes in the beginning. Mark always let Roger get away with sitting at home. Izzy didn't.
That was what kept Roger going. Out of guilt to Mark. Out of obligation to Mark. Out of obligation to Izzy. And simply for something to do. Even at the lowest point he had gotten to after Mimi died, Roger still knew if it hadn't been for the Iguana, he probably would have gone insane.
His mind was still running through all this and trying to figure out how they were ever going to afford a new apartment and a baby when Ginny sat down in the armchair.
"So Mark's got a hot date, what are you two doing tonight?" Ginny asked.
Roger looked at Cass, who had woken up some more, but was still cuddled up next to him. "Probably this." He told her. "Hey, who you got a hot date with?" He asked Mark as he came out of his office.
"It's not really a date, it's just sort of dinner with somebody." He could feel his ears burning. "It's not a date. It's Joellen. We might go to a movie. That's all."
"That's all Marky?" Cass teased him. "Just dinner."
"And a movie." Roger joined in.
"Um, yeah." Mark could feel his face starting to pink up. He knew they were going to pick on him. He knew it before he ever walked in the door. So if you knew it Mark, why does it still make you look like a human beet?
"With Joellen." Cass kept going.
"Just Joellen." Roger grinned at Cass.
"Yes, alright it's a movie and food and Joellen."
"But it's not really a date Roger." Cass explained grinning.
"No not at all." He agreed. "Movie, food and Joellen doesn't constitute a date at all. Especially if you've already been on a few other non dates during the week. So you're right, it's not a date Mark."
"Fine, fine, whatever. It's a date then. I gotta go take a shower." He started walking towards his room shaking his head as Roger, Cass and Ginny all started laughing. "You two do know that other people's best friends don't amuse themselves by tormenting their supposed best friend and roommate. You know that right?"
Roger winked at Cass before turning back towards Mark. "Yeah I've heard that. I don't know what's wrong with those people. They don't know what they're missing."
"Oh you are soooooo funny Davis!" Mark said dryly and walked into his room to the laughter of all three.
"We are bad." Cass told him. "Very bad. Especially you." She took his hand she was holding under the pullover pulling it up through the neck opening and kissed it on his knuckles.
"I've told you before," he joked, "you gotta go with your strengths." He squeezed her tight around the waist and she giggled.
"Okay, yeah, whatever, moving on to point of visit." Ginny said in her usual style of playful bitchiness, "Davis, I want your body."
"So many women do." He shot back at her with a cocky grin.
"Oh really?" Cass turned and looked at him. "I thought I was the only one crazy enough for that."
"Oh yeah, lot's of women want my body." Roger told her, pulling his arms out from under the pullover and grabbing the sleeves of it, wrapping them around her tight, straight jacket style. "But you're the only one crazy enough to actually want something to do with the rest of me though." He grinned, kissing her on the ear.
"Stupid, stupid women, they don't know what they're missing." She tried to pull her arms out to turn towards him, but he still had the sleeves pulled tight. "Hey let me go."
"Nope." He grinned. "Public service. Got to keep you crazy people locked up. Since we don't have a padded cell, I better keep you right here." He started kissing and nipping at her neck while tickling her.
"Um, hello? Other person still here. I mean you got a room, use it, but first, back to me." Ginny told them grinning.
"You know, we keep getting told that today." He laughed then whispered in her ear. "Maybe we should listen to them?"
Cass pulled one arm free and swatted his leg. "Behave."
"Oh yeah, right. What do you want Ginny?"
"Oh gee, back to me, I'm honored."
Roger rolled his eyes at her as if to say hurry up and talk or get out.
"Okay, as I was saying, I do want your baby Davis, but purely out of need. And don't even start to make any comment what so ever over that statement. You're the tallest one around and I need the light bulbs in my living room ceiling changed. They are both burnt out now."
"What's the problem Gin, too short?" He teased her.
"Give me a break Davis. I'm 5'5". While that's okay for stripping, it sucks for nine-foot high ceilings. Luckily not all of us are built like he Jolly Green Giant."
"Right Sprout! And I suppose you want this done right now?"
"Well it is easier to study with light. Besides you can change the batteries in my smoke detector too. Just in case your little girlfriend there decided to cook and the fire makes it all the way to the third floor."
"Hey, how did I end up in this?" Cass protested.
"Guilt by association." Ginny explained.
Roger couldn't stop laughing, even after Cass whacked him in the leg with her cast again. "I'm sorry, she's right thought. Maybe we better make sure the whole building has new batteries in their smoke alarms."
"Oh just go. Both of you. Now." Cass tried to act annoyed as they got up, but she knew he was right. And it was kind of funny. She did have cooking issues. "And you do remember I am cooking dinner tonight right?"
"Um yes, and I'm completely looking forward to it. Really Baby."
"Liar!" She called back as they went out the door.