Shinigami's Bible: Learning the way of Death
Chapter 10: Ignoring the pain
Trowa stared up at me with an unwavering expression of clam on his face, but his voice was definitely giving away the fact that he's afraid of what I' might do at this present moment in time.
"Then tell me Trowa I need to hear how you feel about me........"
"Come down." I won't lose.
"Tell me." the words just kept getting louder each time.
"Come down." this time he said it in a more demanding tone.
"Tell me." so I did the same.
"Come down!" his voice rose.
"Tell me!" so did mine.
"Duo!"
"Damn it Trowa tell me now or I'll shoot !" I feel like this is the only way I can get him to say it.
"I'm sorry........I'm not in love with you, but I do feel the makings of it."
"And somehow I find it hard to believe that you'll ever love me."
"It's not my intention to get your hopes up Duo." then don't say you feel the makings of loving me you bastard, tell me you love me, say that you'll only live for me and never let me go.
"At this moment I could care less even if you lied!" I hissed at him. I was upset, confused and at the same time so happy. If he really does feel that way towards me does it mean that there's hope? And if so, how long will it take before he truly does become completely in love with me? I looked down to cast my eyes upon my once-upon-a-time therapist who for some reason had disappeared during my mental musings. Maybe common sense just hit him and he took off before I noticed, so he wouldn't have to deal with looking at my pitiful form.
"With this world so full joy, I feel I have no place in it." so for the first time in a long while I was going to attempt suicide once again. Slowly, but steadily I brought the gun against my head, closed my eyes tight, and pulled the trigger.
CLICK
What the hell?
CLICK
What in Gods name is wrong with this gun!?
CLICK, CLICK, CLICK
I know I loaded it so what was wrong, why wasn't it working like it was suppose to? Finally, I get the guts to pull the fucking trigger and what happens, no bullets come out. Now for some reason I feel hot warm tears falling from my eyes. Why does God want to torture me so much, why can't he just let me fucking die!? I want to die.....I'm alone and can't go on when Trowa has abandoned me, at least I feel abandoned. For a second, I feel arms wrap around me, those unforgettable arms that make me feel so.....damn safe.
"Shhh." I wonder where Wufei is and how Trowa managed to get up here so fast.
"Trowa I-" He didn't let me finish my sentence.
"You haven't been the only troubled teen in this town." I just smiled slightly, I want Trowa to love me completely, but how?
"Duo, are you going to let go of that gun?" I wasn't sure if he was afraid I'd still use it on me or maybe he.......
"Not yet." I'm not quite sure why I want to keep the gun still, it's not like I'm going to kill us both so we wont have to be apart or something like that. All of a sudden, there was a loud crashing sound. And my reflexes being what they are, pulled the trigger of the gun. Low and behold a loud resounding sound came from the barrel, bringing with it the pain I wish never to feel again after this moment.
"Duo are you ok!" I could hear Trowa yell as he grabbed me before I felt my body go limp and I lost most coherent thought.
"Searing, unbearable pain." were the last words I ever remember saying before my world went black.
Direct decedents of my blood, let me live no more
A/N: a short chpt, last one is going to say a lot.