TITLE: All Of Me
AUTHOR: Soda
SUMMARY: Six years from now, Buffy and Spike meet up at Dawn's wedding.
WORDS: 3,648
RATED: PG-13
SPOILERS: Vague AtS S5 spoilers, through destiny.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please. (dmp53@columbia.edu)
ARCHIVE: More than likely okay, but please ask first
DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I don't own any of these characters. But I like to pretend.
NOTES: Written hold_that_thought's Fanfic Junk Drawer 2 Challenge. Much thanks to Sally for the wonderful beta.

All of Me

Berkley, California. 2010

The banquet hall was filled with smiling faces and the sound of glasses clinking. The sight made Buffy smile. She turned around to glance at her sister, who looked magnificent in her ivory dress. Simple yet elegant. Dawn hadn't stopped smiling throughout the entire ceremony. Peter sat next to her, and Buffy could see that they were holding hands and gazing lovingly at each other.

Buffy leaned over and tapped her sister on the shoulder. "Dawnie, I think it's time." Dawn nodded, so Buffy stood up and rapped lightly on her champagne flute. Nobody noticed. She cleared her throat lightly, but there was still no response. So Buffy settled for cupping her hands over her mouth and screaming, "Hey!

Everyone turned to face her, and she gave them a small wave. "Hi. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Buffy Summers, Dawnie's big sister. And for those of you who do know me," she glanced at the first table in the hall and smiled slightly, "I'm sure that you're thrilled to listen to another one of my wonderful speeches." There were a handful of good-natured groans from a table of Slayers. "Don't worry, this will be quick.

"When Dawn told me a few months ago that she was engaged, my first thought was, 'Wait, my little sister is getting married before I am?' But after I adjusted to the news, I couldn't have been happier for her. When I was younger, I was too busy getting annoyed with Dawn for stealing my shoes or getting pizza on my favorite shirts," she gave her sister a pointed glance, which Dawn countered with an eye roll, "to realize just how wonderful and mature she really is. Even though she's only 23, I know that she's ready for this next step in her life, and after seeing her and Peter together, I know that he's the right person for her. I know that if our mom were still here, she would think the same." Buffy turned to face her sister. "I love you, Dawnie. Congratulations." Dawn stood up and gave her sister a hug, and the guests applauded politely. Buffy sat back down in her chair.

Willow, who was seated next to Buffy, patted her hand. "Great job, Buffy. I told you you'd be fine."

"Yeah, B, you almost made me tear up there. And Xand here was bawling like a baby." Faith winked, and Buffy glared.

"Hey! I reserve the right to a few manly tears."

"I know you do, sweetie." Faith gave him a small kiss on the cheek, and her boyfriend beamed.

Willow and Buffy groaned in unison. "Could you guys be any schmoopier? You're worse than a Kate Hudson movie." Buffy turned away in mock disgust.

And then her heart stopped.

Spike stood by the doorway, chatting easily with one of the veteran Slayers. His hair was still a bright platinum, but his skin was now lightly bronzed, the effect of the California sunshine he was finally able to enjoy. The black tuxedo fit like a second skin, complementing his lithe body. He'd taken off the jacket, which was now draped lazily over his arm, and his shirt was unbuttoned slightly. He cocked his head to the left, and Buffy smiled at the familiar gesture.

The Slayer headed back to her table, and Spike remained in the doorway for a second. Then, as if sensing a presence, he turned around slowly, until his gaze met Buffy's.

She couldn't look away. His blue eyes, bright as ever, flashed, and Buffy felt herself drowning in years of memories. The look on his face when she'd come back. Their first kiss. Desperate, brutal sex. The intense pain that had hit her when she found out about the soul. Holding him in her arms. The heat of his hand on the edge of the Hellmouth. The feeling of her heart falling when she'd seen him again in L.A, and the heated embraces that had followed. The pain of knowing that the timing wasn't right – she'd just started her new life in England, and he couldn't leave L.A. yet. A similar reunion just one year ago after he'd Shanshued, and another bitter parting because this time he was the one with a new life to adjust to before starting anything. They'd kept in touch, but that was the last time that she had seen him.

It was a history of missed opportunities and bad timing. Buffy tried not to wince.

Spike smiled, winked, and gave her a thumbs up sign, probably in reference to her speech, though possibly due to the large amount of cleavage her light blue dress was showing.

Buffy returned the smile and mouthed, "Later?" pointing to the table to indicate that she couldn't get up to talk right now. Spike nodded and turned away, slipping into the throng of guests milling around. Dinner was over, and soon it would be time for dancing and the cutting of the cake.

Buffy sighed loudly, and tucked her hair behind her ears. Willow smiled sympathetically.

"Yeah, I saw him earlier. He was sitting at the back of the church."

"And somehow I didn't. I mean, I knew he would come, but…."

"It's okay, Buff. I know it's hard."

Buffy snorted. "Hard is putting it kinda lightly, Will." She paused, glancing over at her friend. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like that. I tend to turn into Wacky Buffy every time I see Spike."

Willow gave her another comforting hand pat. "Again, completely understandable. You guys have a history that's deserving of a capital H and its own chapter in the books

"And its very own Lifetime Movie of the Week," Buffy added. "God, Will. What am I going to tell him?"

"You mean about Brian?"

Buffy nodded glumly. "Yeah. Brian. Brian-my-boyfriend-of six-months-who-I-just-moved-in-with Brian."

"Wow, I still can't believe you guys moved in together. That's so cool. Is it fun?" Buffy gave her a look. "Okay, so not really the point right now. Back to what you can tell Spike. Umm, what about the truth?" Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Okay, so yeah, the truth is…difficult, to say the least, but what else would you say?"

"You know, this would be so much easier if Brian were here." Buffy pouted. "Why did his brother and my sister have to pick the same weekends to get married?"

"Maybe because the weekend before Valentine's Day is a pretty popular weekend for weddings?"

Buffy sighed again. "Stupid commercial holiday." Then her face lit up. "Hey, maybe Spike has some gorgeous actress girlfriend, and it won't even be an issue!" She smiled hopefully, but her face fell at Willow's knowing glance. "Okay, so not all that likely, but who would've expected me to have just gotten into a serious, boring, and normal relationship?" Willow frowned. "I meant boring in a good way," Buffy added.

"Right, and Xander's only slightly scared of clowns. I know you, Buffy

"I know. And trust me, generally speaking, I'm really happy with Brian. He's nice and sweet and stable, and since he works at the Council, it's not like I have to hide anything from him. We click." Buffy paused, taking a deep breath. "But Will, it's Spike. He always complicates things. Which brings me back to the original problem of what to say." Buffy looked towards the side of the room just as the caterers began to wheel in the tiered wedding cake. "Well, I guess I at least have a few minutes to figure that out."

"Plus, cake. Always a good thing." Willow smiled goofily, attempting to lighten the mood.

Buffy nodded. "Most definitely of the sugary good." She watched as Dawn and Peter made their way towards the cake, momentarily forgetting about the dreaded conversation that lay before her.

*****

The party had moved from the banquet hall into the ballroom, where the band had just begun to play. Spike watched as the Niblet and her new husband whirled across the floor. Dawn had a huge smile on her face and looked absolutely gorgeous. And the bloke seemed nice enough. Dawn had met him during her first and his third year at Berkley – they'd both been history majors or something like that – and they had been together ever since. Spike couldn't have been happier for her. Cliché as it sounded, he often still remembered her as the stubborn teen that used to sneak off to his crypt, much to the chagrin of her sister.

But that had been almost a decade ago, a decade filled with multiple deaths, resurrections, and apocalypses. Not to mention the whole Shanshu business.

Spike had adjusted to the whole "mortal coil" deal pretty quickly, much more quickly than Angel had, at least. The original Souled Wonder still liked to brood and mope around in the dark quite a bit. Conversely, Spike had taken to getting out in the sunshine as much as possible, surfing, and generally enjoying as much as he could of the L.A. in the daytime, which was much more enjoyable than the pretentious night scene anyway.

He scanned the dance floor again, and finally found her among the enthusiastic dancers. A vision in blue, she was laughing carelessly as she danced with Giles, who from the looks of things had had one too many glasses of champagne. She'd let her hair down, and the gentle curls floated lightly over her shoulders, reminding him of the way she used to wear it back when he'd first fallen in love with her. She looked older now, more mature, more confident, yet happier, more carefree.

The song ended, and Spike gradually made his way towards the dance floor as the band began to play "All of Me." She was standing at the edge of the floor, swaying slowly to the music.

He stood in front of her and held out his hand. "Care to dance, pet?"

She smiled and took his hand, and he led her towards the center of the dance floor. His right hand rested softly against the small of her back, and they glided effortlessly across the floor.

"You're good at this," she commented.

"Don't sound so surprised. Me and Dru used to go dancing back in the day. Actually saw Billie Holiday herself do this number." He glanced at the singer on the stage. "Bird doesn't hold a candle to her."

Buffy giggled. "You're so old, Spike."

"Least I still got my looks."

"And your radioactively bright hair. Are you ever going to get sick of that?"

He appeared to contemplate her question for a few seconds. Then he gave her a devilish grin. "Pffft. Not bloody likely. It's my signature." His voice softened. "And speaking of looks, you look beautiful, Buffy."

She beamed for a few seconds, and then looked down, almost shyly. "You clean up pretty well yourself." She ran her hand slowly over the collar of his shirt. "I like it." She looked up again, meeting his eyes. "I missed you, Spike."

He caressed her back, his hand drawing small circles over her smooth skin as he pulled her closer to him. "Never stopped missing you, Buffy," he whispered into her ear.

She relaxed into his touch and rested her head against his shoulder. For a few moments, they swayed silently in time to the music.

All of me
Why not take all of me
Can't you see
I'm no good without you
Take my lips
I want to lose them
Take my arms
I'll never use them
Your goodbye left me with eyes that cry
How can I go on dear without you
You took the best so why not take the rest
Baby, take all of me

The song ended, and Buffy lifted her head and looked up at Spike, her eyes glassy. "Can we go somewhere and talk?" Though he hated to let the moment end, Spike nodded and let her lead him off the dance floor.

They headed towards the elevator bank in the hotel lobby. "I have a room upstairs," Buffy explained. Spike cocked an eyebrow. "Where we can talk, gutter brain," she added, punching him gently on the shoulder.

They entered the room, and Buffy sat down on the bed, immediately taking off her satin shoes. "Pretty, yet incredibly uncomfortable," she explained.

Spike came and sat down next to her. "Yeah, never quite cared for heels myself."

"Wait, you've worn heels? Do I even want to know?"

"Possibly, but even you couldn't pry that story out to me, love."

Buffy nodded, and then turned around, her face becoming serious. "I'm glad you came, Spike."

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world. And I do mean that literally."

Buffy smiled. "I know. It means a lot to Dawn. And me," she added. She paused and played with the edge of the bedspread. "God, this is hard."

"What's that, pet?"

Buffy stood up and began to pace. Spike felt his heart begin to beat in nervousness. He had no idea what she was going to say, but from the looks of things, it couldn't be good.

"This past year…. Things have changed Spike. I…I met someone."

His stomach sank and he looked down. The news hurt, but it didn't surprise him. At the time, the decision that he needed some time to figure things out before starting anything, even with her, had seemed so natural, yet in retrospect, he realized how foolish it had been.

"I wasn't looking for it," she continued. "It just happened. I didn't think I'd fall for anyone else." Buffy paused. "Especially when I was still in love with you." Her voice broke on the last words.

"Are you happy?"

"I was…I am. It's only been six months; Brian and I just moved in together. It's my first serious relationship in a long time." She came and sat down on the bed again. "I wanted to wait, but…." Buffy sighed. "We just have the worst timing ever, don't we?"

"Quite possibly. Epic bad luck." He took her hand, gently running his thumb over the back of her wrist. "You know that I'll never stop loving you, don't you?"

Buffy nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. "I know, Spike. But…but I have to try this, give it a shot at least." She blinked, and the tears began to run down her face.

With his other hand, Spike gently reached out and brushed them away. "Shhh, I know, Buffy. It's hurts, but I understand. Probably my fault for being such a git about this anyway."

Buffy gulped. "You understand? How can you get it when I'm not even sure what I'm talking about?"

He cupped her face in his hands. Her hazel eyes were large and wet, and her face was streaked with tears. And she looked just as beautiful as ever.

"Are you happy?" He repeated his earlier question. He leaned forward and kissed her lips lightly. "Just want to know that you're happy. Just want…."

His words were interrupted as she leaned forward and kissed him, lightly at first and then with more intensity. His lips parted and her tongue swirled in his mouth. It felt so familiar, and as always, he was struck by the feeling of just how natural they seemed together.

He pulled away first, his eyes full of questions. "You sure about this, pet?" She nodded, and he leaned forward again, planting a trail of butterfly kisses across her shoulder and neck before meeting her lips again.

Her hands began to unbutton his white shirt, and she pulled apart this time as she slid the shirt off of his shoulders, running her small hands across his chest. She turned around, and he unzippered the back of her dress, sliding the satin straps down her arms.

"Beautiful," he murmured softly as he guided her down the bed, his hands skating softly across her skin, relearning all of her curves. "So beautiful."

She caught his hand and brought it towards her mouth, kissing his fingers softly. "I love you, Spike," she whispered softly. "Love you so much." She closed her eyes and arched towards him, their bodies melting together. "Please believe me."

And he did.

*****

Buffy rolled over, propping her head up on the pillows. Spike was still asleep beside her, his chest rising and falling gently. It still amazed her – the breathing, the heartbeat, his newly bronzed skin. It should have made everything so much easier, and at one point, she'd been naïve enough to think that it would. But nothing between them was ever that simple.

Spike opened his eyes and yawned lazily. "Hey, love. How long we sleep for?"

Buffy glanced at the clock. "Not that long, but it's probably time to get going. Dawnie and Peter will be leaving soon." She stood up and grabbed her dress from the floor. "Ugh, do I really have to put this back on?"

"I wouldn't complain."

Buffy smiled. "Somehow, I think the hotel and all of the guests wouldn't be so happy if I waltzed down to the lobby in my skivvies."

"Skivvies? Well, aren't you turning into the right little Brit." Spike began to pull his pants back on.

"Not according to Giles. He says that I'm just as American as always."

"Yeah, well, the Queen herself isn't as British as Giles." He walked over to Buffy and helped her zip her dress. "So you like it over there then?"

"Yeah, I really do. I miss Dawnie, but I'm pretty sure she's happy having an ocean and most of the continental United States between us."

Spike smiled. "She misses you, Buffy. I know she does."

Buffy laughed. "Yeah, like when she wants a cute shirt to wear. Seriously though, she's so busy with grad school and Peter that I don't think she has much time to miss anything." She paused. "But apart from that, England is home. Plus, Willow, Xander, Faith, and Giles are all over there. My life there is pretty nice." She turned around and smiled ruefully, realizing the meaning hidden underneath the words. "That's just the way things turned out."

"So things still stand as before then?" He tried to smile, but she could see the disappointment in his eyes.

Buffy nodded. "I'm sorry, Spike, I know it sounds cliché, but I have to play this one out, see where it goes. Epic bad timing, remember?" She laughed. "God, I feel like we're in one of those movies."

Spike chuckled. "Right. An Affair to Remember or some other romantic dribble like that."

Buffy gave him a puzzled look. "Huh? No, I was talking about Sleepless in Seattle."

Spike just shook his head. "Forget how young you are sometimes, Summers. Haven't you ever seen any of the classics?"

"Sleepless in Seattle is so a classic! Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in their prime before he got fat, and she got one too many face lifts." Her voice softened. "But I'm serious. We should set a date, or something like that. Just…just to see how things turn out."

"What? Top of the Empire State Building next year on Valentine's Day? Isn't that a bit trite?"

"It's romantic. Please?" She smiled sweetly.

Spike groaned. "Fine, fine. Still a bit lost on the logistics of your brilliant plan though."

"Well, a lot can happen in a year. You could meet someone. Brian could turn out to be an insane serial killer. But next year, if the timing is finally right, on Valentine's Day we meet on top of the Empire State building."

"And cue romantic music and then waltz off into the sunset?"

She smiled. "Exactly. I know it's cheesy, but I need…something. Does that make sense?"

He returned her smile and nodded. "I'll be there." He pointed to the door. "Ready to get back to the party?"

She nodded and headed for the door. "Thank you, Spike. For everything." She gave him a light kiss on the cheek as she headed out the door.

When they got back to the main hallway, the guest were all milling around and beginning to head outside. Buffy spotted Faith across the room, and Faith waived, heading over toward Buffy and Spike.

"Hey B, glad you're back; Dawn's getting ready to go." She glanced at Spike, then back at Buffy, and grinned widely. "And later, you can give me all the juicy details." She winked at Spike.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You never change. Look, can you tell Dawn and everyone else that I'll be right over?" Faith nodded and ran off through the crowd.

Buffy turned towards Spike. "That's my cue to go play Sister of the Child Bride some more. Are you leaving, or are you gonna stick around?"

"Think it's probably easier if I leave now, don't you?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, it is," she murmured softly.

Spike leaned over, brushing his lips gently across hers. "Next year, Valentine's Day, Empire State building. I'll be the one with the 'radioactively bright' hair," he teased, parroting her earlier words.

Buffy smiled, trying to hold back the tears she could feel welling up again. "It's a classic," she replied. "Goodbye, Spike."

"Bye, love."

Buffy smiled again and turned around, heading for the front exit and trying to convince herself that she was making the right choice. It hurt now, but she knew that it would be better in the long run. She hoped she was right.

When Buffy reached the door, she turned around. He was still standing at the end of the hallway, silhouetted under the archway of the lobby. She met his gaze, and he shook his head in amusement, waved, and gave her a wink before turning around and heading down the hallway, almost instantly dissolving into the crowd.

Buffy took a deep breath and stepped outside, letting the cool air sting her bare skin.